


I Won't Let You Be Denied

by Queenofthebees



Series: Undisclosed desires in your heart [1]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: 69 (Sex Position), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Blow Jobs, Cunnilingus, Dating, Dirty Talk, Dry Humping, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Family Reunions, Friends With Benefits, Healing, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Jon and Sansa Are Not Related, Lyanna and the Starks are not related, Mental Health Issues, Ramsay is his own warning, Reconciliation, References to Depression, Scheming, Scotland setting, Shameless Smut, Slow Burn, Spanking, Temporarily Unrequited Love, heels kink, jealous/angry sex, references to psychological therapy, smut until Chapter 7 and then..., until chapter 7 anyway, young loss of parent
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-21
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-01-01 03:26:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 104,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12147627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queenofthebees/pseuds/Queenofthebees
Summary: It had started as a casual thing after drunkenly admitting that a man had never gone down on her. And then Jon had accepted her request and her terms readily. Too readily, Sansa realised too late.Finding out that Jon Snow was in love with her, always had been was only made worse by the cold fact that she didn't love him in return.Not yet anyway.





	1. Challenge Accepted

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from Undisclosed Desires by Muse.  
> So this was a prompt my friend gave me who basically wanted Jonsa smut where Jon shows Sansa what she's been missing.  
> Naturally, had to go down the slightly canon route of Jon's apparent love of cunnilingus for this!  
> It gets dark in later chapters though!

Sansa sighed as she entered the flat, still unused to the quiet. She had been the one to end it with Harry but the loneliness was already creeping up on her, making her want to call him despite the rational part of her telling her not to bother, that he wouldn’t change and settling for him would be worse than being single for the rest of her life.

Screw the human mind and heart for being so damn complicated!

She kept telling herself he wasn’t worth the time. He had been charming and sweet at first but as time wore on, she had started to feel inadequate and self-conscious about herself and sex. She hadn’t felt comfortable exploring anything new in the bedroom and Harry trying to pressure her just made it worse. She would tense or she would be too unsure of how to move and Harry always got irritated.

She had thought he had loved her once but now, now she wondered if he ever had or whether she was a prize on his arm, another notch on his bedpost.

It was bad enough feeling like she had wasted her time, given him her virginity and allowing him to move into her flat with her. But she had spent so long trying to please him that she had barely been in contact with her friends or family beyond the odd text – and even then, it was her replying rather than her initiating the conversations.

Speaking of which, she supposed she should call them and break the news. It had been over a week since she had broken up with Harry but she hadn’t had the guts to tell anyone yet. Arya and Robb had hated Harry and hadn’t bothered hiding it. Robb’s wife Jeyne as well as her mother and father had always been polite enough to him but Sansa could tell they weren’t that impressed with him either. Her friends Margaery and Myranda had not really met him often enough to comment since Margaery was just back from her gap year in America and Myranda had been in Fort William a lot with her family due to her mother’s illness.

“Sansa?”

She grimaced at how Arya seemed to question if it was really her. How long had it been since she had spoken to her sister.

“Yeah, its me.”

“Alright guys, call the search party off,” Arya replied. Sansa sighed.

“I am so sorry,” Sansa whispered. Arya was silent on the other end. “I am so sorry that I haven’t called you or text you. Or that I haven’t contacted Robb or mum and dad.”

“Sans, are you alright?” Arya asked just as Sansa burst into tears.

“I ended it,” she sobbed. Arya took a deep breath on the other end of the phone.

“Do you need me to come over?” she asked after a moment. Sansa shook her head.

“I…I ended it a week ago but didn’t want to say anything because I knew I would do this!” she replied, collapsing in the seat at her breakfast counter and sniffing in the most unattractive manner. “And besides, I didn’t think you would answer anyway.”

“Why not?” Arya responded defensively. Sansa sniffed again before she spoke.

“Because…because I haven’t been speaking to you guys… I…I spent all this time trying to fix it with Harry and …and…” she trailed off with a hiccup.

“Sans, listen to me,” Arya replied. “I….Jon, not now, I’m on the phone!...Sorry Sansa give me a minute.”

She heard the muffled sound of Arya talking to Jon and then she spoke again.

“Sorry, Jon was asking me to take the rubbish out. Jeez, I haven’t done it in a week, what is another five minutes?”

And Sansa laughed before she could stop herself although she was still crying too so there was the whole awkward snorting and inhaling going on. It felt good to laugh at something so silly as Arya being stubborn and Jon being his usual sullen self.

“How is Jon?” Sansa asked.

Jon and her hadn’t exactly gotten along as well as he did with her siblings. He was Robb’s friend and she had never really spent much time with him unlike Arya, who had moved into the flat he had shared with Jon and his friend Sam when she transferred from Aberdeen to Glasgow University. Jon had always been a bit distant with her, to the point where she often thought he was rather rude.

“He’s alright,” Arya replied and Sansa could feel the shrug. “Ygritte has been giving him space at least.”

“Oh, are they having trouble?”

“…they broke up…like months ago.”

“Oh, I didn’t know…” Sansa started but then stopped herself. Of course, she wouldn’t know because she hadn’t bothered to keep in contact with anyone and ask how they were doing. Thankfully, Arya didn’t comment on that fact.

“Least it is quieter now,” she sniggered.

“I only met her at the wedding and yeah, I guess she had a loud voice but…”

“No, I mean the sex!”

“Excuse me?!” Sansa choked out, almost tumbling back in her seat at how fast she straightened up in shock.

“Jesus, it was like a never-ending stampede was happening in the flat. The first time we heard it, Sam and I legit thought Jumanji was coming to life.”

Sansa snorted even as her cheeks flushed. She was still not used to sex, even after a two-year relationship. And especially people she knew having sex and then…

“Christ, Arya!” she exclaimed, slapping her hand to her forehead. “Can we not discuss how much you know about Jon’s sex life?”

“Well lack of now,” Arya retorted with a snigger. Sansa rolled her eyes.

“I’m going to call everyone else and let them know,” she said.

“He didn’t hurt you Sansa did he?” Arya asked suddenly. “Like, hit you or insult you or whatever?”

“No he never hit me,” Sansa replied quickly.

“But…” Arya prompted after Sansa was silent for a while.

“He would say horrible things a lot. I stopped having sex with him weeks before I ended it, trying to clear my head and he was so angry all the time. He never forced me though, I’ll say that much for him.

“Jeez, what a gentleman,” Arya snorted.

“I never called because I felt like I was a total idiot for staying with him and…”

“You thought we would judge you?” Arya finished for her but Sansa could detect the hurt in her voice. They had been so different as children, often tormenting the other for the sake of it but as they grew up they had become closer and accepted each other’s personalities and differences. Sansa spoke to Arya as much as she did with her mother. Or, she used to before this.

 “Harry is an ass,” Arya continued. “If I ever see him, I’ll punch him so hard he’ll land in China!”

***

Sansa huffed when the buzzer to her flat went, dropping the spoon in the tub of Mackies Tablet ice cream she had been eating. Over a week since she had told everyone and she was still doing the cliché of eating ice cream while wearing pyjamas and watching Moulin Rouge.

“We are going out!” Margaery chimed over the intercom.

“Great, have a good time!” Sansa replied, walking away. The buzzer went again. And again. And again.

“We’re not leaving until you come out too!” Myranda yelled and then there was the sound of rustling as if she were searching a bag. “We have wine, chocolate, a cuddly toy…ohh it is like the Generation Game! And we also have a VIBRATOR!”

“Literally ruined my childhood!” Margaery commented just as Sansa spoke quickly.

“I’m letting you up!” She really didn’t need the neighbours to see Myranda waving that around. She glanced at her fluffy pink pyjamas with a grimace.

Her sister-in-law Jeyne was first in, clutching a bottle of red wine in one hand. She smiled sadly at Sansa and opened her arms out for a hug, which Sansa readily fell into. Next was Margaery, carrying a large cuddly wolf toy that she could barely fit through the door, causing Sansa to burst out laughing. Myranda appeared behind Margaery, giving the brunette a playful shove into the flat. And then Sansa noticed the box that Myranda carried and then at the smirk on her friend’s face as she handed Sansa the box with a simple “you’ll be needing that I think” and a wink. Sansa blushed, and shoved the box onto the counter. Then she noticed the redhead in the doorway, frowning in confusion.

“Oh yeah,” Jeyne said suddenly. “Sansa, you remember Ygritte right? She was at Robb and I’s wedding. She was around at mine when Margaery called to say we were dragging you out.”

“Oh, of course,” Sansa said awkwardly, remembering what her and Arya had talked about the week before. And now she couldn’t stop hearing Ygritte screaming in pleasure in her head.

With naked, sweat-slicked and mussed curls Jon

_What on earth was that?_

She blinked at the sudden image of Jon invading her mind, feeling her whole face heat up and she quickly mumbled an excuse of being embarrassed about being in her pyjamas in front of them all.

“Arya is meeting us at the bar after her shift,” Jeyne said, looking at her phone as she spoke.

“Lets get you ready sweetheart,” Margaery cooed, leading Sansa to her room with Myranda trailing behind, leaving Jeyne and Ygritte in the living room.

“Okay, so, what do we think? You like blue and it is definitely a good colour on you,” Myranda said as she raked through Sansa’s wardrobe. “Or the classic little black dress?”

“You are alright, right Sans?” Margaery asked, sitting beside her on the bed. Sansa nodded, forcing a smile.

“I ended it with him,” she replied although she hated how it sounded like she was convincing herself. “He was always out and coming barging through the flat at three in the morning when I was working early. He never did anything around the house and he would always say I was nagging!”

“Urgh, ever noticed that only women supposedly nag? Men just ask more than once!” Myranda commented as she held up a black bodycon dress. “This one!”

“You deserve so much better sweetie,” Margaery said, pulling an arm around her shoulders.

“Why did you put up with him?” Myranda asked, sitting down on Sansa’s other side. Sansa shrugged. “Was he good in bed?” Myranda added.

“What?” Sansa choked out, her cheeks flushing again. Myranda rose an eyebrow.

“That would be a no.”

“I…he …I don’t have anything to compare,” Sansa replied.

Harry could make her peak with his fingers ( _sometimes_ that traitorous part of her mind piped up) and when they had sex ( _sometimes_ her mind hissed again). But even then, when she did find her pleasure, it hadn’t felt all that extraordinary. Harry didn’t go out of his way to play with her body or tease her or anything, her climaxes were mostly just luck on how long he lasted to roll against her clit.

“But I guess you’re right. He hardly ever ..um…touched me there…once we were living together. And he didn’t last that long.”

Myranda blinked at her. “Did he ever go down on you?”

“What?” Sansa exclaimed. She was going to need an ice bucket placed beside her at this rate as her whole face heated up again.

“You heard.”

“Um, no…I’ve heard it is quite difficult for women to climax that way.”

“Bullshit!” Myranda hissed.

“Did Harry tell you that?” Margaery asked.

“It is really not as difficult as they say,” Myranda said with a shrug. “Any man who says it is was never going to do it right anyway.”

“I brought the wine through,” Jeyne said as she nudged the door open with her hip, carrying the bottle of wine and three glasses.

“Good, we’ll need that to get the details out of Sansa,” Myranda commented as Jeyne put the glasses on the dresser and poured the wine. “Did you know Harry never went down on her?”

“I hate him even more now!” Jeyne exclaimed, handing them their drinks just as Sansa was about to say that her sister-in-law really didn’t need to know. She took a gulp of wine to distract herself from the fact Jeyne knew what this conversation was about.

“I mean, Robb and I were both virgins but god, he learned quick enough. I didn’t know anything about it before but the first time he …!” Sansa choked on her wine, eyes wide as she regarded her sister in law.

“Please do not tell me about my brother doing that!” she exclaimed with a grimace. Jeyne jerked as if only just remembering that Sansa was in the same room and gave a sheepish smile in apology before excusing herself to go and keep Ygritte company.

“Tommen was a virgin too,” Margaery mused before her smile turned predatory. “But, you wouldn’t think it now. Sometimes, he stays there for minutes on end as though trying to catch every last possible moment of my pleasure. He doesn’t even always want sex afterwards, or the favour returned. Lucky for him, I’m just as giving as him.” She winked.

Sansa blinked in shock. She had broached the topic with Harry once, she was curious. But he had said it was too much effort, more or less. And that he wouldn’t do it if she didn’t shave. And well, Sansa didn’t like being completely bare in that area.

She frowned as she tried to picture what Harry would have looked like if he had bothered to try but she just couldn’t imagine it. And then…

_oh, oh!_

The picture of _Jon_ between _her_ legs, eyes dark and mouth shining as he looked up at her appeared in her mind causing her breath to catch.

_You barely spoke before and haven’t seen him in months. Now you’re imaging him eating you out? Jesus Sansa, you should get Bran to consult his psychology notes to explain this one!_

“Let us get you ready,” Myranda interrupted her thoughts with a clap of her hands as Margaery got up and plugged her curling tongs into the wall. “Maybe you just need to remember how amazing you are and have some hot passionate sex with somebody!”

“Myranda!” Sansa gasped.

“I know, I know. Sweet Sansa Stark would never have a one-night stand,” her friend said teasingly. “You don’t know what you’re missing sweetheart. Sometimes a one-off thing is the best. Gets your needs seen to without the hassle of feelings and heartbreak.”

“While I am guilty of that mechanism, Sansa isn’t like that,” Margaery replied. “And there is nothing wrong with believing sex should only be between two people who at least have feelings for each other, if not love. And Sansa is definitely not ready for a relationship yet.”

“True,” Myranda murmured as Sansa took some fresh underwear and a towel and made for the bathroom. “No harm in flirting with someone though.”

***

The bar was quiet when they arrived but she figured it was still early, most people didn’t go out until the back of nine o clock these days, even on a Friday night. Still, there were a few people at the bar and a few guys playing pool.

“I’ll get the first round,” Jeyne said, moving towards the bar. Margaery went to help as she, Myranda and Ygritte moved to a booth in the centre of the bar.

“There’s a hell of a lot of hot guys tonight,” Myranda said, eyes scanning the crowd with a predatory look. Ygritte’s eyebrow quirked and she suddenly moved from where she was sitting beside Sansa to sit beside Myranda. Sansa scoffed.

“What?” Myranda said with a shrug. “We’re single. It’s the twenty first century. Women are allowed to want sex. I thought I already made this speech earlier.”

“I don’t think you’re being obvious enough,” Sansa muttered sarcastically as Ygritte nudged Myranda and raised her eyebrows in the direction of whatever man she had seen. Myranda grinned and gave Ygritte the thumbs up before the redhead was slinking out of the chair. Sansa blinked, turning in her chair to watch as Ygritte strode up to a tall redheaded man. In a flash, the man grinned and motioned towards the bar. Ygritte turned and winked at them just as Sansa felt someone slip in beside her.

“You alright?” Arya asked her, leaning on the table as she looked at Sansa, who smiled and gave a genuine nod. She did feel better for being out after all.

Jeyne and Margaery appeared with their drinks, sliding them in front of everyone. Jeyne slid a beer across to Arya with a grin and her sister beamed as she tipped the bottle in thanks.

“I always liked you Jeyne. I told Robb you were a keeper!”

“You told him to stop being so mushy when they were just cuddling on the sofa,” Sansa replied with a laugh.

“Cuddling leads to kissing and then next thing, you’re shagging,” Arya responded causing Margaery to laugh and Jeyne to choke on her vodka. Sansa whirled around to look at Arya who just continued as if nothing had happened. “And I’d rather not put my butt on tainted ground!”

“Shagging,” Margaery repeated with a snort. “I never understood that word.”

“I know, right?” Jeyne responded. “And you know what else confuses me? When I worked at the gift shop, somebody asked me what ‘och aye the noo’ means. And I don’t even know. What does it mean?”

“Oh, I never really thought about it,” Margaery said, brow furrowed.

“We don’t even say it anyway!” Arya added waving her hands about in exaggeration. “Who decided that is something Scottish people say?”

“Anyway!” Myranda interrupted, clicking her fingers and pointing at Arya. “As I was saying, a kick to the nuts is more appropriate for Harry. Do you know what he did? Or rather _didn’t_ do!”

“Myranda!” Sansa said with warning. Arya really didn’t need to know about such things and being so disinterested in relationships she doubted she would know much about it. But Arya was frowning.

“What?” she asked, voice low and laced with threat.

“He wouldn’t eat her out.”

“What?”

Sansa wished she could say that Arya had said the word with confusion, genuinely not knowing what Myranda was talking about. But it sounded angry and if her voice hadn’t given her away, the look she gave Sansa when she whipped her head to look at her told her that yes, Arya knew exactly what this conversation was about. And Arya was clearly on the same page as her friends.

“It took you two years to dump his ass!”

“It wasn’t a big deal, it isn’t a big deal!” Sansa insisted. Myranda snorted.

“Only someone who has never experienced it would say that!”

“I mean, fine if it is not your thing. But did he even really bother?” Arya asked and the other girls all looked at Sansa in sympathetic synchrony when she remained silent.

“But he was clearly expecting you to give him, right? So, the least he could do is offer to reciprocate. If Gendry had acted like that I would have told him straight. If my mouth is good enough for your cock, yours is good enough for my cu…”

“Don’t say that word!” Sansa interrupted, glaring at her sister. Arya shrugged and then Sansa seemed to register what Arya had said. “Christ, Arya! What the hell?”

“I’m twenty-one, Sansa!”

Margaery laughed before getting up to get the next round. Jeyne was on her phone, probably texting Robb no doubt, Sansa mused. Arya and Myranda had started discussing the latest episode of their favourite television show. Sansa glanced at where Ygritte was still with the redhead. They were sitting at the bar, the man gesturing to the barmaid behind the bar while Margaery slid up next to her. They exchanged a few words and they both were grinning. Sansa frowned when she saw Margaery turning with a tray of their drinks and shots. Ygritte patted Margaery’s shoulder and then turned her full attention back onto the guy.

“I’m not wanting to get drunk!” Sansa insisted with a laugh when everyone made ‘boo’ sounds around her.

“To punching Harry!” Arya declared, holding her shot up.

“To Sansa one day knowing the pleasure of a man’s head between her legs!” Myranda added loudly, causing the men in the other booth to laugh and Sansa want to duck behind the curls framing her face.

“I’ll drink to that!” Jeyne, Arya and Margaery replied in unison, clinking their glasses together. Sansa rolled her eyes but lifted her shot glass all the same.

“Jeyne, I swear to God I will walk home if I have any indication that you and Robb are going to fuck in the car in front of me!” Margaery suddenly said when Jeyne took her phone out again.

“I was talking to Jon actually,” she retorted. Sansa raised her eyebrows.

“How is that whole thing with Ygritte?” she asked. Jeyne blinked at her, her head tilting to the side as though trying to work out how best to approach something.

“He…well they’re both fine I guess,” she responded slowly, glancing over at Ygritte again. “It was for the best though. I love them both but they weren’t right for each other.”

“Like I said, it is nice to have some peace and quiet,” Arya said. Myranda’s eyes widened with interest as she leaned across the table.

“Oh?” she grinned. “I cannot imagine Jon Snow getting all down and….oh no, wait, there it is!” she replied, sitting back with a grin and thoughtful expression. “You sure he doesn’t need a quick fuck to get over her?” Myranda added to Jeyne, gesturing her head towards Ygritte. Jeyne wrinkled her nose.

“Definitely not,” she responded firmly. “Jon has to get over …it….properly.”

“I thought you said he was taking it alright?” Sansa replied.

Jeyne opened her mouth just as the bar door opened and then broke into a grin and leapt out of her seat. Sansa turned her head to look.

Jon smiled and hugged Jeyne as she approached him and Sansa had to admit he looked gorgeous when he smiled. He was wearing a plaid shirt, red and black colours over a black t shirt and black jeans.

Jon glanced over to the table and after Jeyne motioned with her hand, he followed her to them. Arya got up to give Jon a hug and he ruffled her hair. He gave a small wave to Myranda and Margaery, his right-hand snug in his pocket while the two women give him beautiful smiles. He looked at her and Sansa managed to lift her own lips into a smile too.

“Jon,” she greeted. He put his other hand in his pocket, his own lips twitching even as his face returned to its usual sullen look.

“Sansa,” he returned.

“So, Jon,” Myranda said with a sly smile leaning back in her chair. Sansa jerked up, the straw falling out of her mouth as she stared at Myranda in shock, recognising her friend’s expression. Surely, she wouldn’t! “Where have you been? What have you been doing? Or who, perhaps?” she added the last part with a wink.

Jon flushed, rocking on his heels as his hands remained in his pockets. His shyness was rather endearing although she couldn’t help but think of Arya’s annoyance at Ygritte’s vocal appreciation of Jon’s …talents. Can’t have been that shy if he had Ygritte yelling the ceilings down and the bed hammering against the wall.

_Always the quiet ones you know!_

Sansa scowled at the voice that sounded suspiciously like Myranda in her head and slurped the last of her drink loudly. Arya raised her eyebrows at her.

“Nothing much,” Jon answered eventually. “And no-one, in response to your other question.”

“Single,” Myranda clarified, her eyes deliberately raking down Jon’s body. “Well ain’t that swell?”

“Gross,” Arya said as Jon shifted again, ducking his head. “I’m all for healthy sexual experiences and all but I draw the line on voyeurism! If you want to fuck, get a room.”

“Myranda doesn’t want to fuck Jon,” Sansa bit out as she twirled the straw in the ice at the bottom of her glass, not even registering that she had used a swear word, which was so unlike her. She wished she hadn’t drank her vodka so quickly now as she waited for the rest to finish their own. She glanced around to see everyone was looking at her in shock. She felt her cheeks flush and then cleared her throat. “Sorry, no offence Jon. I just meant, she likes to flirt and tease but she’s just messing with you really. I’m sure there are plenty of women who will take you to bed for real though.”

Arya snorted, shaking her head. Jon blinked at her.

“Thanks,” he replied coolly. “Um, I’m going to get a drink.”

“Is that a good idea?” Sansa asked with a frown as she looked towards the bar where Ygritte was still flirting with the redhead. Jeyne glanced at the bar, biting her lip.

“They were being civil last…ah, excuse me!” Jeyne said suddenly, practically leaping from her chair as Ygritte’s interest left for the bathroom and she had turned to engage Jon in conversation.

The girls watched in curiosity as Jeyne practically ran across the bar to the pair, her arms gesturing widely between them. She turned to Ygritte suddenly and then Jon glanced over to her. Sansa raised her eyebrows and he quickly looked away again.

“What was that about?” she asked, turning to the others.

Arya shrugged, looking just as confused as Sansa felt. Myranda was watching curiously, finger tracing her lip and brows furrowed. Margaery had her head tilted in curiosity as she regarded the display and then blinked suddenly, as if just realising something. Then Jon turned with a glass of coke in hand and the group quickly pretended not to have been watching them.

“I’m telling you, it was the best sex of my life!” Myranda chimed quickly, slamming her hands on the table with her mouth open in a dramatic representation of pleasure.

“Well, that is a great time to walk into a conversation,” Jeyne said cheerily as Jon went to sit beside Arya.

“You should be honoured Jon,” Margaery said, tossing her curls over her shoulder. “Not many men get to be part of a girls night.”

“Oh, sorry I didn’t realise it was…” Jon began but Margaery waved him off.

“No, no. Its fine! Just to warn you though, we might be saying a few ..uh unfavourable things about your sex. Poor Sansa here has just recently re-joined the singletons club.”

“Really?!” Sansa exclaimed glaring at Margaery. Jon glanced at her over Arya’s head.

“I’m sorry,” he said and it sounded genuine. Sansa was about to thank him when Myranda cackled, putting her bottle down.

“Don’t be, he was an ass! Wouldn’t even go,,,,” she was cut off as Jeyne pressed a hand to her mouth, giving her a glare.

“on holiday with her,” Margaery filled in quickly after a quick glance at Jeyne. Jon blinked and Sansa knew that he had known she and Harry had been discussing Paris the last time he had been at the Starks house. Sansa felt her whole face heat up as Jon glanced at her curiously.

“I’m going to punch him to China if I ever see him,” Arya supplied, taking a swig of her drink. Jon’s lips twitched and it annoyed Sansa to no end. He hadn’t been there to judge. Sure, Harry _was_ an arse but drunk her wasn’t being very rational.

“Do you have something to say Jon?” she asked in annoyance.

“Um, no,” he said quickly, eyes darting down to the table.

“No no, come on! You have been gone for ages and somehow think you know about my relationship.”

“Sansa,” Jeyne warned and Sansa turned to her.

“I just don’t think he deserved you,” Jon said after a moment.

“You don’t know anything about it!” she snapped. Who did he think he was?

“Sans, jeez. Jon is just being nice!” Arya retorted, frowning at her sister. Sansa sighed. She had been harsh. Her emotions were all over the place right now.

“Sorry,” she said genuinely. “I’m all over the place just now. I didn’t mean to snap at you Jon.”

Jon merely nodded, eyes on his drink.

“Robb is here so I’m going to shoot off,” Jeyne declared suddenly. “Marge, you still needing a lift?”

“Please.”

“My round,” Myranda piped up, sliding out of the booth and giving a wave to the two women as they left. Arya excused herself to use the bathroom so Jon moved around the other side to let her out.

“So,” Sansa mumbled after a moment of continued silence. Jon looked up at her. “How have you been? I heard you and Ygritte broke up.”

“Ah,” Jon responded with a small laugh. “Yeah, I’m good. We’re good.” He gestured towards the bar. Sansa nodded, feeling awkward at not knowing what to say to him.

“Myranda says having hot, passionate sex with a stranger is a good way to get over someone.”

_How drunk was she?_

Jon choked on his drink, spitting some of the liquid out on the table. Sansa wrinkled her nose.

“Sorry,” he said quickly with another cough.

_Jon seems passionate if rumours are to be believed._

“Whats up?” Arya asked as she returned, raising an eyebrow at the spilt drink. Sansa shrugged, trying to appear casual even as the image of Jon, naked and above her burned in her brain.

“Alright, another shot time I think!” Myranda announced, ignoring as the others groaned. She raised her glass again, tilting it in Sansa’s direction.

“To Sansa getting lai…” she began before Sansa interrupted.

“Don’t even go there!”

Arya sniggered as Myranda grinned. Jon looked confused, his eyes wide and, if Sansa was being honest, rather adorable.

“Oooh, cute guy alert!” Myranda exclaimed, followed by a long pull from her beer. Sansa blinked in awe as Myranda put her bottle down and strode purposely towards the blonde-haired man who had caught her eye. Jon smirked as he watched her.

“It is like Theon has returned to us in female form,” Arya commented causing Sansa and Jon to laugh.

“I heard from him the other day,” Jon said. “He is actually settled with someone in Oslo.”

“No way!” the girls chimed in unison.

“I can’t picture Theon settling with anyone!” Sansa giggled.

_Yeah well, you didn’t see Jon screwing your brains out before tonight either so there you go._

“I better go,” Arya said, checking her phone. She took a fiver out of her pocket. “Since it would have been my round.”

“Cheers sis,” Sansa replied, getting up to hug her. “Love you!”

“Urgh, sap!” Arya said with a smile. “Love you too.”

Sansa settled back into her chair. Jon gave her a small smile.

“I am sorry about earlier,” he said. Sansa blinked, unsure what he was talking about. “If I upset you…when Arya was talking about Harry.”

“Oh,” Sansa commented with a small frown. She had already forgotten about that. “No its fine. But…uh, you hated him too huh?”

“You have no idea,” Jon said with a small laugh. Sansa raised her eyebrow.

“Wow. I really was stupid.”

“You were in love,” Jon responded and she tilted her head, feeling the smile come to herself. Where had this sweet Jon been all these years? She couldn’t remember them spending longer than a meal time in each other’s company.

“Well, it can sometimes be the same thing,” she joked. “You must have done some stupid things when you were in love with Ygritte.”

“Uh, yeah I suppose,” Jon chuckled to himself.

“You’re talking to me,” she noted, regarding him over her drink as her fingers played with her straw. Jon laughed.

“You sound just as shocked as you did the first time you said that.”

“It is just,” she started, shaking her head with a chuckle as Jon took a sip of his drink. “I thought you hated me.”

“What?” Jon said with a laugh, setting his drink down. “I never hated you.”

“Oh,” Sansa replied dumbly. “Well, I didn’t either. Hate you, I mean.”

“Good to know,” he responded, glancing away from her and then looking at the table again.

He was twisting his fingers together in front of him and Sansa glanced back towards Ygritte but found she wasn’t at the bar. She turned her head in time to see her leave with her new beau. Oh, so he was still dealing with that after all.

Maybe…maybe Myranda had a point.

Her and Jon, they could maybe have a fling and get their exes out of their system. Jon was attractive, and apparently skilled. Maybe he would even go down on her if she asked. And oh god, the thought of that suddenly sent a bolt straight to her core.

Jon glanced at her, his brow lifting in question to her staring. She shook herself from her thoughts, distracting herself with her drink and deliberately averting her eyes down in case he would see exactly what she was thinking.

But then….but then…

Jon was an easy option. They didn’t spend much time together so one night couldn’t make it anymore awkward between them. Robb and Arya need never know.

She drained her drink quickly, needing liquid courage.

“How about we get out of here?” she asked softly, forcing herself to look straight into his eyes. He blinked, several more times than was necessary.

“And go where?” he asked, leaning back in his chair and regarding her curiously.

“To mine,” she returned, trying to sound confident.

“To do what?”

“Jesus, I’m asking if you want to fuck,” she hissed. “I thought I was being obvious.” Jon flushed.

“You want to ...?” he choked off, blinking again. But his eyes dropped to her lips, and then down to her chest where her cleavage was on show before quickly looking up again. She managed to bite back her smile at realising that while he was shy, he was interested.

“Apparently oral is all the rage just now…” she prompted, watching his face carefully. He frowned in confusion for a second before his eyes widened.

"He....he never went down on you?" Jon said in shock.

"No."

"He really was an ass," he muttered. Sansa blinked. He seemed genuinely shocked at the idea of Harry not going down on her.

"You...you like..doing that?"

"Love it," he murmured huskily, staring straight at her. Sansa licked her lips unconsciously. His eyes dropped down automatically. "Want me to show you?" he whispered, watching her intensely.

The silence was thick and Sansa felt as though her heart was going to pound out of her chest. The image wouldn’t leave, the idea was planted and now she wanted to know what all the fuss was about. Myranda raving about anything sexual was not a surprise. And Margaery was pretty open about her sexual experiences too so her contribution hadn’t really set Sansa’s mind wandering. But Jeyne. Sweet Jeyne who seemed so prim and proper, like Sansa’s own mother had practically melted thinking back on her experience (and Sansa tried very hard to forget that it was her brother that had caused that look). And then Arya! There had to be something to it if Arya was raving about it. Her sister never talked about her romantic life, had announced her relationship with Gendry over dinner as if she had merely been commenting on the weather. Arya didn’t gush about her love life so for her to openly talk about such a thing and be appalled at Sansa being denied the experience …

“Yes,” she whispered before she could stop herself.

“Okay,” he commented after a moment. “But not when you’re drunk

“I’m not…” she started but stopped herself with a frown. While she wasn’t totally drunk, she was tipsy. But she knew what she was doing and that she wanted to know what all this fuss was about. “I know what I’m doing!” she said instead.

“Maybe,” he shrugged. “I’d rather you were sober though if you were going to invite me back to yours.”

“It would just be a one-night thing anyway!”

“Sure, but we can’t have you forgetting the first time a man fucks you with his tongue.”

_Well, there goes the underwear!_

She figured if she had a mirror right now, her eyes would be all but black instead of their bright blue. Her breath caught in her throat as she tried to tear her eyes away from that god damn mouth. Jon placed the glass back on the table and then took out a pen, scribbling on the beer mat and sliding it across to her. Then he stood and walked off.

“See you around Stark.”

***

She still can’t believe she actually called Jon around.

The nerves were kicking in as she glanced at the clock again, her right foot tapping the floor while she sat on her sofa. She had tried distracting herself from thinking too much. She had cleaned the kitchen and bathroom, hoovered all the rooms as well as stripping and making her bed. She had showered and washed her hair. She had deliberated on whether she should shave or not. Harry had never liked her having pubic hair but she had never liked being bare down there. In the end, she went with her own preference, practically hearing Myranda’s approval ringing in her head. But by five thirty, she was out of distractions, half watching House of Cards on Netflix and glancing at her phone until Jon’s name appeared, just after six.

I’ll be there in thirty minutes.

Half six came and she huffed out a breath, her tapping foot increasing as she glanced at her phone again in case he had messaged. Maybe he was caught in traffic. Maybe he had changed his mind. Goodness sake Sansa, he isn’t even two minutes late yet!

As if summoned by her thoughts, the buzzer went, causing her to jump. She hovered nervously by the door, listening for his footsteps and trying to control her breathing. She heard the floor creak outside and drew upon all her courage as she opened the door to meet him.

His grey eyes stared at her with such intensity that she felt herself swallow. His hands were in his jeans pockets again, countering the assertive stare he was trying to convey with underlying shyness. She smiled, taking courage from the fact that he was going along with this crazy notion as well for whatever reasons.

“Do you want a beer?” she asked as she moved towards the fridge “Or a coke?”. Jon closed the door behind him softly, glancing around in curiosity at her living room.

“Coke is fine,” he responded as he looked at the photos on her bookshelf. He was looking at the one of Robb’s wedding, where it was just Robb and his brothers and Jon on one side and Jeyne with her sister and Sansa and Arya on the other. She had been honoured that Jeyne had asked her to be her bridesmaid, having developed a close bond with her sister-in-law almost immediately.

“I’m sorry I embarrassed you with my poor dancing skills,” Jon said as he took the beer she offered. She laughed. Technically, Eleyna being maid of honour was supposed to dance with Jon but she had pulled a tendon in her ankle and was supposed to avoid strenuous activities. So, Sansa had been the one to uphold the tradition.

“You weren’t that bad. You didn’t step on my toes at least.”

“I was so nervous,” Jon laughed, taking a swig from the bottle of coke.

“I wouldn’t have let you make a fool of yourself,” she said, grinning at him. “It would have made me look bad!”

“You going to admit to being selfish when I’m here to be the exact opposite?” he returned.

“Well, we’ll have to wait and see how you do?” she retorted, resisting the urge to look at his mouth and appear unfazed.

“Why did you stay with that ass for two years?”

She opened her mouth to respond that she had loved Harry and that, prior to her stupid friends and sister putting the idea in her head, she didn’t think she was lacking anything particularly amazing. But Jon cut her off, his eyes so dark there was hardly any grey left to them. He moved so fast, cupping her cheeks and lifting her face so she had to meet his gaze.

“If he was half as decent as you thought he was, he would have been begging to eat you out.”

His mouth was on hers before she could respond. Her hands gripped his shirt as his twisted into her hair, one hand pulling on her hair tie to allow her locks to fall free from her ponytail. Unfortunately, it meant breaking the kiss and she heard herself whimper at the loss of contact.

“Bedroom,” she managed to choke out, grabbing his hand and pulling him down the corridor. Jon grabbed her as soon as they entered her room, turning her and slamming her against the door as his mouth descended on hers again, his tongue slipping past her lips.

He pulled back suddenly, hands moving to the hem of her dress and tugging upwards. Her own joined his, helping him pull it up over her head and leaving her in her black lacy underwear. Jon groaned, pulling her from the door and sitting her on her bed before she could really register what was happening. He kissed her again as he pulled the straps of her bra down and then the cups to free her breasts.

“Oh!” she moaned as his thumbs rubbed her nipples in tight circles simultaneously. She fell back onto the bed, Jon following her movement even as his thumbs never stopped. His pointer finger suddenly joined, pinching her buds to hard peaks that had her choking on surprised pleasure. Harry had never bothered all that much with touching her. He would pinch her nipples and finger her and it had been pleasant enough but Jon. Jon was playing with her body as if trying to wrench all the secret pleasures it held from her, not stopping until he was wringing the last possible pleasure from her.

“You like that?” he whispered against her neck and she barely managed a nod, turning her head into the sheets in an attempt to combat the sensations she was going through. She felt his smirk against her cheek as he moved to her ear. “I like playing with your tits too.”

She gasped, body arching against him and she was shocked at the thrill his words sent through her. His finger and thumb continued plucking at her left nipple while her right was suddenly encased in the wet heat of his mouth. She keened, bucking up against him and feeling her legs fall open of their own accord. Jon hummed and Sansa grasped his curls in her right hand to keep him on her, the left straining against her sheets. She could barely cope with this attention, she was dreading her response when he finally did start to make good on his promise of what pleasure he could give with his tongue between her legs.

His hand left her breast and slipped beneath her pants and she spread her legs further. He hummed in approval and with her nipple still in his mouth, she felt the vibrations travel through her, straight to between her legs. His fingers ran through her curls for a moment before his pointer and middle fingers started tracing her outer lips. She gasped, throwing her head back into the pillow and gripping the sheets tighter in her hand as his finger slipped down and inside of her.

“Jon,” she whined, her hips bucking to try and get his finger in deeper. He gave her nipple a long suck and then released it just as his middle finger joined the first. She forced her eyes half open, enough to see him watching the movement of his hands beneath her underwear. His right hand crossed over his stomach and under his other arm to grab the edge of her pants.

Sansa flushed as she realised this was the moment. She had never felt comfortable in her body but she managed to take a deep breath, focussing on the ceiling above her as Jon began to pull her underwear down. His fingers slipped out and she groaned at the loss.

She felt him move off the bed, opening her eyes in time to watch him go to his knees at the end of the bed. He pulled her underwear again from where it was abandoned mid-thigh, pulling them completely off her legs. He grabbed her ankles gently and pulled her body across the sheets. She bit her lip as she watched him place her legs over his shoulder, his eyes staring between her legs. She propped herself up on her elbows, watching in curiosity and waiting. Jon turned his head, kissing her thighs and she huffed in annoyance, patience wavering even more as she felt Jon’s smirk against her skin. She was about to tell him to get on with it, considered goading him with a teasing taunt that maybe he didn’t know what he was doing after all. And then finally, finally.

Her elbows gave out, forcing her to collapse on the bed as his tongue licked up through her folds, once, twice. The tip brushed against her clit and she bucked, gasping at the sensation as he gave it a tentative lick before going back to teasing her folds.

She moaned as his tongue returned to circle her clit, head tossing against her bed and her hands clenching and unclenching beside her. His left hand held her left thigh, keeping her spread open for him as his right arm rested gently on her stomach, restraining her bucking hips. Her cheeks flushed as she thought of how wanton she was acting. As if sensing her thoughts, Jon pulled back a little, giving a soft lick through her folds and placing a kiss to her clit. She choked, her hands clenching again.

“Is it good? Do you like having my mouth on you?” Jon whispered, his beard scratching her skin in the most delicious way. She moaned, nodding feverishly as she could barely trust herself to speak. He reached for her right hand, guiding it to his head as he returned to his task.

"I love having my mouth on your cunt too," he murmured before sucking her clit into his mouth. Sansa wailed. Face flushing at his dirty talk and how her body jerked, her cunt throbbed.

His thumbs reached in, spreading her lips apart as he curled his tongue inside of her. She couldn’t even describe the noise she made, eyes fluttering shut and her ankles digging into his shoulder. Jon retreated, sliding back up and his tongue started circling her clit again.

Her hips were bucking uncontrollably, even under his arm and her hand clenched in his hair so tightly she would worry about pulling it out if her mind wasn’t going blissfully blank with her impending orgasm. She could feel her thighs trembling, her ankles digging into him as she tried to pull him closer, his name falling from her lips on a broken wail.

He slowed down a little to coax her release from her but as soon as she had slumped down, his speed increased again, still circling her bundle of nerves in tight, fast circles.

“I can’t!” she choked out, even as her hips bucked, pushing her harder against his mouth, even as her stomach clenched and her body flushed with pleasure.

“You can,” he whispered with promise against her. “One more time baby. Come on!”

“Oh, oh, oh! Jon!” she cried, practically sobbing as he returned to her. She felt as though her lungs were going to be pulled from her mouth at how hard she was breathing, her heart felt as though it would burst out of her chest. Her eyes rolled back as he coaxed her second climax from her.

Her hand slipped out of his hair as she felt him move back. She managed to open her eyes a little, groggy from her orgasms and watched him adjust his jeans and straighten his shirt. He smiled at her, his mouth still wet from her and Sansa felt a sudden desire to kiss him and taste herself on his lips and tongue. Her eyes widened when he moved, thinking he was going to kiss her but then he kissed her forehead instead.

"Are you alright?" he murmured softly and she hummed, giving him a grin even as her eyes drooped shut. She tried to keep them open, wanted to stay awake to keep him here. She wanted to have sex with him. Hell, she even wanted to return the favour.

The next thing she knew, she was wakening up at seven in the morning and Jon was nowhere to be found.


	2. The Agreement

She didn’t have the courage to call Jon the next day. Or the day after. Or even three days later. He had sent her a text when he got home, telling her that he was sorry for leaving so quickly but that she could call him anytime.

But after a week, she still hadn’t. And by that point she had decided it was best to just forget about it. Sure, she could admit that it had been good (amazing, mind-blowing) but for the sake of avoiding awkward conversations with Arya and Robb in the future (because she knew it would be one of them that would find out), she decided it was best to just keep it as a happy memory, never speak of it again and go back to normal. Luckily, it was made easier by the fact that she never spent any time with Jon anyway unless at a group event like Robb’s or Arya’s birthday where they would both be invited so she wouldn’t have to worry about it being brought up again.

She was surprised then, when that weekend, it was Myranda and Margaery who brought the subject of the night out up over lunch.

“Sorry we abandoned you,” Margaery said as she sipped her water. “But you know what your brother and Jeyne are like. They can barely be apart more than ten seconds without thinking the other might be dead. I thought I was unintentionally going to be part of a threesome the way those two carry on.”

“Thanks for that mental image,” Sansa remarked dryly. Myranda, however was smirking. Sansa realised too late that she looked too smug with herself.

“Oh, I don’t think Sansa minded,” she purred. Margaery arched an eyebrow at her friend, who took it as a cue to continue. “Her and Jon looked quite cozy. I think I even saw him give her his number.”

Sansa flushed, averting her eyes as Margaery turned to her. “Sansa Stark!” she hissed in mock indignation but Sansa’s blush intensified at the pride in Margaery’s voice. “Did you actually hook up with Jon Snow that night?!”

“No,” Sansa replied quickly. But Myranda and Margaery continued looking at her as if they knew there was more. And so, biting her lips she attempted a bored shrug and added. “Maybe four days after that…”

Myranda cackled and Margaery literally squealed so loud that several people at nearby tables turned to look at them. Sansa glared at them in embarrassment and wished she had never said anything when Myranda leaned forward with a wide grin.

“So?” she pressed. “Was your cunnilingus cherry popped?” They were looking at her with intense interest and Sansa drew it out as long as she could, a little revenge for the embarrassment they seemed determined to put her through.

“Yes,” she eventually replied. Her friends exchanged smirks.

“You’re welcome!” Myranda added, and then grinned at Sansa's confused look. "I put the idea in your head, didn't I?"

“You didn't set Jon and I up. You even said that I should flirt, not hook up!" Sansa teased.

"I'm still claiming credit for this!" Myranda replied with a shrug."

"Are you seeing him again?” Margaery asked.

Sansa’s blissful memories of those orgasms was suddenly replaced with that bitter disappointment she had felt when Jon had left. And hadn’t spoken to her since that text. She let out a bitter laugh at her friends.

“He didn’t stay afterwards,” she said. Margaery raised an eyebrow and for once, Myranda’s smirk was gone, replaced with a concerned look.

“He left after sex?” Myranda asked, her voice low with anger on Sansa’s behalf at the insinuation.

“We didn’t even have sex,” Sansa replied. Margaery and Myranda exchanged a look before both staring at Sansa intently, waiting for her to continue. But all Sansa managed was a lame. “He gave me two orgasms and then I wanted to ask if he wanted to stay but sort of fell asleep. He text to say he had needed to go back to look after the dog.”

Myranda snorted.

“There is a joke in there somewhere about taking care of a pussy before a dog,” she said with a wink. Margaery was frowning at the table as if deep in thought before she looked at Sansa again.

“Have you spoken to him since?” she asked. Sansa shook her head.

“It has been a week now. I think it is best to just forget about it,” she replied but she watched Margaery frown again. Her friend looked as though she was about to say something but thought better of it, instead giving a small shrug as if to say she was accepting whatever Sansa decided to do.

“Maybe you two could have a fuck buddy agreement,” Myranda said eventually. “I mean, he could be a real sexual awakening for you, make you feel comfortable with it. I’m sorry Sansa but just because you’re not a virgin anymore doesn’t automatically make you experienced at sex. Jon could be a great partner for learning what you really like and don’t like. He doesn’t seem the type to be bothered if you tell him no but he also seems the type willing to explore it. That is what you need in a man.”

“And what does Jon get out of it?” Sansa asked, arching a brow. Myranda snorted, giving her a pointed look.

“Other than the numerous opportunities for sex?” she joked. Sansa stuck her tongue out and Myranda copied the action. Margaery remained silent, frowning at the table again.

“What do you think Margaery?” she asked. Her friend looked up, biting her lip as though still thinking of what to say.

“Well, I think you would need to know where you both stand. Be completely honest with each other,” she said slowly. “I mean, Sansa, is this just a casual thing to you?”

“I don’t know,” she answered honestly. This whole thing was so unlike her, having a casual hook up and now talking about a potential booty-call arrangement. If Sansa had told herself a month ago that this would happen, she would have laughed herself silly. After her cheeks stopped burning of course as she blushes at the simplest things. Margaery hummed as if to say, ‘well think about it’ and then started talking about how excited she was for the next episode of Outlander the next evening.

***

_What you up to?_

Sansa frowned at the message Jon had sent. Her thumb hovered over the letters of her phone while she waited for the kettle to boil but she still couldn’t think of how to answer. Since she had returned from her lunch date, Sansa’s head was confused with everything that was going on. Maybe Myranda was right, maybe some fun with Jon was just what she needed, someone to embrace sex with in a comfortable and pleasurable way and allow her to be more confident in herself. She knew she was pretty, had been told so countless times by many different people. But she felt that she knew nothing about sex, despite being with Harry for two years. She had been self-conscious of trying new positions, always over-thinking about which way to move her hips. More often than not, Harry had been on top, not really hiding the fact that he had little patience in waiting for her to learn how to move herself. Jon had been very patient with her that night, he would undoubtedly be patient enough to teach her how to be more comfortable in her own skin and to enjoy sex even more.

Plus, she could remember how talented that tongue was…

But on the other side, at what point did it become a problem? What if Robb and Arya found out somehow? Robb would probably punch Jon, accuse Jon of taking advantage of his little sister, even if Sansa would tell him that she was a consenting adult and had chosen to call Jon to act upon his promises. It would undoubtedly ruin Jon and Robb’s friendship. And Arya would probably be angry with both of them, her for causing the whole fallout with Robb and Jon and making Arya choose between them, and with Jon for being stupid enough to go along with it. Maybe it really was better to just sweep the whole experience under the carpet, she thought with a sigh as she typed a neutral reply.

_No plans. Maybe Netflix and chill later lol._

She slapped a hand to her forehead too late, already having sent the text when she remembered what Netflix and Chill was a code for. Damn, the youth and their high jacking of innocent phrases, she thought. And then she felt old for even having the thought. She was twenty-three for goodness sake, she shouldn’t be turning on the young for at least another five years! She was in the middle of texting him back to rectify her mistake when her phone buzzed again.

_You going to be chilling by yourself?_

Sansa blinked. Did he know what Netflix and chill meant and was trying to seduce her? Or was he genuinely clueless and was just concerned she had no company on a rainy Saturday afternoon. She was shocked to think of how much she hoped it was the first option.

_“I mean, he could be a real sexual awakening for you.”_

Only one way to find out, she supposed. She bit her lip, her cheeks reddening slightly as she typed out her reply.

_Maybe. Unless you want to join?_

She put the phone down on the counter and turned to pour the water over her teabag and moving to get the milk out of the fridge. Her phone buzzed again and she felt her heart pound in her chest as Jon replied with a ‘what time?’

She sighed as she spooned the teabag out of her cup and poured the milk in before adding three sugars. She had inherited her mother’s sweet tooth as well as her looks. She looked at her phone again as she took that first soothing sip of tea and quickly responded with a short ‘whenever you want’.

***

Turned out that Jon definitely knew what Netflix and chill meant. She realised it between the time it took her to open a beer each for them and the time he shoved her back on the couch and had his hands under her top, reaching to unclasp her bra. She hadn’t even switched the television on.

Jon’s hands moved back to her breasts, caressing their weight in his palms as his thumbs gently traced the shape of each. She gasped when he moved them to her nipples, remembering how he had reduced her to a shivering mess just from touching her breasts. For his part, Jon seemed to like them as much as he liked to have his mouth on her. Whether it was because he genuinely liked the feel and sight of them, whether her gasps and moans in response to the pleasure boosted his ego or whether the fact that Jon playing with her breasts and nipples left her soaked, she didn’t know. She didn’t really care at this point either as Jon worried her right nipple between his teeth as his left hand squeezed her left breast, his thumb and finger pinching her other nipple.

She was still mostly dressed, her sweater pushed up above her breasts to expose them to him, only her bra had been removed. She pulled him off of her chest, her hands reaching for the button of her jeans. Jon’s blown eyes followed the movement and as soon as the button popped, he moved to stand and manoeuvred her to face him, leaving her half lying on the sofa but her feet braced on the floor. He quickly moved the abandoned beers to the television stand and Sansa quickly pulled her jeans off her legs in the meantime. Jon returned to gently push her down to sit on the sofa again, kneeling in front of her before reaching to pull down her underwear.

“What do you want?” he murmured as his hands moved to gently part her thighs. She squirmed, her cheeks flushing at her exposure despite him already seeing it all last time. His fingers traced delicate circles into the flesh of her thigh and he was watching her silently, waiting for her to speak.

“Your mouth,” she said quickly, forcing herself to look him in the eye as she made her demand. Jon grinned before kissing her thighs. At first, she thought he was just being tender like last time, trying to abate the nervousness and awkwardness. But then he moved further up, beginning a trail of kisses from one hip to the other. She huffed, her fingers in his hair and he glanced up at her with that smirk.

“Where do you want my mouth, Sansa?” he asked, maintaining eye contact as he kissed her hip again. Sansa flushed. He wouldn’t make her say it. Surely, he wouldn’t. Sansa hardly ever said a bad word as her mother had taught her to be well-mannered and sweet. She wouldn’t ever say filthy things, she could barely swear most of the time. And to talk so openly about her sexual parts, nope definitely not sweet Sansa Stark!

“Do you want it on your cunt?” he murmured against her skin. Sansa gasped, her cheeks flushing as her startled eyes met his, just as he pushed a finger into her. She bucked up, closing her eyes against his grin even if she couldn’t block out his smug words as he felt her body’s response. “I think you like me saying that.”

She shook her head in denial, even as he pushed another finger inside of her and she could hear how wet she was when his fingers moved. Her hips rolled against them desperately and she was powerless to stop them. She bit her lip to stop herself moaning and kept her eyes firmly clenched shut against him. She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing just how much that word had affected her. She had always hated the word, or at least had been told that it was a vile word by her mother. Yet, she figured she couldn’t be that bothered by it after all, given her body’s reaction.

“I won’t make you say it,” Jon whispered, his breath above her navel and her belly clenched at how close his mouth was to her center. “I would probably finish right now if you even said ‘fuck’”

She came sharply, her hand burying itself in his curls tightly, the other digging harshly into her sofa cushions as her head tipped back and her hips bucked harder, trying to wring ever last piece of pleasure.

She whined as his fingers retreated, only to gasp as she felt his tongue licking at her. In her daze of pleasure, she managed to wind both hands in his hair, pushing him further into her and only as the cloud of bliss started to fade did she think she was maybe being too rough with him. But Jon groaned at the feel of her hands in his hair, moving his tongue faster in response until her pleasure began to build again. She came again quickly and weakly shoved him away as the sensation became too much.

This time, she did pull him up to kiss him before he moved away again. He groaned into her mouth, his tongue pushing past her lips and she moaned in response to the tangy taste of herself. Feeling brave, she pulled back enough to playfully nip his earlobe.

“Fuck me.”

She felt Jon shudder at the words she had whispered, took delight at the way his hips thrust against her in response and the hardness she had felt there. His eyes were practically black as he pulled back to look at her.  

“Here?” he asked, his voice low with desire. Sansa shuddered at the thought. She had never had sex outside of a bed before. The thought was deliciously appealing but her inexperience was starting to catch up on her and she bit her lip.

“I’m …. I’m not used to…” she trailed off with a huff, trying to think of what to say but becoming aware that the mood and moment were quickly evaporating. Jon’s hand cupped her cheek.

“You’ve not experimented much?” he supplied, his voice soft and Sansa exhaled in relief at the non-judgement he showed at the implication. It gave her the courage to nod, her eyes meeting his again. Jon’s thumb traced her cheek and Sansa used her courage to speak again.

“But I want to,” she whispered. Jon’s thumb paused and his look was unreadable for a brief second before his lips twitched into that half smile.

“Where were we?” he asked, moving to place a kiss to her lips while his hands returned to shove her sweater up to allow him to massage her breasts. She moaned in response before catching his smirk.

“You were going to fuck me,” she managed to reply, looking up at him through her eyelashes and taking delight as his smugness evaporated and he let out a breath through his parted lips.

“You have got to stop saying that,” Jon groaned as he moved to stand and reached to his back pocket to take his wallet out and retrieve a condom. He placed it on the table as Sansa smirked at him.

“So, I can affect you too,” she noted, watching as he pulled his shirt up and tossed it to the side.

“You have no idea,” he muttered and Sansa was ready to joke about how his obvious bulge was telling her enough when he suddenly kissed her again only breaking it to help her pull her sweater over her head. She moved her own hands to his jeans, her fingers quickly undoing the button and zipper. Her hand drifted into his boxers to grip him and he bucked against her. She grinned as she moved her hand along the shape of him and watched his jaw tense before he opened his eyes to meet hers again. He grinned back at her before moving her hand, turning quickly to take the condom off the table. She watched him shove his boxers down put it on, her eyes immediately drawn to his manhood. But then Jon was suddenly kissing her again, pressing his mouth harder against her own, coaxing her lips apart to curl his tongue against hers and her eyes drifted shut against the sensation.

He moved again, not breaking the kiss as he twisted their bodies so he was sitting on the sofa. Their lips parted as he pulled her onto her lap and she tensed, her hands bracing against his shoulders and she lowered her eyes.

“Hey,” Jon said softly, his hands cupping her cheek. “You okay?”

“I’m so bad at this,” she admitted with a self-deprecating laugh. “You would think after a relationship of two years I would be actually good at sex by now.” Jon frowned at her words.

“I don’t think anyone is bad at it,” he said after a moment of silence. “They just lack confidence.”

She bit her lip, looking away from him again. He gently turned her face to his again and then moved his hands to her hips. He stared into her eyes as he raised her up slightly, one hand going down to help guide him inside of her.

She dug her fingers into his shoulder, her lips parting on a gasp at the feeling of him. It had been four weeks since she had broken up with Harry but she had stopped having sex with him weeks before that, when she was still trying to figure out if she was wanting to end it or not and didn’t want to complicate her thoughts. She had always felt that sex with Harry was a chore, whether he meant it to be like that or not. She just knew she could have spent her whole life with him and never feel she could meet his standards.

Jon bucked into her sharply, causing her to come out of her thoughts with a moan. She glared at him and he smirked, proud to have her attention back on him. She rolled her hips in response, grinning as he bit his lip to keep back a moan. She did it again and again and again, delighting in the way he cursed and dug his hands into her hips. And then he opened his eyes, meeting hers again and flashing her a grin and she paused as she realised his game. He had goaded her into moving on her own without having to think about it.

“You sneaky little…” she said, laughing. He grinned wolfishly at her but hissed as she began to move again, his eyes squeezing shut again as his head fell back against the sofa. His hands moved to her bum, grasping the flesh gently. His eyes opened to meet hers again as he pushed him into her, encouraging her to go harder and faster and she realised in a moment she would, she would…

She bit into his shoulder as her body tensed, her hips bucking into him uncontrollably as his breath hit her neck in harsh pants, his hands digging harshly into her flesh. His thrusts became more erratic and she moaned again as he tensed with his release, her name coming out in a soft groan.

“Fuck,” she said and felt him laugh weakly. She finally moved her head off his shoulder.

“You’re lucky I am too worn out for that to affect me,” he replied after a moment finally opening his eyes to meet hers again. He gave her a small smile and she returned it before moving off of him. She reached for her sweater, glad it was long enough to reach her thighs, as he moved to get rid of the condom. She picked up his boxers and held them out to him. He looked at them briefly before taking them with murmured thanks.

“So, um…” she began, her hands running nervously through her hair as she watched him pull on his jeans and shirt. When he was dressed, he looked at her again, his hands sliding into his pockets to show his nervousness. She bit her lip, remembering what Margaery had said earlier, about figuring out where they both stood. She should have listened and then maybe it wouldn’t be so awkward now.

“Jon, this … this thing we’re doing,” she started but found she didn’t know how to say that she wasn’t interested in anything serious. Not that Jon was looking for anything serious either, as far as she could tell, but she felt it should be said.

“We’re two consenting adults just having some fun, right?” he answered, giving her a small smile and she let out a relieved breath, returning his smile.

“Yeah,” she said, her smile widening as she added a flirtatious “That was the best fun I’ve had.”

Jon grinned but she saw him lower his eyes, bashful against her praise. It only made him more handsome and she briefly wondered if she should kiss him and initiate another round. But then he spoke again and his words sucked the breath out of her lungs.

“Same here.”

She stared at him, looking for the lie. He had surely just said it to make her feel better about herself given her spiel about thinking she was awful. Or maybe he felt he had to say it because she had. Yet, Jon wasn’t the type to say something unless he meant it and she felt her cheeks heat up but was surprised at how much pride she felt.

“So, are we…fuck buddies?” she asked, needing clarification. Jon gave a small laugh but catching her confused and insulted look quickly composed himself.

“Sorry, I was laughing at how before we had sex you could barely say bloody and now you’ve said fuck at least three times. Maybe more, I’m not sure. I wasn’t really thinking straight when you said it.” She snorted, rolling her eyes before giving him a pointed look to remind him that he hadn’t answered her question. He cleared his throat and gave a small shrug in response.

“If that’s what you want,” he said.

“Yeah, I think… I think that’s what I need. A bit of fun with someone. If you’re okay with that?” she asked. Jon simply smiled at her again. They stared at each other for a moment before he took a breath, making a show at looking towards her kitchenette where a clock hung above the cooker.

“I should get going,” he said, looking at her again. She nodded and moved to walk with him to her door but then remembered her state of dress and instead hovered by her breakfast counter, shielding her bare legs from any passing neighbours who might want to peek in. He turned to face her as he stepped into the doorway, one hand still braced on the handle.

“See you around Sansa,” he said eventually. She smiled at him.

“I’ll call you,” she replied, hearing him give a small chuckle as he shut the door behind him.


	3. Envy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if there is anything you guys want me to write in regards to these guys' sexual adventures let me know.  
> Although, this opens with about 1K words of smut.... You're welcome :P (*whispers* had to have the happiness before the angst after all)

She groaned, her hand curling into her sheets and her head turned in her pillow. Jon’s hand was grasping the sheets by her head, the other gripping her hip as he pushed into her, over and over and over.

“Urgh,” she gasped, feeling the pleasure coursing through her body as her end neared. She saw Jon’s hand beside her tense at the same time her muscles began to clamp down, heard him curse and felt the harsh exhale of breath on her back as he held her steady, trying to compose himself as she found her release around him.

She could only moan as he pounded into her faster, the glow of her climax making her flop down helplessly. And still, as his hips pumped into her harder, she could feel a slight stir in her belly. She was as surprised as anyone at just how much she had come to enjoy sex with Jon. It certainly helped that she always had at least two orgasms from their meetings, although she was fast approaching her fourth of the evening.

Their arrangement had been going for over a fortnight now and this was the fifth time they had hooked up. But this was the first time, other than the couch that they had done something different to what Sansa was used to. The first few times, had been the usual missionary position that Sansa had always done, although Jon pushing her legs up over his shoulders one time had definitely given her a new perspective on the position. And an intense orgasm to boot.

Jon always let her decide what she wanted to do, waited for her to think about what she wanted to experiment with and stuck with what she was comfortable with in the meantime. The only thing Jon did of his own accord was go down on her. And, well, to be fair, he must have known he couldn’t really go too far wrong with that approach.

She had flushed when she had first asked him to take her from behind but seeing his grey eyes become almost black had been worth the embarrassment. Jon had a way of making her feel sexy and she liked seeing the effect she had on him too.

Jon’s hand moved from her hip, slipping down to her clit. She moaned against the pillow beneath her, felt a thrill at the feeling of Jon hunched over her and the desperate push of his hips as he neared his own release even as his fingers rubbed her towards yet another one of her own.

“Oh gods,” she muttered as she buried her head against the pillow once more, her body alight with pleasure. Jon groaned in response.

“Oh god!” she repeated, her words trailing off in to a moan as she reached her climax again. Jon suddenly tensed above her, pushing deep inside her with a muttered curse followed by her name on his exhale.

She groaned at the loss as he pulled out and flopped down beside her, one arm braced across his forehead as his chest heaved. His eyes were closed and for a brief second, Sansa saw a frown crease between his eyes but it was gone as soon as it appeared and he was suddenly looking at her.

She bit her lip, giving a soft giggle and a huge grin to show she was pleased with how this particular experiment had gone. She managed to push herself up, giving Jon a playful slap on the shoulder as his eyes dropped to her breasts that jiggled with the movement. Jon shrugged helplessly.

“They’re great tits and I’m a guy!” he said defensively as Sansa stood up and made for the door, heading for the bathroom. Sansa rolled her eyes and threw her shirt at his face. He laughed, the sound muffled by the material until he managed to pull it off to look at her again. She shook her head at him as she left the room to use the toilet.

When she returned, Jon was mostly dressed, just about to pull his shirt over his head. He glanced at her in the doorway, his eyes trailing down her naked body. The first couple of times they had hooked up, she had thrown something over herself after they were done, thinking it was helping to mark when their passion ended and their friendship went back to normal. But she had begun to like the way Jon looked at her when she was naked and had begun teasing him relentlessly by parading around her apartment naked after they were done. For his part, Jon usually managed to ignore her teasing albeit with a tense jaw and a brief second of clenched eyes.

So, she was surprised, when he dropped the shirt and unbuttoned his jeans again, shoving them and his boxers down roughly. Her eyes widened as he grabbed her, pulling her up to meet his mouth as his hands grasped her hips.

She gasped as he shoved her down on to the bed, his hands parting her legs enough for him to slide between them, his hardness resting on the softness of her thigh. He threw the top drawer to her bedside cabinet, where she had stored condoms for easy access. Her hands trailed down his back, feeling his muscles tense under her touch as he ripped the foil open and shifted back slightly to put the condom on.

She jerked at the feel of his finger slowly tracing up and down her slit, feeling her wetness before slowly pushing it in.

“Always so wet for me,” he said, pumping his finger in and out. Sansa bit her lip, her hands moving up to his shoulders and digging her nails into his flesh as he pushed another finger inside of her.  “You were soaking when I took you from behind,” he added, his fingers curling inside of her in a way that had her gasping and bucking up against him. She almost came from his next words alone.

“Have I ruined you Sansa Stark?” he whispered, his thumb moving to rub small circles on her clit as his fingers pumped in and out, in and out.

“Yes,” she whimpered, pushing against him, desperate for her release. Because Jon had ruined her, or at least her expectations and inhibitions. He had ruined her delusions of propriety, had revealed just how much she loved him saying such filthy words when he fucked her (and even having her refer to it as fucking rather than the dreamy love-making she had always insisted on calling it, or just sex if she wanted to be technical enough to avoid her friends’ and Arya’s teasing). Even her vibrator was second best these days compared to what Jon could wring out of her. More often than not she had to think of Jon’s cock (Christ, when had she started referring to it as that? That was Jon’s influence too!) inside of her to get her to her release. Jon had ruined her but it was in a good and delicious and exciting way. And she could affect him too, she had learned. She could reduce him to such a fevered state just by cursing or saying just the right thing at the right moment. Which is why she met his eyes with confidence as she added.

“And I love it!”

She whined as his fingers slid out of her only to gasp as he pushed into her with one thrust, his hands on her hips as he pulled her body across the bed to meet his thrusts. He reared back, standing at the edge of the bed while his left hand moved to secure her leg around his hips, his right still holding her right hip as he began a hard, fast pace. Her hands had fallen to the bed from his movement, her fingers grasping the sheets as she began to move with him.

“Fuck, Sansa,” he moaned, hands digging into her flesh and she felt a thrill at how desperate he seemed, how much he seemed to need to be inside of her. He groaned as she tilted her hips, meeting his thrusts, delighting in the way he bent his head to watch himself pumping inside of her, biting his lip as though the sight was going to make him finish at any moment.

His fingers returned to her clit, rubbing her as he continued to thrust into her. Sansa turned her head, teeth biting into her lip as her fingers curled tighter into the sheets beneath her as she felt her climax wash over her, managing to choke out Jon’s name against the bedding she had turned her face into. Jon heard it though, moaning her own name softly as he pushed deep inside of her and tensed with his release. He fell forward, hands falling by her head to help hold himself above her. She felt him slip out of her from the movement.

“Wow,” she muttered eventually after a few moments of the only sound being their heaved breaths and the feel of their beating hearts. Jon exhaled a laugh, his breath puffing on to her neck. Sansa was horrified that despite him going down on her twice in the living room, using his fingers again in the bedroom and then fucking her twice, she was still responding to him. She wondered if she was ruined for sex with anyone else now since Jon had set the standard pretty high.

And that was a problem because Aegon Targaryen, who had been in her classes at university, had been visiting friends in the city. He had come into her work and they had got talking. He had admitted to having a huge crush on her and asked if she wanted to get a coffee sometime. He was actually older than them but had delayed going to university for a couple of years due to a family crisis. Aegon was handsome and charming and funny and Sansa couldn't think of a valid reason not to say no. A date wasn't a relationship. If it went well, it was a confidence boost. If it didn't go well, it didn't matter.

But what the hell was she supposed to do with Jon? Did she go on a date with Aegon first to see how it went before breaking off the arrangement with Jon? Or did she say nothing in case it didn’t go anywhere? Not that Jon would care, she figured. They had agreed this was just a bit of fun and they weren’t in a relationship, they were free to date other people. It was just courtesy for her to give Jon notice.

“I, uh, I have a date tomorrow,” she mumbled. Jon nodded beside her though she couldn’t see his face.

“Yeah, Arya mentioned something about that. Apparently, he is visiting Gendry's brother,” he replied, still not looking at her.

“It is probably not going to go anywhere,” she continued, though she didn’t know why she felt the need to explain. Jon pulled back and moved off of her, giving her a small smile in response to her words but saying nothing. She watched him dispose of the condom and pick up his clothes. She frowned at his back as he pulled his jeans up. It was normal, once they were done for Jon to dress and leave because that was what they agreed made it less awkward. But there was something in the way Jon was dressing, aggressively pulling his shirt over his head and not even looking at her as he reached for his phone on the bedside cabinet. She swallowed against the hurt she felt at his indifference.

“I was going to tell you,” she snapped, thinking he was just annoyed she hadn’t told him like a normal friend would. He glanced up from his phone briefly but then dropped his gaze again, pushing his phone in to his pocket.

“Whatever,” he replied. “I need to go. Have fun on your date tomorrow.”

She blinked as he shut her bedroom door behind him, and flinching when she heard her front door slam. What the hell had just happened?

***

Aegon was Sansa's usual type, someone she would have swooned over in her teenage years. And he was easy to talk to. But for whatever reason, she just didn't feel the romantic spark.

They were sitting in their local Costa café with a cappicino in front of him and a hot chocolate in front of her. They had both asked for the last slice of the lemon meringue pie and had exchanged grins before doing the whole awkward ‘no you have it’ until Aegon suggested they share it.

He asked what she was doing now she had finished university and she had embarrassingly admitted that she still worked at her local newsagents, although not for lack of trying to find a job.

“I really want to be editor in a fashion magazine,” she explained. “But I need more experience writing. My job has allowed me to get subscriptions to papers though so I can keep an eye out for openings. I write a blog in the meantime, just to keep my writing skills sharp, you know?”

Aegon had nodded, seeming genuinely interested and it was nice to feel worthwhile again.

“So,” he began holding the door open for her as they were leaving. “I told you I was visiting my friend.

"Yeah," she smiled.

"Well, he is going to be at a party this weekend and invited me around," he continued, giving a small nervous chuckle. Sansa blinked. Arya was having a party this weekend. She hadn't had her halloween party but now it was over a week ago, she had decided to have just a normal party. Plus, everyone was too poor to go out anyway.

"Was it at Arya Stark's by any chance?"

"Ha, yeah. Your sister?"

"Yes," she grinned. "Well, uh...I'll be there too. it should be fun."

Aegon smiled at her as they came to her bus stop, leaning forward to kiss her cheek. The old woman in the bus stop gave them a small smile and Sansa managed one of her own.

“I’ll look for you there then,” he grinned. “It was lovely to see you again Sansa.”

“You too,” she said, giving him a small wave as he retreated before exhaling sharply. Aegon was nice, he had really seemed interested in her. But Sansa just still didn’t feel that spark, no matter how much she tried to tell herself that Aegon was exactly her type.

 _Maybe that’s the problem_.

***

_So? How was it?_

Sansa rolled her eyes at Arya’s text, contemplating on how to respond. Sure, the date had been good in most ways. There had been little awkwardness, the conversation had flowed easily and they had shown genuine interest in each other’s lives. But Sansa just wasn’t attracted to him, not enough to picture herself being in a relationship with him. She settled on going for half-truth.

_Yeah it was alright._

She sighed as she sent it, her fingers moving the screen up to reveal Jon’s name under Arya’s in her latest messages. Although, the text had been sent yesterday when he had informed her he was on his way. He hadn’t spoken to her since, even though they had spoken every day since their agreement, exchanging jokes in the afternoon to cheer each other up at their work and exchanging memes and theories on each other’s facebooks. It was weird to think that for so long they had barely spoken or acknowledged each other but since that first time she had invited Jon round to hers, he had started initiating conversation to the point where they never went a day without some form of communication. And now it was weird to go back to what it had been before.

_Alright? Hmm. Maybe you are getting back into dating too soon._

Sansa sighed again, guilty at the fact that getting involved with Jon was probably not going to be any better in Arya's eyes, even if it was a casual thing. She quickly typed out a reply, stating  that it didn’t matter and she was fine either way before shoving her phone across the counter out of her reach before she moved to put the kettle on. As she moved about the kitchen, her phone buzzed and she wondered what Arya wanted now, but then it kept buzzing and she realised someone was phoning her. Frowning, she picked up her phone to see Jon’s name on the screen. She contemplated not answering after his sulk yesterday, but then wouldn’t that make it worse?

“Yes?” she answered with fake cheer. She heard Jon inhale sharply on the other end.

“I’m sorry,” he said and her eyebrows rose, waiting for him to explain. Then realising he couldn’t see her, she spoke herself.

“Oh, what for?”

“For being such an ass last night I… well it was uncalled for. My head is a mess right now and I’m taking it out on you.”

“What is wrong?” she asked, genuinely concerned he was seemingly going through tough times but he muttered that it didn’t matter. She bit her lip, fingers twirling in her hair as she asked. “Do you want to come over?”

He exhaled slowly and Sansa straightened up, already looking to check her appearance in the mirror when his reply startled her. “No.”

“What?” she responded in shock, wincing at the harsh tone she had used without realising it.

“I can’t Sansa, not right now.”

“Jon, you can tell me what is bothering you,” she insisted, her insult of his rejection soothed a little in the knowledge that he probably hadn’t meant it like that, he was just not wanting to bother her with his problems.

“You’re a good friend Sansa,” he replied but it sounded dull to her ears. She frowned, ready to demand that he starts talking to her when he said. “I have to go. I just wanted to apologise to you. I hope your date went well.”

He hung up before she could respond, leaving her staring at her phone in confusion.

***

“Oh, thank god!” Arya exclaimed when she answered the door to see Sansa. “I think Robb is about to do his embarrassing big brother act with Aegon!”

Sansa raised an eyebrow at her sister as she stepped into the flat and made for the living room where the guests were gathered. And there was Robb speaking to Aegon, his eyes narrowed and chest pumped up. Jeyne walked by and patted his shoulder affectionately. Robb managed to look away from Aegon long enough to check out his wife’s ass but then quickly returned to glare at Aegon. For his part, Aegon sipped his beer as though he hadn’t noticed and Sansa had to say it was an impressive approach. Although, she was sure Robb was going to pop a vein in his forehead shortly at this rate. She stepped up to them, leaning up to give her big brother a kiss on the cheek.

“What are you two talking about?” she asked brightly, watching Robb’s cheeks colour. Aegon gave a shrug.

“Nothing,” Robb muttered.

“He wants to know my intentions towards his sister,” Aegon said at the same time. Sansa laughed, squeezing Robb’s shoulder affectionately as her brother glared at Aegon for outing him. As if he had even been subtle when it came to his little sisters though. The only reason he hadn’t caused much of a fuss with Gendry once he met him was he was probably smart enough to realise Gendry could totally knock him out with a punch. And then Arya would knock him out again with her own.

“That is sweet,” she cooed at Robb and he shrugged his shoulders to remove her hands from him.

“Alright, alright!” he muttered but he was smiling at her now. Sansa patted his shoulder before moving through to the kitchen to get a drink

She was pouring herself a peach schnapps and cranberry juice when Jon came up beside her, nudging her with his hip and giving her a small smile.

“Hey,” he said softly. She managed a small smile back.

“Hey yourself, you feeling better?” she asked, reaching up to the cupboard to get a straw. Jon’s eyes dropped to where her top rode up to reveal her skin.

“Yeah,” he replied when she looked at him with a raised eyebrow. He cleared his throat. “Yeah, I’m good now thanks. I…”

“Hey Jon, do you want a beer?”

Sansa turned to look at the blonde woman who had appeared in the kitchen and gone towards the fridge. She had long legs that she was showing off with her black mini-skirt. And when she turned again, Sansa got an eyeful of her chest. The woman tossed her long hair over her shoulder as she approached Jon with a teasing smirk. He took the beer she offered him before she finally looked at Sansa, who had clamped her lips tightly around her straw in order to stop herself asking Jon who the fuck this woman was.

“Hey, I’m Val,” the woman said brightly, extending a hand. Sansa took a long suck of her drink, popping her lips loudly as she gave Jon a sideways glance. But Sansa always remembered her manners.

“Sansa,” she said brightly, taking the woman’s hand. “I love your outfit. But if I had a body like that, I would show it off too.” And the sad thing was, she actually meant it. This woman was stunning and confident enough to show it.

Val laughed, waving the compliment away with her hand. “That is sweet. You’re pretty though. I bet the boys are queuing up for you.”

“Val, can you give us a minute?” Jon asked suddenly, setting his beer down. Both Sansa and Val turned to face him with raised eyebrows.

“No no, I have to find Aegon anyway!” she replied, moving past Val. She didn’t know why but she hoped the mention of Aegon would wind Jon up. How dare he bring a date here? Weren’t they supposed to agree on these things first? She was mad he had kept it from her, after his reaction to her not telling him about Aegon as well. And well, she technically hadn't come here with Aegon but she wasn't going to let that stop her!

“Woah Stark, slow down!” Ygritte said with a laugh as she emerged from the living room, holding Sansa’s shoulders as she marched purposely towards the room. “Who are you murdering?”

“Nobody. Just, can you move?” Sansa snapped and Ygritte raised an eyebrow. “Please,” Sansa added. She always remembered her manners, even when she was mad. Her mother would be so proud of her.

“Alright,” Ygritte said, holding her hands up and stepping aside as she made her way towards the kitchen. Sansa turned.

“Oh, Jon and Val are in there.”

She was surprised at how vicious the words had come out. Ygritte paused, looking at Sansa over her shoulder with a small frown but Sansa turned quickly into the living room before she could see what Ygritte was going to do.

“You alright?” Aegon asked. Sansa nodded, taking another long suck of her drink. She caught Jeyne frowning in her direction, mouthing 'are you okay?' even as she tried to listen to what Robb was whispering in her ear. Sansa nodded, managing a smile. Myranda threw her a wink as she passed behind Aegon’s back after her eyes had lingered on his ass for a few seconds.

“Sansa!” she heard Margaery squeal before her friend’s arms were around her neck and her arms clasped above her chest. Sansa managed a small smile, managing to adjust the grip on her glass to avoid spilling her drink. “Come dance with me,” Margaery muttered, flashing Aegon an apologetic grin. Sansa managed an apologetic shrug as she allowed her friend to pull her back into the space that had been created for dancing.

“Sansa, Sansa, Sansa!” her friend chimed and Sansa wondered just how much Margaery had had to drink. “What the fuck is going on girl?”

Sansa managed a laugh, finishing her drink with a long slurp and placing the empty glass on the table beside her. Margaery was tossing her hair about as she shook her hips, lost in the music but her eyes were still on Sansa, waiting for an explanation. Yet Sansa didn’t know what she was wanting to know.

“What do you mean?” she asked eventually when her friend didn’t elaborate. Margaery rolled her eyes, clearly thinking she was being obvious.

“With Jon, silly! Are you two together?”

“Yeah, well we were hooking up but now we’re dating people so…”

Well, she hadn't told Aegon she wasn't interested in another date so that wasn't a lie.

Margaery stopped dancing suddenly, her eyes narrowing as she looked at Sansa. “Hold up, what?”

“Well, I had a date with Aegon last Sunday and it went well,” Sansa explained, exaggerating how well the date was going in order to stop herself thinking of how well Jon’s was clearly going, if Val already knew the flat then she must have been here with Jon at least once. The thought made her sick from his deception. “And well, he’s hit it off with Val so it … what are you laughing at?”

For Margaery had literally shrieked in laughter, causing the entire living room to pause and look in their direction. Her friend was doubled over, her hand holding her stomach while her other hand grasped Sansa’s shoulder for support. It took a couple of minutes for her to compose herself and thankfully the attention of the room had moved on by then. Margaery straightened up, wiping both her eyes with her hands as she took a few deep breaths.

“Honey,” she started before stopping to let a few more chuckles out. “Val is gay!”

“Huh?” was all Sansa could respond before Aegon approached her with a drink. She eyed it warily, thinking he had brought her a vodka cranberry even though she hated the drink and only ever had cranberry juice with peach schnapps. But she would drink it to be polite, maybe Margaery would steal it from her later.

“Oh!” she said in surprise at the familiar taste. She looked at Aegon in surprise. “How did you know I like peach schnapps and cranberry?” she asked, impressed. Aegon gave a nervous laugh.

“I didn’t. I was making you a vodka cranberry when Jon told me you hated it. He was the one who made the drink actually but told me to take the credit,” he explained, with a small smile. “But I can’t lie to save my life.”

“Oh,” Sansa replied dumbly. Margaery raised a brow but said nothing. Jon emerged in the room again, glancing over to her but then quickly looking away, moving over to speak with Robb and Sam. Sansa tried to listen to what Aegon was telling her about his sister's wedding but her eyes kept drifting over to where Jon was standing. Ygritte appeared, going straight for Jon, her hand trailing his shoulder in a gesture that spoke of intimacy. Jon glanced at her, a small smile appearing on his lips as he tilted his head to hear whatever Ygritte was whispering to him. Sansa frowned, her hand gripping her glass tighter as Jon laughed, his head tilting back and Ygritte was giving him a smug smile.

Sansa had a sudden urge to walk over there and kiss Jon in front of her.

“Sansa?”

She jerked, her guilty gaze returning to Aegon who was looking at her with concern. Margaery was frowning as she looked to where Sansa had been looking, her brown eyes meeting Sansa’s again and giving her a raised eyebrow.

“Sorry, I wasn’t listening.”

“No,” Aegon laughed. “I noticed.”

“Sorry,” she said, giving him a bright smile. “Tell me the story again.”

She managed to pay more attention this time, only glancing Jon’s way a few times but more often than not able to respond appropriately to Aegon’s cues. When he left to refill their drinks, Sansa looked across the room again, eyes narrowing on Ygritte as she rested her arm on Jon’s shoulder while she spoke to Robb and Jeyne. Jeyne glanced over to her before looking back to Jon with concerned eyes and that confused Sansa even more because really, what would she have to be concerned about? Jon was clearly going to have Ygritte for company tonight and that was fine with her.

Absolutely, positively _fine._

“Here we are,” Aegon said brightly. Sansa grinned, chinking her glass with Aegon’s beer bottle. The noise caused Jon to glance over at her again, eyes narrowing when she stepped a little closer to Aegon. She raised a brow at him over Aegon’s shoulder before forcing herself to look away, focussing her whole attention on Aegon for the rest of the night.

_***_

She had really tried to like Aegon enough to give him a chance romantically. But after their second date, excluding the party, she still wasn’t feeling it. And so, she had called him to meet (because she wasn’t a coward) and tell him that she was really sorry but she just didn’t see it working. He had nodded, given her a small smile and wished her good luck, although she had no idea what he had meant with that, assuming he had meant with her career dreams.

She hadn’t seen Jon since the party a week later. She had asked Arya over lunch if Ygritte and Jon were back together and Arya had snorted, looking at her as if her sister had grown two heads. Sansa didn’t think it was a ridiculous question, given the way they had been acting at the party but she couldn’t deny she felt happy at the revelation.

She was really needing a good lay after all.

And she wanted to apologise to Jon for being horrible to him when she thought he had brought Val as a date. She wanted to entice him and focus on him for a change. It was what gave her the confidence to take a photo of herself, just the top of her breasts, straining against the lacy black material of her bra, and send it to him. She added a cheeky message.

_The girls miss you ;)_

Her phone buzzed not even a moment later.

_Yeah?_

She grinned, glad he was responding so easily given how long they had gone not speaking. She was about to ask him to come over and take care of her when her phone buzzed again. She frowned at his response.

_Aegon not there to take care of it?_

Surely, he had known that Aegon hadn’t been a serious thing, they had only exchanged that one kiss on the cheek after their first date after all.

_I ended it. It wasn’t serious, we never even kissed._

She didn’t know why she felt she needed to explain all of this to Jon. Maybe being honest would restore their friendship again. She knew now that she would tell him of her potential dates and their progress in the future to avoid this feeling of betrayal growing between them.

_Sorry._

She snorted, rolling her eyes that he couldn’t sound less sorry if he tried. She bit her lip as she tapped out a reply.

_So… are you coming?_

She grinned as she added.

_Pun intended._


	4. Lust

She threw a robe over herself when she heard the buzzer to her flat going. She loosely tied the rope around herself as she raced to the door. She opened the robe a little at the top to reveal her cleavage and a tiny part of her bra before reaching for the door handle. She pressed one hand to her hip, the other braced on the door as she forced herself to meet Jon’s gaze.

He swallowed thickly as his gaze dropped to her chest before travelling down to the hem of her robe, resting above mid-thigh and short enough to show she couldn’t have much more than her underwear on.

“I’ve missed you,” she said and she meant it. She had missed talking to him and exchanging stupid jokes with him and discussing their theories for their favourite shows. And she had missed the sex too of course.

“Have you?” he replied, his eyes returning to her face. It sounded a genuine question, like he wasn’t quite sure if she meant it and it made Sansa frown, moving slightly from the door as if to remind him that he still hadn’t come in.

“Of course, I did,” she huffed, insulted he could think that she could shun him aside after everything, as though she hadn’t come to care for him as one of her best friends. Jon looked at her for a long moment before he gave her a small smile.

“Yeah, I missed you too,” he said softly before finally moving into the flat. She closed the door, finally happy they were going back to normal again. Still, she felt they should clear the air and re-establish the agreement so as to avoid more hurt and confusion in the future.

“So, I think we’re learned something from this whole thing,” she said brightly, moving to the fridge to get him a beer. Jon raised an eyebrow at her as he took the bottle she offered, a signal for her to continue. “We need to be more honest so from now on, we tell each other if we are going on dates -” Jon paused from his drink, bottle raised against his pursed lips. “or if we’re planning fucking anyone else,” she finished, thinking specifically of how Ygritte behaved with Jon at Arya’s party. They might not be together but that didn’t necessarily mean that they weren’t fucking.

Jon put the beer bottle down in front of him as he frowned at the table. “You …” he paused, exhaling a long breath through his nose. Something that he did a lot when he was irritated, she had noticed.  “Are you planning on fucking many other people?” he asked, finally levelling her with a glare. Sansa narrowed her own eyes in response.

“I don’t know. I suppose it’s only fair though. I mean, if you’re fucking Ygritte then I get a back-up too!” she hissed. Jon’s brow creased in confusion and he opened his mouth to say something. But Sansa cut him off and in a moment of spite she added. “Maybe I shouldn’t have called it off with Aegon. Although, I hear Theon has got quite a big…”

Jon grabbed her and shoved his mouth onto hers before she could finish, his tongue forcing her lips apart as he pushed her back into the breakfast counter. She wound her hands into his hair, pulling roughly until he broke the kiss with a hiss. He grabbed her hips, roughly sitting her down on the edge of the breakfast counter.

His hands wrenched her robe apart, revealing her matching black underwear set. She was ready for him to go for her breasts and had reached to unclasp her bra. But instead, Jon went straight for her underwear shoving them down her legs.

She gasped at how quickly he kneeled in front of her, how rough his tongue was on her. She moaned and keened as he flicked his tongue against her, his pace harder and faster than he ever had done before, almost as though he was trying to force his tongue to become a part of her. Her hands wound in his hair as she fought against the sensations but she could only pant helplessly against his assault as he continued and she could feel herself coming, the wail breaking past her lips as her hands gripped his hair tight and her legs grew taught around him. She flopped backwards helplessly, wincing at the hard surface against her back.

She had barely registered him opening the condom packet and putting one on. She was still in a slight daze when he flipped her round, tilting her hips up and entered her in a single thrust. She choked at the feel of him, the rough material of his jeans telling her he hadn’t even undressed and her hands clenched in front of her as he began a hard pace, his hips flush against her backside as he moved again and again and again.

She moaned helplessly, her hands unclenching only to reach across the surface in front of her, as though searching for something to grab onto and get control over the sensations she was going through. But all she could feel was Jon’s cock ruthlessly pushing into her and the sound of her wetness around him. And she wondered briefly if he fucked Ygritte like this, if they had done this at the party, hard and fast so as to get it done without being caught. The thought made her hiss.

“Seems like I’m big enough for you sweetheart,” he panted harshly as his hands moved to rest by her head and gods, if she didn’t love how powerful it made him seem and how wet it made her in response.

“Mmmm,” she moaned, letting him have his ego boost, letting him fuck his injured pride out. Well, she thought to herself as the image of him and Ygritte came to mind again, she could do that too. And she felt a great delight at the choked sound he made as she squeezed her inner muscles around him, causing his rhythm to falter.

“Are you?” she asked tauntingly, pushing herself up onto her hands to give her the strength to push back against him, following her question with another squeeze. He hissed, his hands digging into her hips and shoving them down against him.

“Yeah,” he managed to pant out, his pace changing in order to pump his cock deliberately slowly inside of her, making her feel every inch as he withdrew and pushed back in and then out, in and then out. Sansa gasped, her cheeks flushing because this, this seemed dirtier than the animalistic style they had just been doing. Almost like he was proving a point and wanted her to remember just how big he was and how it felt to have his cock inside of her.

He hunched over her again, his hands still holding her hips and guiding them to meet his thrusts. Sansa bit her lip, feeling the start of her climax, feeling her muscles begin to tighten and then his breath against her ear caused her to tremble.

“Yeah, that’s it,” he whispered harshly. “You love my cock, Sansa.”

He kept his hands on her hips, fucking her slowly through her climax as she gasped and shook against the counter. She knew he probably intended to try to fuck her into another climax but she had come to realise when Jon was close and she was feeling petty, still thinking of what he may have done with Ygritte. She wanted to prove a point that she could reduce him to a quivering mess as much as he could do to her. It was why she found her response so easy to say.

“Yeah I do. But not as much as you love my cunt!”

“Urghh,” Jon groaned in shock at her words. His hips stuttered uncontrollably and he suddenly tensed above her with a choked off moan. She couldn’t help but smirk at her achievement.

For a moment, the room was filled with their harsh breathing. Sansa pressed her flushed cheek to the cool material of the counter and briefly closed her eyes, trying to regain her composure.

“I never fucked Ygritte at the party,” Jon said suddenly, his head so close to her own as he held it above her shoulders. Sansa opened her eyes and exhaled sharply, unable to explain the rush of relief that filled her. “I won’t ever fuck Ygritte again. I won’t fuck anyone but you as long as we’re doing this.”

“Okay,” she responded dumbly because she honestly couldn’t think of anything else to say. Jon sighed, finally moving off of her and she heard him moving to the bin to dispose of the condom. She remained against the counter for a moment until she felt him touch her hip gently.

“You okay?” he asked softly. “Did I hurt you?”

“No, I liked it. Even though I don’t know what it was about,” she responded honestly, trailing off with a laugh at her naivety as she finally managed to straighten up and look at him. Jon smiled, his hand moving to brush her hair over her shoulder. Sansa followed the movement, swallowing at how intimate it seemed, which was ridiculous considering she had lost count of how many times he had been inside of her by now.

She grabbed her pants quickly and made her way to the bathroom for her usual clean up routine. She smiled at Jon as she returned and he managed to give her a small smile in return but it seemed as though something was still bothering him.

“So…uh…you weren’t serious about fucking Theon, right?”

Sansa snorted, giving him a pointed look. “I would never be that desperate. Even if Theon was the last man on earth, I would just live with a vibrator for the rest of my days.”

Jon gave a small laugh before he looked at her again, his feet shuffling. “And…do you have… any more dates lined up?”

“No… I think … I don’t think I’m ready to get back into dating yet,” she replied. Jon nodded, his eyes downcast and his hands in his pockets. She spoke again after a moment of silence, trying to sort out something that still bothered her too. “You said you didn’t fuck Ygritte and I believe you but the way she was at the party …”

“Ygritte is a flirt,” he responded with a shrug. “And I was feeling pretty sorry for myself so it was nice to have the attention. But she knows that I’m not interested anymore.”

“Because of this?” she asked, unsure of how she felt about this new information. Jon’s lips twitched for a brief second before he ducked his head, giving it a small shake.

“No, not because we’re fuck buddies,” he replied. Sansa frowned but then he looked up again, looking past her at the clock and Sansa spoke before he could say he was leaving.

“Stay,” she whispered. Jon’s eyes widened slightly, his gaze boring into her own and she managed a coy smile as she continued. “I’m not done with you.”

“Oh?” he asked, his eyebrows rising slightly in curiosity. Sansa bit her lip, moving around the counter and stalking towards him. Jon watched her, his eyebrows rising further as she placed her hands on his hips and started guiding him backwards towards the couch.

She pressed her mouth to his as she gently pushed him onto the couch, moving to straddle him. He groaned softly, his right hand buried itself in her hair while his left held her hip, thumb stroking the skin tenderly.

Sansa broke the kiss to move her lips to the side of his mouth. She felt his lips twitch at the movement and she moved her face higher, rubbing her cheek against his stubble as she pressed a kiss to his cheek, up beside his eye and then finally moving to give his earlobe a playful bite.

Jon groaned again, his hand on her hip tightening slightly. He moved his head, trying to capture her lips again but she moved back, flashing him a teasing smile as he huffed. Her fingers moved down the material of his shirt, watching Jon’s throat bob as his eyes dropped to follow her movement. She pushed the material up and let her hand trace the skin of his stomach, feeling him tense as her fingers teasingly traced the hem of his jeans.

She watched his pupils dilate as she popped the button of his jeans, slipping her hand down into his underwear to grasp him. He groaned, eyes drifting shut and head falling back against the sofa as she felt him begin to harden in her hand. She moved her hand slowly up and down the length of him, watching his throat bob on a strained swallow. She grinned at the power she had over him. If he was this helpless when she was giving him a mediocre hand job (because she was only wanting to get him hard, not even trying to get him to finish) she couldn’t wait to see him crumble when she took his cock in her mouth.

“You alright, big boy?” she whispered, biting his earlobe as her hand continued moving. Jon choked out a moan, cock jerking in her hand as if acknowledging her praise. She grinned, finally moving back to kneel in front of him. Jon’s eyes flew open as she moved to pull his jeans down but she was surprised when he moved to grab her shoulders, pushing her back slightly. She frowned up at him in hurt confusion.

“I really, really, _really_ want you to,” he said with a nervous laugh. “But I’d rather shower before I have my cock in your mouth.”

She blinked, mouth forming a pout and she was surprised at how disappointed she felt at the idea of not giving him a blow job right now. But then she grinned, looking up at him through her lashes.

“You can shower here,” she said coyly, fingers tracing patterns in the material over his thighs. She felt him tense, watched him swallow thickly.

“Ghost,” he muttered. “I can’t stay here for long.”

She huffed in response, moving away from him and sitting with her back against her coffee table. Jon moved forward, his teeth biting into his lip as he seemed to think about his neck words. She watched him as he ran a hand in his hair before looking at her again.

“You could come over to mine,” he suggested eventually. Sansa raised an eyebrow in response.

“And have Arya ask what I am doing there?”

“Arya is at Gendry’s and Sam is at Gilly’s. They won’t be back until tomorrow.”

She bit her lip, tempted with the offer. They had fucked almost everywhere in Sansa’s place, she could even add the kitchen counter to that list now. But Jon’s place was new and exciting and she couldn’t deny that although she really didn’t want to have an awkward conversation with Arya, the thought that they might be caught still thrilled her.

“Alright,” she said, moving to stand. “Let me get dressed.”

Jon snorted. “Yeah, I wouldn’t recommend going around Glasgow in your underwear.”

She poked her tongue out at him as she quickly went into her room. She quickly unclasped her bra, moving to get a new set out of underwear from her drawer. She knew that Jon liked black so she took the last pair and then grabbed her favourite blue ones, shoving them into her cardigan pocket. Just in case she stayed over in the morning and needed a clean pair. She shoved her travel hairbrush in her pocket too, she would definitely need that given the state her hair got into after their trysts.

She quickly pulled some leggings on, throwing her grey wool dress over the top and her favourite blue cardigan. She put her thick socks on and gave herself a quick squirt of her favourite perfume before grabbing her phone.

Jon was waiting by the door when she emerged, watching her as she threw her hair into a ponytail and he handed over her jacket which was hanging on the hook beside the door. She quickly shoved her feet in her boots and then paused, biting her lip.

“You alright?” Jon asked, hand braced on the door handle. She nodded slowly.

“Yeah… um… would it be weird to take my toothbrush?” she asked. She wanted to laugh, she had had no problem shoving spare underwear in her pocket but taking her toothbrush seemed to be crossing a boundary. Jon blinked, his shoulders jerking in a small shrug.

“If you want to,” he responded but she saw him swallow before she turned to go to the bathroom. She placed her toothbrush in its travelling case, smiling nervously at Jon when she re-emerged into the corridor. Jon returned it, moving to open the door.

“Got everything?” he asked, holding the door open with his back against it and his car keys hanging from his pointer finger. Sansa grabbed her keys and purse from the counter and glanced around the room quickly before nodding.

“Think so,” she said, following him out of the door. He waited as she locked it, pushing it to double check. His hands were shoved in his pockets again as they silently walked down the corridor to the stairwell. Sansa only lived two floors up in the building so they were outside pretty quickly, the cold November air, hitting her cheeks and making her pull her jacket closers to her. She shoved her hands in her pockets to try and shield them from the cold as they walked in unison to where Jon’s black Corsa was parked at the end of the street.

Once inside the car, Jon pressed the button to get the heating on. Sansa buckled her belt and sat back, trying to keep her hands steady. She tried to tell herself that it didn’t matter that they were going to be having sex at Jon’s place this time and that it didn’t change anything. Yet, in some ways, it did. Jon was a very private person and while Arya and Sam may well have plans tonight, there was still a chance that they could get caught by them. And it was still Arya and Sam’s place too so she didn’t feel comfortable having sex everywhere so they would have to stay in Jon’s bed.

But it was too late to turn back now as Jon turned his car down the street to his flat. Sansa managed to swallow down her nerves with a smile as Jon turned off the ignition and leaned back in his seat. She watched his jaw tense and moved to take his hand without thinking. Jon’s eyes flew to their joined hands before his wide gaze jerked up to hers.

“Its fine,” she murmured. Jon swallowed, gently removing his hand from hers.

“Yeah, just …this is weird. It is different but it isn’t,” he said with a laugh. Sansa joined him.

“I was thinking the same thing. Do you want me to go home?”

“No,” he said quickly, giving a nervous cough to cover how desperate he sounded. Sansa grinned at him, raising an eyebrow.

“Is that because you don’t want to turn down the chance to have your cock in my mouth?” she teased.

“Not going to lie, that is a big part of it,” he replied with a grin but then his smile softened a little. “But, also, I just like spending time with you.”

She blinked at him, confused at the words but feeling a flush of happiness at them too. Jon broke the moment, moving to get out of the car suddenly and Sansa sucked in a breath, following him up the stairs to the door. Jon pressed the button to lock his car and then pressed the code in.

They wandered up the stairs in silence, three floors and then the third flat along. Jon stood aside as he unlocked the door, allowing her to enter. Ghost, Jon’s albino huskey came bounding out of the living room, bumping his head against Sansa’s hip and giving her a few sniffs as Jon closed the door. He tossed his keys into the bowl on the table by the door and Ghost came to him to get a pat on the head while Sansa pulled her jacket off. He took it and hung it up on by the door.

“Uh, so I’m gonna go and have a quick shower,” he said, his eyes lowering and Sansa gave him a teasing smile. “Just help yourself to whatever…you know where everything is. If you want to have a drink or something…my room is the last one on the right.”

He moved to the cupboard to get a towel and threw her a small smile as he closed the bathroom door behind him. Sansa had contemplated asking to join him but she figured Jon would likely explode at the thought of her giving him head in the shower. The idea made her giggle and for once she didn’t feel embarrassed about the fact that Jon clearly wanted her and she wanted him.

And while she did really want Jon to fall apart under her tongue like he made her, she also wanted to have him beg. And she couldn’t do that if he finished as soon as a wet, naked Sansa kneeled in front of him and took him into her mouth.

She remembered when Jon had asked her if he had ruined her while he had  had his fingers inside of her. She bit her lip as she went for Jon’s room, hearing the water running through the bathroom door and imagining how good Jon would look under the spray. She had to say, given the way her thoughts had been going lately and the fact she had come to actively seek sex, that Jon had definitely ruined her.

She opened Jon’s bedroom door, biting back a laugh at the assault of black on her eyes. Ghost followed her through, going to the little bed in the corner. She pulled her off her shoes before she shrugged her cardigan off, hanging it over the chair by his desk. She pulled her dress up, placing it on the chair as well and then shoving her leggings off her legs. She bit her lip as she heard the water turn off, moving to sit on the bed.

She let herself lean back on her hands, her ponytail hanging over her left shoulder and she crossed her legs teasingly as she heard the bathroom door open and his footsteps outside. She gave him a grin as he opened the door, his hand freezing on the handle as he looked at her. Sansa flushed at the attention as her own eyes dropped to the towel around his waist. She quirked an eyebrow at him.

“Might be difficult to proceed with that,” she joked. Jon laughed, whistling at Ghost who stood and left the room, heading back towards the living room.

“Yeah, well force of habit when you live with others not to go around with your cock out,” he explained as he untied it. Sansa’s eyes remained focussed on his hands as the towel dropped. She licked her lips subconsciously as his cock was revealed, already half hard. Jon sucked in a breath as he moved towards the bed, cupping her cheeks in his hand as he kissed her.

Sansa leaned back, allowing Jon to follow the movement and lie on top of her. She really liked Jon’s kisses. She moaned against him, her hands trailing a path down his back and settling on his ass, teasingly pushing him into her. Jon groaned softly, breaking the kiss but pressing a quick peck against her lips. Sansa took advantage of his moment of pliant affection to wind her legs around him and twist them so he was on his back.

She grinned at his expression of shock and lust before she moved to kiss him again. Jon wound a hand in her hair, something he loved to do in their moments she had come to realise. His other hand gently grasped her hip and she threw a leg over him, rubbing her still covered mound against him. Both hands grasped her hips at the movement, his head tilting back. She grinned, her hands running down his chest. She let her fingers brush across his nipples, relishing in the sudden buck of Jon’s hips at the touch.

“Hmm,” Sansa teased, leaning over to tease one with her tongue. Jon’s hands tightened on her as he groaned. “Almost as sensitive as mine. I see why you like playing with my tits so much.”

“Fuck Sansa,” Jon chocked out, his eyes flying open to meet her triumphant gaze. He gave his head a small shake even as he grinned. “I’ve unleashed a monster!”

“You’ve ruined me,” she reminded him, kissing a trail along his chest to the other nipple. She chanced a glance at him and saw his eyes almost black at her words. Seemed he liked the thought of her becoming a sexy minx for him. She grinned as she gave the other nipple a teasing flick of her tongue.

She moved downwards, her lips leaving light kisses as she reached his belly button, shifting her body so she could get a better angle. She pushed his legs apart slightly, his cock bobbing at the movement, seeking her attention. She looked up at him again as she pressed her lips to his thigh, a cheeky reminder of how he always teases her. Jon huffed, his hands moving as though to go for her head but falling to the sheets instead, grasping them tightly.

“What do you want Jon?” she asked, deliberately throwing the words he always used on her back at him as she moved her mouth closer to the head of his cock. Jon groaned, his eyes clenching shut and his knuckles going white. Still, he was as stubborn as her sometimes. But like he could undo her with filthy words, she knew she could do the same to him. “Do you want me to suck your cock?”

“Fuck,” he gasped followed by a choked. “Yes!”

She took pity on him pressing a kiss to his head that had his hips bucking. She looked up at him again, flushing when her own eyes met his own, the pupils blown so wide it practically swallowed the grey. She forced herself to maintain eye contact as she let her tongue dart out, licking from base to tip. She did that a couple of times before her hand grasped the base as she engulfed the head of his cock in her mouth. Jon gasped, his cheeks flushing and still, his eyes watching as her mouth worked on him.

“Fuck Sansa!” Jon moaned as she hummed around him, his eyes rolling back as she hallowed her cheeks. She held his hips down, moving her mouth in a rhythm that soon had Jon writher beneath her, his curls tossing from the movement of his head as he buried it against his pillow.

“Urgh fuck Sansa, I’m …I’m gonna…” he gasped, his hands flying to her head on instinct as he bucked up against her. Sansa hummed again, the vibration the last straw as Jon choked out her name again as he spilled in her mouth.

Sansa swallowed quickly, gently licking at him as she released him. Jon collapsed on the bed, one hand still in her hair and the other falling on the pillow above his head as he tried to compose himself. She reared up, flashing him a teasing smile when he opened his eyes again to look at her.

“Good?” she asked. Jon scoffed.

“Best fucking blowjob of my life,” he responded, pulling her into a kiss.

He flipped them over again suddenly, breaking their kiss with a teasing smile as his hand traced down her neck. She shivered at the touch and bit her lip as she felt the hand settle on her breasts, his fingers dipping under the material to tease her nipple. She moaned as his finger traced gentle circles around the sensitive flesh and he grinned.

“Your turn,” he smirked.

***

Sansa awoke to the feel of Jon’s arm around her waist and his leg thrown over her hip while his breath was steady on her neck. She frowned slightly, unsure how they had come to such a position when they had collapsed on opposite sides of the bed after Jon had gone down on her … twice. She was confused at the intimacy but couldn’t deny it felt nice, especially on cold mornings like this. She raised her head slightly to see Jon’s alarm clock’s neon numbers flashing brightly in front of her. It was six thirty. She knew she should probably get going soon but Jon’s bed was warm and she was still tired after everything that had happened last night. She closed her eyes briefly, telling herself it was just a little while longer and she would get up and leave.

It felt like only a couple of minutes later when she heard the front door open and close. Jon jerked awake beside her, his body tensing as he realised the position they were in. Sansa chose to ignore it, looking up at the clock again.

10.04

Well, shit.

“Jon?” Arya’s voice called out. Sansa froze, her wide eyes turning to look at Jon.

“She won’t come in my room,” he whispered before calling out towards the door. “Yeah?”

“Just checking if you were here,” Arya responded before they heard her disappear down the corridor. Sansa ran a hand through her hair.

“Fuck,” she hissed, throwing the covers off and reaching for her clothes. She grabbed the spare underwear she had brought, wrenching her legs through the holes of her pants as Jon slowly rose, still rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand.

“Don’t worry,” he said and Sansa whirled round to glare at him as she shoved her bra on. “Arya has work in two hours. She won’t be out of her room for at least another hour, she has an adjoining bathroom remember.”

Sansa huffed as she threw her dress on and grabbed her cardigan.

“Hey Jon?” Arya called again from the direction of the living room. “You got a sec?”

“Uh, sure!” Jon called back, rising to shove some boxers on and his jeans. Sansa hovered back, making sure she couldn’t be seen from the door as Jon threw on a shirt and walked into the corridor, closing the door behind him.

“So, how come there is a woman’s jacket hanging up here?” came Arya’s voice and Sansa was glad she had only bought the jacket two days previous and Arya wouldn’t recognise it as hers. “Jon Snow, do you have a girl in your room?”

“Arya, can we not …don’t you have to get ready for work?”

“You’re not getting out of this that easy!” she said, her voice and footsteps closer, telling Sansa that Arya was at least retreating to her room. “We are so talking about this. Sam will explode at the thought of you having a hook up.”

“Go and get ready for work already!” he called after her.

“Is she a redhead?” Arya asked, her laugh cut off as she closed the door. Jon entered the room a second later, a bashful smile on his face.

“Sorry,” he muttered, glancing out into the corridor. “Coast is clear.”

She nodded, moving past him quickly and tip-toeing past Arya’s room. She grabbed her jacket, turning to Jon as she opened the door. Jon’s face was unreadable as she gave him an apologetic smile and she told herself that was why she leaned over and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. Just to let him know that she wasn’t angry at him for Arya bursting their moment.

“I’ll call you,” she whispered, quickly running down the hall and wondering what Margaery and Myranda would say if they caught her doing the walk of shame from Jon’s place.


	5. Sloth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff, fluff everywhere.  
> This one is dedicated to Jonsatrash who not only was the 69th comment on this fic but I was also her 69th message in her inbox (or reply, I can't remember. I just remember 69 lol) Only a small bit of smut though. Originally there was meant to be more (you can guess what was meant to be in it by the previous sentence :p) but it is set up for next chapter.  
> Finally, there are some Scottish phrases/terms some folk might not know about. So in Scotland, we call 'lunch' dinner and dinner 'tea', we call New Year 'Hogmanay' and Biffy Clyro are a huge Scottish band who play shirtless at every gig they do (and their music isn't bad either, they are touring the U.S at the moment).  
> Anything else you don't get, just ask :)

The next few days were so hectic, Sansa barely had time to sleep let alone contact Jon.

She had to hide her brand-new jacket away for a little while, in case Arya came around and recognised it. So, Sansa had then trailed through Glasgow on her day off, looking through charity shops for a cheap replacement.

She had then been working the next three days in a row but one colleague was on holiday and the other phoned in sick, meaning Sansa was left to do the full shift, from open to close three days straight and was catching her breaks when she could. She would be doing the same for her next three shifts at least.

Her feet were already killing her.

And she had promised she would adjust Jeyne's favourite dress by the weekend and she also had to sew her own sweater that had a hole in the armpit. On top of that, she had been applying for jobs and apprenticeships in the spare moments she had at home. As a result, she was barely eating as she tried to keep up with it all. She was supposed to be going Christmas shopping the next day but she couldn't be bothered now. It was only mid-November, still plenty of time to get organised.

She huffed as she finally entered the flat, falling against the door in exhaustion and kicking off her shoes. She just wanted to go to bed and sleep for the rest of the week. Or a glass of wine, wine sounded good right now. But she decided she should probably stick to tea, given the fact she hadn’t eaten anything substantial all day.

She jumped at the sound of her phone and dug through her bag to pull it out, smiling at Jon's name on the screen.

"Hey, you!"

"Sansa," he all but whispered. She frowned to herself at how panicky his voice was as she moved from the door and round the breakfast counter to put the kettle on. "I've been worried about you."

"Huh?" was all she could respond, balancing the phone between her shoulder and ear as she opened the fridge to grab the milk. She frowned at how empty the fridge was, realising shopping was something else she would need to sort out.

"I haven't heard anything from you since you stayed over," Jon explained. "I thought maybe you had freaked out with Arya being there. And how we woke up..." he trailed off nervously.

"Oh!" she said with a laugh pouring the water over her teabag. "No, I mean yeah, it was weird but I'm not angry. I'm sorry if you thought I was ignoring you. It has been so hectic lately, I've not spoken to anyone much this week."

"You alright?" he asked. Sansa shrugged but then remembered he couldn't see her.

"I'm exhausted," she said honestly with an embarrassed laugh.

"Sansa," Jon replied, his voice full of sympathy but an underlying tone of weariness. "You’ll make yourself ill."

"I know," she answered with more bite than she meant. “I’m doing the best I can!”

"Tell you what," Jon said after a moment. "Arya and Sam will be here tomorrow to keep Ghost company. So, I'll pop round tomorrow and make sure you're alright."

"Jon," she said warningly not wanting to accept his help although she had to admit that she felt touched at his concern.

"I'm worried about you," Jon replied firmly, making it clear he wasn't negotiating. “I’ll be over around eight.”

"Fine," she sighed with fake annoyance. But secretly, she was looking forward to being pampered.

Her mother fussed over her at home but more often than not Sansa would be helping out around the house or helping her mother cook for the family. Harry had sometimes spontaneously surprised her with dinner or a candlelit bath but that had been few and far between and she couldn't even remember the last time Harry had bothered about her happiness.

"Thanks Jon," she added, hoping he could tell she was smiling by her voice.

"You're welcome," he replied softly.

***

She laughed as she let Jon into the flat with him holding a carrier bag in each hand. Jon smiled at her, eyebrows lifting slightly at her pink pyjamas with the huge pug on the front.

"Cute," he grinned as he set the bags on the counter. She swatted his arm even as she bit back a smile. Jon caught her hand, his smile growing as he continued teasing her. "Look at you in your adorable pyjamas, looking all adorable!"

"Alright, alright!" she said, rolling her eyes as she moved to put the kettle on. She squealed as Jon curled a hand around her waist and pulled her back to him.

"What do you think you're doing?" he asked and she felt his smile against her cheek.

"Getting a cup of tea," she responded, wriggling in his grasp and trying to scowl at him but she couldn't fight her lips rising in another smile.

"Nope," Jon replied, turning her around with his arms still around her waist and steering her towards the couch. "You're staying here!" he continued, gently pushing her down to sit on the couch before going back to unpacking the bags.

She kicked her legs up and folded them around her, accepting defeat as she reached for her laptop to check her emails and enter another job search.

"Two sugars," she called out when she heard the kettle pop off. "And could you leave it in for..."

"Five minutes before adding the milk," Jon finished. "And you take three sugars by the way, but you tell everyone it is two."

She glanced back at him in surprise but Jon had his back to her as he went through her cupboards, setting up the things he needed.

"I thought you preferred tea from a teapot anyway," he said after a moment.

"Never got around to buying one," she responded, frowning at her laptop as it decided to take its time starting up. Jon merely hummed in acknowledgement.

"So, is a bacon roll okay for breakfast?"

"Mmm," Sansa replied, her mouth already watering at the thought.

"Here," Jon said, handing her the tea he had made. She grinned as she cradled it in both hands, savouring the warmth.

"Mmm," she repeated, eyes closing in bliss as she sipped. "Perfect!"

Jon smiled as he returned to the counter and switched the grill on. Soon, her stomach began to rumble as the smell of bacon filled the room. She had been living off tea and biscuits the last few days, ignoring her pangs of hunger in order to get on with her work or her ever-growing to do list. But now there was a decent food option in front of her, she was ready to practically inhale it.

Jon was at her cooker now, placing a large pan on the stove. She watched him cut up the carrots and onions on the chopping board. He looked up at her and she gave him a smile.

"I didn't have you down as a domesticated type," she joked.

"I taught myself to be useful," he replied with a shrug, throwing the chopped vegetables into the pot and pouring the stock he had already mixed in too.

Sansa bit her lip at the awkwardness she felt, looking back at her laptop to combat the feeling. She didn't know much about Jon's childhood but Robb had said he had been orphaned young and went into foster care. Jon barely talked about his experiences but every so often statements like what he had said now made her think that he may have never felt like he belonged anywhere. At least not until Robb came along and more or less adopted him into the Stark family. Everyone had welcomed Jon like a second son or brother.

Except her, she thought and it caused her cheeks to burn with shame. She could try and justify that she hadn't known about Jon's experiences but she also knew she had never made much effort with him when he visited. There was only so far her ignorance gave her an excuse to the fact she all but ignored Jon the whole time she had known him.

"I'm sorry," she blurted out suddenly. Jon paused from spreading butter on the rolls and looked over his shoulder at her in confusion. "I was such a bitch to you when you used to visit."

Jon laughed, shaking his head as he returned to his task. She picked up her empty cup and brought it up to the sink. Jon cast a sideways glance at her when she hovered and she grinned at his unspoken warning not to bother washing up. She went back to the couch.

"It doesn't matter," he said after a moment as he started putting the bacon on the rolls. "I hardly spoke to you either. I doubt that made a good impression to be fair."

He crossed over to the fridge to get the ketchup before making his way to the couch and handing her the roll. He shoved her feet off with a grin. She lifted her foot to playfully kick his side but Jon just grabbed it pulling it and then the other onto his lap.

She reached for the ketchup, pouring some on top of the bacon before offering it to Jon, who shook his head before starting to eat. Sansa took a bite of her own, a moan escaping and her eyes closing. Gods she loved bacon!

"Good?" Jon asked teasingly. Sansa swallowed her food down.

"Better than sex," she responded in deadpan, causing Jon to laugh, his hand covering his mouth to stop the crumbs flying out.

"I don't know whether I should be insulted or not!"

“I thought I made it obvious how much I enjoy sex with you,” she replied, rubbing her foot against his thigh and giving him a wink. “The bacon was just that awesome that it beats even your skills.”

Jon’s laugh died into a groan as she moved her foot higher, rubbing the bulge in his jeans.

“Sansa,” he moaned, moving her feet away from his growing erection and giving her a reproachful look. “I’m meant to be looking after _you_.”

“Sex relaxes you,” she continued, taking the last bite of her roll.

“Jesus, what have I unleashed?” Jon said with a laugh, shaking his head.

His eyes softened as he looked at her, reaching forward to touch the corner of her mouth and when she looked she saw the tiniest drop of ketchup on his finger. On instinct, she grasped his wrist gently and guided his finger to her lips, looking into his eyes as she sucked the tip of it in.

His lips parting in a slight ‘o’ and his eyes, pupils dilating instantly, were transfixed on her lips wrapped around his finger. She closed her eyes as she gave a long suck, moving her lips up and down, up and down.

Jon jerked suddenly as though breaking out of a trance and she grinned at him as he pulled his finger from her mouth.

“Gods do you have any idea what you do to me?” he whispered.

She managed to throw a teasing glance towards the bulge in his jeans before he was capturing her lips in a clash of teeth and tongue, pushing her back against the cushions. She moaned, parting her legs and wrapping them around his waist as he thrust against her.

“What about what you do to me?” she managed to ask, gasping as he kissed down her neck, finding her sweet spot by the top of her neck, close to the bottom of her ear. “I can’t even use my vibrator anymore without thinking about you.”

Jon groaned softly and then she felt his lips curving into a grin. “I am going to be thinking about you using that vibrator for the rest of the week.”

She moaned as he kissed her again, his hands tangling into her hair and his tongue curling around her own, stroking it gently. He moved back suddenly and she grabbed a fistful of his shirt, trying to pull him back down to her lips. He grinned at her, reaching back to untangle himself from her legs and arms.

“I need to make sure I don’t burn anything,” he explained with a small kiss to her lips. She whined, pouting at him as he moved off of her. Jon laughed, shaking his head at her again before heading back to the stove.

“I’m going to take a shower,” she said eventually, hauling herself up off the couch. She hadn’t meant it in a teasing manner, was just stating simply that was where she was going to be. But Jon looked at her over his shoulder, an eyebrow raised.

“Really? Are you enjoying teasing me?”

“Sorry,” she said with a grin. “You can join me if you like.”

“You wouldn’t end up very clean if I got in there with you,” he responded, stirring the soup he had made lazily.

“You can add the image of me naked in the shower to your dirty thoughts then,” she teased, going into the bathroom.

“Far too late for that!” he called after her, causing her to laugh.

After her shower, she changed back into her pyjamas since Jon had insisted this was a lazy day for her. She came back into the living room to see Jon chopping fruit this time and placing it in the blender. She walked up to him, letting her fingers trace along the material of his shirt, from hip to the small of his back. He glanced at her with a small smile.

“Feeling better?” he asked, switching the machine on.

She hummed against him, watching him for a moment. He smiled again before switching the machine off. She had hoped the shower would wake her up a bit, but the exhaustion of the last few days was still plaguing her and she barely stifled a yawn.

“Go and have a nap, I’ll come and wake you,” he said. She shook her head defiantly.

“I haven’t been able to sleep much. I’m too wound up,” she replied with a shrug.

Jon glanced at her for a moment, looking as though he was contemplating something. He then moved to switch the stove off before he took her wrist, pulling her to him again. He dropped his hands to her arse, and then hoisted her up. Her legs curled around his waist on instinct and she broke the kiss with a gasp. He moved through to her room, gently placing her on the bed.

She moaned as he kneeled at the end of the bed, so much like the night she first invited him round and she bit her lips in anticipation as he pulled her pyjama bottoms down. He placed his lips at her ankle, pressing kisses all the way up her leg until he reached her underwear. He grinned at her as his fingers traced the hem of them.

“Jon,” she moaned as he pulled them off.

He pushed her legs apart, hands resting at the top of her thighs, preventing her from closing herself from his gaze. She had lost count of how many times Jon had done this but she still flushed from the attention, the way he looked at her there, it was equal parts filthy and beautiful.

Jon held her legs apart with his shoulders as he started stroking her with his finger, spreading the wetness as it grew under his touch. Sansa gasped as he pushed his finger inside her, testing her. He pulled it out again, his thumbs moving to spread her lips open as he began his work, lapping at her like a man starved.

After he had worked her up to her first climax, he pulled back long enough to curl his hands under her knees. She started to form a question of what he was doing as he pushed her legs up to her chest and then spread them open again. But then all that she managed was a shocked gasp as his tongue returned, the angle spreading her further open to allow his tongue to curl inside of her. She flushed as her legs spread even wider on instinct, trying to get more, more, _more._

She gasped helplessly, hands flying up above her and then spreading out, trying to find something to tether her to reality as her second orgasm washed over her, leaving her shaking and moaning, her hips still pushing up against his mouth in desperation.

He pulled back again, placing kisses to her thighs as she came back down. But then he returned, licking slowly through her folds. She choked at how easily he pushed one, two, _three_ fingers inside of her, curling them in and out, in and out, as his tongue circled her clit over and over and over.

“It… I… I can’t…” she cried out even as her hands grasped his hair, all but shoving his head against her and her hips rolled, rolled, _rolled._

Her lips parted, a scream building inside of her but her voice was gone from the countless moans she had given him and only a choked gasp came out, her eyes clenching shut as she tensed around him.

Finally, Jon pulled back and away from her, resting his chin on her navel below her belly button as he lowered her legs back down. She opened her eyes, moaning helplessly at the sight of his mouth plump and wet from his exertions between her thighs. He grinned up at her as she fought to open her eyes again, her body boneless from her continuous orgasms.

“Sex relaxes you,” he repeated her earlier words smugly.

She lifted an arm lazily to hit him but was so exhausted she gave up and let it flop against the bed instead causing Jon to laugh. She felt him move, managing to lift her eyelids enough in order to see him close her curtains before her eyes drooped shut again. She felt Jon move her slightly in order to get the covers out from under her before pulling them up over her again.

“I’ll come wake you in a couple of hours,” he whispered. She barely managed a hum in response, already succumbing to sleep.

***

She awoke just as Jon was opening her door, a cup of tea in his hand. He smiled at her as he placed the cup on her bedside cabinet.

“Feeling better now?” he teased. Sansa scoffed as she pulled herself into a sitting position and reached for her tea.

“No,” she responded after a moment. He raised an eyebrow in response and she smirked. “I’ll feel awful if I don’t return the favour.”

“And they say men think about sex all the time,” he muttered but he was smiling all the same. “You’re insatiable!”

“Don’t be so good at it then,” she replied with a shrug. Jon laughed.

“I won’t give you anymore orgasms then. They only cause trouble.”

She gave him a mock pout over the rim of her cup and he just gave a cheeky shrug in return. She shook her head, snorting at him.

“You’re such a dork,” she said, putting her cup back down in order to allow her to get out of her bed. Jon’s grin only widened.

“You say that as an insult but surely it is worse if you’re hooking up with a dork then?”

“Smart arse,” she muttered as she pulled on another pair of pants and her pyjama bottoms and went to get her tea again.

She followed him through to the living room area, plopping herself down at the counter and watching as he started ladling the soup into bowls. She felt her stomach growling again as the smell hit her nostrils.

“So, I’ve made enough that you can take some to your work tomorrow,” he said as he placed the bowl in front of her and moved to sit next to her with his own. “And I’ve made a couple of smoothies so you have no excuse not to have breakfast the next couple of days.”

“Thank you, Jon,” she replied, giving his shoulder a squeeze. He shrugged, blowing on his spoon.

“I’m not going to let you get so stressed out that you can’t look after yourself,” he replied.

It was a sweet thing to say but she felt like he was determinedly not looking at her as he said them, his eyes staring into his soup even though he definitely knew she was looking at him. She murmured her thanks again anyway as she started eating her own soup.

Once they were done, Jon took the bowls over to the sink and she moved back to the couch, taking Jeyne’s dress and moving to her sewing machine in the corner. Luckily, she hadn’t switched it on as the letterbox suddenly thundered open and crashed back against the door, causing her to jump. Jon picked the letters up, handing them to her before going back to the sink. She reminded herself to buy a dishwasher.

She placed the letters to the side as she began working on Jeyne’s dress. She glanced at Jon every so often, smiling at how he puttered around the kitchen, putting everything back and wiping her cooker and countertops. He went through to chuck the dirty cloths and towels in the laundry hamper in the bathroom and came back, watching her from the doorway.

“I better go and relieve Sam and Arya from dog-sitting duties,” he said. “There’s a pizza made up in the fridge, just chuck it in the oven later on. And I’ve made some bolognaise for your tea tomorrow. Garlic bread is in the fridge to go with it.”

"You’re the best Jon!” she said as she switched off the sewing machine and moved to give him a hug, squeezing him tightly. He curled his arms around her squeezing her back for a moment until she pulled back.

“Hopefully, you’ll get some more sleep tonight,” he added with a small smile as he left.

***

It was five in the evening by the time she finished both Jeyne’s dress and her sweater. She gave her sister-in-law a quick text to let her know her dress was ready and then moved to get the pizza Jon had made up to put in the oven.

While she waited for it to heat up, she moved to her mail, prepared for the disappointment of bills. Sure enough, there was one from the Student Loans Company, which she threw straight in the bin and pretended not to know anything about it. Thank goodness she won’t have to worry about that for another few years, if ever seeing as how well her job search was going.

The other was her electricity bill and then a leaflet for the local Chinese restaurant down the street. She laughed to herself since if Jon hadn’t come round with actual food that had actual substance she would have been phoning them. She placed the bill on the counter to check later and threw the leaflet in the bin before looking at the last one.

She froze at the Ticketmaster logo on the front, a small groan leaving her as she realised what it was. She had bought tickets for Hogmanay in Edinburgh months ago, when she was still with Harry. Her favourite band were playing and Harry had the time off and had happily agreed to go with her since he liked them well enough too. With everything that was going on, she had completely forgotten to ask someone else to go with her instead.

She put the letter down and grabbed her phone to go onto the group chat on facebook and asking her friends if they were able to come along. She placed her phone down as she moved to get the oven gloves and pull the pizza out of the oven. She heard her phone buzz but ignored it for the moment as she moved to put the pizza on the plate and opened the drawer for the cutter. Her phone buzzed again.

Once she had cut the pizza, she grabbed her phone and sat herself down at the breakfast counter again, typing her password in with one hand while eating the pizza with the other.

_Jeyne: Aww I love Biffy! But Robb and I are going to Ireland to my parents for New Year, sorry sweetie :(_

Sansa knew that already so she wasn’t too put out by Jeyne not managing. But as the messages kept coming she began losing hope.

_Myranda: I would honey but I’m on call at New Year so can’t go out of Glasgow, sorry!_

_Margaery: Sorry sweetie, Tommen and I booked a trip to London last minute. His parents live down there so I’m going to meet them. Aaahhhh!_

_Arya: Biffy Clyro suck!_

_Arya: … But if you really can’t find anyone else, I’ll come._

She sighed, letting her phone drop on the counter. She appreciated Arya’s sacrifice but she knew that she wouldn’t enjoy it as much if Arya wasn’t really happy to be there. She picked her phone up again.

_Sansa: Can you think of anyone who likes Biffy I could ask?_

_Myranda: Umm… sorry can’t think of anyone._

_Jeyne: Ygritte does_

_Jeyne: But I doubt you would feel comfortable going with her._

_Myranda: Lol!_

_Arya: Why? What is wrong with Ygritte? I liked her well enough…_

_Jeyne: Nothing._

_Myranda: Nothing!_

_Jeyne: They hardly know each other is all I meant._

_Arya: oh. Well I was going to say Jon actually but then, I know you don’t get on with him._

Oh, I get on much better with him now, Sansa thought with a small snort of laughter. Her eyes widened as she saw Myranda was typing something but then thankfully it disappeared again. For all the brashness of Myranda and how she loved to tease people, she did know when to reign it in most of the time and thankfully this appeared to be one of those times. Or maybe, she realised Arya didn’t know about her and Jon hooking up. Either way she was grateful.

_Sansa: Jon and I get on better recently actually._

_Myranda opened a new chat with you._

_Myranda: I bet you are! ;) ;)_

Sansa rolled her eyes but was glad Myranda had had the sense to wind her up in a private chat. She made sure to cross it out and return to the group chat again.

_Arya: Yeah? Well I can ask him if you want?_

_Sansa: I’ll message him, it’s fine._

_Arya… you have his number? Since when?_

Shit she thought in a panic, trying to think of a plausible time and reason that Jon and her would have exchanged numbers but nothing came to mind that Arya would believe. She wondered if she should just come out and tell her that her and Jon were fuck buddies when her phone buzzed again.

_Jeyne: I gave her it. Since Harry moved out I figured she would need a number of a reliable tradesman in case she needed anything._

_Myranda: Jon a plumber by any chance? Lol!_

_Arya: Gross! Stop talking about Jon in a porny way please!_

_Myranda: I never mentioned porn!_

_Arya: Please! Plumber! Really?_

Sansa chuckled to herself as she closed the group, deciding to let Arya and Myranda decide themselves how subtle the latter was being. She opened up her contacts to find Jon’s number, pressing the dial button and listening to it ring.

“Hey,” he greeted on the third ring.

“Hi, so this is a weird thing to ask I know,” she said quickly, figuring it was better to get the awkward asking over with. “But I booked tickets for the Hogmanay party in Edinburgh months ago, before I broke up with Harry. But with everything that was going on I forgot to ask someone else and the girls all have plans. But Arya said you liked them so I thought… if you don’t have plans ... maybe…” she cringed at herself, trailing off in embarrassment.

“Yeah, sure,” he responded almost instantly. “I wanted to go actually but the tickets sold out ages ago.”

“Awesome,” she grinned but then she remembered something else, her cheeks burning as she continued. “Uhh… I booked a hotel for Harry and I… I know that might be weird so if you want me to see if there is another room I could …”

“No that’s fine,” he responded quickly and she could vaguely hear noises in the background telling her that he was probably in the living room with Arya or Sam or perhaps both. “Give me a second,” he added and she assumed he was going through to his room.

“Sorry, I didn’t want to say much in front of Arya since I know you haven’t told her anything about us,” he said after a moment. “But yeah, don’t worry about the hotel, they’ll be booked out now and if they aren’t they’ll be extortionate. Besides, we’ve shared a bed plenty of times.”

“Yeah but …” she began but then couldn’t really figure out why she thought it was weird. Sure, it had been booked when she was part of a couple but then it wasn’t really any different to Jon fucking her in the bed she had shared with Harry once either. Yet at the same time, perhaps it was the fact that this was something directly related to her past relationship that made her think he might not want to share a bed with her.

“I’ll drive us there and back,” he added. “Just let me know what I owe you.”

“Oh no, it was already paid anyway!” she replied but she could practically hear Jon shaking his head on the other end.

“Absolutely not! I’ve seen how exhausted you are working away, I’m not going to let you lose out on your hard-earned cash. If you don’t tell me, I’ll just transfer the equivalent of what it is worth now!”

“Just pay me for the ticket,” she said eventually and cut off the beginning of his protest. “We’re even with the petrol I’ll owe you anyway. That is final!”

“Fine,” he sighed but she could imagine him smiling anyway.

“The pizza was awesome by the way!”

“I just threw stuff on a shop bought base,” he laughed. “But figured it was better than takeaway.”

“I definitely owe you for today,” she continued, hoping her voice sounded teasing enough. He was silent on the other end for the moment, possibly trying to work out if she was flirting or genuinely thinking she owed him something.

“And how would you repay me?” he responded in a low voice. She grinned at how quickly he could read her.

“How would you like me to repay you? I have a few ideas myself, such as a repeat performance of your place. She heard him swallow on the other end.

“Yeah?” he whispered. “But then, I just want to return the favour after too. We seem to have an endless cycle going on here.”

“We could…” she started, trailing off with a blush at the sudden thought that came to mind.

“We could?” Jon probed but she could feel his smirk as he teased her, knowing full well what she was about to say.

“We could … at the same time…”

“Arya says if you can’t say it you shouldn’t be doing it,” he quipped.

“I’m going to pretend you haven’t had weird sex conversations with Arya,” she responded with a grimace and Jon laughed.

“No, not me. That was her advice to Sam when he and Gilly started having sex and Sam could barely talk about anything to do with it.

“Okay, I’m just going to pretend my little sister is not giving sex education lessons to _anyone!_ ” she replied even as she smiled.

“Yeah but going by her advice,” he continued. “are you saying you want to suck me off while I eat you out?”

“You could just say do you wanna try sixty-nineing,” she said with a roll of her eyes.

“Don’t roll your eyes at me,” he snapped playfully. “And don’t pretend you don’t love my dirty mouth.”

Her breath hitched as memories of his dirty, filthy mouth working on her over and over this afternoon. She could feel herself getting wet again at the thought.

“You know I do,” she replied but her inexperience was weighing on her mind again and she was so worried she would make a fool of herself that she quickly changed the subject while trying to keep it flirty. “But you’ll just have to wait until we’re free again to remind me how much I love it. Maybe I’ll remind you how much you love my mouth too.”

“You’re a fucking tease, do you know that?” he responded but she detected the fondness in his voice. She grinned.

“Goodnight Jon.”

“Goodnight Sansa.”


	6. I want to do bad things to you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I got tired of the deadly sins lol. Although there is definitely one more to use :P
> 
> And okay I know maybe a lot of folk wanted a sexy 69 scene. But I'm trying to show Sansa learning to let go with sex, that she doesn't have to be good and perfect and if she doesn't like something she doesn't have to feel bad about it.

She smiled at the meme Jon sent her of a couple of huskies, expressions relating to a terrible joke. Underneath Jon had written a quick message.

_I hope you're feeling less stressed today :)_

She grinned, quickly typing out a reply.

_Was fine until that terrible joke. That is so something you would say :p_

_You wound me._

_I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I'll make it up to you ;)_

_Oh? Do tell how you might be doing that._

She bit her lip, feeling her fingers hover over the buttons of her phone. She was still worried about making a fool of herself, still not sure of what to say. But she figured she was more of a doer than a say-er anyway so she tipped the phone up to a better angle, resting her thumb on her bottom lip, enough to part them slightly, teasingly and her eyes looking up into the camera in feigned innocence. She snapped the photo and quickly sent it to him.

_I just can’t think of anything. Can you?_

The bell above the door pinged as a customer entered, shaking Sansa from her thoughts. She smiled brightly and slid her phone underneath her desk, her smile growing as it buzzed twice in quick succession. Her heart was pounding as she served the customer, surprised her voice remained calm as she bid them goodbye. It was one thing to exchange flirty, borderline dirty messages when they were in their respective homes. But when they were both working…it thrilled Sansa more than she ever thought it would.

_Those innocent blue eyes aren’t fooling me sweetheart._

_I know exactly what you want to do with that pretty mouth of yours._

She felt the air leave her lungs, her heart still pounding with the thrill of it all. She didn’t know how Jon could be so wonderfully filthy but sweet at the same time. He had a way of making her feel desirable with the simplest of words and one look from those stormy grey eyes. Of all the men Sansa had had chatting her up, in all her time with Harry, she had never felt quite like this. She just felt like a pretty doll, to be admired and shown off. Not like a woman, in control of her own body and enjoying sex. She was glad she had trusted Jon to push her, raise her confidence and test her curiosity with. He wasn’t judgemental of her inexperience, he never pushed her for anything and even when he was saying such dirty things to her it was never cruel or beyond what Sansa would like.

_“He could be a real sexual awakening for you.”_

She smiled to herself as Myranda’s words all those weeks ago came back to her. She definitely needed to get that girl a wine hamper as a thank you. Jon was definitely igniting her sexual desires and she had not been disappointed in anything yet. Although, she was still nervous about trying new things, she felt comfortable to embrace the adventures with Jon.

_I’ll use mine if you use yours._

His reply was almost instant.

_Thought that was what we were planning anyway ;)_

She bit her lip, wishing it was the Wednesday already when she was off again and she could ask him round. Gods, she needed him, needed to hear his rough voice, feel his fingers rubbing her, his tongue caressing her.

_Are you free on Wednesday?_

She moved to put the leftover soup Jon had made into the microwave to heat up, her stomach already rumbling at the thought of the tasty meal. She was just taking it out again when her phone buzzed under the counter. She put the bowl down and quickly went back out the front to unlock her phone.

_Yes, I’ll be there around 6.30 :)_

***

She was looking forward to seeing Jon but she still couldn’t fight her nervousness. She had never done anything like this before, had barely had the courage to give Harry a blow job and always feeling like she wasn’t doing it right. While Jon’s reaction to her mouth had been encouraging, she wasn’t sure if she could give him such a performance while she was distracted with him between her own legs. She had paced around the flat, barely able to concentrate on anything. She had been doing more job searches to try and clear her head but had had to give up on that too before she put something stupid in an application.

She jumped at the sound of her buzzer even though she had been watching the clock constantly, her brain hadn’t really taken it in. She quickly allowed Jon entry, unlocking the door and leaving it on the catch, walking around to the other side of the counter. She must have still looked worried as Jon paused in the doorway, slowly closing the door behind him even as his eyes never left hers.

“You alright?”

“Just nervous,” she replied. She couldn’t help but smile at how easy she could admit her nerves and insecurities with Jon. Harry had always insisted she should just face her fears head on and learn as she went. She didn’t think it was meant to hurt her, it was just how Harry had done things himself.

“I haven’t done it either,” he said after a moment. She raised her eyebrows and he must have caught her look as he raised his own. “What? Do you think I’m some sort of sex maniac or something?” he added with a nervous laugh.

“You’re more experienced,” she replied simply with a shrug of her shoulders.

“I just like to please,” he responded, shrugging his own shoulders. Sansa couldn’t help the smile as she came around the counter and stepped up to him, tugging on the material of his shirt.

“You certainly do,” she grinned up at him before pulling him down for a kiss.

He responded easily, hands curling around her waist and cupping her neck to pull her closer. She pulled back, regarding him with half-lidded eyes as she walked backwards towards the hallway. Jon smirked, grasping her hand and pulling her to him, lifting her up like he had done the other day when he had been looking after her. She gave his earlobe a gentle bite, causing him to pause and slam her against the wall as he regained her balance. Her legs fell open around his waist, allowing him to fall against her core and eliciting a groan from them both.

“Jon,” she gasped, hands curling into his hair as he nipped at her neck.  And then suddenly, his hands cupped her arse, lifting her up again and pushing her through her bedroom door. He laid her down on the bed gently, following her form to kiss her again.

She ran her hands over his back as his hips started to rut against her. His hands moved to the hem of her sweater, tugging up in silent request. She broke the kiss, sitting up enough for him to pull the garment over her head while she began unbuttoning his shirt, pushing it off his shoulders just as he unclasped her bra. He cupped her breasts gently, thumbs rolling the nipples into hard peaks and she moaned in encouragement. He kissed a trail down her neck until he reached her breasts, kissing the top of them before suckling on her right nipple and then on the left.

Her hands dropped to his jeans, undoing the button and shoving them down. He pulled back to look at her as she dipped her hand into his boxers, grasping him and moving her hand up and down. He cupped her face again before placing a kiss to her lips. He pulled back far enough to undo her own jeans, fingers fumbling as she tightened her grip. He growled playfully at her before dipping his own fingers down, brushing them against her curls.

She released him and pulled at his wrist to get him to pull back so she could shove her jeans down. He grabbed them at the end of her legs, pulling them off for her and then settling back between her legs. She glanced away shyly, biting her lip.

“How do we…?” she started, glancing back at him. Jon regarded her for a moment.

“Umm, we could try it on our sides?” he suggested eventually. “Or you on top of me. Whatever you want.”

“Okay,” she responded vaguely as she tried to think of what would be best. “Can we…try our sides first?”

Jon nodded, gently coaxing her into the position and curling around her. He reached forward, his right hand grasping her hip while the fingers of his left hand trailed through her folds. She moaned softly, her own hands taking position on his hip and his sex. She felt him part her legs and then his tongue swiping through her. She bucked, fingers digging into his hip which caused him to moan against her. She took a deep breath before taking the head of his cock in her mouth. Jon groaned again, louder and his own fingers dug in. It was too distracting she thought with a frown, trying to concentrate. But the rhythm wasn’t working and she ended up pulling off of him with a pop.

“It isn’t working,” she huffed. Jon pulled back as well, rolling on to his back to regard her. He opened his mouth to say something but she clambered over him, turning so she could face his cock again. She threw a look over her shoulder. “Let us try this way!”

“Sure,” Jon replied, his eyes staring at her sex distractedly.

She gave a small chuckle and then engulfed him again. But again, she just couldn’t concentrate on him when he was kissing her there and when she could take him, it faltered her rhythm too. She huffed again, pulling back and rolling off. Jon glanced at her and when she looked at him, he was smiling. She glared at him, feeling stupid and embarrassed before rolling so her back was to him. Jon followed her, placing a kiss to the crown of her head.

“Sansa,” he said gently. “Its alright.” She snorted, glaring at the wall. His hand stroked her hip softly and she could feel him staring at her intently. She blinked, surprised at the tears that had gathered from her embarrassment, wiping at them harshly. Jon kissed her hair again.

 “Sometimes, things don’t work and that is okay. Sex is meant to be fun too.”

She nodded absently, still feeling stupid as Jon pulled at her hip forcing her onto her back so she had to look at him. He kissed her cheeks and then trailed down to her breasts, teasing her nipples with his tongue until she sighed contentedly.

“Better?” he teased, kissing a trail down to her navel. She felt herself smiling despite herself and gave a playful shrug.

“A little, I might still need some cheering up though.”

Jon grinned. “I’ll see what I can do.”

***

It was the first time Jon had stayed over at hers since Sam was going to be at the flat overnight. He hadn’t assumed to stay, had originally intended to leave like normal. But they had just ended up spending most of the evening engaging in post sixty-nine foreplay. They had tried it one more time but Sansa had still gotten frustrated at it and they had decided to leave it as just an experiment in the end. At least this time, they had descended into laughter with Sansa saying she couldn’t believe there was something he wasn’t a natural at after all. He had given her bottom a playful swat and then proceeded to make up for his previously failed attentions. She had lost count of how many times he had had his mouth on her last night.

Eventually they had drifted into a light nap and when Jon had awoken an hour later she had felt him roll away from her. She had turned and clasped his wrist, telling him he could stay if he wanted to. Jon had hesitated for a moment before he had sent a quick text to Sam and then sliding back under the covers.

She awoke before her alarm, her eyes catching the neon lights of her alarm clock. Ten minutes before her alarm was due to go off. She could feel Jon behind her, his soft breathing telling her he was still asleep. Unlike last time, he was on his back with an arm thrown above his head, which was turned towards her. She bit her lip, remembering how many times he had made up for those failed sixty-nine attempts and she had barely done anything.

She moved slowly, sliding the covers down to reveal his cock, already half hard. She slid down, careful not to wake him as she gently parted his thighs. She moaned around him as she took the head in her mouth, her fingers resting at the top of his thighs. She heard him inhale sharply as he was pulled from sleep, watching him arch as his body woke and responded. She gave a long suck, he cursed, and she pulled off with a pop.

“Good morning,” she grinned up at him.

“Mmm, certainly is,” he replied, groaning as she engulfed him again. He liked when she looked at him doing this, she had found so she made sure to look up at his face every time she swallowed him down. He gasped as she took more of him in although she still gagged when she attempted to take anymore. Jon caressed her cheek and when she looked up he was looking at her tenderly.

“You don’t have to take it all,” he whispered, pushing the hair from her face. Sansa grinned mischievously.

“Practice makes perfect,” she retorted before descending on him again.

***

“Stark!” Myranda yelled down the phone when Sansa picked it up on Friday evening, holding the phone to her ear as she locked the shop. “Where are you?”

“What?”

“St Andrews Day night out, remember? We’re at Margaery’s and we are starting this party right now!”

“Oh, shoot!” Sansa cried out, slapping a hand to her forehead. “I totally forgot. Let me get home and changed and I can meet you in town?”

“You’ll have a lot of catching up to do!” Myranda cackled before hanging up.

Sansa sighed to herself before quickly walking to the taxi rank, thankful that it was payday. Normally, she was quite fiscal and get the bus but since she was going to have to meet her friends relatively quickly, she had to take the quicker option home. She gave the driver her address, digging out her keys and purse so she could quickly get out and get herself sorted.

Once in her flat, she threw her shoes off and quickly went through to her room to pick out a dress. With it being St Andrews night on Monday, and a bank holiday, they had all agreed to have a night out on the Friday for the first time in ages but Sansa had been so busy she had forgotten about it. She supposed that was what Jon was talking about when he said about waiting to see how he felt. She grinned at the thought of Jon being there and picked out her blue body-con dress, the colour bringing out her eyes. She changed her underwear into her (and Jon’s) favourite black pair and, after a moment’s hesitation, leaned back on the bed and snapped a pic from her neck down and then angled the camera behind her, capturing the lacy material at her hip. She sent it to Jon quickly with a quick message, letting him know what she was wearing under her dress. She smiled as her phone buzzed as she brushed through her hair until it shone in the light and left it down, hanging over her shoulders. She applied a couple of coats of mascara and then her lip gloss, squirting a bit of perfume on before grabbing her phone.

_Jesus Sansa. I’m going to get hard in front of your friends and Robb and Arya!_

She laughed, picturing him sitting with his right leg crossed over to rest on top of the other, hiding his arousal as the others puttered around. It was quite thrilling having such power, knowing that a man desired her and she could drive him mad. She knew now why Jon seemed to love trying to push her boundaries and saying such deliciously filthy things to her. Being desired so much was a lovely feeling.

Feeling bold, she hiked her dress up and let her hand drift to the hem of her underwear, fingers lightly teasing the material. She bit her lip as she picked up her phone again. She let her hand slip underneath to rest at the top of her sex but careful not to touch in case she ended up needing to take care of herself before leaving. But it was enough to give Jon a clear mental image and she quickly took a snap and sent it to him.

She quickly phoned a taxi, grabbing her lip gloss and purse while she waited. She threw on her jacket and a scarf over the top, grabbing her keys and gloves just as the buzzer went to alert her that her taxi arrived. Her phone buzzed at the same time.

_Fuck Sansa!_

_I am going to make you pay for this!_

She grinned, a giddy feeling running through her at the thought of how he could make her pay, thinking of when he had swatted her arse playfully the other night. Her cheeks flushed as she remembered Myranda once talking about how a guy she had been dated had spanked her until she was literally dripping on the bed. She wondered if Jon would want to try that out too.

She wondered how far she could push to get him to do it.

***

She should have known by now how easy it was to get Jon riled up. But she had to admit, she quite liked leaving him in a mess like he so often did with her.

She had started subtly. When she had arrived at the bar, she had hugged everyone but had deliberately pretended to trip when she went to hug Jon, forcing him to catch her and her breasts pushed against his chest.

“Ooops,” she giggled brightly. “I had a couple of glasses of wine before I left,” she added catching Myranda and Margaery winking and tipping their glass respectively. Jon’s jaw had tensed as Robb had laughed but beside him she saw Jeyne watching her intently, a small frown on her face. She decided to ignore it for now as she started her game.

She sat next to Jon, pressing his thigh right against him. There was nothing off about that to Robb or Arya, it was a tight space at the table. But when Arya would go to the bathroom or to the bar, and Robb was distracted with Jeyne, she would move her thigh to rub against him. And eventually, she started placing her palm on his thigh. She didn’t move it, just let it linger like a promise.

She could tell he wanted to tell her to reign it in but he couldn’t without drawing attention to them. And when she turned to face him, she felt herself grow wet at the intense look on his face. She licked her lips teasingly as she removed her thigh as she caught Arya returning to the table.

There was a point later when Myranda had went looking for a hook-up and Robb, Jeyne and Margaery were on the dance floor, Arya at the bar when they were alone. He had grabbed her wrist as she had started trailing up his thigh again. She spoke before he could.

“I am so wet for you,” she purred. His eyes widened, his lips parting. For a moment, he just stared at her before he seemed to take a long breath.

“You come in looking like that,” he muttered, eyes trailing down her body in a way that made her insides ignite. “Knowing I can’t just rip it off you. And you taunt me with your hands knowing I’d get hard in front of them.” He tilted his head in the direction of the dancefloor to indicate their friends. She licked her lips again, eyes fixed on his lips.

“Shame about that,” she murmured, eyes trailing up to meet his. His nostrils flared and he inhaled sharply.

“I’m going to leave,” he said firmly but she grinned, knowing there was more to come. “And you are going to leave in ten minutes and meet me at the taxi rank.”

“Oh? But I want to have fun,” she responded with a pout. He grinned, a flash of his teeth.

“We’ll be having plenty of fun sweetheart,” he replied. “We’re going to go to yours and I am going to fuck you.”

“Gods yes,” she gasped eagerly watching him finish his pint before saying goodbye to their friends and giving her a wink as he left the bar.

***

She gasped, the sound captured in Jon’s mouth as he pushed her against her door. He groaned deeply, his tongue pushing past her lips as his hips rutted against her. She was surprised they made it out of the taxi still clothed to be honest.

“You’ve been teasing me all night,” he muttered before diving for her lips again. Sansa managed to pull back from his kiss to look him in the eyes, biting her lip in feigned innocence.

“Have I been a bad girl?” she purred. Jon’s eyes widened, his hands digging into her hips as he regarded her, trying to ensure how serious she was. She licked her lips, fingers tracing along his shirt in what she hoped was open invitation to continue this particular game. Jon swallowed, his voice low with desire.

“A very bad girl,” he whispered, moving back to give her a mock look of disapproval. “I think you need to be punished.”

She managed to bite back her groan and had enough wits left to push him back a bit so that she could open the door, tossing her coat and bag to the floor as Jon slammed the door behind him, grabbing her and shoving her up against it, tongue curling inside her mouth when her lips parted in a gasp.

“Are you going to punish me?” she asked, feeling the rush of wetness between her legs at the thought. Jon grinned, showing his teeth like a predator.

“Bedroom,” he commanded, pulling her through to her room. She turned to him as he closed the door and he lifted his eyebrows. “Strip.”

She bit her lip as she sat on her bed, her shaking fingers going to the buckle on her shoe.

“Leave them on,” Jon said suddenly, his hand braced on the door and his almost black eyes watching her intently.

Sansa felt her breath hitch, her cheeks flushing with desire as her fingers went instead to the hem of her dress, pulling it up and over her head. She glanced at him, watching him stare at her as she stood in her underwear before his eyes rose to her face, eyebrows rising slightly to remind her of his earlier command. She reached back to unhook her bra and let it slip off her arms. She hooked her thumbs into her underwear and yanked them down, kicking them off her shoes to lie abandoned on the floor.

“Bend over your bed,” he demanded, finally moving from the door to circle behind her.

She could feel his eyes watching her as she took her position, burying her cheek against the cool sheet in order to try and shake the heat she felt on them. She bit her lip again as his hand appeared beside her face, grasping the covers to steady himself as the other trailed down her back with a feather-light touch.

She jerked slightly when his hand came to rest on the small of her back and down to grasp one of her arse cheeks, kneading the skin. She grinned at the groan he tried to hide but her head was turned towards him and he must have caught her amusement as he leaned forward, nipping at her ear.

“You better not be finding your punishment amusing,” he muttered and she groaned at the huskiness in his voice, shaking her head in response to encourage him. She felt him grin against her before he placed a kiss to her forehead. “Good.”

His first strike on her arse was quite gentle, a tease really. She gasped all the same, her fingers clenching in the sheets as her hips bucked. His palm came down again, slightly harder and she squirmed, surprised at how much she liked this. He started a rhythm, spanking her in quick succession until she was whimpering and squirming on the bed, her arse on fire. She was soaking between her thighs and moaned helplessly when he flipped her over, hands pulling the zipper of his jeans down, pushing the clothing down harshly and then his boxers, his cock already hard.

“Look what you did,” he growled, grabbing a condom from the drawer. “I was hard all night because of your teasing, And I couldn’t do anything abut it.”

Sansa moaned, parting her legs in anticipation as he put the condom on. His eyes dropped to her cunt at the movement and he unconsciously licked his lips before meeting her eyes again, a grin rising on his lips.

“You’re soaking,” he whispered as he settled between her thighs, fingers trailing through her folds. “Did you like being spanked?”

“Yes,” she moaned, pushing her hips up to grind against him, her legs hooking around him to pull him closer. He hissed as the heel of her shoe brushed over his shirt but the black of his dilated pupils told her he didn’t mind much.

“Filthy girl,” he muttered as he pushed a finger inside of her, groaning at the sound of her wetness. She mewled helplessly, feeling so close to the edge already that it wouldn’t take long. But she didn’t want his finger.

“A filthy girl,” she agreed, her voice dying into another groan when he pushed another finger in. She turned her head into the sheets, trying to compose herself enough to continue. “A filthy girl who desperately needs you inside of her.”

“I am inside you,” he countered, fingers curling to prove his point and it made Sansa’s hips buck again.

“Your cock Jon,” she hissed, managing to level him with a glare to show her impatience. Jon grinned, in response before leaning down to kiss her again as he entered her.

She lifted her legs slightly, her knees resting up by his elbow. Jon tossed his head back with a choked whimper as he ended up deeper inside her as a result and then he moved his hands, the left clenched in the sheets by her head, the other holding the back of her right knee as his hips continued to pump into her. Her own hands curled under his arms, clutching his shoulder and pulling him close as they moved together. Jon was panting harshly in her ear and she could feel the sweat running down the side of his neck and the sweat dripping off her own forehead. The sudden urge to lick him struck her and she trailed her tongue along his neck to his jaw. He whimpered again, his hips moving faster, movements becoming jerkier as he approached his release. She groaned as his hand slipped down, rubbing her into a release.

“Gods Sansa,” he gasped. “I…” he bit into her shoulder with a groan, hips jerking once, twice as he emptied himself into the condom.

For a moment, they lay there in contentment. Sansa unconsciously trailed her fingers through Jon’s curls as he buried his face in her neck, his breathing slowly returning to normal. She hummed lowly as she felt Jon withdraw from her and move to dispose of the condom. She smiled at him as he turned to look at her.

“I uh, I told Arya I was going to see that girl I hooked up with,” he said sheepishly. “Just in case she got home before I did.”

“Has she been harassing you?” she asked as she passed to go to the bathroom, the clink of her shoes reminding her she still had them on. Jon laughed, moving to speak to her through the door.

“It has been awful!” he admitted. “Her and Sam have been asking so many questions and I’ve had to keep in my room to avoid them. They just can’t believe I’m hooking up with someone.”

He moved away as she reappeared. She smiled at him as she went back to the bedroom, the chill of the night causing her to quickly unclasp her shoes and duck under the covers. She glanced over to him, watching him hover in the doorway.

“You know, you don’t have to go home at all,” she responded sleepily, turning the covers up invitingly. Jon licked his lips, a small smile coming to him as he unbuttoned his shirt, letting it fall to the floor as he crossed over the room and settled down beside her. She hummed again in contentment at the heat coming off his body. She had always felt the cold more sharply than her siblings, only her mother had been as sensitive to the cold as she. But Jon was warm and inviting and she found herself pulling his arm around her, smiling as his own contented hum filled her ears.


	7. Birthday Boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, I had two essays due this Monday just passed. There is plenty smut and fluff to make up for it. Although it is dramatic at the end, just saying :p

She groaned at the vibration that echoed on the cabinet surface followed by the ting which drove through her skull. She heard Jon groan softly at the sound too before he nuzzled closer in his sleepy daze. She blindly pulled herself up, ignoring Jon's sleepy protest at the movement. She stretched over him, the movement causing her ass to press against his cock. Jon moaned softly, hand falling from her hip to her thigh from the movement even as he succumbed to sleep again. She grabbed her phone off the nightstand and pressed the home button, the sudden light assaulting her eyes and causing her to wince. Jon groaned again.

"Turn it off," he muttered sleepily, burying his head in the pillow to shield him from the light. "What time is it?" he added.

"Four fifteen," she replied as her eyes adjusted enough to look at the screen again to see a message from Arya. Figures, she thought. Arya never had a concept of time when she had been drinking.

"Urgh," Jon muttered in disgust. "Why?"

She smiled to herself at his antics. His grumpiness was kind of cute. She clicked on her messages to open it.

_Sans. can’t remember if I told you or not. Since its Jon's birthday tomorrow Sam and I decided he should get a cake and a chilled night with his mates. Figured you might wanna come around? let me know :)_

She blinked, frowning at the text and then looking to Jon who had seemingly fallen back asleep. He hadn't said anything about his birthday to her. And now she felt terrible that she didn't even remember it. She had made him a birthday cake the first year he visited the Stark house, after Robb had told her that Jon hadn't had a birthday cake since he was five. But when Jon hadn't said anything, not even a thank you she had decided not to bother again and had consequently forgotten his birthday.

She sent a quick text to Arya to let her know that she would be there before throwing her phone under her pillow. She flopped back down on the bed, chewing her bottom lip thoughtfully. Even though his birthday was tomorrow she figured Jon would be touched if she did something today for him. She wouldn't have time to buy him anything particularly great but she could easily go to the Tesco a couple of streets down later and buy a card and things to make him breakfast. She wondered if she should get another cake for him. She supposed there was no such thing as too much cake, especially if there were lemons in it.

"Shhh," Jon murmured suddenly and Sansa chuckled, thinking he was sleep talking. "I can hear you thinking."

"Sorry," she whispered, settling back on her side and closing her eyes. As sleep started to overcome her, she unconsciously pulled his hand back up to rest on her stomach.

***

It was lighter when she woke again, Jon's arm still around her. She reached under her pillow to check the time on her phone.

7.43am.

She gently moved Jon's hand, smiling as he whined in his sleep, brows furrowing endearingly as he unconsciously moved closer. She pulled the covers up, shivering as the morning air hit her naked skin. She quickly padded to her drawers and grabbed some underwear. She glanced back at Jon as she gave herself a quick spray of deodorant. He had rolled onto his stomach, one hand outstretched to her empty spot. He was quite adorable, all snuggled in her bed she thought as she pulled her leggings on and threw a sweater dress over herself.

She took her favourite white beanie hat and shoved it on her head. She would brush her hair later but she figured there was no point doing so now as she was sure Jon was going to be messing it up when she returned anyway.

She quickly brushed her teeth before retrieving her jacket from the living room floor. She quickly took her notepad out of the drawer scribbling to Jon that she had gone to get milk and wouldn't be long. She added she would like to find him still in bed upon her return, putting a wink face next to it.

She quietly entered her room, placing the notepad on her pillow. She smiled again at Jon's peaceful expression, what little she could see from behind his arm anyway.

She grabbed her bag and shoved her boots on, shrugging her jacket on as she closed the door quietly and quickly made her way outside.

It had been raining again, the pavement still wet and the smell of it still in the air. She quickened her pace as she glanced up at the ominous black sky above. Scotland was famous for rain but the West coast always had it worse. Although in her hometown, there was sometimes heavy snow that came down from the glens. Once when she was ten, it had been so heavy, that Robb had helped her and Arya build a full igloo. They had been so proud until Grey Wind, Robb's beloved puppy he had adopted, came and peed on it before they had a chance to get their parents to come and see it.

She grabbed a basket as she entered the shop. She headed to the fruit and veg section, passing the clothing section when she paused.

She could see the underwear section in front of her and a purple set had caught her eye. She never did have much selection of underwear colours mostly sticking to simple black or blue to match her eyes. But purple was her favourite even though she hardly had any clothing that colour. She selected her size and tossed it in the basket before continuing.

She took a punnet of strawberries and blueberries as well as a couple of bananas. She took a tub of cream as she passed the chilled section and then a carton of orange juice and milk. She quickly went down the meat aisle to grab bacon and sausage slice before taking a loaf of bread. She paused in the bakery section, looking at the cakes. She grabbed the Victoria sponge in the end and then proceeded to the stationary section to look at cards. There wasn't a huge selection so she went with a blank one that had a dog wearing a party hat. It was the thought that counted after all she thought as she made her way to the checkouts.

She checked her phone as she left the shop, thankful it was only five minutes past eight. Jon was likely still asleep so she hurried back to surprise him.

The flat was silent when she entered and toed her boots off. She hung her jacket up and placed her bags on the counter before padded softly to her room, peering at a still peacefully sleeping Jon.

She hurried back to the kitchen, switching the grill on. She pulled her shopping out and sliced the bacon and sausage packets open. She grabbed a bowl and tossed some blueberries in. She cut a few of the strawberries up and tossed them in too before turning to put the bacon and sausage on the now heated grill. She watched her hands and then filled the kettle, switching it on as she pulled two mugs from the cupboard.

She quickly opened the card, scrawling a quick 'happy birthday Jon' inside, signing it with three kisses. She quickly went into the bathroom to change into her new underwear, throwing her dress back on but leaving her legs bare.

Once the bacon and sausage sandwiches were ready she put them on the tray with the bowl of fruit, bananas, jug of cream and her cup of tea and the coffee for Jon. She placed the card in front of the mugs to prop it up before heading through to the bedroom.

With no free hands, she banged into the door a little harder than she intended. Jon stirred slightly, raising his head to blink sleepily at her.

"What is this?" he asked, stifling a yawn.

"Happy early birthday!" she said brightly holding the tray out.

He pulled himself up into a sitting position, eyes wide in surprise.

"What?" he responded, giving a nervous laugh. "Sansa, you didn’t have to."

"There is a cake too," she added, ignoring his protest as he took the tray to place on his lap and took one of the bacon sandwiches. She pulled her dress off, giggling as Jon stared, sandwich halfway to his mouth.

"Those new?" he asked eventually before finally biting into his sandwich, still regarding her underwear. She grinned, pulling up the covers to slide in beside him.

"Yup," she purred as she took her own sandwich from the plate.

“I like it,” Jon said. She beamed at him before they finished their food in silence. After they had finished their tea and coffee, Sansa took the mugs and placed them on the bedside cabinet.

"So, I didn't have time to get you anything but then I thought..." she trailed off, her nerves kicking in. It was such a stupid cliché.

"Hmm?" Jon prompted, glancing at her.

"I could be your gift," she said. Jon's eyebrows rose in curiosity so she continued, her fingers tracing his arm for added effect. "You can do whatever you want to me today. Or get me to do whatever you want to you," she whispered. 

"That is a dangerous road," he replied with a grin, eyes practically black as he regarded her and his voice dropping as he continued. "I have far too many fantasies of you to count."

She laughed in surprise. "Really?"

"Yeah," he commented easily before putting the tray on the floor. "Now I'm going to kill the mood and remind you that I have morning breath."

She laughed again. "There is a spare toothbrush in the bathroom cabinet you can use."

"Thanks Sans," he said before getting out of bed.

Sansa couldn't help but smile at the name. It was always associated with endearment for her ever since Robb had called her it as a kid and her siblings and friends too. She watched as he stretched, arms reaching up above his head. Unconsciously she licked her lips at the sight of him, eyes traveling to his glorious ass.

"You checking me out?" he asked over his shoulder.

She shrugged, turning so she was on her side, chin propped in one hand. He grinned as he padded out of the room. She heard him opening the cabinet and then the run of the water.

"If you're serious about my gift, I suggest you eat another sandwich. You'll need your energy!" he called out to her.

"You reckon you can manage more than one round in your old age?" she teased. "Twenty-seven is practically thirty you know!"

"Careful!" he said lowly. "And technically I'm not twenty-seven until one sixteen am!"

"How specific!" she laughed even as she grabbed another sandwich. "Better make the most of these last hours before you risk putting your back out!"

"The cheek!" he cried, reappearing in the doorway. Sansa licked her lips at his nakedness. Jon grinned devilishly. "Do I have to spank you again to teach you some manners?"

She bit her lip at the thought but slowly shook her head. She had enjoyed the spanking but wasn't in the mood for that this morning.

"I'll be a good girl," she purred, turning her body so she sat seductively against her pillows, arm lying across her headboard.

"Yeah?" Jon asked huskily, eyes trailing down her body. “Well, I think I should shower first.”

She raised her eyebrows giving a teasing laugh. “Is there much point in showering?”

"Probably not,” he responded. “But I really feel like I smell something awful!”

“Towels are in the bottom drawer,” she responded, pointing to the chest of drawers by the door.

“Cheers,” he grinned, grabbing one and heading out the door. “Won’t be long!” he called.

Sansa grabbed her phone, sending a quick text to Jeyne to see if she was free to go shopping later today or tomorrow. She still wanted to get Jon an actual present to open but she had spent so little time in his flat and his room that while she liked to think she knew by now what he liked, she didn’t know what he already had. She hoped Jeyne would be able to provide some advice on it. She smiled as Jeyne replied that she could do tomorrow and they could have lunch.

“What are you smirking at?”

She jumped, mobile falling from her hand in fright. She glared at Jon, who laughed as he rubbed the towel over his chest. Sansa felt her anger evaporate as she watched a few water drops trail down his belly. He grinned at her when he saw her watching and she averted her eyes quickly.

“So,” Jon said after a moment and Sansa looked back towards him as he moved to put the towel in her laundry hamper. He turned to face her, licking his lips as he regarded her and the spoke, his voice low with promise. “Are you going to do as you're told?"

"Anything you want," she grinned back, moving to lie seductively on her side. Her eyebrows rose as Jon's cheeks suddenly coloured slightly and he averted his eyes. "Are you blushing?"

Jon shuffled his feet before looking at her again and her curiosity was getting the best of her. Jon had never been embarrassed about anything in bed before. 

"It can't be that bad!" she laughed.

"It isn’t the fantasy that is embarrassing," he replied, cheeks going pinker. Her eyebrows rose again.

"So, then what is it?"

Jon shook his head slightly to show he wasn't going to answer her. She huffed just as he grinned again.

"I would like you to wear your heels again," he said. She blinked, her previous anger evaporating into amusement.

"Jon Snow!" she teased. "Do you have a kink for women in heels?"

"I have a kink for  _you_  in heels," he corrected, moving to kneel at the bottom of her bed, sitting back on his feet.

"Oh?" she questioned curiously as she shifted to sit on the side of her bed to strap her feet into her heels.

"Yeah," Jon whispered lustfully. "I always found it hot when you wore heels, looking all prim and proper and I would be thinking of how filthy you would be in the bedroom!"

Her cheeks flushed at his comment as she stood and turned to face him, ready for his appraisal.

Taking courage at his grin, she leaned forward to tilt his face up so she could press a chaste kiss to his lips. Jon’s lips twitched a little at the gesture and she did it again, pushing him down onto the bed and straddling him.

“So,” she mused teasingly, fingers circling his nipple. “what sort of thoughts did you have of me in heels? Want to fuck me while I wear them again?”

Jon’s cheeks coloured again as he cleared his throat. “I thought about… I thought about you touching yourself while wearing them.”

She paused, rearing back in shock at his words.

"I don't think I can," she replied shakily. While she undoubtedly felt more confident in many aspects of sex thanks to Jon's patience and skill, this still seemed too intimate for her.

"I'm sorry," he said quickly, rising up to embrace her. He reached and unbuckled her shoes, letting them fall to the floor with a thud. He shushed her gently when her tears dripped onto his shoulder. "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable Sans."

"No, I'm sorry," she sniffed. "I've ruined your day because I can't be sexy and confident enough to give you what you want!"

"Stop it," he said harshly, rearing back to look at her. She felt her breathe catch at the steely look he gave her. "Don't you ever feel bad about saying no to me alright? It works both ways and I don’t want to do anything if you don’t want to, alright?"

She nodded slowly, still sniffling as she wiped away her tears.

"As for not being sexy," he continued "I am not listening to that nonsense!" 

He grabbed her hips turning her so she was on her back and he settled between her legs. He rocked his hips, brushing his erection against her covered mound. She gasped, hands automatically gripping his shoulders as he moved his head, his lips against her ear.

"Do you still think you're not sexy?" he asked. "I get hard every time someone mentions you Sansa. I think about those big blue eyes," he pressed a kiss to each of her eyelids before his lips traveling to her cheek.

"your pretty face." 

Kiss.

"Your perfect pink lips."

Kiss.

"Hmm," he grinned. "I think they should get a bigger kiss actually. I think about your mouth a lot."

"Yeah?" she replied, feeling her lips twitch into a smile before he descended again, prying her lips open to kiss her deeply.

"Yeah," he responded when they broke apart. "And your gorgeous long neck."

Kiss.

He grinned again as his hand traced the material of her bra. She sat up enough to let him reach around to unclasp it and she slid her arms through, the cups falling away to bare her breasts to him.

"I love your tits," he continued, gently pushing her back into her pillows.

He kissed down to the valley of her breasts before kissing a path to the right. She gasped as his tongue circled her nipple before he pursed his lips around it, suckling gently followed by the occasional gentle scrape of teeth. Sansa moaned, her fingers digging into his shoulders and her legs falling further open at the attention. He placed a kiss to the hard peak before repeating his attentions to her left breast.

"I could spend all day suckling and teasing these!" he whispered.

"Oh god, Jon!" she gasped as he rolled her nipples simultaneously between his thumb and forefinger.

"I love them," he repeated. His grin widened and he slide down, lips kissing down her stomach while his eyes stayed on her face. "But if I did spend all day with them I fear I'd miss out on something else."

His fingers dipped into her underwear, teasing her folds until they settled on her clit, rubbing in slow circles.

"Mmmm," he commented happily as he felt her wetness grow on his fingertips.

His other hand pulled at the material until she was bare before him. He slid to his stomach, his hands on her thighs to keep her spread open.

"I fucking love your cunt," he whispered before he descended on her, tongue driving up through her folds and settling on her clit.

She wailed, hands leaving his shoulders to curl in his hair as he flicked his tongue over her clit over and over and over.

"Your gorgeous..."

Flick.

"wet,"

Lick up, up  _up._

_"tight,"_

His tongue curled inside of her and Sansa cried out. Her body shaking, shivering, tensing around him.

"cunt," he finished placing a kiss to her clit as she came down, the action causing her hips to jerk slightly.

He flopped down beside her, hand holding her hip gently as she regained her composure. She glanced at him, unable to stop her lips lifting in a small smile only for it to grow when he smiled back.

"I mean it," he said. "I never want to make you uncomfortable. And I don't want you doing something just because you think I want it alright?"

 She nodded but then she grinned at him as she remembered the other part of his gift she had planned.

"You know, that cream won't last long out of the fridge," she commented lightly, watching in amusement as it dawned on him what she was implying.

“Maybe we better do something about that,” he replied, rolling over to reach for the bowl of fruit and the cream, settling them carefully between them.

She reached forward, taking a strawberry from the bowl and dipping it into the jug. Jon wrinkled his nose, clearly disapproving of the motion but the look soon disappeared as he met her eyes and she pursed her lips around the fruit, giving an elaborate moan at the taste. In truth, the strawberries were rather bitter as they always were at this time of year but she had known this was what she had wanted to do with him and strawberries had seemed the easiest fruit to work with. The cream eased the taste a bit.

“And you say you’re not sexy,” he teased, taking a strawberry himself. His face screwed up and she giggled at his expression.

He gave her a mock glare but she simply shrugged, grinning up at him as she sucked the juice from her fingers. Jon groaned in despair, turning to take another strawberry from the bowl before tracing her lips with it until she parted them. She kept her eyes on him as she sucked it in, allowing his fingers to follow and descend into the wet heat of her mouth.

“Fuck Sansa,” he whispered, shaking his head to stop himself watching her as she enthusiastically continued to suck on his fingers.

He eventually had the strength to pull them from her, turning to get the jug of cream. He grinned at her as he tipped it slightly, allowing the cool liquid to drip just above her breasts. He put the jug down on her bedside cabinet before moving down on her, licking the cream from her bosom up to her neck. She moaned as he kissed her sensitive spot by her ear and suckled on her earlobe. She watched him lean across, dipping his finger in. His grin widened as he let his finger trace down her throat, his tongue immediately following the trail. She hummed, eyes closing in satisfaction.

She jerked suddenly, a gasp escaping her as the cold liquid dropped onto her nipple. She moaned loudly as Jon’s tongue flicked over the nub in quick bursts, like a cat licking from a bowl. He did the same with her other breast. Sansa began to writher helplessly beneath him crying out when he started to suckle her. He moaned around the nipple, releasing it suddenly as he flicked his tongue over it again before he spoke.

“Sans,” he groaned, rearing up to kiss her deeply. She wrapped her arms around his neck, teeth biting into his lip and swallowing his gasp. He groaned again as he gently pushed her back. “Sans, I need to be inside you!”

She nodded, scraping her teeth along his neck as he reached for the drawer. Jon’s hips jerked against her, his head dropping into the crook of her neck at her attentions. His hand clenched into the sheets as she sucked on his shoulder, relishing his loss of control. He hissed, rearing back onto his heels to put the condom on and Sansa grinned, rolling to reach down and grab her heels. She threw a wink at his shocked expression as she slipped her feet into them, raising her eyebrow expectantly as she extended one foot towards him. Jon took her ankle gently, leaning to place a kiss on the skin before he buckled the shoe and placed her leg around his waist. She did the same with her other foot, grinning up at his soft smile.

“Can I…?” she started, biting her lip as he paused, cock brushing her entrance. He hummed softly, signalling for her to continue. “Can I go on top?”

He grinned, wordlessly gripping her hips and flipping them over to the side so their legs were hanging off the side of the bed. He shifted up, placing his feet on her carpet while she straightened herself above him, bringing her clit into contact with his head. She gasped, driving her hips again to chase the feeling. Jon groaned, gripping her hips again and raising her up, guiding her to sink onto him.

“Oh, fuck Sans!” he moaned, gritting his teeth as he fell against the covers, fingers digging half-moon crescents into her hips. She moaned in return as she began to move. Jon’s eyes fell shut, his lips parting and Sansa flushed at the reaction he had to her.

“You like me on top?” she asked breathlessly, her hand pressed to his chest to steady herself. Her thumbs reached out to trace his nipples. Jon whimpered, nodding his head helplessly as his eyes opened halfway to watch her as she descended on him again and again and again.

“Urgh, Sansa!” he panted, hand leaving her hip to travel to her swollen nub and rubbing in tight circles. Sansa gasped, head tipping back as her hips rolled faster, faster, _harder_.

Jon whimpered beneath her, his eyes falling closed again as he grasped her hips tighter. Sansa gripped his shoulders in response, driving down on him, watching him unravel beneath her. His reaction was insanely hot she thought and then she gasped, her whole body alight with pleasure as an image suddenly came to mind.

Jon, tied to her bed and completely at her mercy.

She came suddenly, wailing and shaking, gasping out his name.

“Oh fuck!” Jon groaned in response as she tensed around him. His hands dug harder into her hips as he bucked into her, jerking as he finished with a choked moan of her name. She collapsed onto his chest, hearing his heart pounding wildly as his hand came up to stroke her back.

“Fucking hell,” he laughed breathlessly. Sansa chuckled along with him.

“Was that another fantasy?” she asked, moving to look at him. Jon nodded, eyes closed again.

“You on top, wearing heels,” he moaned, grinning up blindly. “I don’t know how I lasted as long as I did!”

“You really like me on top?” she asked, completely baffled by the thought. Jon snorted, a sliver of grey appearing as he half-opened his eyes to look up at her.

“I like you anyway you want,” he responded.

She laughed the end trailing into a gasp as he lifted her off of him and gently set her to the side. He moved to dispose of the condom and then came back to her on the bed.

“You’re usually on top,” she mused. “Or behind,” she added. Jon shrugged.

“Like I say, whatever way you want,” he said as his lips curled up in a smirk. “Speaking of which, do you have a preference for round two?”

The thought of Jon tied to her bed returned to her suddenly and she bit her lip. Jon raised his eyebrows, smirk growing with his curiosity. She instead deflected, giving him a coy smile and opening her legs invitingly. Jon’s eyes dropped straight to her cunt, his eyes dilating instantly.

“Birthday boy decides,” she purred. Jon’s eyes flicked to her heels and then up to her face, his tongue tracing his bottom lip.

“Would you…?” he began, licking his lips again. Sansa hummed to show she was listening. “Would you suck me off while wearing them?” he asked, nodding to her shoes. She laughed again, giving him a playful roll of her eyes.

“You really do have a thing for them huh?” she replied with a smile.

Before he could respond, she rolled over him, kissing him deeply as she reached for a pillow, tossing it to the floor. She grinned at him before kissing a trail over to his ear and then down to his cheek, his neck, his chest. She flicked his nipples with her tongue, humming in delight as he groaned in response.

“Do you…?” he asked, gasping as she scraped her teeth across his hard nipple. She hummed again as she knelt on the pillow, this time in question as she started trailing kisses, down, down, down.

“Do you have a kink?” he finished. She paused, lips hovering above his belly button as that image returned to her. It was enough time for him to realise she did and she could feel his grin boring into the top of her head. She glanced up at him, biting her lip again and ducking behind her hair as she mumbled. He leaned up on his elbows, regarding her curiously.

“Yes,” she said eventually, feeling her cheeks colour. Jon’s grin widened, his eyebrows rising in silent question. She sighed, rolling her eyes at him. “But I’ll tell you later.”

“Oh, come o-urgh!”

His elbows collapsed under him and he fell back with a soundless gasp as she took the head of his cock in her mouth. She bobbed her head slowly, tongue swirling around his head as she came up each time. She hallowed her cheeks, her hand coming up to tease his balls. She traced her fingers along the shape of them and Jon bucked up suddenly in shock. Sansa reared back with a splutter.

“Shit, Sansa! I’m so sorry!” he gasped reaching for her. She grabbed his hands, slamming them down on the bed.

“I’m fine,” was all she said before she engulfed him again. Jon’s fingers curled between her own, squeezing them as she licked and sucked at him.

“Fucking sexy woman,” Jon groaned out, rising to his elbows again. Sansa felt her cheeks flush at the words, eyes rising up to his face. Jon was panting harshly, eyes wide and he untangled his fingers from hers, only to dig them into the covers. “Sansa, I’m…I’m gonna…”

She hummed in response, closing her eyes for a second as she gave a long, slow suck and then descended again. Jon whined hips bucking up and hands moving to sink into her hair as he spilled into her mouth. She swallowed as she looked up at him and Jon gave a helpless groan, arm coming up to cover his eyes. She grinned as she moved to straddle him again.

“Give me a minute,” he muttered. “I’m getting old you know!” She giggled but rolled off of him, reaching to unbuckle her shoes.

“Would you like some cake?” she asked. His eyes slid open halfway and he gave her half a smirk.

“Can I eat that off of you too?”

“Jon,” she sighed dramatically, giving a mock roll of her eyes. Jon snorted, rolling onto his side to look at her.

“Is that a no?” he called as she went into the kitchen to get the cake.

She quickly put the cake on a plate and cut it into pieces. She put four pieces on another plate before putting the other back in the fridge. She carried the smaller portioned plate back through to her room. He was leaning on his side when she returned, grinning at her.

"I never thanked you for the birthday cake you made me when I first came to the Stark's," he said suddenly. She blinked.

"You remember that?"

"Of course," he laughed. "It meant a lot to me."

"I thought...I thought you hated it because you wouldn't touch it," she responded. 

"I didn't want to destroy it," he grinned sheepishly and then he gestured to the plate she carried. "But you know, I just love cake in general."

“I would have left it whole and put candles on it but it would have been a fire hazard,” she teased as she set the cake down. Jon smacked her ass.

“What did I tell you about manners?” he said. “Respect your elders!”

Sansa shrugged playfully, offering him the plate. He raised his eyebrows slightly as he took a bit.

“What?” she asked.

“Just… I never thought you were somebody who would eat in bed,” he laughed. “And now we’ve had breakfast, fruit and cake.”

“I don’t normally but I was going to need to wash these anyway.”

“Oh?” Jon responded, the word muffled by the cake in his mouth. Sansa narrowed her eyes playfully.

“Manners!” she teased. He rolled his eyes but swallowed the food in his mouth before speaking again.

“Suppose we better make the most of it then. Get it really dirty,” he grinned. Sansa laughed, shaking her head at him.

“Is the old boy ready for another round?” she asked lightly.

“Oi!” Jon responded, pinching her arm lightly. She twisted so she could lean over him and place a small kiss to his lips.

“But seriously,” she whispered, giving him a seductive smile. Jon grinned.

“Ready when you are,” he responded.

***

 

“He’s coming up!” Arya cried from her spot by the window.

Sam quickly went to the light switch waiting as everyone scrambled to their hiding places. Arya leapt across the sofa and jumped off the arm as she ran to the kitchen to light the candles on the cake. Once everyone was hiding, Sam flicked the switch and then they could hear him move to the side. A moment later, they heard Jon’s keys in the lock and the light from the hallway suddenly flooded the room.

“Happy birthday!” they cried in unison as Jon flicked the switch, jerking back in fright and blinking in shock as Arya appeared with the cake and a huge grin.

“Guys!” Jon said with a disbelieving laugh as he hung his jacket up and closed the door.

“Don’t get all mushy man!” Robb replied even as he moved to throw an arm around Jon’s shoulder.

“Health hazard approaching here!” Arya called out as Robb had effectively blocked her path and the candles were dangerously close to his jumper. Sansa met Jon’s eyes, smirking as she remembered their joking the day before. She walked around the coffee table to go through to the kitchen to get a drink.

She was looking for a wine glass when the door opened. She glanced over her shoulder, giving Ygritte a small smile. Ygritte paused in the doorway and Sansa’s smile fell at the look on the other girl’s face. She hummed to herself as she poured her wine, putting the bottle back in the fridge.

“Do you love him?” Ygritte asked suddenly and Sansa choked on the gulp of wine she had just taken. She blinked at Ygritte.

“Sorry?” she asked, tearing a piece of kitchen roll to wipe her mouth.

“You heard me.”

“Does it bother you?” Sansa asked. “Jon and I hooking up?”

“Yes,” Ygritte replied with a shrug. Sansa frowned. Ygritte was Jeyne’s friend but Sansa barely knew her. She didn’t think there was anything wrong with what her and Jon were doing when Jon said he had explicitly ended it with Ygritte and wouldn’t sleep with her as long as they had their arrangement.

“I’m sorry,” Sansa replied and she was in a way. She never liked to hurt anybody. “But Jon can make his own decisions.”

She moved past Ygritte to go back into the living room where Arya had cut up the cake. Her sister held out a plate to her which Sansa took before moving to sit in the armchair, her eyes firmly on the plate as she ate. She could feel Jon glancing at her but refused to look at him. Sansa had noticed how glazed Ygritte’s eyes had been when she had passed and she didn’t want to aggravate a drunk Ygritte.

“So, Jon, best present so far?” Arya asked. “Apart from the handmade bat mobile model obviously!”

“That was too hard to beat,” Jon replied. Sansa glanced over and noticed he was wearing the sweater she had bought him. She averted her eyes again when he looked at her.

“Hey birthday boy!” Ygritte said suddenly, leaning against the doorframe with a smirk. Sansa was suddenly irritated with the girl’s presence. Jon blinked at Ygritte but said nothing or gave any indication of noticing her attempted seductive pose.

“You’re drunk,” Jeyne said, moving to take Ygritte’s arm.

“Remember your birthday a couple of years ago?” Ygritte cackled. “That was a wild night! I taught you many a thing about women that night eh?”

Sansa glanced at Jon, who rather than look embarrassed looked furious at Ygritte’s antics. Sansa then made the mistake of making eye contact with Ygritte, who smirked at her.

“You’re welcome sweetheart!” she said as she winked at Sansa.

It took less than a second for Robb and Arya to swivel their heads in unison, matching looks of horror on their faces.


	8. Basically, I wish that you loved me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has a song weaving through it which actually inspired this work as much as, if not more than, Undisclosed Desires. Its "Nicest Thing" by Kate Nash. I played it again while writing this and just wanted to hug Jon. Give it a listen and let me know if it worked with the angst  
> Also, a lot of you will hate the ending. Just warning you now!

The silence was deafening as Sansa’s eyes darted from her horrified siblings to Jon, trying to work out what to say.

“Okay,” Jeyne said, grasping Ygritte’s arm firmly. “I think we should get you some water!”

She pulled Ygritte from the room. She looked at Sansa over her shoulder in apology, her concerned eyes travelling to Robb and Arya on the couch. She mouthed that she would be back before guiding Ygritte from the room.

“Maybe I’ll go out for a smoke,” Val said suddenly and Jon’s friends who had come around agreed, quickly getting up with her.

Sam and Gilly exchanged looks but surprisingly, Sam stayed seated. Perhaps he wanted to be here to protect Jon from the wrath of her siblings. Gendry moved to get up, saying he was going to the bathroom.

“So you were the girl he was hooking up with?” Arya said after another long moment of silence. Robb whipped his head around.

“You knew?!”

“I knew Jon was seeing someone,” Arya replied. “I didn’t know he was fucking our sister!”

“We’re consenting adults,” Sansa said firmly. “We’re just having some fun for Christs sake. Everybody just needs to calm down!”

Jon glanced at her for a brief second before he looked down. Sam and Gilly were staring at Jon intensely but Jon was determinedly avoiding looking at them, his beer bottle suddenly seeming the most fascinating thing in the world.

“Did he tell you that he just wanted some fun?” Robb hissed, rising up and for a moment Sansa thought he was going to hit Jon as he turned to face him.

“I called him first!” Sansa replied, standing herself and gripping Robb’s arm.

“Hang on!” Arya cried out suddenly, pointing at Jeyne who had just re-entered the room. “You said you gave Sansa Jon’s number! You knew about this?"

Jeyne froze in the doorway as Robb swiveled to look at her in horror.

“I found out after the first time,” Jeyne said quickly. "I was just covering for Sansa in the conversation because she didn't want to say anything."

Jon was still determinedly looking away. She saw him glance at Jeyne and for a moment, they held each other’s gaze, something unspoken passing between them.

“How long has this been going on?” Arya asked.

“About six weeks,” Sansa responded. Arya groaned, hands coming up to her face.

“Jesus Sansa,” she muttered through her hands. Sansa frowned, wondering what was so bad when Arya spoke again. “Is this a rebound thing?”

“What?” Sansa responded with a surprised laugh which died when she met Arya’s steely gaze. Robb looked even more horrified as he turned on Jon again.

“Fuck sake now you’re taking advantage of her emotional state? Who the fuck are you?”

“I can make my own decisions!” Sansa replied hotly, hands on her hips in defiance.

“Two weeks after you dump Harry you’re in Jon’s bed,” Arya responded coolly. “Or he’s in yours I guess if you called him. Either way, that isn’t normal Sans. You can’t get over somebody that fast, even someone like Harry. I get if you needed to let off steam or whatever and hooked up with Jon for a one-time thing.”

“Excuse me?!” Robb spluttered. Arya continued as though she hadn’t heard him.

“But now, I’m just wanting to know if you’re using Jon as a rebound instead of actually getting over Harry?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

Everyone turned to Jon as he spoke for the first time. He was still looking at the beer bottle, fingers peeling at the label. Sam frowned at his friend, chewing his lip as though he wanted to say something. Jeyne glanced away, suddenly interested in the wall to the side of her.

“I knew what I was doing,” Jon continued. “Sansa made it clear right from the start. So, it doesn’t matter to me what her reasons were. I knew the deal.”

“But,” Sam started before Gilly nudged him in the side with a look.

 “Oh, don’t suddenly play the good guy!” Robb snapped at Jon.

 “I better check on Ygritte,” Jeyne said quickly.

“I know I’m not good enough for her Robb alright? I don’t need your big brother act to tell me that!”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Sansa responded in annoyance.

“Nothing,” Jon replied quickly. “Just that I know I’m not really your type.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” she protested weakly but it sounded dull to her own ears. She had undoubtedly always had crushes on blonde men who were confident and charming. Jon wasn’t really any of those things, although he was most certainly confident in the bedroom she conceded. Jon shrugged at her response.

“It doesn’t matter,” he said, his lips giving the barest of smiles, almost like it was an effort.

“I am attracted to you,” she argued. “I wouldn’t sleep with you if I wasn’t!”

“Jesus!” Robb muttered, shaking his head.

“I know,” Jon replied. And Sansa frowned again, even more confused as she tried to work out what the point of this conversation was.

“Look,” Arya said after a moment. “I’m not going to pretend I’m okay with the fact you lied to me about this and clearly trusted other people enough to tell them or have them involved or whatever. But you’re right, you are adults. I just think this is getting dangerously close to the line between fun and serious and you need to decide what to do about that. Personally, I think you’re not ready for a serious relationship right now Sans.”

“Why did you encourage her on that date with Aegon then?” Jon replied. Arya laughed nervously.

“Ironically, I heard Aegon was good in bed and thought Sansa could use some fun,” she responded. “I didn't think anything would come from it so didn't see the harm in Sans having some fun. But then it turned out he did actually really like you. You guys though, there is something else there for sure.”

“Sansa,” Jeyne said suddenly, appearing in the door again. “Ygritte wants to talk to you.”

Jon jerked suddenly, head swivelling to look between Jeyne and Sansa. Sansa swallowed nervously as she saw everyone look at her, clearly wondering if she would go and speak to Ygritte. Part of her was terrified that Ygritte would lash out at her, even though she hadn’t done anything wrong really. But the other, bigger part of her really wanted to know what Ygritte’s problem was.

“I’ll be there too,” Jeyne added. Jon stood up suddenly.

“No,” he started, staring straight at Jeyne, who swallowed thickly while looking away from him.

“I’ll be fine,” Sansa responded, moving to walk past him. Jon blocked her path, his eyes wide.

“Sansa please,” he begged and Sansa blinked in surprise at how panicked he looked. “Please, can we go somewhere to talk first?”

“Why?” she asked in confusion, trying to move past him again. Jon grasped her arm gently.

“Oi, get your hands off of her!” Robb barked, moving to shove Jon away from her.

“Don’t Robb!” Sansa cried as Jon lost his footing, falling hard on the floor his hands bracing against the floor.  

“Robb!” Jeyne gasped before she glared at Robb.

Jon sat for a moment on the floor in shock before he lowered his head in defeat. From his room, they could hear Ghost start to howl.

“I’m going to go and check on him,” he said thickly after a moment, deliberately keeping his head down.

Sansa reached for him as he stood but he jerked his hand away. Jeyne stared at him, opening her mouth to say something as he moved past her but he slammed his bedroom door shut seconds later. Sansa blinked in shock before she whirled around on Robb.

“This is why I didn’t say anything!” she hissed. “How could you do that to Jon?”

“Me? He is taking advantage of you!”

“I called him first and I’m a grown woman. We’re just having some fun, I don’t see what the big deal is. Everything was fine until Ygritte opened her big mouth!”

“Jon had more to lose from this than Sansa,” Jeyne added, arms crossed as she glared at Robb. “That was just being mean Robb!”

“Are you wanting them together or not?” Robb snapped at her.

“I want people to be happy, whatever that entails!” Jeyne replied hotly. “And a lot could be solved if people just bloody _talked_!” she yelled the last part in the direction of Jon’s door.

“Apologise to Jon,” Sansa growled at Robb. “You had no right to do that. Jesus Robb, you were his first true friend, he never belonged anywhere before he met you at university!”

Robb did look ashamed then, looking away from everyone in the room. Sansa sighed, holding her forehead in her hand for a moment as they heard music starting to play from the kitchen.

_All I know, is that you’re so nice._

_You’re the nicest thing I’ve seen._

“Urgh, I forgot about Ygritte,” Sansa sighed after a moment, the direction of the music reminding her of the girl who was in there. “But I want to speak to Jon first,” she said. Jeyne glanced at her, giving a small nod.

_I wish that we could give it a go._

_See if we could be something._

Sansa took a deep breath and wandered down the hall to Jon’s door. The song got louder as she passed the kitchen and knocked on Jon’s door gently.

_I wish I was your favourite girl._

“Jon?” she called softly, hand pressing on the door. “Jon can I come in?”

_I wish you thought I was the reason, you are in the world._

She gently pushed the door open, her eyes straining against the darkness of his room. He was on his bed, back to the door, one had under his pillow the other resting on Ghost’s head who was curled up beside him, looking over his hip at her.

_I wish my smile was your favourite kind of smile_

_I wish the way that I dress was your favourite kind of style._

“Jon,” she said again as she closed the door. He didn’t even flinch at the sound of her.

_I wish you couldn’t figure me out_

_But you’d always want to know_

_What I was about._

“Talk to me,” she pleaded, kneeling on the bed behind his body and peering at him. She could barely make him out in the dark but she could see the dark pools of his eyes as he continued staring dead ahead of him.

_I wish you’d hold my hand_

_When I was upset_

She remembered when she had had a crush on a boy at school. She couldn’t even remember his name now. She had been fifteen, her first real crush. And at the time, she had truly believed this boy had broken her heart when he had laughed at the idea of dating her. He had said he would date Margaery instead to which Margaery had responded by dumping her vanilla milkshake on his head. She had feigned illness to go home early, forgetting that Robb and Jon were home from university. Jon had been sitting reading a book on the couch when she had flown through the front door, slamming it shut and breaking down in tears.

He had come out to her in the hallway, sliding down the wall to sit beside her as she talked about her broken heart and how unfair everything was. Jon didn’t call her silly or even insult the guy, he just listened to her get it all of her chest and then asked if she wanted to have some ice cream and watch Moulin Rouge. He and Robb had originally planned on playing games but he had insisted that Robb would understand and give Sansa control of the living room television for once.

She lay down again, letting him know silently that she was here for him, just like he had been there for her.

_I wish you’d never forget_

_The look on my face_

_When we first met._

She had only met him a few months prior to that moment. He had blinked in surprise when she had come bursting through the kitchen looking for her favourite cardigan which was in the dryer. Robb was introducing Jon to their parents at the time. She had smiled brightly at him, remembering her manners and Jon had barely lifted his lips in response, looking away from her quickly. She had become annoyed at his sullenness and avoided him as much as possible from then on, thinking him incredibly rude. She barely remembered them being alone together, could even remember one time she had been in the window seat in the living room, reading a book and Jon had come in. They had looked at each other for a moment, she had smiled politely but Jon had mumbled an apology and left quickly.

“Have you spoken to Ygritte?” he asked suddenly, his voice low.

“No. I wanted to check on you first,” she responded, lying down behind him and gently placing her hand on his arm. Jon wrenched his arm away and Sansa reared back in shock. Jon had never withdrawn from her before but now he had done it twice tonight.

“Jeyne’s right,” he sighed. “So much could have been avoided if I had just talked to you.”

“About what?” she probed, turning her body closer to him but careful not to touch him again until he seemed to want her to.

_I wish you had a favourite beauty spot_

_That you loved secretly_

_Because it was on a hidden bit that nobody else could see_

“Everything,” he whispered thickly and Sansa inhaled sharply, shocked at the fact that it sounded like Jon was on the verge of tears. “I’m so sorry Sansa.”

_Basically,_

“Tell me how to help you!” she pleaded.

_I wish that you loved me._

He turned his head then, his eyes shining in the dark as he looked at her. She swallowed at the intensity of his gaze, even in the dark.

_I wish that you needed me._

“You can’t help me,” he sighed sadly after a moment, turning away from her again.

_I wish that you knew when I said two sugars_

_Actually, I meant three_

“Oh god!” she gasped as everything came together in her mind.

_I wish that without me_

_Your heart would break_

All the times Jon would smile at her with an underlying sadness when they hooked up. The nanosecond of frowning afterwards as though he was struggling with something in his mind. The jealousy about Aegon. The tension when he thought he was being too romantic, always waiting for her to say what was alright, waiting for her to say he could stay. His reaction to the agreement how easy he let her set the terms -“if that’s what you want.”

_I wish that without me you’d be spending the rest of your nights awake_

_I wish that without me you couldn’t eat_

All of Jeyne’s glances and frowns when she and Jon were together in a room. Her talk earlier about people getting hurt. The looks she exchanged with Jon tonight and how she had told Robb that “Jon had more to lose.”

_I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep._

And then Ygritte asking her in the kitchen earlier. “Do you love him?”

Do you love him?

Do you love him?

“How long?” she choked out.

“I don’t even know,” he responded. Sansa frowned. “I had such a massive crush on you but I was nineteen when I came home with Robb that first time and you were fifteen. I stayed away from you as much as possible. And besides, you were Robb’s sister. But then, over the years that crush became something more. I can’t even be romantic enough to tell you the moment I knew I loved you so,” he gave another mirthless laugh “guess that is just proof of how I’m not meant to be with you.”

_Look, all I know_

_is that you’re the nicest thing I’ve ever seen._

“I…” she started, tears prickling her eyes because she couldn’t give him what he wanted. And she felt bad about the fact that Jon would now feel worse, thinking he had caused her distress when it wasn’t his fault. She took a shuddering breath. “Why did you go along with it?”

_And I wish we could see if we could be something_

Jon shrugged. “I wasn’t trying to manipulate you or make you fall in love with me,” he said quickly.

“I know,” she responded softly. She knew Jon wouldn’t do that to her.

“I just…”

_Yeah I wish we could see if we could be something._

“I knew it was all that I would ever have.”

“Jon, I…”

“I’ll be fine,” he interrupted. “I’m used to it.”

“Jon,” she said sadly, reaching to grasp his shoulder but he tensed, shrugging her hand off.

“I need a moment alone before I go back out there,” he explained dully.

Sansa swallowed, wiping her eyes as she moved away from him and off of the bed. She glanced at him again when she got to the door but he was rigid. She shut the door gently behind her, holding the door handle for a moment as she contemplated what to do next. Her eyes went to the kitchen.

Ygritte looked up from the table when Sansa entered, her eyes red and puffy. For a moment, Sansa did feel sorry for her. She moved to the counter, leaning against it and folding her arms, giving Ygritte a look as she waited for an explanation.

“Jesus, I’m…I’m so sorry!” Ygritte said, covering her face with her hands.

“Robb may never forgive Jon,” Sansa retorted coldly. Ygritte let out a shuddering breath. Sansa uncrossed her arms, leaning back against the surface as she looked at Ygritte. “What happened with you and Jon? He told me he is in love with me, did you know?”

Ygritte snorted. “Of course, I knew. Originally, that was why we hooked up. I was attracted to him and I don’t doubt he was attracted to me. He was miserable about you dating Henry or Harvey or whoever the fuck he was.”

“Harry.”

“Aye, that douchebag,” Ygritte snorted. “So, you know? I offered to make him feel better. We started fucking around, and bless him, he tried.”

“Tried?” Sansa repeated, thinking Ygritte was talking about Jon’s skill in bed.

“To love me,” Ygritte responded. “He tried to be a decent boyfriend and be supportive, loyal and sweet.  I don’t know, I think he did love me in a way. Just not nearly as much as he loved you, I could never have gotten close to that. We would argue all the time about it even though he was always faithful and barely spoke to you. And that is what annoyed me too because I couldn’t even hate you really because you weren’t even aware of his feelings, you weren’t out to steal him from me. You, yourself had never done anything to me. But gods, I’ve always been jealous of you.”

Ygritte suddenly laughed, shaking her head at the sound.

“Do you want to know something? I wanted you guys to hook up that night at the bar."

“Why did you help hook Jon and I up if you loved him?” Sansa asked, frowning in confusion.

“Do you want the horrible selfish motives reason or the mature reason?” she asked with a bitter laugh. Sansa blinked in response, crossing her hands across her chest again. Ygritte shrugged as she continued. “Selfish reason first then. The horrible, selfish part of me thought that it could just be an intense infatuation. That he just needed to fuck you once and get it out of his system and be able to move on and have a relationship.”

“And Jeyne knew about this?” Sansa asked, insulted. Ygritte shook her head.

“She may have subconsciously known my selfish reasons for it but I gave Jeyne the mature reason. And to be fair, that was part of it too. Basically, the logical part of me told me not to bother wasting time on Jon, we could both just move on and be friends and I would get over him and he would be happy because he would finally have won your heart. Jeyne asked me over and over if I was okay with it because obviously she knew, she knew even though I hadn’t said it that Jon was never going to get over you, it was never going to be one fuck and it would be over, not for him. She tried to talk sense into us at the bar. To be fair, Jon wasn't for taking advantage anyway.”

“Was that why you asked if I loved him?”

“I wanted to know it was worth it,” Ygritte replied, staring at the table. “Turns out it wasn’t and both Jon and I have had our hearts ripped out and crushed.”

Jeyne entered the kitchen then and Sansa turned to her.

“Why didn’t you tell me Jon was in love with me?”

“It wasn’t my place to reveal his personal feelings Sansa especially when he never wanted me to,” Jeyne responded slowly. “And besides, I thought maybe you would realise how good Jon was for you and at least start dating properly so I wouldn’t need to say anything. But you don’t love him and when I realised that you weren’t even entertaining the idea of trying to have a serious relationship, I figured I had been wrong.”

“I…Somebody should have said something!” Sansa insisted.

“Would it change anything? Do you want to date Jon?” Jeyne responded, leaning back against the wall.

Sansa swallowed, looking away. She hadn’t thought about dating Jon, being in a serious relationship with him. Her silence was answer enough for Ygritte and Jeyne who let out sighs simultaneously. And at the end of the day, Arya was right. She hadn’t allowed herself to really mourn the end of her relationship with Harry. Even if she had been the one to end it, it wasn’t that simple. She wouldn’t ever get back with Harry, she knew that much. But that didn’t change the fact that ending a relationship was complicated and feelings were confusing.

“I told him to talk to you more,” Jeyne added with a mirthless laugh. “Told him it is quite amazing how people tend to like you more when you actually talk to them.”

“Yeah,” Sansa responded with her own dull laugh. “I remember when he text after that first night. He had asked what I was up to and I… I had thought he was wanting to hook up again…Gods I’m such an idiot.”

“You’re not,” Jeyne replied.

“No, you are!” Ygritte said. Sansa glared at her. “You have a man who adores you, willing to do anything so long as he gets a fucking glance from you. He built you a dolls house for fuck sake!”

“Oh fuck,” Jeyne moaned, covering her eyes.

“He…what?” Sansa choked out, looking between them.

“Yeah. That dolls house you got for your twenty first, that was Jon. He spent months building it and drawing your family so he could get them just right in the dolls.”

“Harry…” Sansa started, swallowing thickly. “Harry said he made it.”

“Sansa,” Jeyne sighed. “Harry came around the flat to ask Robb and Jon for advice because he had said he didn’t have any idea what to get you for your birthday. Robb wasn’t in but Jon and I were. I told Harry that he should just ask you what you wanted. But Jon… I think he freaked out about it all. I mean, a guy giving you such a sentimental thing would undoubtedly cause problems with your boyfriend. So … Jon... he told Harry he would make a dolls house for him. Of course, he had already made it but nobody knew that at the time. It was only when he had dropped it off to Harry that I had come back from work to find him just lying on the sofa, staring at nothing. He had told me everything and I, I couldn’t help him and I couldn’t get Robb to help him. What could Jon and I do? You were happy with Harry.”

“And then I got a phone call from him saying he wanted to get so drunk, drunk enough to just forget everything,” Ygritte replied. “At the time, I still thought we would stay friends. And nothing happened that night but it changed something between us. It wasn’t long after that that we slept together for the first time.”

“Thank god he made friends with Sam soon after that. He recognised the signs of depression much easier than we did and convinced Jon to seek help. He was on antidepressants for a while. Sam said he would have preferred Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, as it has fewer relapse rates. It might still be an option, if he has another episode.”

“He was depressed because of me?” Sansa replied in shock, gripping the counter. Jeyne shook her head quickly.

“No, no sweetie of course not! It was everything building up. Jon has never felt good enough. You know how tough he has had his whole life . Losing his mother so young, his father not wanting anything to do with him. His abusive uncle getting custody until it was finally highlighted and then being taken away and put in foster care but never truly finding a family that wanted him rather than the government support.”

“I think that was why he tried so hard to be a good boyfriend, so eager to learn how to please me in bed. I think he thought he might as well be good at something. Maybe he thought it would be enough.” Ygritte added sadly. 

Sansa inhaled sharply. “I need to go…I need to think.”

“Okay,” Jeyne responded with a small nod. “Just…promise you will talk to Jon.”

“Yeah,” Sansa replied, moving out of the kitchen. “Yeah of course.”

She went back into the living room where everyone was sitting in awkward silence and they all turned as she entered, watching her as she grabbed her coat and bag. She glared at Robb, pressing her lips in a thin line of disapproval.

“You don’t need to worry,” she said coolly. She glanced at Arya then. “I need time to think about things, about what I want.”

“I hope you figure it out,” Arya replied, giving her sister a small smile but it was genuine and Sansa managed a small nod in return.

“Please apologise to Jon,” Sansa said to Robb. “Please. I think…I think it is important for you to hear him out. Maybe you’ll be mad at me instead then.”

“Sans,” Robb started.

“I have to go,” she cut him off, weaving through the legs and the furniture and making her way to the door.

She walked quickly, not daring to look back. Her head was a mess as she tried to process everything in her mind. How had she been so blind? Jon had been in love with her for god knows how long and she had been oblivious.

_“Do you love him?”_

She slumped on the bus stop bench, her exhale forming a cloud in front of her.

_“Do you love him?”_

Her head hit the wall of the shelter with a thud, her eyes closing.

_“Do you love him?”_

She sighed again, wiping at the tears that were forming in her eyes.

_No._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm SORRY!!!!!  
> But this is a Jonsa story and I can't not have them together in the end. Fear not! Sansa isn't in love with Jon, she hasn't had the time like Jon has to fall in love, hasn't entertained the idea. But she will at least start realising how good Jon is and that he is good for her. Unfortunately, there won't be smut for a while (but just imagine all the catch up sex they'll need to have once they knock their heads a bit :p)


	9. Tomorrow is a promise to no-one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was so fucking tough. Jon's backstory and his interpretation of some of the things that have happened in previous chapters and finally, present time Jon being confronted by Robb.  
> There are a few warnings for this chapter.  
> Mentions of young child losing their mother, mention of child abuse (some hitting, forced isolation), Ramsay (it is fucking Ramsay), implied animal abuse. There is nothing overly graphic in any of these things by the way, but just in case.  
> Also, this became a novel in itself. Get it all off your chest Johnny boy!
> 
> Note: I've changed the first chapter as it still had stuff that worked with the old plot line I had for this. The overall premise of that chapter hasn't changed really though so it doesn't matter if you go back and read it or not, it doesn't really change the story.

_“Little bunny Foo-Foo, hopping through the forest!”_

_Jon curled his fingers, moving his wrist in time to the song he was singing. Nan grinned at him through the open kitchen door as Jon played on the living room carpet. She always told him to call her Old Nan and she was like the grandmother he never had. It was only his mother and him but when they moved to this flat, Old Nan had come over with a gingerbread cake, smiling at Jon kindly as he hid behind his mother’s legs. The cake had warmed him to her though and she was always kind and attentive. Jon loved her and loved spending time here when his mother was working._

_“Scooping up the field mice and bopping them on the head!” He picked up his stuffed dog toy, giving it a soft hit on the head._

_“I’m back!”_

_Jon squealed, dropping his toy as he jumped up and launched himself into his mother’s waiting arms, giggling as she lifted him up to her face, rubbing his nose with hers. She beamed at him and Jon buried his face in her neck. He loved spending time with Old Nan next door but he was a mummy’s boy through and through._

_“How is my handsome boy?” she asked, kissing his forehead._

_“Perfectly behaved as always,” Nan said with a smile. “Always so happy and bright. I love having him here.”_

_“Thanks Nanette,” Lyanna replied warmly, setting Jon down on the ground again._

_“Tea?” Old Nan asked as Jon went back to his stuffed toy._

_“That sounds wonderful,” Lyanna replied, running a hand through Jon’s curls as she passed to help in the kitchen. “I am so nervous for tomorrow.”_

_“A child’s first day at school is always an emotional roller-coaster,” Old Nan said kindly. “I was a blubbering mess when my boy went. But I wasn’t the only one, which made me feel better.”_

_Lyanna laughed, looking over at Jon as he started singing his song again._

_“Little bunny Foo-Foo, hopping through the forest, scooping up the field mice and bopping them on the head.”_

_“Jon is going to be so handsome in his school uniform,” Nan said proudly._

_“Down came the good fairy, and she said.”_

_“He is so excited,” Lyanna grinned._

_“Little bunny Foo-Foo, I don’t want to see you scooping up the field mice and bopping them on the head! I’ll give you three chances and if you don’t behave, I will turn you into a goon!” Jon dragged out the ooooo, giggling up at his audience as he hugged his dog to his chest._

_“So talented,” Lyanna beamed and Jon smiled wider, holding his arms out to his mum. “Jon, you are almost five, I can’t lift you all the time!” But she still laughed, kneeling down to Jon’s level and she hugged him tightly._

_“All the girls are going to love you!” Nan said as she set the cups down on the coffee table. Jon wrinkled his nose._

_“Girls are icky!” he replied. The women laughed and Lyanna kissed his brow._

_“And you will think that for at least another ten years,” she beamed as she took her drink. Jon rolled away from her picking up his dog again._

_“Puppy,” he giggled to himself. Lyanna smiled around her cup._

_“It is going to be so strange, not having him all day. I was bad enough when he went to nursery in the mornings,” she sighed, watching Jon move the toy as if it was running across the carpet._

_“You will get used to it,” Old Nan replied softly. “Do you want me to come with you tomorrow? I’d like to see him off and we can go for lunch afterwards?”_

_“That would be nice,” Lyanna grinned, draining her cup and turning to Jon. “Alright, handsome. Say goodnight to Nan!”_

_“Night night!” Jon called, running to hug Nan’s leg. She ruffled his hair in response._

_“See you tomorrow sweetie!”_

_***_

_“Mummy look!” Jon called as he thrust the picture he drew in her face. Lyanna smiled, taking the picture and giving him a kiss on the brow as he nuzzled into her side, pointing at the image. “It is you and me and Nan. And puppy!”_

_“You are so talented my handsome boy!” she said. And it was true, Jon was just shy of his fifth birthday and already she could see him becoming a brilliant artist. “This is going on the fridge, pride of place! Nan is going to be so happy.”_

_“Can we get some cake?” Jon asked as Lyanna rolled the picture up and then helped him put his gloves on. He loved cake. She laughed._

_“Were you good today?” she responded. Jon nodded proudly, his body swinging side to side. He was always good, he thought._

_“Well, it is your birthday soon, surely you can wait another week sweetie.”_

_“But I was good,” Jon pouted. She laughed, squeezing his hand._

_“I know and I am so proud of you,” she responded. “But you can’t get cake every time you’re good. The world isn’t like that sweetie.”_

_***_

_He stood in the playground, stepping up on his toes to peer over the gate. His mother should be here by now. He was cold and frightened, it was getting dark by three o clock now with January halfway through. Mother never forgot to come for him, or Old Nan if mother was working. Someone always came for him._

_“Jon?”_

_He turned at the voice, his teacher approaching him from the school doors. Miss Mordane knelt in front of him, looking around the playground._

_“What are you doing out here?” she asked. Jon rubbed his nose on his sleeve as he sniffed._

_“Mummy isn’t here,” he responded, looking out on the street again._

_“Okay honey,” she responded, taking his hand gently. “Lets go and wait for her inside will we? Get out of this cold.”_

_He sat in the classroom, not knowing what was going on. The Head teacher, Mister Reed was here now too, talking with Miss Mordane in soft whispers. Eventually, he left and Miss Mordane came back to him, taking his hand in his._

_“Jon honey, what about your daddy?” she asked gently. Jon frowned._

_“I don’t have a daddy,” he responded. “Where is mummy?”_

_“She’ll be here, I’m sure honey.”_

_“Miss Mordane!” Mister Reed called suddenly. She rose to leave the room again and Jon curled his arms around his waist. He felt sick and wanted his mother even more for it._

_“Jon,” Mr Reed said softly. Jon looked up at him. He didn’t like how sad he looked, he didn’t like the silence. He wanted his mother to come already. Why wasn't she here?_

_“I want my mummy,” Jon said, his lip trembling. “I want my mummy, I want my mummy!” he screamed the last part, his fists balling up in frustration and his eyes burning._

_“Jon, honey,” Ms Mordane said softly and Jon cried harder. Something was wrong._

_Only when Old Nan came through the door, her eyes wide and wet did he move, running straight into her arms._

_“I want my mummy!” he sobbed against her and she hugged him tightly to her._

_“I know sweet boy, I know,” she murmured gently, kissing his brow. “Come with me, sweetie.”_

_His mother never did come for him._

_***_

_He clutched his puppy toy close with one hand, the other grasped tightly in Nan’s hand. He stared at the coffin as it was lowered into the ground. He didn’t understand why his mum would be in there and not with him. Nan had said something about a car accident but mummy didn’t drive a car, he had thought. He was so confused about it all, he just wanted her to come back. Why would she leave? Had he been bad?_

_“She loved you so much Jon,” Nan said softly, stroking his hair. “I want you to always remember that alright?”_

_“When will she come back?” Jon asked, still not comprehending what was going on. Nan sighed softly. It didn’t matter how many times she tried to explain it, Jon was always still waiting for her._

_“Hello?” a woman greeted, approaching them in her dark suit. She extended a hand towards Old Nan, a blonde man and young girl trailing behind her._

_“Can I help you?” Old Nan asked. The woman held a card out, Nan took it with a frown._

_“I’m Maege Mormont. Are you Jon Snow, young man?” the woman asked, kneeling down to him. Jon turned towards Nan’s leg, hiding his face. Maege continued in the same soft voice. She gestured to the people behind her. “Do you know this man? He is your uncle Viserys.”_

_The man’s lips barely twitched. “We’ll get his stuff and get out of your hair,” he said smoothly to Nan, who just gripped Jon’s hand tighter._

_“He should stay with me,” Nan insisted._

_“Oh I know it is hard to let go sometimes. But Jon should really be with family. If we find a blood relative, the system tries to keep them together,” the woman insisted._

_“I am his family!” Nan insisted hotly. “He’s never met him!” she gestured towards Viserys._

_“Thanks to an absent father, I understand,” Maege continued before gesturing the girl forward. “Daenerys is the same age as you, I believe, won’t it be nice to have a friend?”_

_“Hullo,” Daenerys murmured. Jon rubbed his cheek against Nan’s skirts, glancing between Daenerys and the adults shyly._

_“I’ll let you say your goodbyes,” said the woman._

_***_

_“For fuck SAKE!”_

_Jon’s head snapped to the side with the force of the blow his uncle gave him. Daenerys whimpered behind him, sinking down into the gap of the sofa and the armchair._

_“You fucking idiot!” his uncle yelled, spit flying onto Jon's face._

_And Jon trembled, the broken glass glinting in the sunlight that streamed across the room from the window. The juice was already staining a deep purple on the carpet. It had been an accident, Jon had tripped over his shoe lace, not realising it was loose. The glass had fallen from his hands and smashed against the end of the coffee table. Daenerys had turned to him wide-eyed and then Viserys’s footsteps had come thundering through._

_“I’m sorry,” Jon whimpered._

_He cried out as Viserys grasped his arm tightly, fingers digging in harsh enough to leave marks on his skin. He dragged Jon to his room, shoving him so roughly that it caused Jon to tumble to the floor, the carpet burning his knees. The door slammed and then the sound of the lock clicking. Jon pulled himself up and leaned against the wall, head on his knees and his hands locked around them. He would be here until tomorrow morning now. Viserys always kept him or Dany in their rooms if they annoyed him. They seemed to always annoy him somehow._

_When his mother had died, social services had tried to contact his dad. But Rhaegar had been unreachable and it had been his uncle Viserys who had come to get him. Jon had never met him or Daenerys before his mother’s funeral, but Viserys had known of his existence and had never contacted his mother. Now Jon thought perhaps his mother had been the one to prevent contact._

_Viserys got angry at everything, especially Jon. Jon often took the fall for Daenerys too when she did something that would anger her brother. The blows hurt like hell and the hunger pangs kept him awake at night when Viserys would lock him in his room without his tea. But his mother had always helped others less fortunate than her, had told him to be kind and helpful to those less fortunate than him too. So, he would protect Dany from Viserys even if his stomach ached, his skin bleed and bruised and his eyes felt like sandpaper from lack of sleep._

_He didn’t like living this far south in Gretna, practically on the border with England, far away from the Highlands he had loved as a child. It was a richer part of Scotland in living standards and while Jon didn’t have a problem with rich or successful people, when he went to his school and felt the burning looks of disdain from the other parents for his wrecked shoes, too short trouser legs and his shirt too big that it hung loosely around his arms in a scruffy manner, it made him want to curl up in a corner._

_The other kids teased him relentlessly and Dany too. They only had each other and Jon thought perhaps that could be enough to see them both through all of this. They were family and their bond was the only good thing to come from his mother’s death. He even let her play with his puppy toy, the only thing he had left of his mother._

_Eventually, one of the teachers started to notice Jon’s dark shadows, his lack of concentration in classes, his ever-declining state of dress. And the next thing he knew, social services were at the door. For a brief moment, he had thought everything was going to be fine, he and Dany would go and live with another family and be normal._

_And at first, they were kept together in the foster home but then the family had decided they wanted to keep Dany and not Jon because they wanted a girl in a house full of boys. Dany had screeched in protest, hitting her new mother with Jon’s stuffed toy that she had been holding. Jon was silent in shock. First his mother, then Old Nan and now Dany. Why were they all being taking away from him? What had he done wrong? Even at seven years old, he was having to remind himself that his mother had loved him, Old Nan had insisted he remembered it and he did. But in times like these, he wondered why nobody else seemed to, and the few who did were taken from him._

_Jon had begged and begged the workers but they had just told him softly that if he and Dany had truly been siblings, they would have stayed together in foster care. But they were not, they were aunt and nephew really. Jon had replied that he had been told once that they preferred children to be with a blood relative. That was the reason he was separated from Old Nan. But they had gently explained that that was in regards to guardians, not children where the relation extended siblings._

_He never saw Dany again but had heard her foster family had moved to Oxfordshire._

_He realised once he was bundled into the car that Dany still had his dog toy._

_***_

_Ramsay Bolton was by far the worst person that Jon had ever had to deal with in the foster system. He would say he didn’t understand how he got put with the Bolton family considering Ramsay’s behaviour but then, the system had put him with Viserys after all._

_“Bastard,” Ramsay greeted, nudging past Jon so hard he knocked him into the wall. Jon glared after him but knew to keep silent. Ramsay could hurt him as much as Viserys, and not always physically. Jon still felt sick thinking about the kitten Ramsay had found, the squealing noise it made as Ramsay had…_

_Jon had shoved him roughly, grabbing the kitten when Ramsay dropped it in shock and he had bolted, cradling the wailing creature to his chest and ignoring the blood soaking his shirt. He murmured to it softly in reassurance as he saw the vets in the distance._

_In the end, the kitten couldn’t be saved and Jon had just stood numbly when the vet had told him. He really was useless, he couldn’t even save a kitten. The vet had told him it was better he got there when he did, the kitten would have suffered for much longer if he hadn’t. Jon still didn’t feel much better for it though. At eleven, he felt he had already forgotten his mother telling him to always look after those less fortunate than him. He vowed the next time he wouldn’t let Ramsay hurt someone._

_Vowed it even as Ramsay held him down in the bucket of water until he was on the verge of blacking out._

_When Ramsay had been holding Kyra, one of the girls from Jon’s class by the throat against the wall, his other hand thrust up her skirt, Jon had not hesitated._

_Unfortunately, while it felt good to punch Ramsay at the time, it was Jon who was punished for it. He was expelled from school after Roose Bolton had said Jon had been responsible for things every pupil had known was Ramsay like setting fire to the toilets, the graffiti on the walls._

_Kyra had been too scared to say anything either in Jon’s defence or to accuse Ramsay. Jon had known Roose had probably said or done something to defend his son, even if it was just for the selfish reason of protecting his family name and the business he had. Jon was well passed being surprised at being cast aside again. At least this time it really was for the best, Jon never wanted to stay here anyway. He loved the farm land they lived on as it allowed him to escape the Boltons attentions. But it was incredibly lonely and he hated the slaughterhouse Roose and Ramsay worked on that was nearby._

_He only found the Freys marginally better to live with when he was moved to Kelso to live with them, they at least left him to his own devices but Walder Frey never failed to remind him of his place. He was a paycheck essentially, until he was sixteen. And then, he was out._

_He tried not to think of what his mother would think of it all. If she had lived, she would be helping him with his homework, would be teasing him about girls in his class and telling him which ones she would accept as a future daughter in law. He would have friends over, he would have friends in general. He never stayed long in families normally, not long enough to stay in school and make friends and he had learned to not bother, keeping to himself._

_It struck him then that he couldn’t even properly remember what his mother looked like._

_***_

_“What would you like to do after school, Jon?” Mister Seaworth asked, regarding Jon over his clasped hands. Jon shrugged. He didn’t see the point in doing anything, he had nowhere to go and nobody to impress. Nobody would care what Jon did with his life, wouldn’t even care if he was hit by a car later. Just like his mother nine years ago._

_“You have a talent for art and crafts,” Mister Seaworth continued, looking at the sheets in front of him as he tried to help Jon decided what Standard Grades to take in his third and fourth year of High School. “Mister Mikken says you excel in your tech classes, making things seems to be a great strength of yours.”_

_“I suppose,” Jon muttered, examining his fingernails._

_“And Mrs Waynwood says you have a natural talent for art,” Mister Seaworth added, watching Jon closely. Jon glanced at him after a moment of feeling his continuous stare._

_“And?” he questioned sullenly, looking away again._

_“You’ve had a tough life Jon,” his teacher said softly. Jon kept his gaze determinedly at the wall. “But you have a chance to change it all. Architecture, perhaps? Would that interest you?”_

_Jon shrugged._

_“Jon, you’re a good kid. Well, a young man now I suppose, you’re fourteen now yes?”_

_Jon nodded._

_“Architecture is a good job to have, relatively safe industry and pays very well. It would take a long time to go through university, but it will be worth it. Or politics? I could see you being a good politician.”_

_Jon scoffed, barely resisting the urge to roll his eyes._

_“You’re a good person Jon. The world would be a better place if more people like you were in charge of things.”_

_“I would need to talk though,” Jon retorted and tried to stop his own smile in response to Mister Seaworth’s grin._

_“So, shall we put art and tech down as two subjects? You have to take maths, English and French. Now, history or geography? You have acceptable grades in both, although I do believe you are capable of higher than a C plus Jon. Which one interests you more?”_

_“History,” Jon mumbled. “If Geography was actually about countries and cultures and stuff that would probably win.”_

_“You want to travel?” Mister Seaworth asked with interest. Jon looked away again with a small nod. He liked Mister Seaworth but the kindness he was showing, Jon had always been wary of those who were kind to him. They never lasted long in his life._

_“Stupid dream really,” he said with a mirthless laugh._

_“No dream is stupid Jon,” Mister Seaworth replied kindly._

_***_

_He was forever grateful to Mister Seaworth for the push he gave him in his third year of high school. For two years he had been staying anywhere he could afford, working as many hours as possible in his local Co-operative grocery store. He would take everyone else's shifts when they needed days off, he would take the early and late shifts which paid more. He did everything he could to keep the roof over his head and food in his belly. He had studied hard, thanks to Mister Seaworth’s constant praise and the need to prove to both his teacher and himself that he could do something, could **be** something._

_And now, here it was. The University of Glasgow had accepted him unconditionally on its Civil Engineering and Architecture course. He had gone to school to show Mister Seaworth and to thank him for his reference._

_“Well done Jon, I knew you would do it,” his teacher beamed. Jon felt proud for the first time in years. He knew if his mother were still alive she would be proud of him too and that made his eyes burn slightly as he remembered that after this, he would be right back to square one. Mister Seaworth would be gone from his life, just like everyone else._

_***_

_“Is this seat taken?” the red-head asked, hand clasping the back of the chair across from Jon where he studied in the library. Jon shook his head in answer, going back to his laptop._

_“Robb, by the way,” the man opposite beamed at him. Jon glanced over, resisting the urge to say that he had never asked._

_It was three weeks into his course and he had deliberately stayed out of halls because he had just had it with people. People left after a while, when they realised Jon was not worth their time._

_“Not a talker huh?” Robb grinned at him. Jon’s frown deepened._

_“It is a library,” he reminded Robb, who grinned wider._

_“What accent is that?” he asked curiously, ignoring Jon’s response. Jon exhaled sharply in annoyance but was realising this idiot was not going to leave him alone._

_“Nothing specific,” he shrugged. “Grew up all over the place.”_

_“Your family traveled a lot?” Robb asked. Jeez, what was with this kid?!_

_“No,” Jon snapped. “My mother died when I was five and I was punted everywhere until I was no longer bringing in the government support.”_

_Robb’s eyes widened and he blinked several times in shock._

_“Oh, that is so shit man,” he said after a moment and Jon snorted at him for stating the obvious. "I'm so sorry, I couldn't even imagine..."_

_Jon wanted to tell him to shut up, that he didn't need his pity. Still, there was something genuine about it, reminding him of Mister Seaworth’s genuine concern for him. And Jon couldn’t deny it did feel nice._

_“But you’re obviously a survivor,” Robb continued, smiling at Jon again. “You wouldn’t be here if you weren’t.”_

_No, Jon supposed he wouldn’t be. He had definitely inherited resilience from his mother, although some days it still didn’t feel like it._

_“You want to come out tonight?” Robb asked suddenly._

_“I don’t really go out,” Jon replied. He wondered what Robb wanted from him. Maybe he needed to borrow his laptop._

_“Well, do you want to catch a movie with me and my friend Theon? We’re going to see the Resident Evil movie.”_

_“I …don’t know what that is,” Jon replied, feeling his cheeks heat up. He had never watched much television as a kid, with all the moving about and the strict parenting. Viserys had always yelled when he and Dany watched television instead of doing something useful around the house. Jon quickly learned to not watch television or movies or play games if it meant one less bruise._

_“It is based on a game,” Robb explained. “But you wouldn’t need to have played it. Although, we could have a games night instead if you…”_

_“What do you want?” Jon asked with a frown. Robb blinked._

_“I’m just being nice,” he said after a moment and Jon softened. Robb had clearly been lucky enough to never know true pain or loss. He believed in being nice to people because it was just what should be done. Jon thought of his mother, what little he could remember of her and knew she would be just like Robb in this situation if she saw some lonely kid, desperate to be accepted despite trying so hard not to appear to need anyone._

_“Right, sorry,” Jon muttered. He paused, looking down at his hand for a moment._

_Maybe …maybe he should give people one last chance._

_***_

_Robb had invited him to the Starks house for Christmas that first year but Jon had refused. He was still waiting for Robb to get bored of him, to realise he was not really worth the effort of being his friend. But Robb said he had spoken to his family about Jon, nothing private that Jon wouldn’t want shared, just that he had nowhere to go for Christmas and Robb’s parents had immediately insisted Jon come over. Nobody should be alone at Christmas, Robb’s mother had apparently said. Robb’s father had agreed, stating that Christmas was all about taking care of each other._

_The second year, when he was nineteen, he finally agreed to go to the Starks, his stomach in knots all the way on the two-hour drive to the small village of Glamis in Angus._

_“There isn’t much to do to be honest,” Robb told him. Theon scoffed in the back seat. His family were from Dundee and he was getting dropped off as they passed through it on their way._

_“Damn right, there is only the castle on one side and then the boring town on the other! Can always do the women though,” he added with a wink. He leaned over so his face was between the front seats. “When is Sansa sixteen again?”_

_“Shut up Theon,” Robb snapped, eyeing his friend in the mirror._

_“Your sister?” Jon clarified, remembering Robb explaining his family to him last night._

_“Aye,” Robb responded. “She is a dreamer, a little naïve to be honest. I worry about her ending up with people like that douchebag!” Robb glanced back at Theon then, who gave a mock yell in protest._

_“I won’t touch Sansa man, I just like winding you up about it. You’re still her knight aren’t you? Jon, did you know Sansa made Robb wear a flower crown once?”_

_“No!” Jon exclaimed with a laugh, trying to picture Robb with flowers in his hair. Robb glared in the mirror again._

_“I might kick you out before Dundee mate!” he muttered. “And not being heartless enough to tell a six-year-old girl to get lost is nothing to be ashamed of!”_

_Jon smiled to himself. Robb really was a good person, the kind Jon had thought were long gone from his life. And Robb had more or less told him he was there to stay, even suggesting Jon move into the spare room that Theon would be moving out of after he transferred to Norway for a years exchange programme._

_***_

_Catelyn Stark fussed over him throughout the time he stayed at the Stark's house. She offered for him to taste things before serving it up to make sure he would like it. Jon didn’t want to tell her that this was the first time in years anyone had cooked a decent meal for him, he had had to learn to cook himself so would gladly eat anything placed in front of him. She would insist on washing his clothes like she did with all her children and she always asked if he was warm enough before he went to bed._

_Ned had spoken to him kindly too, telling him that he had struggled with shyness too when he was Jon’s age and it was nothing to be ashamed of. Ned was still a quiet man but there was a confidence about him that Jon admired greatly. He wished he had had a father like Ned in his life, a father who accepted the different personalities of all his children and loved them fiercely. A father who could never imagine a world without his children in it._

_Bran and Rickon hadn’t been too fussed about the new addition in their house but he had bonded with them quickly enough. Bran was twelve and already talking about becoming a psychologist. Jon envied how easy he seemed to take his life, knowing what he wanted to do so young but it gave Bran a confidence to approach Jon and talk to him easily. Jon was grateful for that for he still struggled to be the one to speak first most of the time. He supposed being friends with Robb didn’t help in that respect – Robb definitely talked enough for the both of them and then some more._

_Rickon was seven and it was his stuffed toy that had led to Jon’s bond with him. The dog toy was black whereas his had been white, but it looked the same design overall and Jon felt his heart twinge a little at the reminder of his mother. Jon perched on the arm of the sofa, gesturing to the toy._

_“Does he have a name?”_

_“Shaggydog,” Rickon replied proudly._

_“I used to have one,” Jon said, feeling his cheeks burn as everyone in the room looked at him. He was still getting used to being on the receiving end of good attention. “He was named ‘puppy’.”_

_Rickon snorted, grinning up at Jon from behind his dog. “That is a silly name,” he teased and for the first time, Jon had recognised it for what it was: endearment, acceptance._

_Arya had been the easiest to get along with, it was an almost instant kinship. She liked to keep to herself like him, and seemed to understand when he needed time alone and when it was okay to come and sit with him. She had taken to Jon quickly as well, declaring on Christmas Eve that she would happily welcome him as another brother to which the Starks raised their glasses, even Sansa with a polite smile._

_When Sansa presented him with a belated birthday cake, saying that Robb had told her that he hadn't had one since he was five years old, he had barely managed to stop himself from crying in front of everyone. She said she hadn't known what to get him for Christmas, hadn't wanted him to be left out , that it wasn't much but hoped that he would appreciate it all the same. And gods, he had! He had been so over-whelmed by her kindness and thoughtfulness he had forgotten to say thank you or even acknowledge the effort that it took._

_He looked away from her quickly, feeling his cheeks heat up again. Sansa was pretty, really pretty. And smart, she had just passed her English prelim with top marks. And she had passed all her other prelim exams with the lowest being a C plus in Maths, the others B pluses or As. She had always struggled with Maths apparently, according to Robb. Jon had said he had been alright at Maths and could tutor her if she wished. But Sansa had insisted she didn’t need him. He tried not to take it to heart, she didn’t know about his past. Robb had told them very little, allowing Jon to say what he wanted and what he didn’t. She didn’t know how important it was for him to feel useful, to use his strengths and show that he actually had a point of being here, eating the Stark's food and sleeping under their roof._

_She had read her story out over dinner, Bran and Robb listening intently and smiling at her. Rickon and Arya made gagging noises whenever romance was mentioned until Jon scowled at Arya beside him in annoyance. She raised her eyebrows in question slightly but had behaved from then on. Jon went back to listening to Sansa, her soft voice echoing around the room and in his head all night._

_He had been here for two weeks and already had the biggest crush on her._

_***_

_Jon wished he had Robb’s charm or Theon’s confidence. He wished he knew how to even do anything remotely romantic. He was absolutely clueless about dating, had never even been kissed before. He could barely look at her without blushing, struggled to speak more than a mumble because he was too scared of making a fool of himself in front of her for saying the wrong thing. But then he wondered what the point in even trying was._

_He could still hear Viserys in his head, yelling he was stupid, worthless. He could hear Ramsay’s taunting, reminding him every day that he wasn’t good enough, Walder Frey throwing him and his tiny rucksack of things onto the street on his sixteenth birthday._

_Sansa would get tired of him eventually. Better to ache for her from afar than to break his heart completely._

_But she drew him in all the time. Her blue eyes were always sparkling, she was always radiant and smiling. She was just beautiful, inside and out. And in the deepest corner of his mind, the part that still craved a normal life with a family could only picture having it with her. But then his rational part always came back, reminding him of why he would never have kids. He couldn’t bear to have a child and then for something to happen to him, or their mother. If he had kids, it had to be within a committed relationship and he had to know his partner’s family intensely. He wouldn’t have any child of his go through what he did._

_He tried so hard to physically avoid Sansa when he could because he felt that everyone would know straight away if he spent too long around her, noticing how he was unable to keep his eyes off her for long or stare as she spoke about her day, her latest writing project, her new favourite movie or television couple. He listened from afar, trying to remember everything he could._

_He was on the couch in the living room reading The Hobbit and enjoying the peace and quiet with all the younger kids at school and Ned and Catelyn at work. Robb was upstairs having a nap after working an early shift that morning at the bakery._

_He and Robb were off university for summer and Jon was taking the time to read some of the books on his to-read list he had always had. Being in the foster system had not left much time for reading, or anything else particularly leisurely but the Stark's house was the perfect place to catch up on things he had missed out on as a kid._

_The door slammed suddenly, causing Jon to jump. He felt his heart hammer at the sound, some dark memory of Viserys coming back to his mind. He swallowed, frowning at the sound of sobbing coming through from the hallway. He put his bookmark in the book, placing it on the side table and then moving out of the room, peering around the wall._

_Sansa was on the floor, her back to the door and head buried in her knees. Her body was shaking with sobs and Jon briefly wondered if he should get Robb. Robb would know what to do, would know what to say to her. He had little experience in people comforting him so he tried his hardest to conjure the blurred picture of his mother and Old Nan in his mind, trying to remember anything about what they had done with him when he had been upset._

_He moved slowly, not wanting to startle her. She had glanced up then, her eyes red from her crying and Jon had to look away. He hated to see her upset, already hated whoever had done this to her. She wiped her face with her hand harshly. Jon inhaled, trying to gather courage as he went to the wall beside her, sliding down until he was level with her._

_“I asked Dean out today,” she said after a moment. “But he…he said that he wouldn’t go out with me but if Margaery was single.”_

_She wiped her nose and stared at the floor. Jon frowned in confusion. How could this guy not see Sansa and want her?_

_“Margaery dumped her milkshake on his head.”_

_"Good,” Jon laughed before he could stop himself. “You can have the living room if you want."_

_She glanced at him, and smiled a little. “You actually spoke to me,” she teased._

_***_

_“I …I could…” Jon started but felt his cheeks heat up when Sansa glanced up at him with a raised eyebrow. “If you want,” he trailed off. He could feel Bran’s eyes boring into him from where he sat studying at the dining room table._

_The doorbell rang and Jon ducked his face down as Sansa rushed past him, her perfume filling his nostrils. Arya groaned as she came into the room as a female voice filled the house._

_“I like Margaery well enough but gods, she can’t half talk. Run while you can Jon, she’ll smell new meat from miles away!”_

_“Grandma is ecstatic of course, she always wanted me to go into…oh…hello!” Margaery trailed off as she entered the kitchen, her eyebrows rising as she regarded Jon. “I don’t believe we’ve met? You’ll be Jon Snow, I take it?”_

_“Um, yeah,” he replied, taking the hand, she extended._

_“I’m Margaery Tyrell. Sansa mentioned you a couple of times,” Margaery said. “She failed to mention how handsome you were though!”_

_Jon’s whole face heated up, unused to female attention. He resisted the urge to glance at Sansa to see what she thought of the praise. Gods, he had just been about to ask her if she wanted him to come as her date to her end of year dance. She seemed pretty sad since the latest idiot she had had a crush on had shattered her dreams, declaring he was taking someone else to the dance despite stringing Sansa along and making her think he was interested in pursuing a relationship with her._

_“Gross,” Arya muttered, getting up again and leaving the room, clearly unwilling to watch Margaery attempt to flirt with him. “Jon is practically our brother!”_

_Jon felt as though a bucket of cold water had been thrown over him. Right. And he was hopelessly in love with Sansa regardless._

_“We’re going to go shopping for our end of year dance,” Margaery continued as if she hadn’t heard Arya. “I can’t believe school is over. We’ll be in university in few months, living in the big city!”_

_“I think I’ll be the only one staying at home,” Bran piped up from the table. “Abertay in Dundee has the best psychology course for sure!”_

_Sansa had been accepted into Strathclyde University on their English, Journalism and Creative Writing course. Arya had already started looking into her future and seemed to be looking at either Aberdeen or Glasgow as an option._

_“We’ll be going together, showing solidarity and all that!” Margaery chimed, linking arms with Sansa. “We don’t need dates right babe?”_

_“Um yeah, Sansa was…saying .…” he trailed off again, stuffing his hands in his pockets and shuffling from the gazes of everyone on him. Margaery eventually smiled kindly at him before she made her way to the bathroom and Sansa went upstairs to get her things._

_“Wow,” Bran said once they were alone. “You’ve got it bad.”_

_***_

_“Gods you won’t ever let that go, will you?” Arya’s voice carried from the kitchen as Jon made his way to get breakfast. “It was an accident!”_

_“I know,” Sansa replied brightly. “But it is leverage that I am going to exploit!”_

_“Jon! My sister is blackmailing me!” Arya muttered when he entered._

_“Oh?” he questioned, going to the coffee pot. He glanced at Sansa’s empty cup and flicked the kettle on to fill the teapot so she could have another cup of tea._

_“She has never forgotten the time when I was seven and I tripped and broke her dolls house accidently!” she emphasised the last word. “And now she is dragging me to some shitty boyband concert in revenge!”_

_“Huh,” Jon replied after a moment, keeping his eyes off Sansa as much as possible, trying not to think how cute she looked in those pink pyjamas._

_“I felt so bad,” Arya added. “I know how much it meant to you, being the last thing Grandpa Tully gave you.”_

_Sansa shrugged. “It was an accident. But at least I have a gig buddy for life now!”_

_“Honey I’m home!” Robb called, coming into the kitchen with a huge grin. Arya and Sansa raised their eyebrows at the fact he was wearing the same clothes as last night._

_“Walk of shame?” Arya teased. Robb laughed but it sounded nervous and Sansa slammed her mug down._

_“You hooked up with someone!” she exclaimed excitedly._

_“No, no I didn’t!” Robb protested but his face was all red. “I was at Theon’s party and crashed on the couch!”_

_Jon had gone along to the party for a while but the noise and the sheer amount of people had threatened to give him a headache. That and Roslin Frey coming up to him, acting as though they had really been brother and sister and asking him to speak to Robb for her. But he could still feel the rain soaking through his clothes as he waited for the bus to Glasgow, how he had trailed the streets in search of a hostel. And seeing Roslin had brought it all back and he had snapped a harsh no. He had felt bad at the time, it hadn’t been Roslin’s fault, what her father had done. Walder Frey had hardly been much kinder to her or his other children than he was to Jon._

_But then he remembered the dark-haired girl Robb had been talking to when he had gone to say goodbye. And figured from the look on Robb’s face that it wouldn’t have mattered if he had spoken to Robb for Roslin anyway, Robb was engrossed in this girl._

_“That girl…” he started and Robb flushed harder._

_“Jeyne, I met her a while ago,” he said, running a hand through his hair and biting his lip to keep from smiling. Sansa squealed._

_“Oooooh Robb has a girlfriend!” Arya teased._

_“Stop it!” he insisted, shoving at Arya’s shoulder who just started laughing. Robb turned to Sansa. “Help your favourite brother out sis!”_

_“You loooooooove her!” Sansa replied, hitting her palm against Arya’s when her sister offered it and the two descended into laughter. Robb rolled his eyes but he was smiling regardless._

_“Alright, look we didn’t…do anything… but I asked her out and she said yes. Are you happy now?” he said after a moment. Sansa beamed, hugging her brother close._

_“Extremely happy for you!” she grinned._

_“So, when do we tell mum to set yet another place for Christmas?” Arya asked, dodging as Robb aimed for her head again._

_Jon glanced at Sansa’s smile and once again wished he could ask her out, take her to dinner or the cinema, one day he could even take her to Paris or New York or London like she always wanted to do. He was never good at saying things though, could remember his disastrous attempt of offering to be her sixth-year dance date._

_But then he thought of the dolls house Arya had mentioned. He knew he could never replace it, had never seen the original anyway. But he could make her a new one, maybe one of the Stark house and her family. It would be like if someone bought him a stuffed dog toy like ‘Puppy’ again. It wouldn’t be his original, wouldn’t be able to replace the feeling of when his mother had given it. But it would be a nice gesture, a sign that somebody understood how much it had meant to him even if it seemed just a stupid thing to other people._

_He would make Sansa a dolls house and tell her he was hopelessly, utterly in love with her and probably always had been._

_***_

_Ygritte liked him, he knew that. And if he was being honest, he was attracted to her too. But he had told her he was in love with Sansa and was going to tell her on her twenty-first birthday._

_And then Harry fucking Hardlyng made his appearance._

_Sansa had brought Harry home to meet the parents the week before Robb’s wedding. He had been charming and polite, holding his arm around Sansa in a loving manner, whispering in her ear and much to Jon’s horror, kissing her in the corridor where the bedrooms were. Jon had ducked into his room, trying to get the image of Sansa’s swollen lips and messy hair out of his mind._

_And wearing those fucking heels._

_He had been so ashamed at how hard he had gotten when she had dressed up for her sixth-year dance, wearing heels for the first time in her life. Jon had turned away, feigning interest in next door neighbours garden to stop himself saying something stupid like how he wanted to kiss up her long, long legs._

_And now he was panicking. Sansa was happy, she seemed to really like Harry and he had no right to come between them. He had known her for six years and had never said a thing, he had had his chance time and time again and done nothing. And if anything, that just proved to him that she deserved better than him. She deserved someone who told her how she made them feel, how beautiful she was and that they loved her. Harry was never going to be afraid of her reaction, he would just take the plunge and be brave about it._

_He had allowed Harry to claim the credit for the dolls house. He had told himself it was the right thing to do. He could be happy for Sansa if she was happy, if the guy was going to treat her right and give her everything she wanted and needed. He wasn’t going to ruin that for her, her first real relationship. He had no right._

_“Thanks man!” Harry said as he answered his door. “This means so much to me!”_

_“No problem,” Jon said placing the house down carefully on the coffee table. “I hope she likes it.”_

_“Yeah. Gods it has been so difficult!” Harry muttered as Jon started to leave. Jon frowned, turning in the doorway._

_“What do you mean?”_

_“Just, you know, it is so difficult to know her and what she wants!”_

_Her favourite colour is purple but she feels more confident wearing blue. Her favourite movies are Moulin Rouge and Beauty and the Beast. Belle is her favourite Disney female character (although she will argue until she was blue in the face that Belle wasn’t a Disney Princess technically and her favourite princess was Ana from Frozen). She prefers dogs to cats although she finds cat ornaments adorable. Her favourite author is JRR Tolkien and she is fiercely proud of being Scottish. She takes three sugars in her tea but is embarrassed about it so tells everyone it is two. She loves the Christmas drinks Costa does, gingerbread one specifically and if she had her way, Christmas decorations would be up as soon as Halloween was over. She watches Strictly Come Dancing despite her siblings teasing her and would love to see it live someday. She wants to be an editor of a fashion magazine, although she would write stories on the side too. She can be stubborn to the point of irritation when she wants something, she can forget how privileged she is sometimes but she has a heart of gold underneath it all. She can say things without thinking about the consequences but would never hurt someone intentionally with her words._

_“But,” Harry grinned, slapping Jon’s shoulder in comradeship. “She might open up in some way after this, you know what I mean?”_

_Jon stood on the step as Harry closed the door, completely in shock. How could this guy not know Sansa after dating her for four months already? And now, now Jon realised that Sansa and Harry hadn’t… and the dolls house would…_

_He barely remembered getting home, was trying not to think of Harry calling Sansa around to his, her seeing the dolls house and kissing him in gratitude. He tried to not to think of how Harry would kiss her back, kiss her everywhere and then….then…_

_He would have everything Jon had ever wanted and he didn’t even know Sansa. It was the story of his fucking life. The good guy comes last after all, time and time again. Jon thought he would have learned it by now, would have learned it when his mother was killed and his whole life became some never-ending shitstorrm._

_He blinked when Jeyne’s concerned face appeared in his vision, not hearing her come in._

_“Jon, are you ill?” she asked, pressing a hand to his forehead. Jon jerked._

_“I love Sansa,” he said, the first time he had ever said it out loud. Even when Bran had teased him years ago, he had tried to deny it. “And she loves Harry even though he probably thinks Belle is a Disney Princess when she isn’t!” Jeyne opened her mouth but Jon continued regardless. “And he probably puts two sugars in her tea and thinks he is fucking amazing. And I have given away the one chance to tell her how I feel, how I’ve always felt and now…now…”_

_“Oh Jon,” Jeyne sighed sadly, moving to sit beside him and put his arms around him to pull him close. “I’m so sorry sweetie.”_

_And Jon was grateful for her kindness. But Robb and her were moving into their own place now they were engaged and Jon would be alone in the flat. Alone in everything as usual._

_He shouldn’t’ have called Ygritte, shouldn’t have gone out drinking with her. But Ygritte did make him feel attractive and when she had whispered that he could call her anytime, her unspoken offer filling his drunken brain, he had nodded._

_Weeks later, when Sansa told her family that she and Harry were moving in together, he tells himself he shouldn’t have fallen into bed with Ygritte, given up his first kiss and his virginity that he had always pictured being Sansa’s._

_He was always, always Sansa’s. Completely and utterly._

_He was as stupid as Viserys had always said he was because Sansa wasn’t his. She didn’t want him like that, just like none of the foster families had wanted him. Sansa wanted her Prince Charming look-a-likes and confident men who knew what they could offer her, not some fumbling, worthless idiot like him. He wasn’t her type, he knew that, had always known it._

_But a part of him, that tiny part of him that still thought about his mother and what could have been if she had lived, liked to also make him think what could have been if he had given her that dolls house instead._

_The more he thought about that and how it just summed up his whole life so far, the less he ate, the less he slept, the less he started to care about anything at all._

_If Sam hadn’t answered the flatmate ad, he doesn’t know if he would have come through the other side._

_When his treatment had finished and he started to feel functional again he had come back to the flat to see Robb, Jeyne and Sam greeting him with Ghost, the albino husky that looked so much like his long lost ‘Puppy’._

_***_

_“I have been here for you all this time!” Ygritte yelled, pacing in front of him just as Arya came through the door. She gave a tight smile, clearly understanding she had interrupted an argument and quickly excused herself to her room. Jon felt bad, ever since she had transferred to Glasgow University from Aberdeen and moved in, she had been witness to the destructive part of his and Ygritte’s relationship._

_They had never really been in love, at least he hadn’t. At this point they weren’t even denying that they were together for the sex and nothing else, despite Ygritte’s constant wish for more._

_“I can’t give you what you want!” Jon replied hotly for the millionth time. He couldn’t move in with her, marry her have a life with her if he didn’t love her. “I really think it is for the best.”_

_“Jon,” Ygritte reached for him and he stepped back. For the first time in his life he was being brave enough to do what was right, not thinking about how he had to be accepted and keep people happy._

_“It is over,” he repeated. “You deserve better.”_

_“So, do you!” she responded, taking a deep breath. His lips twitched a little, he appreciated the sentiment. She looked at him again. “Jon, remember to be confident about yourself. You are worth more than you think you are.”_

_“Thanks,” he said softly as he followed her to the door. “I…I uh really hope we can still be friends, eventually.”_

_“Yeah,” Ygritte responded sadly. “Maybe in time.”_

_***_

_He stared at the text Ygritte had sent. He hadn’t heard from her since they had broken up._

_Come to the Union._

_He had debated and debated whether to go out or not. Arya had said something about going out tonight with Sansa. He was surprised, Sansa had been a little withdrawn from the family recently and Arya seemed angry at something ever since Sansa had called her the other night. He also knew Jeyne was out tonight and that meant Sansa would be there as well._

_Sam was at Gilly’s and Robb was being taxi for Jeyne tonight. Normally, that wouldn’t stop him asking Robb round for a movie or something. But Robb had let slip that he and Jeyne were trying for a baby and well, Jon knew Robb would be keen for Jeyne to come home early._

_He supposed he should go out. He hadn’t really seen Jeyne since her wedding. Had barely seen anyone really if truth be told, staying in with Sam and Arya most of the time. It was like being a kid all over again, withdrawing to avoid being disappointed._

_He took a deep breath and replied to Ygritte, telling her he would be there soon. He didn't plan on drinking tonight. He laughed when Jeyne sent a text asking how he was. He replied she would see for herself._

_Jeyne had hugged him when he had come through the door and then he had seen her, sitting there watching him with wide eyes, as beautiful as she had always been._

_He had allowed Jeyne to lead him to the group, flushing when Myranda had openly flirted with him and feeling confused at Sansa’s sudden interest in her drink, her assessment of how many women would be willing to take him to bed._

_Would you come to my bed?_

_He excused himself to go and get a drink of coke, getting to the bar just as Ygritte's interest left. She turned to him with a grin._

_"Hey, you."_

_"You alright?" he asked. Ygritte smiled wider._

_"Your damsal is in distress," she drawled with a wink._

_"Hey," Jeyne said, suddenly appearing between them and turning to Ygritte. "What are you doing?" she asked, waving one hand in the universal hand gesture of 'what the fuck?' Ygritte shrugged._

_"Telling Jon to have the balls to talk to her or fuck her already. Do something for fuck sake!"_

_"You really think they should fuck?" Jeyne asked, gesturing wildly to Jon and then behind her towards the table._

_"She has just broken up with Harry," Jon hissed, glancing in Sansa's direction._

_"One night with you and she'll never be able to even say Harry again," Ygritte teased and Jon flushed._

_"Too much information," Jeyne muttered. Jon took his drink following Jeyne back to the table._

_"Talking won't do much harm though," Jeyne whispered as they approached the group._

_“I’m telling you, it was the best sex of my life!” Myranda declared, slamming her hands on the table with her mouth open in a dramatic representation of pleasure._

_“Well, that is a great time to walk into a conversation,” Jeyne said cheerily as Jon went to sit beside Arya._

_“You should be honoured Jon,” Margaery said, tossing her curls over her shoulder. “Not many men get to be part of a girls night.”_

_“Oh, sorry I didn’t realise it was…” Jon began but Margaery waved him off._

_“No, no. Its fine! Just to warn you though, we might be saying a few ..uh unfavourable things about your sex. Poor Sansa here has just recently re-joined the singletons club.”_

_“Really?” Sansa exclaimed. Jon glanced at her over Arya’s head, the questions already swimming in his mind. They were over? When? How?_

_“I’m sorry,” he said genuinely. Sansa had loved Harry, had really believed he was the one. Myranda cackled, putting her bottle down._

_“Don’t be, he was an ass! Wouldn’t even go,,,,” she was cut off as Jeyne pressed a hand to her mouth, giving her a glare._

_“on holiday with her,” Margaery filled in quickly after a quick glance at Jeyne. Jon blinked. Hadn't they been talking about Paris months ago?_

_“I’m going to punch him to China if I ever see him,” Arya supplied, taking a swig of her drink. Jon’s lips twitched at the thought._

_“Do you have something to say Jon?” Sansa asked in annoyance._

_“Um, no,” he said quickly, eyes darting down to the table. He had plenty to say about Harry really but it wasn't his place._

_“No no, come on! You have been gone for ages and somehow think you know about my relationship.”_

_“Sansa,” Jeyne warned and Sansa turned to her._

_“I just don’t think he deserved you,” Jon said after a moment._

_“You don’t know anything about it!” she snapped._

_I know more than you think, he wanted to say._

_“Sans, jeez. Jon is just being nice!” Arya retorted, frowning at her sister. Sansa sighed. She had been harsh. Her emotions were all over the place right now._

_“Sorry,” she said genuinely. “I’m all over the place just now. I didn’t mean to snap at you Jon.”_

_Jon merely nodded, eyes on his drink._

_“Robb is here so I’m going to shoot off,” Jeyne said. “Marge, you still needing a lift?”_

_“Please.”_

_“Robb is here so I’m going to shoot off,” Jeyne declared suddenly. “Marge, you still needing a lift?”_

_“Please.”_

_“My round,” Myranda piped up, sliding out of the booth and giving a wave to the two women as they left. Arya excused herself to use the bathroom so Jon moved around the other side to let her out._

_“So,” Sansa mumbled after a moment of continued silence. Jon looked up at her. “How have you been? I heard you and Ygritte broke up.”_

_“Ah,” Jon responded with a small laugh. “Yeah, I’m good. We’re good.” He gestured towards the bar.  
_

_A part of him always would wish for Sansa to be his first, but Ygritte had given him a confidence, never shy on complimenting him on his talents in the bedroom. And he knew he never would have had that confidence without her. In a way, being with Ygritte had led him to this moment, where he could actually speak a sentence to Sansa without mumbling or stuttering._

_“Myranda says having hot, passionate sex with a stranger is a good way to get over someone.”_

_He choked. The thought of her moaning and keening beneath him. Gods!_

_Later, he caught Ygritte leaving with her new interest, her words spinning in his head. He glanced at Sansa when he felt her staring, his brow lifting in question. She shook her head and looked determinedly down at her drink. He inhaled sharply, recognising the behaviour instantly. It was the way he had always acted around her when he thought she could see what he was thinking about her._

_Be confident, he could hear Ygritte say._

_He was ready to take the plunge._

_One last chance to have her._

_And then..._

_“How about we get out of here?” she asked softly, forcing herself to look straight into his eyes. He blinked. Had he read her right?_

_“And go where?” he asked, leaning back in his chair and regarding her curiously._

_“To mine,” she returned confidently._

_“To do what?”_

_“Jesus, I’m asking if you want to fuck,” she hissed. “I thought I was being obvious.”_

_“You want to ...?” he choked off, blinking again. But then his eyes dropped to her lips, and then down to her chest where her cleavage was on show before quickly looking up again._

_“Apparently oral is all the rage just now…” she continued._

_It took him a moment to realise what she was saying._

_"He....he never went down on you?" Jon said in shock, unable to comprehend the thought._

_If you had ever been mine, I would eat you out all day long._

_"No."_

_"He really was an ass," he muttered. Sansa blinked._

_"You...you like..doing that?"_

_"Love it," he murmured huskily, staring straight at her. Sansa licked her lips unconsciously. His eyes dropped down automatically. "Want me to show you?"_

“Yes,” she whispered after a long pause.

_The silence was thick and Jon felt his heart pounding in his chest. He would laugh at the irony of it all. He could tell Sansa he was happy to eat her out but couldn’t tell her that he had loved her then, that he was still in love with her now._

_***_

_“Oh!” she moaned as his thumbs rubbed over her nipples and he grinned as she fell back onto the bed, Jon following her movement even as his thumbs never stopped. He started pinching her nipples, watching her intently as she choked on surprised pleasure._

_Jon could do this, he could give her the best fucking orgasm of her life and convince himself it was enough._

_“You like that?” he whispered against her neck and she barely managed a nod, turning her head into the sheets. He smirked with the confidence that filled him as he moved to her ear. “I like playing with your tits too."_

_She gasped , body arching and Jon made a mental note to remember she seemed to like dirty talk. His finger and thumb continued plucking at her left nipple and he started suckling on her right one. Jon hummed when she keened, head spinning at the fact he had Sansa’s breasts in his palm and his mouth, her legs falling open invitingly so he could eat her out. Somewhere, nineteen year old Jon was probably exploding in his pants._

_His hand left her breast and slipped beneath her pants and she spread her legs further. He hummed in approval, wondering if Harry had ever had her in this state of arousal. His fingers ran through her curls for a moment barely biting back a groan. He was touching her, touching Sansa, touching her sweet, wet cunt at last._

_His pointer and middle fingers started tracing her outer lips and he could feel her wetness already as he slipped his pointer finger down further and then pushed into her warmth. She gasped, throwing her head back into the pillow and gripping the sheets tighter in her hand._

_“Jon,” she whined, her hips bucking to try and get his finger in deeper. He gave her nipple a long suck before releasing it just as his middle finger joined the first. He had to see it, had to watch the movement of his hands beneath her underwear, listen to the wet sound of his fingers pushing in and out of her to know this was real. His right hand crossed over his stomach and under his other arm to grab the edge of her pants._

_I want to see you for the first and last time._

_Sansa flushed and inhaled deeply as she fell back on the bed to stare at the ceiling. Jon gave a half smile, sensing her nervousness and returned to pull her underwear down. He went to his knees at the end of the bed, ready to worship her. He pulled her underwear again from where it was abandoned mid-thigh, pulling them completely off her legs. He grabbed her ankles gently and pulled her body across the sheets, placing her legs over his shoulder and his eyes staring between her legs. Gods, she was perfect._

_Jon turned his head, kissing her thighs and she huffed in annoyance, causing him to smirk. He could feel her irritation and his own desire bubbling over and he finally, finally began._

_She collapsed on the bed as his tongue licked up through her folds, once, twice. The tip brushed against her clit and she bucked, gasping at the sensation as he gave a tentative lick before returning to tease her folds._

_She moaned as his tongue returned to circle her clit, head tossing against her bed and her hands clenching and unclenching beside her. She looked so fucking sexy like this, letting her body finally have the pleasure it deserved. Jon pulled back a little, giving a soft lick through her folds and placing a kiss to her clit. She choked, her hands clenching again._

_“Is it good? Do you like having my mouth on you?” he whispered, nuzzling against her soft thighs. She moaned, nodding feverishly as she could barely trust herself to speak. He reached for her right hand, guiding it to his head as he returned to his task._

_Show me. Show me you need me, Sansa!_

_"I love having my mouth on your cunt too," he murmured before sucking her clit into his mouth. Sansa wailed._

_Her hips were bucking uncontrollably, even under his arm and her hand clenched in his hair so tightly when his tongue returned to circle her bundle of nerves.  Jon loved it, the fact she was needing him so badly in this moment. He could feel her thighs trembling around his ears, her ankles digging into his shoulders trying to pull him closer, his name falling from her lips on a broken wail._

_He slowed down a little to coax her release from her but as soon as she had slumped down, his speed increased again, still circling her bundle of nerves in tight, fast circles._

_“I can’t!” she choked out, even as her hips bucked, pushing her harder against his mouth._

_“You can,” he whispered with promise against her. “One more time baby. Come on!”_

_Let me show you how good it can be, how good I can be to you, for you. Sansa, please, please, please._

_“Oh, oh, oh! Jon!” she cried, practically sobbing as he returned to licking her slit. He felt his jeans tighten uncomfortably at the sound of his name on her lips, all those years dreaming of it and it was sweeter than he could ever imagine._

_Let it go Jon, let her go. You’ve had more than you ever thought you could, let it be enough._

_Her hand slipped out of his hair as he moved away from her to adjust his jeans and straighten his shirt. He smiled at her, the taste of her still on his tongue. Gods he wanted to go down on her again, wanted to be inside of her and make love to her. A stupid need to kiss her possessed him but at the last moment he pressed a kiss to her forehead instead._

_"Are you alright?" he murmured softly and she_ _hummed, giving him a grin even as her eyes drooped shut. Jon smiled at her peaceful expression, shifting to get out of her bed. He pulled her covers up over her and turned to leave. He paused in the doorway to send a quick text to her phone to let her know he had to leave to be in the flat with Ghost but that she could call him whenever she wants._

_He sighed as he walked out into the cold night._

_I am so in love with you and now I know what you taste like, it is ten times worse._

_***_

_“I’m sorry?” Jeyne choked out, barely managing to spit her water back into her glass in shock. Jon glanced nervously at the door._

_“I…I hooked up with Sansa,” he replied, running a hand through his curls._

_“Like….after a date?” Jeyne asked slowly, watching him intently. “When you guys met at the bar, you talked and went on a date and then hooked up right?”_

_“No … like… I gave her my number, she called me and uh…I went over to hers…”_

_“Jon,” Jeyne sighed, holding her forehead in her hand. “Jon, you said you are in love with Sansa but that doesn't mean you should settle for being a rebound."_

_“Don’t say anything to her,” Jon begged. “I know I’ll never have her in a romantic sense, don’t make her hate me. I know what I'm getting myself into!”_

_“Why can’t you just talk to her? What so you can hook up with her but can’t ask her what she has planned for the day, see if she wants to go to the cinema or for lunch?”_

_“I…”_

_“Maybe if you talked to her, broached the subject of dating, she might actually respond to you,” Jeyne interrupted as she left the room._

_***_

_He had tried Jeyne’s advice and sent her a text. She had responded with a not so subtle Netflix and Chill hint. Jon sighed even as he agreed to go over._

_Sansa wanted sex. She didn’t want a relationship. And he would have to realise that sooner or later._

_But as she sank down on him, his cock finally all the way inside her he couldn’t bring himself to care. Her actual cunt didn’t have anything on his fantasies, the way she gasped and shivered and whimpered made him insane. For a moment, he could forget how they got here, forget what they were and what they would never be._

_And then after, she had asked what about what they were doing._

_He had decided to say it for her and save what little of his heart he could._

_***_

_“So, Sansa has a date!” Arya said when he returned from work. Jon managed to shut the living room door and pretend this didn’t bother him, even as he felt Sam watching him from his armchair._

_“Oh right,” Jon replied, hoping he sounded casual. “Who?”_

_“Some guy from her uni class. He's friends with Edric actually, Gendry's brother.”_

_“What does he do?” he asked. Arya gave him a look._

_“Oh shoot, I left my crystal ball in my room!” she drawled sarcastically. Jon huffed, resisting the urge to roll his eyes._

_“Should she be dating right now?" he asked._

_He tried to tell himself it was all just concern for her getting involved with someone too quickly. But he also knew he was jealous as hell at the thought._

_"Jesus, calm down, Dad!" Arya replied with an eye roll and completely ignoring his question._

_Arya, you have no idea how inappropriate that is!_

_He devoured Sansa the next time he saw her. Ate her out twice on her couch, fingered her until she was sobbing against him and then took her from behind, unable to resist the way she had shyly asked for him to do so. He had rarely taken Ygritte from behind, the one thing he had started to put his foot down on in regards to their sex life. He had to see Ygritte’s face because he didn’t trust himself not to say Sansa’s name otherwise._

_And when Sansa had come back through naked, he had snapped. He had relished in her body’s response, watched himself pump inside of her over and over and thought of how it good it all felt. She was responding to him, her body craving his and the sweet, sweet sounds she made._

_Would Aegon ever make her feel like this? He was confident he wouldn't and that made him feel so fucking good._

_But then, she seemed excited about her date._

_And he was stupid to ever think he still stood a chance._

_***_

_He had been surprised when she had text him, the not-so-subtle hint to come around for sex. Surprised still at how easy she admitted there was nothing between her and Aegon. Why did she need to tell him?  
_

_And then he had come over and gotten all confused. She had seemed upset about Ygritte and the thought she could be jealous made his heart soar. But she had also suggested fucking other people and he didn't know what to think. Was she saying that to try and deflect her jealousy of Ygritte? Or was she just mad he had apparently fucked Ygritte behind her back, his seemingly lack of honesty rather than the act itself. Even though he hadn't actually done anything with Ygritte._

_And then he couldn't even explain what had come over him. He wanted to fuck the thought of another man right out of her, show her that she was all he would ever want, all he would ever need._

_She's not yours, she's not yours, his mind screamed as he pounded into her._

_We could be, we **could be** , his heart begged._

 

_***_

_“Who is the girl?” Arya asked for the hundredth time since Sansa left the flat. She flipped herself onto the couch beside him, crossed legged and staring intently._

_“Nobody,” Jon replied. “It won’t go anywhere anyway.”_

_“I can’t believe you had a hook-up!”_

_“Jon had a hook-up?” Sam asked, eyebrows raised as he entered the living room. Arya nodded._

_“And he won’t tell me anything!”_

_“Go to work!” Jon retorted, throwing one of the bounty chocolates from the celebration tub at her head. She deflected it with a swipe of her hand._

_“We’ll get it out of you!” she called as she left. Jon sighed, collapsing back on the sofa. He could still feel Sansa’s mouth on him. She had become so confident and Jon couldn’t help but feel a pride in himself, knowing he had done that for her, he had given her that._

_“I’m glad to hear it,” Sam was saying and Jon blinked so Sam clarified. “That you’re trying to get over Sansa.”_

_“Oh,” Jon replied, resisting the nervous laugh that threatened to spill out._

_***_

_Jon is still embarrassed at his reaction when he hadn’t heard from her for a while. He thought he had scared her off when he had unconsciously hugged her in her sleep. But as the days rolled by he began to panic. Was she alright? What if something happened to her? His mother had died so suddenly after all, just a normal day. The rational part of his brain would have told him that Robb or Arya or someone would inform him if Sansa was hurt but he couldn’t bear it and had picked up the phone to call her._

_It had almost felt like being a real couple, like her parents or Robb and Jeyne. He could picture them doing this and he had felt his heart hammering at the thought and at the fact that Sansa wasn’t pushing him away._

_Does she want me as more?_

_He was still too much of a coward to ask her out properly but a part of him was starting to hope that one day, he would and she would say yes._

_***_

_I’m telling her tomorrow._

_He sent the text to Jeyne immediately, unable to keep the smile off his face. Sansa had given him such an amazing birthday, the best one in his life, even if it wasn’t technically his birthday. And he couldn’t contain it anymore. He had to tell her, had to know if this had all been worth it._

_I’m glad to hear it. Remember, no matter what happens, I’m here for you!_

_He sent a smiley face back._

_***_

Jon exhaled sharply, Ghost burying into his hip. Yesterday he had been so happy and now…now everything was just as it always ended up in his life. Stupid, worthless, nobody wants you.

“Jon?” Robb called through the door. Jon closed his eyes, sighing as he heard Robb push the door open and move to sit at his desk. He cringed as Robb switched the desk light on, glaring at him.

“Is this a fucking interrogation?” he snapped. Robb gave sharp exhale.

“Sansa said I should talk to you,” he said after a moment. “Although I don’t know why, I don’t want to hear about how you are ....”

“I’m in love with her,” Jon interrupted and Robb’s stopped, mouth still open from his rant. He blinked rapidly, his mouth closing eventually.

“You…you’re in love with her?” he repeated. “Jesus why didn’t you tell me you guys were dating? Aw man I’m so sorry about what I did, I was just so angry at the thought of you using her. She’s had enough of that.”

“She doesn’t love me,” Jon replied, not bothering to correct Robb on the fact that they hadn’t been dating.

“Well, once she clears her head from Harry maybe you could start again?”

Jon sighed as he heard his door open again, barely glancing up as Sam, Jeyne and Arya appeared in front of him.

“I sent everyone away,” Arya explained.

“I’m so sorry Jon,” Jeyne whispered, taking his hand.

“It isn’t your fault,” he replied dully. Jeyne had done what she could to get Sansa and him to have something real, insisted they were right for each other and would see it in the end. “My own fault for not saying anything for eight fucking years.”

“Eight yea…” Robb started with a frown before his jaw dropped again. “You’ve loved her since…the whole time, like…the whole time? Oh my god, you’ve been in love with her the whole TIME?!”

“Alright, cool it Mrs Doubtfire,” Arya said, holding her hand up to Robb in annoyance.

“Jon,” Jeyne said gently. “It is adorable how much you love Sansa. I don’t doubt how much you love her and to feel love like that after everything you’ve been through, well that to me shows those horrid people never really broke you. You feel Jon, you feel love and you care about people, you care about what is good and right.”

“But, if I am being honest, you have made everything in your life about Sansa. Sansa alone is your happiness and that isn’t healthy,” Sam added. “I think you need to really think about you, what you want from life in general. And, more importantly, I really think you should speak to a professional about your childhood. You need to deal with those issues Jon. Not even for the sake of being with Sansa, but for your own health.”

“You could go back to university and finish your course?” Arya supplied. “You really enjoyed it.”

That was true. Before his depressive episode, he had been doing relatively alright at university, only one more year to go until he graduated. But he didn’t have the money to do it now and the Scottish Government didn’t pay tuition fees if you repeated a year. But still, he had almost seen himself as an architect.

“Or travel a bit?” Robb suggested. “Theon is going back to Norway soon, maybe you could go with him for a week or so and crash at his flat?”

“Name a place and we’ll take you there!” Arya added.

“Why?” Jon snapped. “What is the point? Everything goes to shit, even before I met Sansa. She was just the final slap in the face, a reminder of how my life is just a waste of time.”

“Jon,” Jeyne started.

“Show him,” Robb said suddenly. Jeyne glanced at her husband, Sam and Arya looked as confused as Jon felt. And then Jeyne went into her jacket pocket, taking out a sonogram picture.

“We were going to announce it when we went to the Starks for Christmas and my parents’ for New Year,” she said, holding it out to Jon.

“Congratulations!” Arya and Sam chimed. Jon muttered it too but was confused at the look Jeyne and Robb were giving him.

“It is a boy,” Jeyne continued. “And we knew right away what we wanted to call him. We wanted to name him after someone special to us, someone we loved so much and was best man at our wedding, someone who was so brave all his life and deserves so much more. It isn’t much but, we hope it means something to you.”

Jon blinked for a second before it dawned on him and Robb confirmed it.

“We’re naming him Jon.”


	10. Take the pieces and build them skywards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have rewritten the earlier chapters a bit. It is mostly still the same story but I have taken the friends setting them up point out.

Her head was reeling.

Her phone buzzed for the millionth time, lighting up her bedroom in the hazy blue light. She stared at it but made no move to take it.

Somehow, this felt worse than with Harry. When she ended it with Harry, she hadn’t wanted to see him again. She had been so sure that she no longer felt anything for him and he wasn’t worth her time. He hadn’t been that great a person.

And had apparently lied. Their relationship had been a lie.

That dolls house. If she had known…

She truly believed he had loved her. When he had text her, asking her around because he had a surprise, she had been so giddy. She hadn’t been in love, but she could feel herself falling for him. And then he had presented her with that dolls house and her heart had melted.

She couldn’t believe someone would make such an effort for her. And to make something so special as a replica of her childhood home and her family. She had thought he was the one. She had kissed him, allowed him to take her hand and take her through to his room.

They hadn’t slept together but she had allowed him to touch her breasts and then lower…

Later, when she had been unwilling to give him head, he had reminded her of the dolls house.

When she hadn’t felt like having sex, he would sigh dramatically, eyes looking towards the dolls house on the table in the corner. And she would think, he had spent all that time and effort, the least she could do was give him sex.

When he would come home drunk at 3am, waking her up and leading to her being exhausted at work when she started at 7am, she would tell herself, he was young and he was entitled to fun. He loved her, he wouldn’t have made that dolls house otherwise. Besides, she should be having fun too.

That was when things really started to get beyond her excuses.

When she wanted to go out, he wanted to know who she was out with. He wouldn’t even like it when she said Robb or Arya because he knew they didn’t like him. They would turn her against him. And Sansa had tried to reassure him, so sure that this was just a blip, that he was going through something and was just unwilling to share it with her. She would be there for him and everything would be alright.

While she was trying to sort out everything with Harry, she had withdrawn from everyone.

She had been so stupid.

But this was worse.

Because Jon and her, they had built a friendship. They had things in common, they made each other laugh. And Jon, Jon was the one who had loved her, had tried to give her everything she wanted, had made her feel attractive and confident.

Now she was losing it all.

She didn’t love Jon. She didn’t love Harry anymore either.

But she was still so confused about what she wanted.

She wanted to have a career. She had been looking for jobs for months with no luck so far. But if she did get a job, she wanted to focus on it and work her way up the career ladder. And there was no guarantee it would be in Glasgow anyway. She might have to move and why would she pursue something with Jon only to leave? That was cruel after everything he had been through, his issues with trust and abandonment.

She may not be in love with Jon but if she thought about it, they had been naturally in tune with each other. She hadn’t even realised it at the time but now she thought back on everything, they had been acting so much like a couple without even trying.

Obviously, the sex was mind-blowing and she doubted anyone would compare to Jon there. He was an attentive lover, reading her body’s reactions and acting on them. He was confident in the bedroom, and had every reason to be.

But they had chemistry well beyond sex too. They had the same sense of humour and could tease each other without going too far. They had the same favourite shows and even supported the same couple getting together on it. He cared for her when she was stressed out, cooking for her and helping her sleep.

She blushed at how often she still thought of how he managed that.

Was that why Jon hadn’t said anything before? Was he assessing it all and waiting to tell her once it became apparent how much like a couple they were acting like?

She may not be in love with Jon. She may not be wanting a relationship right now. But she didn’t want to lose the friendship they had built up either.

She sighed as her phone lit up again and reached for it, hitting the home button. She had a missed call from Robb and another from Margaery as well as a text each from Jeyne and Arya. She tossed the phone away. She didn’t want to speak to any of them, didn’t want to speak to anyone at all right now.

Although, she knew who she did have to speak to and it was making her stomach churn just at the thought.

***

“So, I think we should make a list,” Sam said when Jon came through to the kitchen in the morning. Arya nodded through her spoonful of cornflakes.

“Go ada!” she mumbled and then, after Sam’s confused look she swallowed. “Sorry, good idea.”

“A list of what?” Jon asked sceptically. He was all for taking therapy like his friends had suggested last night but the idea of listing possible therapists and rating them right now was draining him.

“Of what you want from life,” Sam replied and then pointed his pen in Jon’s direction. “Don’t say Sansa. There is a point where it stops being cute and is just stupid.”

Arya snorted but when Jon looked at her she gave a shrug as if to say ‘well, he’s right.’

“So…?” Sam prompted as Jon sat down next to Arya.

“I don’t know!” Jon retorted. “I have never thought about what I wanted from life other than Sansa. The only other thing was being an architect.”

“Well that is something,” Sam replied eagerly. “So, we’ll put finish your Masters on the list?”

“What about the whole travel thing?” Arya asked. “Name five places you want to go.”

“What about Ghost?” Jon countered. “Ghost means more to me than just being a dog. He…he is like the real-life version of ‘puppy’.”

He flushed as he realised what he had admitted to. Robb had picked Ghost because he was the runt of the litter, the outcast and had felt that he deserved a loving home. He said he had saw Jon in the puppy. But Robb hadn’t known about his ‘puppy’ toy, not really. Sure, he had mentioned the toy to Rickon when he first met the Starks because of the similar toy Rickon had once had. But still, Robb hadn’t been there and even if Rickon had mentioned it, Robb hadn’t known the type of dog or colour the toy was. It was just luck how much Ghost looked like that toy. For Jon, Ghost was fate, a companion tethering him to reality and a reminder of his mother.

Luckily, Arya and Sam didn’t look judgemental and they definitely weren’t going to tease him given the sympathetic noise Sam made and the concerned look on Arya’s face. She put the spoon down in the bowl, shifting so she was facing Jon.

“Well, I suppose being in the UK we have an advantage. We can get a ferry to loads of places in Europe. Ireland, France, The Netherlands…”

“Yeah, so you wouldn’t have to worry about him travelling on planes or whatever. You can take him with you!” Sam added enthusiastically.

“Or hire a car?” Arya suggested. “Okay, you’re limited to European and Asian countries really but still, America and Australia and stuff can wait. Heck, you could come back and drop Ghost with us anytime you decide to go and visit somewhere.”

Jon shrugged. To be honest, travel did sound good. And if Ghost was able to come with him that prevented him from putting it off more than he already had. He had been so curious at fourteen, so eager to get out of his hellhole of a life. And well, his friend Val had said how travel had helped her overcome a bad time in her life. There was something about it, the freedom, the adventure, the control. Control was something Jon had been lacking since his mother had died. To have control over where he went, what he did. It did have an appeal and the more he thought about it the more he was coming around to the idea. But that was before he met the Stark’s and felt like he had belonged.

“Robb’s kid,” he said suddenly. The fact Robb and Jeyne wanted to name their first child, their first son after him had made his heart soar. And when Jeyne had said ‘it isn’t much’ he had wanted nothing more than to say it was one of the most meaningful things anyone had ever done for him. It meant the whole world to him to know that Robb, who had all but given him a family, a friend and a belief in the goodness of people thought so much of him. To know that he was valued and loved, it had slightly lifted the cloud from over his head.

“You do know Europe is like right across the water, right?” Arya said gesturing with her hands close together and then slightly spreading apart to indicate closeness. “You can be back here by the time wee Jon is due.”

“I guess,” he replied with a shrug. But still, he didn’t want to miss the birth. He couldn’t let his namesake down.

“So,” Sam said with a clap of his hands as he took a pad of paper and picked up the pen again. “Let us begin. We’ll put your Masters down under career goals. And then maybe a professional job. We’ll come back to that. Now, under the travel section I think Arya is right. Name five places you want to go and you’ll go.”

“I guess going to Oslo is a good shout,” Jon replied after a moment of thought. “Maybe best to start slowly and crash with Theon for a while.”

“Yeah,” Arya agreed. “Although these countries are really expensive. I mean, they’re great. Gendry went to Iceland and loved it and a girl in my class said she would move to Finland in an instant. But you’ll need to really save up for it.”

“Work is probably a good distraction right now anyway,” Sam added. “Besides, you aren’t going anywhere until you have completed your therapy.”

“Yeah,” Jon said, glancing at his phone. He bit his lip as he walked to the table to sit next to Arya. “Should I….should I contact Sansa?” he asked.

“No!” Arya and Sam said at the same time.

“Not yet,” Sam added in a gentler tone.

Jon sighed. “Yeah, you’re right. She’ll contact me when she’s ready to talk.”

“Do you want some breakfast?” Sam asked. Jon blinked.

“No, I’m not hungry,” he replied. Arya and Sam exchanged looks and Jon huffed, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. “Genuinely not hungry, I’m not depressed again!”

“Sorry, I don’t know much about it to be honest,” Arya said, patting him on the shoulder. “We’re just worried.”

“I know,” Jon murmured, his anger dissipating and he managed to give them both a small smile. “I appreciate it.”

***

She groaned in exasperation as the buzzer went again. It had been two days since Jon’s birthday surprise and she had barely spoken to anyone. She was still too confused and sad for Jon to really want to see anyone. But clearly, whoever it was did not have the same opinion.

“What?” she huffed over the phone.

“Its Jeyne,” her sister-in-law said softly.

Sansa sighed but buzzed her in and took the snip off the door so she could let herself in. She wandered back to the couch, flinging herself down in a rather undignified manner. Soon she heard the door creak open before it was gently clicked shut.

“Hey,” Jeyne greeted, moving to sit on the edge of the sofa. Sansa managed a small smile at her. “How are you?”

“You know,” Sansa replied with an unhelpful shrug. “Confused, sad, angry. I feel all of them, all at once and it is draining me.”

“I’m sorry sweetie,” Jeyne crooned, moving to sit beside her and putting a comforting arm around her shoulder.

“How is Jon?”

“He is okay. We got him out of his room eventually,” Jeyne replied, squeezing her shoulder again. “Actually, that is one of the reasons we came over.”

“We?”

“Robb is parking the car, he’ll be up any second.”

As if summoned by his name, Robb came through the door. He smiled softly at Sansa and opened his arms when she went to him.

“I’m sorry Sansa, I’m sorry I was mean to Jon in front of you,” he murmured. Sansa shook her head.

“I’m sorry I kept it from you,” she answered, finally pulling back. Robb put his hands on her shoulders and gave her a smile. She moved to put the kettle on and then turned to face them. “So, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?”

Robb and Jeyne glanced at each other, unable to hide their grins. She pushed herself off the counter when Jeyne went into her jacket pocket and held out a picture.

“We’re having a baby!” she squealed.

Sansa could barely contain her own squeal of excitement, rushing over to embrace them both tightly.

“This is great,” she said when she pulled back, smiling widely at them both. “I can’t believe I’m going to be an Auntie!”

“We were going to wait until we were home for Christmas,” Robb explained. “But, we told Jon and Arya last night because…well…it is a boy and we’re naming him Jon.”

“Oh!” Sansa breathed in awe, hands covering her mouth in her joy. “That is so sweet!”

 “Sans,” Robb said after a moment and Sansa looked at him. “Whatever happens with you and Jon, I’ll support it. But…I think you both need to take time out from each other.”

“Yeah,” she replied. “I know.”

It was the right thing to do. Jon needed time to get through his therapy and take some time for himself and he couldn’t do that when she was around, confusing him. And she still had her own demons to deal with too.

***

She took a deep breath as she looked through the window of the Costa café and saw him sitting at the table, head in his hand and foot tapping nervously. She closed her eyes, telling herself she could be brave as she pushed the door open.

He glanced up, smiling at her but Sansa frowned, plopping in the chair opposite him in a rather undignified way.

“Harry,” she greeted as polite as she could muster. He blinked, startled by her attitude towards him. But then he recovered, quickly smiling again.

“Sansa,” he returned. Sansa hated how his voice sounded soft and sweet like when they first started dating. His hand reached for hers and she only just had sense to move it back out of his reach when his fingertips brushed hers. “I am glad you called. I’ve missed you.”

“You not,” she countered. His eyebrows rose. “You didn’t.”

“Sans,” he murmured.

“Sansa,” she corrected, narrowing her eyes in warning. He wouldn’t play his games with her again. She wanted answers. “You lied to me.”

“What?”

“You told me that you made the dolls house,” she continued, barely able to hold back her anger as realisation dawned on his face. “And I thought you loved me because of it.”

“Okay, so I didn’t make it,” he replied with a shrug and gesturing his arms around wildly. “I still wanted to give you something special!”

“You wanted me to put out,” she corrected again, feeling her cheeks flush at her words, feeling stupid for ever thinking he had loved her.

Harry gave a small, disbelieving laugh and shook his head. “Well, that went well considering we stayed together for two years.”

“I stayed with you because of that dolls house,” she replied, feeling the tears burning her eyes.  How could he joke about such a thing?

All that time wasted, all that effort for nothing. She lost contact with her friends and family to try and make things work with Harry because she had believed he had loved her. She was lucky for how loyal and caring those around her were to take her back into their lives so willingly, without prying. She had tried to give him what he wanted in the relationship and with the sex, thinking she was wrong, that she was being too tense and too frigid because of that dolls house.

She had hated looking at the dolls house after they split up, hiding it in her closet where she couldn’t be reminded of it. And that was when she had thought it was made with Harry’s love. But the dolls house was such a pure thing, made from Jon’s genuine feelings and now it was tainted, a reminder of her naivety and bad decisions. She hated how Harry had even managed to ruin her most precious gift again.

“I’m sorry,” he said and she was surprised at how genuine it sounded. She blinked at him, seeing him watching her with a tender expression. She scowled, remembering his charm and sensitive (fake sensitive, she reminded herself) was one of the ways he had won her around before. She moved back until her back hit the chair, curling a hand around her waist and crossing her legs defensively.

“Was there anything else you lied to me about?” she asked hotly. He swallowed, eyes looking away and she inhaled sharply. She dreaded it but she had to know, had to know so she could get closure and finally start to really put this behind her. “What?”

“I…I’m seeing someone,” he said after a moment. Sansa choked back a laugh but sobered upon seeing his confused expression.

“That doesn’t bother me,” she said honestly. It wasn’t like she could judge, she had fallen in bed with Jon quick enough. Gods, Jon. She should really contact him as well and make sure he was alright.

Harry looked at her, eyes narrowing. “Are you seeing someone?”

“That isn’t any of your business anymore,” she retorted, avoiding his gaze. She took the envelope out before he could pry anymore. “Here.”

He looked down as she tossed it onto the table and then grasped it, sliding it across to him. He opened it, blinking as the Hogmanay tickets fell out. She loathed to give him them but well, she couldn’t go with Jon now. Not while everything was still so fresh and hurting.

“Couldn’t find anyone to go with you?” Harry quirked, that stupid smug smirk still on his face.

Sansa knew he liked to rile her, liked to get a reaction. Harry loved attention, especially female attention and it didn’t matter what kind it was. So long as there were eyes on him, he was happy. And Sansa knew she shouldn’t give him the satisfaction but everything was building up. The lies, the ruining of her favourite present ever, the reminder of his less charming and rather more controlling nature, the cruel japes and the fact she had tried to make things worse at the expense of people who actually cared for her.

“Jon was going to go with me actually,” she replied, tossing her hair over her shoulder. Harry looked up from where he was putting the tickets in his pocket. His smirk grew into a grin.

“That is so sad,” he said after a moment, shaking his head and chuckling to himself. Sansa bristled, narrowing her eyes.

“Don’t insult Jon,” she hissed. “I’m leaving now. I just wanted the truth from you and I have it. I never want to see or hear from you again.”

“Fine,” Harry shrugged. “I was talking about you though. It is sad you’re that desperate you had to go for the lapdog option.”

“Fuck you!” she snapped, blushing when the other customers turned to look at her in a mixture of amusement and horror. Harry’s eyebrows rose but he said nothing else as she grabbed her bag and stormed out of the café.

She took a deep breath as she stepped into the street, wiping the persistent tears from her eyes. She felt drained and upset but at the same time, there was relief. She had closure at last. The redeeming quality of Harry had been lifted with the knowledge that the dolls house was not a gesture of love from him. She could finally start to put the relationship behind her knowing that she had been right to leave him after all.

***

She did send a text to Jon a couple of days later, asking if he was alright. However, she still wasn’t ready to face him properly. She was still processing everything and she knew it wouldn’t be fair to him for her to meet him and not have any answers for him, good or bad.

He had replied to say he was doing okay, that he had spoken to Robb and that things were okay there and that he was starting his therapy next week. She sighed to herself as she answered that she was glad. When did it become so hard to talk to him? She thought of all the jokes they had shared but joking with him seemed the wrong thing to do now. She was behind on their favourite show too so couldn’t even bring that up for a neutral conversation and the excitement of their New Year trip was dead in the water.

She sighed again, going over to switch the kettle on. She felt her lips twitching of their own accord as she moved the sugar bowl towards her cup, thinking of how Jon had known something so simple. But then she felt the tears come shortly after because Harry had hardly ever made tea, usually giving her coffee because it was what he was making anyway, and on the rare occasion he did make tea, he did only put two sugars in.

Once she had the tea ready she moved to the couch. She leaned over to switch the Christmas tree lights on, the colours lifting her mood a little. She pressed the button on the remote to bring up Netflix and chose The Holiday to watch. She was on a Christmas movie marathon, god knows she needed the cheerfulness from this time of year! She had received some sympathetic messages from Margaery and Myranda once she had told them the situation but their sympathy just made her sadder.

She opened her laptop, resting it above her knees as she stretched out on the couch. She had been so busy the last couple of days with the whole drama at Jon’s birthday and dealing with Harry she hadn’t checked her emails since the Friday before, which would be a week tomorrow.

She searched for the hotel she had booked for New Year, filling out the cancellation request. It was probably petty of her, Harry wouldn’t have had anywhere to stay. But she had paid for it herself, the whole trip and Harry had never offered his half, not even today when she had given him her ticket. He would just have to get the last train home, bummer.

She paused as she went back to her inbox, curser hovering over the words Look. She felt like she was hyperventilating as she opened the email, her heart pounding in suspense. Look was one of her favourite magazines when she was a late teenager and she had bought it religiously until she had started dating Harry.

She inhaled deeply, closing her eyes briefly to calm herself before she looked at the screen again, clicking to bring the email up.

_Holy fuck!_

She grabbed her phone, her fingers shaking as she pressed the call button in the group chat. She listened to it ring before Margaery’s voice answered first.

“Hey honey!”

“Sup,” Myranda chimed in followed by Arya’s not so charming ‘What?’

“Are you okay Sansa?” Jeyne asked when she logged in. Sansa could barely sit still. The excitement was bubbling over.

“I have an interview with Look magazine!” she squealed after keeping them in suspense long enough.

“Oh my god! Congratulations!” Jeyne gasped and Sansa could hear her clapping in excitement and then the muffled sound of her passing it on to Robb.

“Awesome, I’m proud of you sis!” Arya added.

“Can we get like, free pens?” Myranda asked, her tone sounding as though she was genuinely interested. And then she gasped. “Ooooh or free samples of stuff like make up or vibrators!”

“I don’t have the job yet!” Sansa teased, reading the email again. “But if I get it and they need sex articles or reviews, I’ll give you a shout!”

“This is great,” Margaery said, her grin evident in her voice.  “You deserve it honey!”

“Thank you guys,” Sansa replied, unable to stop smiling.

She said her goodbyes and closed off the chat. She switched off the television and focussed on making some notes for her interview. She only had a couple of days and made a note to herself never to neglect her emails again.

She was half way through looking up interview questions when she thought about what she would wear. She closed the laptop and put it back on the table and then going through to the bedroom. She opened the wardrobe and then paused when her eyes fell on the dolls house. She reached out, fingers tracing the tiles of the roof.

Gods, she had thought it was a beautiful gift before but now, seeing how Jon had matched even the smallest of details. How could she have not seen it before? Harry had only been around to the Stark house once before that. She had been so naïve, so easily swayed. No wonder her siblings had hated Harry so much, they must have watched her simpering over Harry and him lapping up the attention like a cat with the cream.

She sighed, throwing an old sweater over it. She would have to give it back to Jon, it didn’t feel right to keep it anymore. Once it was covered, she concentrated on picking out her outfit for her big interview.

***

“We’ll be right out here,” Robb said, clapping Jon on the shoulder and Jeyne gave him a hug. He managed a smile as he turned to where his therapist was waiting at the door.

She moved aside, shutting the door behind him and indicating for him to take a seat. He tapped his foot nervously as she sat opposite him with her notepad. She smiled at him as she leaned back in her chair.

“Hello Jon, I’m Brienne.”

“Hi,” Jon said after a moment, eyes darting around the room nervously.

“So, there is no pressure to talk about anything,” Brienne continued. “You can say as little or as much as you want, okay?”

Jon nodded, hands curling around his knee as he folded his right leg over his left. Brienne smiled again, moving so her upper body was leaning towards him.

“You were first diagnosed two years ago,” Brienne started, glancing at her notes. “Can you tell me about that?”

“I don’t remember much of it,” Jon replied. “I…I just spent most of my time in my bed. I didn’t see many people, didn’t contact anyone either.”

“Depression often makes us feel worthless,” Brienne added sympathetically. “It doesn’t matter what our friends and family say, your brain is telling you otherwise.”

“I already felt worthless before that,” Jon answered with a shrug with a forced swallow. Brienne moved back again.

“Tell me about your mother,” she said and Jon’s exhaled slowly.

“I don’t even remember her,” he answered after a moment with a bitter laugh. “Not clearly anyway. I remember bits and pieces. I know she had dark hair and grey eyes but her face…it is blurry in my mind. And I remember her singing to me…” he trailed off with a smile, remembering his favourite song as a child. Brienne was silent as she listened. Jon shook his head from the memory.

“I know she was kind,” he continued. “I remember her telling me to always be kind to people, to be grateful for what I had and help those less fortunate.”

“She sounds like she was a wonderful woman,” Brienne said after a moment, giving him a small, sympathetic smile. Jon nodded, feeling his eyes starting to burn and he turned his face away. “There is no shame in crying Jon.”

“I know,” he bit out before he could stop himself, his breath shaking as he tried to control himself. “It is just…since she was killed, my whole life turned upside down and it is so stupid that after everything, I can’t even remember her properly.”

“It has been over twenty years Jon and you were young,” Brienne sympathised. “It is understandable. It doesn’t make you a bad son. Is that what worries you?”

“There was a woman next door that would babysit me,” Jon added suddenly. “I called her Old Nan. I remember at my mum’s funeral, she told me to always remember that my mum loved me.”

“But you don’t think she should have?” Brienne tested. “Do you feel not remembering her makes you unworthy of her love?”

“I…I suppose,” Jon replied.

“It Is often an unconscious thing,” Brienne continued. “What about your romantic relationships? How have they been affected?”

“I love this girl…woman,” Jon started. “She is my best friend’s sister and I had a huge crush on her when I first met her. But she didn’t know how I felt and she went out with someone else. I ended up with someone else but that didn’t work out.”

“Why not?”

“Because,” Jon frowned. “Because I loved another.”

“That doesn’t mean you can’t have a healthy relationship,” Brienne replied. “It is a normal way of moving on, allowing your heart to be open.”

“But, I don’t want to love anyone else!”

“Jon,” Brienne sighed. “Love is a complicated thing but there is a fine line between love and infatuation.”

“I had a friend with benefits deal with the woman,” he explained. “With the woman, I love. And it felt real, we went well together.”

“It seems to me,” she said after a moment. “That you have focussed so solely on this woman because she reminds you of what you could have had, the idea of a family appeals to you. But happiness is not explicitly linked to love. Have you thought about what else you want from life?”

Jon huffed because he wanted to deny it, to say that he loved Sansa and would always love her and who did this woman think she was? But she was already on the new subject and Jon didn’t see the point in protesting.

***

She took a deep breath at the door of the bar where she had agreed to meet everyone. It had been Myranda’s idea to have drinks after her interview regardless of what the news was. If it was bad news, get drunk and bitch. If good news, get drunk and celebrate. Myranda was nothing if not practical.

She saw everyone at the table. Robb had his arm around Jeyne as they spoke to Margaery and Myranda. Arya was sitting at the edge her jacket slung on the empty chair beside her in order to keep it for Sansa. She knew it was right to spend time away from Jon just now but she couldn’t help being sad he wasn’t here.

She crossed over to them, the others spotting her and watching her with suspense as she took her coat off and sat down. Margaery slid her drink over to her and then rested her hand in her palm, eyebrows raised in silent question.

“Spill it Stark!” Myranda said after a moment. Sansa sighed again.

“I got a job,” she started, wincing when everyone started squealing and clapping. She managed to dodge Myranda’s hug, exhaling sharply as she continued.

“In London.”


	11. Baby I'm Leaving here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That Ghost line just crept right in there...sort of ...But how could I not?!
> 
> Sorry for the delay. Exams suck!

“London?” Arya and Robb repeated at the same time. Sansa nodded slowly.

“What are you thinking of doing?” Margaery asked with a concerned frown. Sansa shrugged, biting her lip again nervously.

“I..I don’t know. I mean, it is a huge opportunity. I could get some real experience. Sure, it is pretty low down the ladder but I could work my up,” she started.

“And Look is a good one to have on your C.V,” Jeyne added and Sansa nodded again.

“But…London,” she said with a sigh.

“It is barely a two-hour flight away,” Robb reasoned although Sansa could tell he was trying to be positive for her. She and Robb had always been close and she could tell the thought of her moving, even to London which wasn’t that far in reality was eating at him. And being so far away from her family and friends, having to start anew was also making her terrified of going.

“How long until they need an answer?” Myranda asked after a moment of silence in which everyone was processing the information.

“They said I need to reply by next Friday and then they want me to start two weeks after that.”

“But that…that is right after Christmas!”

“Boxing Day actually,” Sansa corrected. “For some reason, they will be working and want me to start then. I think it must be the team leader deciding it to be honest.”

“Heathens!” Myranda scoffed with a roll of her eyes but Sansa knew she was just trying to lighten the mood.

“So…so what, how would you…are you going to be leaving before Christmas?” Robb continued and Sansa squirmed at the pain in his voice. He was taking the idea really hard.

“I think I would need to go as soon as I accept the job because I would need to sort myself out for accommodation and things.”

“London is notoriously expensive. You would only get a bed and sink for the same rent you’re paying up here!” Arya piped up with a concerned frown.

“I know,” Sansa sighed. “I could stay in a hostel for a while until I get myself sorted. And I do have some savings. It is just, such a lot of little things I need to think about and it is so scary. I really don’t know what I am going to do.”

“Oh!” Margaery gasped, hitting the table excitedly which had Jeyne and Arya jerking back in surprise on either side of her. “Tommen’s family live in London and his mother works for Look. I could ask him to have a word.”

“I don’t know,” Sansa replied, twirling her straw distractedly. “I wouldn’t feel right asking for favours from a stranger. I mean, is his mother nice?”

“I haven’t met her yet,” Margaery answered honestly with a small shrug.

“Well, whatever you decide to do, this is still a great achievement!” Jeyne declared with a grin, raising her glass and tipping it in Sansa’s direction. “I know this is only coke but you know, it is still a toast!”

“Thank you,” Sansa replied with a genuine smile.

She still had a week to decide what she wanted to do so for tonight she decided to just have fun with her family and friends.

But she wished Jon had known that she still counted him as a friend too and that he should be here as well.

“I need to tell Jon myself,” she said suddenly and there was immediate silence at the table as everyone exchanged glances. “He needs to know too.”

“Okay. We won’t say anything to him,” Robb replied eventually. “Just tell him as soon as possible because he will be hurt to think you kept it from him.”

“I will call him now and arrange to meet up as soon as possible alright?” she responded as she took out her phone and dialled Jon’s number on the way out of the door.

“Sansa?”

“Hi, yeah it is me,” she replied to his questioning tone, hating the fact he thought she wouldn’t want to contact him. And hating the reason as to why she was contacting him, to basically say there was a chance she was going to be leaving and breaking his heart even more. “Listen, I need to talk to you about something important. Are you free this weekend at all?”

“Um, yeah. Yeah I can do tomorrow morning around ten?” he answered after a moment. “Sansa, is everything alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she said, pulling her coat tighter around her in the cold night air. “How are you? How was your therapy session?”

“Intense,” he replied honestly with a small sigh which conveyed his exhaustion. She hummed sympathetically. She couldn’t imagine how tough it must be to face so many demons and it was only the tip of the iceberg with Jon’s issues.

“You’ll pull through it, I believe in you,” she said with a smile that he hoped he could feel in her voice. “I’ll see you tomorrow then. Say ten at Costa?”

“Sure.”

***

She inhaled sharply as she saw Jon enter the café and walk over to her table. She was struck by how much she wanted to take his hand and reassure him but she was questioning all her actions around him now, not wanting to give him mixed signals or false hope.

But Jon looked so defensive, crossing his arms across his body and sitting tensely in his chair as he waited for her to speak. It made her heart clench. He was scared of her being angry, she realised. Scared of being responsible for someone’s pain and misery, like he had been made to believe throughout his time in the foster system. She vowed that if she ever met Rhaegar Targaryen, she would tell him exactly what she thought of him. If he had been a better father, if he had cared at all then would things have turned out differently?

She nudged the black coffee she had ordered for him towards him with a tentative smile and Jon murmured his thanks although he made no move to take the drink. Sansa sighed softly, taking a sip of her hot chocolate as she tried to gather courage to get through the awkward atmosphere surrounding them.

“So, um,” Sansa started, setting her mug down and twiddling her thumbs awkwardly. “I…I wanted to tell you myself because…well, it is the right thing to do…And, well, I don’t know if I’m going yet or anything but I, uh, I got offered a job for Look magazine…in London.”

Jon’s eyebrows rose and his arms dropped to his side. Sansa felt her lips curve of their own accord when Jon gave a small smile.

“That is great. Well done,” he said, finally pulling the coffee further towards him. “And, thank you for telling me. I know…I know you probably don’t want to see me right now and everything but it means a lot to me that you would tell me and do it face to face.”

“I do want to see you,” she replied honestly. “I mean, okay I am still confused about everything. And Jon, I can’t…I can’t give you an answer on what I want right now. But…but I do value you as a friend. You’ve become so important to me over these last few weeks that I honestly think of you as one of my best friends. When we didn’t talk for those few days after the whole Aegon thing, I was upset at the thought of you not being in my life at all.”

“That means a lot to me,” he said softly, a sad smile still on his lips. “I’m glad I’m important to you in some way at least.”

“You are one of the most important people in my life, no matter what happens, I’ll always be here for you,” she answered honestly and, forgetting about the rule she had made for herself, she reached over to give his hand a small squeeze. Jon nodded, staring at their hands for a second before he gently pulled his hand away to take a sip of his drink.

“You, uh, you said you weren’t sure that you were taking the job,” he stated suddenly.

“Yeah, I’m not sure at all,” she sighed. “I’m terrified and I have no idea how I would even cope with it. It is so expensive and even though it is only an hour and a half on a plane, knowing I won’t see Robb and Arya or Margaery and Myranda every week, knowing we can’t just meet up for lunch. Starting all over again is so scary. Gods, I’m sorry you didn’t need to hear me blurting all that out!”

“No, I don’t mind. What are friends for?” he teased and Sansa grinned. She had missed this, the effortless flow of conversation that they had achieved so quickly amongst their passionate trysts. She lowered her eyes suddenly as she was bombarded with images of their meet-ups flashing before her eyes.

“I would be really lonely,” she said quickly, trying to get the conversation flowing again to distract her from the images in her head. “I’ve never really been on my own before. My siblings have always been around even if Margaery wasn’t there.”

“I think you should take it,” Jon replied with a small shrug and Sansa blinked in shock.

“You…you want me to leave?” she asked in disbelief. Jon snorted, shaking his head so thoroughly his curls shook into his eyes.

“No of course I don’t,” he responded gently, looking at her with those soft grey eyes. “But I think you will regret it if you don’t go. And everything you said, all that stuff about starting anew. It is scary but if anyone can do it, it is you Sansa. You’re braver and stronger than you give yourself credit for. And you’ll be an amazing editor.”

“But, I…”

“You can see the world,” Jon interrupted. “You always wanted to go to London and Paris. And pretty much anywhere else.”

“You did once too,” she replied before she could stop herself and Jon blinked.

“Did I tell you that?” he asked, genuinely confused. Sansa shook her head.

“I heard you tell Robb once, that you had a list of places you wanted to go. You said you were terrified of doing it alone though. Well, we know Robb hates flying but I…I…” she trailed off, feeling her cheeks flush and Jon’s eyebrows rose in curiosity as he regarded her. “I was going to ask you if you wanted to do a trip, maybe with Arya joining too. I was going to suggest it for my twenty-first, well the summer break of that year. And since Arya would be eighteen by then it would be a belated celebratory thing for her too. I thought we could use it to try and work stuff out because I thought you hated me and I wanted to try and fix that for the family as much as for us. But then, Harry happened not long after I had the idea and, well…”

“Yeah,” Jon murmured with a frown.

“But maybe, maybe you can start anew too,” Sansa added softly and Jon looked up at her again. “Maybe we can both achieve something of our dreams. Because you deserve happiness too Jon, you really do. You are brave too, you really are. And I am so proud of you for seeking help and facing your problems.”

“Thank you, Sansa,” he whispered, his eyes dropping away as they always did when he was praised. And she smiled sadly because Jon was wonderful and sweet and deserved so much better from life than all that had happened to him.

“I’m going to take the job,” she stated firmly, smiling at him when he blinked at her in surprise. “But I want you to promise me that when you finish therapy, you will do your trip around Europe alright? You will go and see Rome and Athens and brag all about the sunshine and the architecture while I slug away in a stuffy office, staring at a computer screen okay?”

“Alright,” he agreed with a barely controlled smile, nodding his head a little. “I promise.”

Sansa smiled softly at him again and Jon’s own lips twitched slightly although he was trying hard not to smile, she noted. She knew it was still too fresh a pain really, that while they had overcome the tension today, there was still healing to be done. She wanted to save her friendship with Jon though and she knew the only way to do that was stepping back and allowing him to face his issues.

And when they had both healed and overcome their issues, then perhaps they could start again and rebuild their friendship.

***

“So, what are we going to do with everything?” Robb asked as he observed her flat from the doorway.

She had told her them that she was going to be taking the job and if they could help her pack up the things in her flat the weekend after she would be grateful. She had bought the boys and Arya a bottle of whisky each while Jeyne, Margaery and Myranda had vouchers for a spa treatment as a way of saying thank you. She had then had to phone her parents and tell her that she was definitely moving to London and would therefore not be home for Christmas.

Her parents had of course been upset about the fact she was going to be absent on Christmas Day. They were very family orientated and loved having their children in the house and all the family together. Christmas was the only time now when all of the family were all together and Sansa felt tears falling as she realised how alone she would be.

Her mother had thought she was crying because she had upset them and had quickly told her daughter that she was to, in no uncertain terms, take London head on. She was proud of her and would phone her every week for a catch-up. Her father said much the same when he came back on the phone, said she would be missed but that she had to take the opportunity.

“Well, clothes and toiletries I’ll obviously take with me. I’ve put the furniture up on gumtree if you and Gendry can flatpack it so that it is easier for anyone to pick up.”

“What about your little trinkets?” Arya asked, trailing a hand across the middle bookshelf where Robb’s wedding photo and her favourite ornament of a husky were sitting.

“We’ll need to wrap them up and box them,” Sansa said. “Load them in the car to take to Mum and Dad’s. I’ll keep all that stuff in my old room. Jeyne, would you mind doing the bubble wrapping?”

“No problem!” Jeyne replied, taking a box from the door and a handful of ornaments from the bookshelf before sitting on a cushion next to the bubble wrap.

“Myranda and Arya, could you maybe tackle the kitchen stuff? Wrap the plates and mugs and all that stuff. Kettle and toaster, the boxes for them are there if you can put them back.”

Arya gave a little salute before skipping around the other side of the breakfast counter and climbing up onto the kitchen counters to reach the mugs and glasses on the top shelf. Sansa rolled her eyes but couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across her face. She turned to Margaery then.

“We’ll pack all my clothes that I am taking with me,” she grinned.

“So, I have a few carrier bags for the stuff you don’t want to take and I will drop it off at the Red Cross or Salvation Army tomorrow,” Margaery said as they entered Sansa’s room.

“Okay, I’m just going to take all these photos and ornaments through to Jeyne. Just start taking stuff out of the drawers and putting them on the bed for me please.”

Sansa went through with the items and placed them gently on the coffee table. Robb and Gendry were moving her books off of her bookshelf and her DVDs from her display cabinet before they would start taking them down. She thanked them all again for helping her out before returning to the room.

She blinked at the underwear that was strewn across her sheets, laughing when Margaery’s head popped up on the other side of the bed from where she had been opening Sansa’s case. Her friend shrugged innocently.

“You said to take stuff out of the drawer. I assumed you would be taking your underwear with you.”

Sansa’s grin died as she caught sight of her purple set, the one she had bought for Jon’s birthday. Her fingers traced the florally pattern on the cups of the bra. Gods, the way he had looked at her with such desire, it had made her feel so beautiful and confident.

“You okay?” Margaery asked, pushing herself off the floor and coming to the other side of the bed in order to throw an arm around Sansa’s shoulders.

“Yeah,” Sansa replied dully. “Just…I only wore this once for Jon’s birthday.”

“Ah,” Margaery said, looking down at the garment with a sad frown. “Will we bin them then?”

“No,” Sansa blurted suddenly, feeling her cheeks flush at Margaery’s raised eyebrows in response to her outburst. She continued in a softer voice. “No. I mean, I feel good in them so I want to keep them.”

“Alright,” Margaery said with a shrug. “We better get on with this. You have a hell of a lot of clothes to get through!”

She turned and opened the wardrobe, taking a handful of dresses and laying them out on the bed. Sansa put the bra down in her underwear pile and went around to lift the case onto the bed when she heard Margaery again.

“What is….oh!…”

Sansa turned to see Margaery holding her old school sweater in her hand and staring at the dolls house on the shelf. Sansa swallowed thickly at the sight as Margaery shot her a nervous glance.

“I’m sorry,” her friend said quickly. Sansa shook her head, forcing a reassuring smile.

“Its fine, honest,” she replied with a sigh as she turned back to the pile of clothes on the bed. “I guess I’ll get Arya to give it back to Jon.”

“What?” Margaery asked, a confused frown on her face as she looked to Sansa again.

“It doesn’t feel right to keep it,” Sansa reasoned. “All the memories of Harry and what the dolls house represents.”

“But…Jon wll be devastated if you give it back to him,” Margaery replied, her frown deepening. “Maybe just take it back to your parents and think about it yeah?”

“Fine,” Sansa agreed with a roll of her eyes. “Put it through in the living room with the rest of the things then please.”

***

It had taken almost twelve hours to get everything done. Once her things were packed and her furniture deconstructed they had thoroughly cleaned the flat and Robb had checked all the fuses and lights were working to ensure Sansa would get her deposit back.

It was nine o clock at night by the time she, Robb and Jeyne bundled into Robb’s car with as many boxes as they could fit in the boot along with Sansa’s case. Robb was going to stop by throughout the week to pick up the rest and take it up the road to their parents’ house. Arya also had the spare set of keys so that Gendry and her could get into the flat to give the furniture to whoever bought it and if it didn’t sell they were to take it to the charity shop.

Sansa felt the nervous excitement in her stomach as they headed out of Glasgow and onto the main motorway north. It was so strange to think of how all her life; all of her memories were condensed into these boxes. That her whole time in Glasgow was reduced to such a thing and that it was the sign of how this was really happening.

She was still scared of going, was terrified she wouldn’t fit in with the workers. She was terrified of not making friends, not making enough money. But there was a giddy excitement too, the unknown adventure sparking through her and making her heart beat faster in anticipation. Arya always said you had to grasp life with both hands, that you can’t let fear stop you from taking a chance. And Sansa smiled to herself at how Arya was so very right.

She felt Robb glance at her in the mirror, a sad smile on his face when their eyes met and Sansa felt tears burning behind her eyes. It was going to be hard living away from her family, especially since she, Robb and Arya had more or less followed each other through school and then to the same city for university. She couldn’t remember a time when she didn’t see Robb or Arya at some point in the week.

And while she rarely made it up the road to her parents to see them and Bran and Rickon, the times that she did manage, she loved it. She loved talking to Bran about his course and how he explained all of the fascinating workings of the human mind. She loved going out for a run with Rickon and listening to him moaning about how their parents were making him do chores as if they were endorsing slavery. Rickon was the baby of the family, more spirited than even Arya and now that he was in his teens, Ned and Catelyn were getting the full force of his attitude. Yet he was always well-mannered and behaved with Sansa and she had used that to her advantage in getting him to be grateful for what their parents did for him by doing the dishes once in a while.

The thought of not being able to just arrange a trip with Robb up to their parents, the fact she couldn’t just book a train at almost any hour that would take her on the less than two-hour journey to Dundee to be picked up by her parents, the fact she couldn’t just call up Margaery or Myranda for lunch or drinks was making her heart ache.

_You’ll always regret it if you don’t._

She felt her lips curve of their own accord as Jon’s words echoed in her mind. She was a Stark, she could be brave, she told herself.

***

She had told herself that she wouldn’t cry and embarrass herself and everyone else. Yet, standing now before the security barriers in Glasgow Airport with her family and friends taking turns at embracing her, she couldn’t stop herself. She clung to her father as he stroked her hair and told her he was so proud of her. She let her mother fuss over her, accepting the sandwich Catelyn all but thrust in her arms before placing a tender kiss to her forehead. Even Arya, after Sansa had stuffed her sandwich in her bag, had embraced her tightly, muttering a ‘I guess I’ll miss your annoying ass a little bit’ and grinning when Sansa ruffled her hair in response.

She saw Jon in the corner, hands in his pockets like he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do. Of course, her parents didn’t know about her and Jon and would only question things if Jon were to suddenly pour out excuses for not seeing her off or if Sansa were to say she didn’t want him there. Even though her parents had never seen Jon and her get on as well as their other siblings did with each of them, they had never deliberately avoided each other.

He caught her eyes, a small smile tugging at his lips even as his eyes were glistening. She felt herself sob at the sight, at how brave and gentle this man before her truly was and it made her side-step Robb’s arms for a second and cross over to Jon.

She pulled him to her, her arms tight around his neck as she buried her head on his shoulders. She felt him hesitantly circle his arms around her, placing his hands safely across her back as they embraced.

“Don’t ever think you’re not important to me Jon,” she whispered, pulling back slightly. “But I don’t want you to spend your whole life waiting for me when I can’t give you what you want right now. I may never be able to give you what you want Jon but I…I wish I could. If that means anything at all to you, I wish I could be in love with you right now.”

“I know, and it does mean something,” he replied, his voice just as soft. “I’ll miss you Sansa. But I promise I’m going to work on everything. Maybe…maybe we’ll see each other soon.”

She smiled at the vulnerability there, the way his eyes darted as though he felt he had crossed a line just for simply asking the possibility of them seeing each other, the possibility of starting again.

“I hope so,” she told him in all honesty.

She gave his arm a gentle squeeze before she finally turned back to her family and friends, who were looking around determinedly pretending nothing strange was happening. Her parents and Rickon looked confused but happy at the sudden affection between her and Jon. Bran looked as though he had expected such a thing and it made her wonder if he had known about Jon’s feelings all along. It didn’t matter now anyway, she reasoned as she finally stepped up into Robb’s arms.

“Take care of him, watch over him for me,” she whispered. Robb squeezed her closer.

“I will, I promise.”

She nodded as she stepped back, taking a deep breath as she felt her tears starting again. She looked at everyone again with a sad smile, her heart pounding so hard she thought it was going to burst out of her chest. She grabbed her carry-on bag with another deep breath before walking through the barriers towards her new life.


	12. London Baby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas! :)

Sansa had always thought Glasgow was busy but it had absolutely nothing on London, and she was only in Gatwick Airport. She had never been anywhere bigger than Glasgow before but she thought it was going to seem just a small town after she got into the heart of London. She stopped dead in the airport foyer as she tried to figure out where she was meant to be going.

Margaery had told her to get an oyster card, that Tommen had said it was the best thing to do. He had also helpfully told Margaery to pass on the tube instructions for which Sansa was grateful. She was fearing getting lost in London, of getting on the wrong train. Margaery assured her that it was pretty much impossible to get lost, that the tube network was very well connected and she would find her way back easily enough.

She had promised to visit Sansa for a catch up at New Year when she was down with Tommen to meet his family. Sansa was grateful for that, already thinking about how long it already seemed to be before she would see her friend. She was a social butterfly by nature and she was terrified of not making new friends. She was hoping she could make some friends at the hostel she had booked for the next three weeks. It was cheap but it had looked clean and had good reviews overall. And it was near her new job.

She found the way to the station and after about five minutes of her panicking, trying to find which pocket or compartment of her bag she had put her bank card, she managed to purchase an oyster card from the machine. She stared at the blue card in fascination for a few seconds before she put it and her bank card safely away in one of her zipped compartments of her bag.

It wasn’t quite as scary as she thought it would be. She had heard tales of squashed carriages, of smoggy streets, people pushing each other. But it was just like home really. She supposed it was early afternoon, so she was avoiding the busiest times and she was grateful for that. It was already overwhelming being in the big city when she had space to figure out where she was going and what she was doing. She would definitely need to figure out her tube journey in the quiet travel times before she attempted the real thing.

 She watched through the window, acting embarrassingly like a tourist as she flashed photos of the London Eye as the train rolled past. She could feel her heart pounding in excitement and nervousness as London Bridge stop finally came.

She managed to find the Northern line easily enough, admitting to herself that she had been worried for nothing. London, so far, seemed less scary and much more manageable than she had thought it would be. Although, she didn’t know how she would feel coming down here in the height of summer, she was already dreading the stuffy heat that would bring.

There were only two stops to the Elephant and Castle stop she needed. She managed to locate the lift in the station for her to use with her suitcases and then she was finally stepping out into the real city. She stepped to the side of the doors in order to get her phone out of her bag and check her directions to the hostel she was staying in.

It was only a ten-minute walk although it took closer to twenty with her luggage and her phone’s desire to cut off the GPS every few steps. Eventually though, she could see it ahead and was already looking forward to a shower and a nap. She had asked for a private room, deciding to pay the slightly higher cost. She would speak to people in the common areas and hopefully make some friends.

***

She had spent most of the Saturday sorting out her things. She had to find her local sorting office and gather the parcels her family and friends had sent her for Christmas. That was a laugh for any passer-by she thought in mortification of her sweaty, red face trying to get the parcels back to the hostel. But she was grateful they had thought of her all the same. She had left them presents under the family tree of course but hadn’t expected anyone to give her anything with her being away.

When she got back to the hostel she had a nap and had ventured down to the common sitting area. She had spoken with a few people there but they were all leaving the next day, had come on a group holiday. Still, Sansa figured it wouldn’t be too long before she made friends.

She wandered along the street for a while admiring the Christmas lights and then she popped into a little shop to get something to make for her dinner. She had to restrain her laugh as she loaded up pasta and beans, flashbacks to her student days returning fresh in her mind. She had gone back to the hostel to make her food and had then went for an early night.

Now, she had awoken early on the Sunday prepared for a day of sight-seeing. She busied herself all day, walking to the building she would be working in to get a sense of distance. She looked at all the nearby cafes and restaurants to get an idea of where to go for her morning coffee or for a treat for lunch someday.

She headed along to the Westminster area, taking a photo of the parliament building and the London Eye. She even decided to be a proper tourist and go on the hop on, hop off bus. She figured, since she had never been to London before, she may as well see as much as possible today and spend her days off checking things off her ‘to visit’ list.

She headed back to the hostel around dinner time, stopping by the shop to something for her lunch for her first day at work. And now, as she sat in her room without the distraction of being busy, with excitement rapidly being replaced by nervousness she seemed to remember that it was Christmas eve and she felt a sadness come over her. She had never not been at home for Christmas, all her family came for Christmas, even her Uncle Benjen managed to get time off to come and visit from Canada every year. And her great uncle Brynden, who had always told the best stories, had snuck the Stark children sweets from the tree when Catelyn wasn’t looking.

She had arranged for a skype call with her family tomorrow but it suddenly dawned on her that she was going to be completely alone on Christmas Day. And she knew it was stupid but the thought of eating a microwave meal for one was sending her into tears.

What was she even doing here? There is practically nobody staying here because they aren’t stupid enough to go for a job that asks you to start on Boxing Day! She was starting to think Cersei Lannister might not be a great person, if she was having people come in the day after Christmas. She had promised Margaery she would let her know what Cersei was like and right now, in her lonely state Sansa didn’t have a very high opinion of her.

She reached for the pile of gifts her friends and family had given her for Christmas which were sitting neatly under the window. Opening one wouldn’t hurt, she reasoned. Christmas Eve was practically Christmas. And it would make her feel better.

She reached for the closest one, smiling at how delicately wrapped it was and the tiny purple bow tied on the top. Jeyne, she supposed. Or her mother. Both were ridiculously good at wrapping and the pretty red sparkly paper with white reindeer seemed to be the cute paper they would buy. She turned the tag over, eyebrows rising at the writing.

_Sansa,_

_I had this to give to you a while ago, before…everything. I added the quote to it though, after you said you were going to London._

_Jon._

_P.S. I tried several times to wrap this myself but it was a disaster and I’m afraid I had to cheat and ask Jeyne to do it for me. Hopefully, the thought still pleases you anyway._

She laughed at the last line, somehow believing that Jon was a disaster in the wrapping department. She could picture him getting labels stuck all over him, cursing as he kept losing the tab of the sellotape, paper never quite cut long enough and him wrinkling it all up in his best attempt of covering the items. He would be so adorably frustrated, she thought, a small smile tugging at her lips before she shook her head firmly.

She shouldn’t think of him like that anymore, shouldn’t think about her attraction to him and what could have happened if he had said something before now. Above all else, the timing was wrong and it would do more harm than good to think of such things right now. She was in London now and he still had months of his therapy to complete. And then he would probably go and see Theon in Oslo and do some travelling. She couldn’t think about Jon in a romantic sense, in any sense other than a friend right now, not until they were both in a place where they could both move forward. But it was hard to not think about him when he did things like this.

And a part of her wished so very much that things could be like the movies, just this once. How simple life would have been if she and Jon had loved each other and had a healthy relationship right from the start?

She shook herself out of her thoughts. This opening of presents was supposed to cheer her up, not make her think of all that could have been, what may never be. She delicately pulled at the string and then gently pulled the paper apart. The picture fell out onto her lap and she barely stopped her gasp, tears framing her eyes as she picked it up.

It was a hand drawing, framed in a gold floral patterned frame. It was from Catelyn’s fortieth birthday, when everyone was there. Rickon was standing beside the sofa, looking guilty as he stuffed a piece of cake in his mouth, Bran scowling in disapproval beside him. Arya was lounged in front of the sofa, legs in the air as she looked in the direction of the television. Robb and Jeyne were on the sofa, her sister in law leaned into her brother’s chest and his arm around her shoulder. Her mother and father were there too behind the sofa where they had their arms around each other’s waist. And she was there too, back to the edge of the fireplace, the right angle to see all her family, and she was smiling at them all.

Beneath, Jon had written her favourite Disney quote.

_Family means nobody gets left behind, or forgotten._

“Urgh Jon, this was supposed to stop me from crying you asshole,” she muttered to herself, but she was laughing regardless, fingers tracing the faces of her family. She reached for her phone, opening up his number and starting a new message.

_I may have been bad and opened my present a little early. But I think the quote is pointless when you have forgotten someone._

His reply came barely two minutes later.

_Who?_

She snorted, barely repressing the roll of her eyes as she thought of him counting her siblings and parents off of his fingers.

_You, you idiot. You’re family too._

_I can’t draw myself! And besides, I would lower the whole tone of the picture._

_Yes, I suppose the essence of sophistication is jeopardised enough with Arya and Rickon in it. You definitely would have tipped it over the edge._

_I’ll be telling them you said that about them. Arya would go down there just to steal your favourite scarf in revenge. Rickon, well he might not care but any excuse to skive school is good for him I guess._

She grinned, loving how easily they could fall back into their conversations. Perhaps, she thought hopefully, perhaps being friends again wasn’t going to be so hard at all.

_Merry Christmas Jon. Thanks for being an awesome friend!_

_Merry Christmas Sansa, you too!_

***

Her instincts about Cersei Lannister were correct on all accounts.

She had pictured an immaculate woman, beautiful and formidable. And Cersei definitely was both. Of course, her other instinct had told her that this woman may not be the kindest or the easiest to work with. But Sansa reckoned if she could stay on her good side long enough, she could get a reference before things got too much and transfer somewhere else.

But it seemed Cersei had little good side to get on.

“Ah, yes I heard you were coming. Somebody in Scotland obviously doesn’t want you so you get shunted down to me as usual!” was how she responded to Sansa’s polite introduction, followed by “well make yourself useful and get coffee sorted out for everyone.”

The people in her team were not so bad at least, they had all been in Sansa’s situation before and had at least been perfectly polite in their drinks request and they had all said thank you when she returned with the exact correct drinks. Which is more than could be said for Cersei, who didn’t even look up from her files when Sansa placed the coffee on her desk.

At least Mya Stone, her mentor, was nice. She patted Sansa’s hand sympathetically when she took her seat next to her and told her not to worry about it. She talked Sansa through the magazine, what the standards were, what she would be expected to do. She showed her around the building and told her that a group of the workers go out for lunch every second Friday and she was welcome to come along if she so wished.

Cersei barely spoke to her and when she did it was usually to demand more coffee. Without Mya’s kind words and attempt at jokes, Sansa figured that it would have been a very long day. She was glad to get home anyway, her first day a rollercoaster of emotions.

She sent her mother a quick text, only saying she had survived her first day and had decided to leave it at that. She didn’t want to rant about Cersei to everyone and their dog, the only person she really needed to tell right now was Margaery, who was coming down to London with Tommen tomorrow.

“So, do I need garlic or a mirror?” her friend asked teasingly. Sansa made an awkward sound and she could hear Margaery inhale sharply. “Damn, I thought I could joke about it but is she really that bad?”

“She was really rude,” Sansa said honestly. “She wasn’t mean to me, not really. But I get the feeling that if she has a grudge against you then she would make your life miserable.”

“Be careful Sansa,” Margaery replied earnestly. “She has another son and he is nothing like Tommen. Don’t get involved with him.”

“I’m not getting involved with anyone,” Sansa countered defensively. If she wasn’t ready to date a nice guy like Jon, who she knew would never hurt her, she was hardly ready to date anyone else she reasoned in her mind. She needed to be single for a while, reclaim parts of her that Harry had destroyed.

“No, I know,” Margaery said softly, able to tell that she had riled Sansa in some way. “But she will have done her research. Your father is an ex-MP Sansa and your mother is the daughter of a lawyer. Cersei lives for influence and riches.”

“Well my family aren’t bothered about that. Father left politics because he didn’t like how many liars there were.”

“I know, I know!” Margaery replied earnestly. “But Cersei won’t care. When she knows she can use you for something, she will. If she asks you to do anything with Joffrey say no. I’ve met him once and honestly Sansa, promise me you will not let her push you into spending time with him.”

“I promise,” Sansa said although she doubted how much she could keep her word when her whole future relied on Cersei’s reference.

***

She had been careful not to mention Margaery to Cersei. She had wanted Margaery to meet her son’s mother without Cersei knowing they knew each other. She felt that Cersei hated her already and had therefore not wanted to influence her judgement of Margaery in any way. Although, it seemed as though Cersei hated anyone regardless.

Sansa watched nervously as Cersei left the office for lunch with Margaery and Tommen on the Thursday afternoon. She was on edge the rest of the day, waiting to hear from Margaery what was happening, how it had gone. And one thing that Sansa had gathered about Cersei was that she wouldn’t think anyone was good enough for her children and that was why Sansa was fearing Cersei returning to the office in a foul mood.

When Cersei did finally return two hours later, she was indeed looking annoyed. Sansa ducked her head behind her computer screen praying that once Cersei was in her office she would leave her and her colleagues alone to get on with their work.

She subtly took out her phone to send Margaery a quick text, only half-jokingly asking if she was alive. Margaery text back almost instantly, words that made Sansa flush scarlet.

_You’ve heard worse from Jon’s mouth before._

Sansa blushed harder, trying hard to dispel _those_ memories as soon as they invaded her mind. She distracted herself by texting Margaery back that at least she didn’t have to see her all that often, unlike Sansa who saw her at least right hours a day, five days a week.

Margaery sent her a gif of Ed from The Lion King laughing his face off.

Her best friend was an absolute bitch, but Sansa still loved her.

***

She was alone on New Years Eve too. And she was having a private party in her room as she started on her third plastic glass of wine. She had her laptop on, showing the live broadcast of Biffy in Edinburgh. She frowned as she saw Harry in the crowd with some blonde woman, giving her laptop screen the middle finger.

She reached for her phone without thinking, sending a text out.

She wondered how Robb and Jeyne were doing in Ireland, visiting Jeyne’s family. Robb said he got on fine with Jeyne’s siblings but her parents were a nightmare and seemed to really dislike him. But Robb was brave enough to weather through a dislike if it meant Jeyne was happy.

Arya was at Gendry’s according to his facebook post which showed him holding up a drinking game version of Snakes and Ladders, her sister and him having matching looks of determination and raised fists with the caption ‘this is war!’. She scoffed and typed out a comment that everyone knew Arya would kick his ass…and beat him at the game too.

Her phone buzzed and she smiled at Jon’s name on the screen as she opened it.

_Yeah, I’m watching it. I’m sorry I ruined that trip, would have been amazing to see them live._

_Can always catch them on their tour next year. And you didn’t ruin it. If anything I ruined it by being so blind to what was happening. I never should have suggested it, I’m sorry._

_Nah, like I said I would have gone anyway if there were tickets. Fuck, they’re playing Folding Stars!_

_Is that your favourite song by them?_

_One of. It is the one that makes me cry if I’m being honest._

Of course, Sansa thought to herself. Biffy Clyro may have been formed years after Jon lost his mother but the pain was universal in the lyrics that Simon had written for the Puzzle album. The grief, the loss of purpose, the hope that your loved ones are remembered and perhaps even somewhere better. She could understand why the songs on that album were very close to Jon’s heart.

_It is a beautiful song, you can just feel the pain he went through. I’m sorry that you feel so emotionally close to it. Your mother sounded like a wonderful woman._

_Thanks Sansa. Sorry, I’m a weeping mess at the moment!_

She nodded to herself even though he couldn’t see it. She decided to go down a different route and try to cheer him up with some teasing.

_You kind of look like Simon Neil, you know. Except he is a bit more cheery :p_

_No way! I actually wear clothes! :p_

Sansa laughed out loud before she covered her mouth, aware of the hostel’s thin walls. She bit her lip, a teasing reply on the tip of her tongue but she stopped herself in the end, taking a deep breath and closing her eyes for a second.

She couldn’t give him mixed signals, it wasn’t fair. And she had told him not to wait for her so she really shouldn’t be even entertaining the idea of sending messages that could be seen to be flirty. Jon deserved more than that, deserved a chance to really step back and decide if he wanted to wait for her or move on. But he had to do that on his own, she knew that, she knew it no matter how much it hurt to admit. And she couldn’t bring herself to admit to why it hurt.

She sent him an early Happy New Year text and then sent it on to her family and friends before she switched off her phone. She finished her wine, putting the bottle in the bin by her bed and the cup on the side cabinet. She sighed, long and deep before she shut her laptop off and went to sleep.

***

“Sansa, I need you to do these printing jobs for me,” Cersei said, dumping the file by Sansa’s monitor. Sansa blinked at the red binder and then up at Cersei.

“I finish in half an hour,” she replied, instantly regretting speaking when Cersei’s eyes flashed.

“And?”

“I have a Skype call to make with my family.”

She barely had time to contact her family over the whole month of January, an odd text sent here and there. She constantly missed phone calls from her mother, from Margaery and Myranda. Even Arya had tried phoning a couple of times since New Year. She was always just so exhausted and it made her less organised in everything but her work. She would see a text and tell herself to reply to it but then days went by before she did. And she often switched her phone off when she got back from work, too exhausted to deal with the pinging and vibrating of notifications and phone calls as she all but collapsed into bed.

She was staying later and later as the weeks went on. Now, with the end of February fast approaching, she was working until nine pm most nights when she was meant to only work until five. She didn’t mind the odd time at the start, wanting to make a good impression. But Cersei had seemed to take it as an opportunity to take her for a fool, dangling the reference before her.

“Well, life is just tough that way sweetie,” Cersei replied simply. “Next time make a time for a Sunday when you’re actually off.”

Sansa bit her tongue desperately wanting to tell Cersei to shove her file up her ass. She could, and did make Skype dates on Sundays. But this was the first time since Christmas that everyone would be there. Robb and Jeyne were off on holiday from work, Arya and Bran were off Uni for a couple of days and Rickon, well, he was always at home anyway. Still, Sansa sighed quietly and nodded mutely at Cersei to show she was going to do as she was told. She sent a message to her mother asking if they could move the Skype call to later.

Catelyn all but gasped when she saw her on the screen.

“Oh sweetie, they’re working you far too hard. You’ve barely been there two months, surely Cersei must know that.”

“I’ll come down and have a word with her for you!” Arya piped up, frowning at her sister’s image. Sansa felt herself laugh slightly.

“I feel like I need to work,” she replied after a moment. “Not just because I need a reference but because I can’t stay in a hostel forever. That has been almost two months now Everywhere is so expensive and I don’t want to flat share with people I don’t know.”

At least she had finally made a friend at the hostel. Arianne Martell who was from Madrid and had come over on a work visa, wanting to live in the UK. She reminded Sansa a little of both Margaery and Myranda and they had gone out for a few drinks. Perhaps, if they both saved up enough she could ask Arianne if she wanted to flat share.

“There must be other jobs in London,” Arya responded “I doubt Cersei will give you a good reference no matter what you do to be honest.”

“You’re probably right.”

“Technically,” Bran said, pushing his glasses up his nose. “She can’t give you a bad reference. I think she can refuse to give you one but she can’t give you a bad one.”

“Not having a reference would be just as bad,” Sansa chuckled mirthlessly. “I have no other experience!”

“Hey Sans!” Robb called out, appearing in the background. “You just missed Jon by the way.”

“Oh? Um, how is he doing?”

“He’s good yeah. He’s going to therapy every two weeks thanks to Sam’s contacts. There has already been a massive improvement in him. He seems more…I don’t know…”

“Not care-free,” Arya supplied, hand waving about as she tried to think of the word.

“Happy,” Bran responded dryly. Arya glared at him.

“Well sure if you want to be really pedantic about it.”

“He’s hoping to go out to Oslo at the start of the summer, after little Jon is born,” Robb said then, cutting off Bran and Arya’s argument.

“Oh, that would be good for him,” Sansa replied, wishing she had the guts to text him to wish him good luck but she hadn’t done so since New Year, had barely seen anything on his facebook whenever she had the time or energy to go on.

She spoke with her family a little longer, listening to their tales of what was happening with school and university, their partners. She listened to her father talk about his new friend Davos Seaworth who he liked to go fishing with. Sansa pretended to care about the six-foot trout he had supposedly caught but she five seconds later she couldn’t even remember what type of fish it was.

“I better go, I have to be up early tomorrow,” she yawned.

“Don’t work too hard dear, you’ll make yourself ill.”

She remembered that time when she had worked all those hours at the corner shop and Jon had come around to look after her, worried she would make herself sick. She nodded to her mother and quickly promised Robb she would take a fortnight off when little Jon was due at the end of May.

***

Sansa stared through the glass windows of Cersei’s office as she made her way to her desk. The woman in there was definitely not Cersei. Sansa glanced around but she seemed to be the first one in the office. She looked back to the office, unsure of what to do.

As if sensing her eyes on her, the woman turned around and gave Sansa a bright smile. She closed the office door softly behind her as she came out and sauntered up to Sansa’s desk. Sansa managed a polite smile and held out her hand.

“Hello, I’m Sansa Stark,” she greeted. The woman took her hand.

“Daenerys Targaryen,” she responded easily. “I’m head of publishing.”

“Targaryen?” Sansa replied, looking at Daenerys' pale blonde hair and deep blue eyes that seemed almost purple in the light. She had seen such features on Aegon and had known he was originally from the London area. “Are you any relation to Aegon Targaryen?”

“He is my nephew yes,” Daenerys said, an amused expression on her face. “Small world eh? Though I get from your accent that you are Scottish. And he went to Glasgow for university.”

“Yes. I went on a few casual dates with him actually,” Sansa answered with a small laugh. Daenerys grinned.

“Ah, break his heart did you? Good, about time it went the other way. I love him but he is a womaniser, you did well to get out while you did. Anyway, I was just leaving stuff on Cersei’s desk so I better head back down to my department.”

“Okay, it was nice to meet you,” Sansa replied honestly. Daenerys turned and smiled at her.

“You too Sansa,” she responded. She paused, glancing behind her at the lift before looking back at Sansa. “Come down for a chat anytime you like.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reminder that Sansa doesn't know fully about Jon's past. She knows his father was called Rhaegar Targaryen but has no idea what he looked like, neither does Jon of course having never met him. He would probably guess he looked like Viserys/Dany but Sansa won't know that. So she assumes Dany is related to Aegon without connecting the dots to Rhaegar (who Aegon also never mentioned because they had like two dates lol). For the purpose of this, we'll say Stark, Lannister, Targaryen etc are just as common as other Scottish/British surnames. Otherwise, well it throws my whole Dany plot out of the window lol  
> Also, even though I'm not Dany's biggest fan, when there is no Iron Throne I think she could be a bit more mellow lol.


	13. We are family

Mya tapped her shoulder briefly in warning before she hopped on to Sansa’s desk, folding her arms and giving her a stern expression. Sansa blinked, her forkful of noodles halfway to her mouth as she waited for Mya to say whatever she needed to say.

“So, I was on facebook this morning,” the brunette said casually, pretending to expect her nails as though they were more interesting in what she wanted to say. “And imagine my surprise when it said March twentieth, its Sansa Stark’s birthday!”

Mya’s hand spread across the air as though she was pinning a banner across a wall. Sansa rolled her eyes as she put her fork down.

“I just…I haven’t ever not spent a birthday with my family,” she replied.

“Well, I personally think we should go out,” Mya said with a grin. Sansa snorted, giving Mya a pointed look.

“I can barely afford anything but noodles and beans,” she stated, looking back at her computer and typing her password into bring her work back up .

“Birthday drinks!” Mya tutted, wagging a finger at her. “People are supposed to buy you drinks on your birthday. And since I didn’t know it was your birthday, I hereby declare I am buying you wine and heck, I’ll buy you dinner too. I’m not having you eating noodles and beans on your birthday!”

“You’re going to actually drag me out or come and infiltrate the hostel if I refuse, aren’t you?” Sansa teased. Mya’s eyes widened and she clicked her fingers with such intensity, Sansa jerked back for fear her friend was going to hit her in the face.

“Oh! That was the other thing! My flatmate is moving out at the end of the month so I have a spare room, if you want to move in.”

“Are you serious?” Sansa asked, already feeling the excitement coursing through her. Mya nodded enthusiastically.

“Yeah, and we can figure out the rent and stuff later but I think we’ll have a great time. And then you can invite your family and friends down too, knowing you have a place for them to crash. Birthday night out round two!”

“That is so great! Thank you so much!” Sansa gasped, jumping up and giving Mya a tight hug. Mya laughed and hugged her back gently.

“Uh oh,” her friend said suddenly, tilting her head towards the door. Sansa glanced behind her, just as Daenerys strutted from the elevator and made for Cersei’s office. She turned back to Mya, raising her eyebrows.

“What is wrong with Daenerys?” she asked in confusion.

She hadn’t seen the woman since that day she had been in the office but Sansa thought she had seemed okay, she had certainly been nice enough to Sansa anyway. Mya’s mouth twisted slightly and she waved her hand, signalling for Sansa to come over to her desk. Sansa obeyed, casting another confused frown over her shoulder as Daenerys entered Cersei’s office. Cersei was on the phone and made no attempt to even acknowledge that Daenerys had entered.

“So, I don’t really have a problem with Daenerys,” Mya started in a hush whisper. “She is in her own department, has little to do with us you know? But her and Cersei? My god, lets just say if the two of them were put in the Hunger Games together, nobody could make a secure bet about which will would survive the other. They hate each other.”

“Wow,” Sansa said, glancing back again to see Daenerys folding her arms and glaring at Cersei, who just turned her back and continued talking into the phone. She turned back to Mya. “But, if she has her own department, what is her problem with Cersei?”

“Cersei wants to be in Head Office,” Mya explained and then she suddenly made an ‘oh’ sound as she saw a box of Maltesers behind her computer. She took a handful and popped them in her mouth, tilting the box towards Sansa with a raised eyebrow and questioning sound. Sansa shook her head in answer to the silent question, rolling her eyes at Mya. Trust her to keep her waiting with the gossip, she thought.

“So,” Sansa prompted when Mya had swallowed the chocolate and still not said anything. Her friend blinked at her slowly, a confused frown appearing between her eyes.

“You don’t know who Daenerys is do you?” she said slowly, her eyes wide at the knowledge. Sansa’s mouth parted but she didn’t even know what she could say. She shut it again, instead giving Mya a slow shake of her head. Mya leaned forward, the explanation on the tip of her tongue when….

“You can’t just show up whenever you like!” Cersei’s voice stated coldly. Sansa turned her head to see her boss opening the door and gesturing a hand to indicate that Daenerys should leave. The silver-haired woman scoffed, her arms still folded as she sat on Cersei’s desk with a smirk.

“I made an appointment weeks ago. We need to discuss the deadline for the new issue.”

“I have been busy, otherwise I would have agreed to the appointments. Not everything is as easy for people who aren’t related to the owner you know.”

“I got where I did by myself!” Daenerys growled, finally standing and squaring up to Cersei. “My brother did nothing for me before, he does nothing for me now.”

Sansa chanced a glance at Mya, whose eyes were riveted on the scene unfolding. In fact, everybody in the office was staring at the two women as they stood in a staring match. Sansa swallowed when Cersei’s eyes flickered towards her and she quickly ducked her head away, silently praying Cersei wouldn’t punish her for being nosy.

“Sansa, come here a moment,” Cersei called. Sansa’s head jerked up as she looked at Mya. Her friend shrugged but her face was full of concern as she stared over Sansa’s shoulder at Cersei. Sansa swallowed, pushing her chair away from the desk, noting how her hands were shaking.

“Yes?” she asked as she reached the door, glancing nervously between the women. Daenerys’ gave Cersei a puzzled frown.

“Sansa, who is your father?” Cersei asked.

“Sorry?” Sansa questioned in confusion, not expecting such a question. Cersei rolled her eyes.

“Are you an idiot?” she said scathingly. “Your father, who is he?”

“Ned Stark,” Sansa answered slowly, still unsure where this was going.

“The MP Ned Stark,” Cersei added with a glint in her eyes. Sansa looked at her and then to Daenerys, who seemed just as puzzled by Cersei’s actions.

“Ex MP,” Sansa corrected without thinking. Cersei’s eyes flashed slightly. Daenerys’ lips twitched.

“Being the daughter of such a man would have made life rather easy for you, would it not?” Cersei asked lightly. Sansa frowned.

“No,” she replied. Her father had never used his political power for his own gain. And she didn’t like how Cersei would imply her father was like the rest of the MPs. Besides, she had done her research too and knew Cersei’s father had also been a politician, one that her own father had debated many times.

The anger of the past few weeks was coursing through her. She had been able to handle it when it was directed at her, rose above the taunts and ignored Cersei half the time. But if Cersei was implying that Sansa would use her father to make her way in the world, would tarnish his honour like that, Sansa was not going to stand for it. She donned her sweetest smile and looked at Cersei again.

“I mean, he was always for equality of opportunity for everyone,” she said. “I think it is your father’s party that believes money and business is more important than actually working for anything.”

For a moment, there is complete silence. And then Daenerys snorted and pulled her lips tight in order to stop herself from smiling. She heard Mya whisper ‘damn’ behind her but Cersei was rigid. Sansa swallowed as her cold green eyes fixed on her face.

“Get out,” Cersei hissed and Sansa froze.

“I…what?”

“You’re fired, get the fuck out of my office!”

“Erm, you can’t fire her for banter,” Daenerys quipped suddenly, moving to stand between Cersei and Sansa. “I guess that is your father’s politics talking again huh? Don’t let the people speak their mind and all that.”

“She is an awful worker anyway,” Cersei retorted with a wave of her hand. “This was just the final straw.”

Sansa squeezed her eyes shut tight, feeling her body shake. _Don’t cry, don’t cry_. But she could feel the tears burning in her eyes. Why did she think she could be in this world? Why did she think she could have stuck it out with someone like Cersei?

She is struck by a sudden, crushing need to go home, not even Glasgow but _home_ where her parents were. She wanted her dad to hug her close and tell her everything was going to be alright in his calm, soothing voice. She wanted her mum to make homemade lemon meringue pie and run her hand through her hair, for Robb to wrap an arm around her shoulder and tell her she was always welcome to stay with him and Jeyne if she needed to, that he would always be there for her. She wanted Arya to tell her she would march down to London herself and make whoever hurt her suffer and for Bran to tell her everything happens for a reason and things will work out fine in the end. And she even wanted Rickon to roll his eyes and tell her she was being stupid and dramatic.

And Jon, she thought suddenly. She wanted him to set a cup of tea in front of her with three sugars and calmly listen as she ranted everything about this stupid place and Cersei’s unjustified hatred and treatment of her. Jon had always known what to do and say to get her out of a rut. And now that she thought of him, she feels an ache at the fact they have not really been in contact since New Year, the more time passing meaning she feels more and more awkward picking up the phone and sending him a message. She hated Cersei more then, when she thought of how she has barely been in contact with her friends and family because she was trying so hard to impress this horrible woman.

“Hey, hey!” Daenerys said quickly as Sansa let a sob break free from her trembling lips. She sniffed, her cheeks heating up in humiliation. Suddenly, Daenerys hands were on Sansa’s shoulders and her body appeared in Sansa’s blurred vision as she took a deep breath and harshly wiped at her eyes.

“Oh, for goodness sake, have some dignity,” Cersei scoffed. “Hurry up and get out of the building already!”

“She isn’t leaving the building!” Daenerys snapped back, turning to Cersei. The blonde woman raised her eyebrows, a smirk crossing her face as she regarded Daenerys in amusement.

“You have your department, I have mine,” Cersei responded coolly. “Sansa was my employee, it has nothing to do with you!”

“True, what you do in your own department is not my business,” Daenerys replied with a shrug. “Which is why I’m hiring Sansa myself.”

“What?” Sansa sniffed, blinking in shock. Cersei curled her lip.

“Excuse me, you can’t just….!”

“My department, my rules. It has nothing to do with you,” Daenerys interrupted with a large fake smile at the other woman. Then she turned to Sansa, her eyes softer and with a kinder, more genuine smile. “Get your things Sansa and we’ll head down to publishing.”

Sansa nodded, turning quickly back to her desk. Mya came over, helping her gather things in a bag. She could feel her friend’s smirk the whole time and turned at one point to hiss at her to stop it. Mya just snorted, her grin widening as she assured Sansa she was jealous of her getting out from Cersei’s grasp.

Daenerys was waiting by the lift when she approached, saying awkward goodbyes to her co-workers. As the doors opened, she glanced back at Cersei and a petty part of her was glad that the woman looked totally speechless and so angry she might just pop a vein.

“I have to say, I am impressed someone like you survived Cersei for so long,” Daenerys said in amusement as she hit the button to her floor. Sansa gave her a sideways glance.

“What do you mean?” she asked eventually, when Daenerys hadn’t said much else. The woman shrugged slightly, smiling at Sansa.

“Just, good people don’t tend to last with her. They leave or they become like her,” she explained as the doors pinged open again.

Sansa followed her silently as she led her to her new workplace. It was a bigger desk than what she had had at Cersei’s and Sansa smiled at the more private walls that it had. She liked having good work relationships but sometimes it was nice to feel like she had her own space too.

“This is Missandei,” Daenerys said, indicating a copper-skinned girl who approached. Missandei smiled brightly at Sansa, holding out her hand.

“Nice to meet you,” she greeted cheerfully. “I love your hair, is that a natural colour?”

“Oh, yes,” Sansa replied, fingers automatically running through her tresses with a shy smile. “Thank you. I love your curly hair, I always wanted curls!”

“And I always wanted straight hair,” Missandei quipped, grinning at Sansa.

“So, if you need anything, Missandei will be her to help,” Daenerys assured her. She pointed to the far end of the room. “And my office is there for anything else you need.”

“Thank you so much Daenerys!” Sansa said.

“You’re welcome,” Daenerys returned with a smile. “Cersei is worse than a slaver, anything that knocks her down a peg is good to me. And of course, I like you. You seem a decent person and I want the best on my team.”

“Well, it means a lot,” Sansa replied. “I really wanted to go home back there. Not the best birthday anyway.”

“Its your birthday?” Daenerys gasped. “Missandei, go and get a cake right now!”

Th girl shot up from her desk, grabbing her handbag. Sansa laughed, waving her hands about.

“No, no that isn’t necessary!” she insisted. “Its fine, honestly!”

“Everyone gets cake on their birthdays here!” Daenerys said firmly, turning to look at another colleague. “Jorah, write Sansa’s birthday in the calendar, will you?”

“Really, I don’t want all this fuss!” Sansa laughed but Missandei was already gone and Daenerys was grinning at her, shaking her head slowly.

“Don’t fight me Sansa,” she warned playfully. “I can be a right dragon when I’m angry!”

“Well in that case,” Sansa replied, giving a mock sigh of defeat. “Better let Missandei know that lemon cakes are my favourite.”

***

“Oh honey,” Catelyn said with a sympathetic sigh and then she looked to the side, telling Sansa she was looking at her phone. “I can put an order in at the local bakery to deliver you some lemon cakes? You should have lemon cakes on your birthday anyway of course but some extra are needed today I think.”

“Actually, Daenerys got me lemon cakes at work today,” Sansa replied with a laugh.

“See, I knew things would be fine,” Ned commented brightly, giving Sansa a big smile that had his grey eyes twinkling. Sansa smiled back even though she still really wanted one of her dads bone crushing hugs.

“I’m going to kill Cersei!” Arya growled, her whole face scrunched up in anger. Catelyn tutted next to her.

“You are not going to kill anyone Arya,” her mother reprimanded, giving with a disapproving sniff. Arya huffed, rolling her eyes and slumping back in her chair.

“Fine,” her sister sighed dramatically. “I’ll just send her some anonymous hate mail, what is your building’s address?”

“Arya!” Ned sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and shaking his head slightly.

Sansa laughed as Arya took her phone out and joined her father in shaking her head at her sister’s antics.

“Don’t you dare Arya,” she warned. “That’s not nice!”

“Cersei isn’t nice,” Arya reminded her casually.

“Maybe you were meant to work for this Daenerys person,” Bran commented after a moment.

“Yeah or maybe you should stop pretending and just come home already like you actually want to!” Rickon added although he was smiling to show he was joking with his anger.

“Anyway!” Robb interrupted, shoving a new ultra-scan photo right up against the screen so it was all that Sansa could see. “Will this cheer you up?”

“Awww it is my baby nephew!” Sansa squealed, leaning towards the screen for a better look, an unstoppable grin spreading across her face as she took in the tiny shape of Robb’s child. God, two months to go she thought. Where did the time go?

She felt another smile come to her lips. Her family were acting just like she knew they would. The Starks were family orientated, they always supported each other and Sansa reckoned that was why none of her siblings had strayed far from the familial nest. Except her, in London and no money or time to visit. And Sansa wished so much that she could be back home.

“Hello?”

“Hey Jon!” Arya called, looking behind her.

“Hey, I have…oh, sorry!” Jon said as he came through to the living room and saw them on the tablet.

“Don’t worry, it is just Sansa,” Rickon stated simply, frowning at the way Jon had frozen in the doorway.

Sansa swallowed at the sight of him. He had definitely become more muscular than when she had saw him last, indicating that he had been going to the gym or doing some sort of working out. His beard had grown thicker, his hair longer and down to his chin almost. He looked, frankly, amazingly hot.

“Hey,” she croaked, clearing her throat. “How are you Jon?”

“I’m good,” he replied, his eyes finally looking away down at his shoes. “Been quite busy lately but yeah, things are good.”

Arya and Robb glanced at each other before looking away, eyes focussing on anything but at Sansa. Sansa stared at the screen, brow furrowed in thought as she took him in. There was a vibe of happiness coming from him that told her his therapy must have been going well. But she felt so incredible sad that it seemed as though they really had gone back to a point where they were awkward around each other. But then, he had said he was busy and if he was busy, that was good really because it probably meant that he was doing okay and doing stuff with his life. She had told him not to wait for her, to put his whole life on hold while she tried to figure out her own life. And if he is happy, then she is happy for him.

“I…I better go,” she said eventually, forcing a smile. “Going out tonight with a couple of friends. Don’t tell Margaery and Myranda they have been replaced!”

“I’m texting them the minute you sign out!” Arya teased.

“Bye Sansa,” Jon said, finally looking at her again. She swallowed, the selfish part of her still squirming at those vulnerable eyes looking straight back at her.

“Bye, um….I’ll skype you all next week.”

Jon’s eyebrows rose and she forced herself to meet his eyes.

“Will you be around then Jon? Would be nice to talk to you?” she questioned. She saw Robb ran a hand over his beard and glance quickly at Jon. Arya’s eyes darted away. Ned, Catelyn and Rickon shot confused looks over their shoulder at Jon and then back towards Sansa.

“I…uh…no,” Jon answered, clearing his throat. “No, I’m away next weekend actually.”

“Oh,” she stated dumbly.

The awkwardness that was starting to overwhelm her was broken when she heard a small knock at her door. She turned briefly to the door and then back to the screen.

“Sorry, I’m going to have to go,” she whispered. “Love you guys!”

She cut the screen quickly, tossing her laptop to the side before she made her way to the door, pulling it open. Arianne entered, dressed in a tight fitting black dress, her dark hair was curled and falling over her right shoulder. She raised an eyebrow at Sansa when she saw that she was still sitting on the bed in her work clothes.

“You’re not ready?” she stated in disbelief, shaking her head in disapproval. Sansa rubbed the back of her neck, giving a sheepish shrug.

“Sorry, I got distracted,” she replied simply. “I won’t be long.”

Arianne smirked, coming to sit next to her and bumping her shoulder playfully. “Distracted by a man?”

“No,” Sansa said with an amused smile at her friend’s insinuation. “I was talking to my family.”

“Ah,” Arianne replied, watching as Sansa stood and went to get her dress from the wardrobe in the corner of the room. An amicable silence developed between them as Sansa focussed on applying her mascara and lipstick. She had just smacked her lips together when Arianne spoke suddenly.

“Who is Jon?”

“What?” Sansa said, turning her head so fast she was surprised she didn’t get whiplash. Arianne looked up from where Sansa’s screen had lit up with a message notification and Jon’s name. An amused smirk pulled at Arianne’s lips as Sansa dived for the phone and opened the message.

_Hey, sorry I haven’t been in contact much recently, I’ve been so busy. I have an open day to attend next weekend to look into redoing my Masters. Are you coming back home in time for Jeyne’s due date? Would be nice to catch up if you are. Oh, and happy birthday by the way!_

 “So?” Arianne prompted and Sansa blinked, raising her eyes to her friend and then looking back at the phone. She shook her head slightly as she tried to think of what to say.

“Um,” she started with a nervous laugh. “It is a long story.”

***

“No way!” Arianne snorted, looking at Sansa with admiration. “You did not say that!”

“I swear she did!” Mya insisted, grinning as Sansa shook her head.

“It is hardly a big deal,” she insisted with a shrug. “So, I stood up to Cersei, so what?”

“You just didn’t seem the type to do that,” Mya commented casually.

Sansa gave her a puzzled frown. She had grown up telling her brothers what to do, going head to head with Arya in some frankly terrifying arguments. She had always been able to stand her ground, hold her own. Or at least, she had before Harry. He had made her feel so self-conscious and she had started to stop voicing her opinions about anything and to anyone. She had let him walk all over her and had then betrayed herself by letting his controlling nature influence her, change her. She felt an uncontrollable smile come to her as she realised, she was slowly starting to become herself again.

“Oh, somebody is so checking you out Sans,” Arianne commented with a smirk, tipping her bottle in the direction of the bar behind Sansa’s head. “Go and talk to him. The one in the leather jacket.”

Sansa spluttered on her drink, eyes wide as she looked at her friend.

“No,” she replied firmly. Mya raised her eyebrows.

“Why? You’re single and he is hot!”

“Because I…” Sansa started, stopping when she realised she had no good reason to say no. No reason than the fact that all she could think about was how Jon would feel if he heard she had had a casual hook up. Like what they had done had really been nothing but a fling.

“Five seconds to give a decent answer or I am going over there and getting his number for you!” Mya commented, taking a sip of her drink.

“Because there is someone already,” she blurted. Mya spat her drink back in her glass and blinked at her repeatedly.

“Excuse me?”

“You said Jon was just a casual hook up,” Arianne stated, narrowing her eyes.

“Who is Jon?!” Mya asked excitedly, turning her head between Sansa and Arianne with interest.

“He is, I mean he was!” Sansa replied, feeling her cheeks flush at their intense gazes on her. “But, I…its…”

“Holy shit,” Arianne snorted, shaking her head at Sansa. “You like this Jon guy, actually _like_ him!”

“Well he is attractive,” Sansa admitted. “And he is sweet and kind and…”

“Yeah yeah, cut the mushy shit,” Arianne said with a wave of her hand. “Is he good in bed?”

Sansa bit her lip and averted her eyes.

“I think that is a yes, Arianne,” Mya teased, smirking at her companion and then at Sansa’s beet red face.

"I don't want just sex anymore," Sansa insisted, even as she shot them a cheeky smile. "Even if I have multiple orgasms from it."

"Holy shit!" Mya cackled, reaching over to give Sansa a high-five.

“So, you never told me, why aren’t you with him then?” Arianne asked with a frown. “Did he not want a relationship?”

“The opposite,” Sansa said, twirling her straw absent-mindedly. “He has been in love with me for years and I was too blind, too stupid to see it.”

“And you can’t just tell him now?” Mya questioned. “Can’t you tell him now that you might want to have a relationship?”

“Neither of us are ready for a relationship,” Sansa explained, leaning back in her chair with a frown. “And besides, I’m in London and he will be doing his Masters up in Scotland most likely. And, even after… he might not be ready for a relationship for a while yet anyway.”

“Well then there is just one thing you really need to ask yourself,” Arianne stated simply. Sansa looked at her as her friend gave a casual shrug. “Will you wait for him to be ready or are you going to start something else?”

Sansa glanced behind her to the man at the bar. He was attractive, she had to admit. But she knew, deep down, she knew what she had been repressing for so long. Her jealousy of Ygritte and Val at that party so long ago, she hadn’t recognised it as anything but wounded pride, the idea she wasn’t satisfying him enough and that he might be going behind her back. But now, when she thought of all their moments afterwards, how his arms felt around her, how he made her feel confident and sexy and beautiful even when she was a sweaty mess. Jon knew how to comfort her, how to make her happy.

She turned back to her friends and gave them a small smile. “I’ll wait a little longer.”

***

“Morning Sansa,” Daenerys greeted when Sansa came through to her office on the Monday morning to put some forms on her desk.

“Morning,” Sansa replied with a smile. She tilted her head towards the puppy plush on her desk. “Who is your friend?”

“Oh,” Daenerys said, glancing at the toy with a small smile. “That is puppy.”

“Imaginative name,” Sansa teased. Daenerys grinned at her, looking at the toy again.

“I didn’t name him,” she insisted and then her eyes turned sad and she looked down at her desk with a sigh. “He wasn’t mine actually. There was a boy I lived with for a while. It was his actually and I had it when we got separated.”

“Separated?” Sansa questioned before she could stop herself. “Sorry, it isn’t any of my business.”

“No, it is alright,” Daenerys assured her, reaching out to tap the toy on the head affectionately. “He was my nephew really but he always felt like the brother I never had. I have two biological brothers though, Rhaegar and Viserys, the former was never there and the latter was abusive. Viserys got custody of us both but we were taken and put into the system where we were separated. He stayed in Scotland then and I went to Oxford with my new family. Gosh, this was twenty years ago, how scary is….”

“Wait, hold on!” Sansa interrupted, feeling the blood rush from her face as the name Rhaegar echoed over and over in her head. Rhaegar Targaryen, over twenty years ago, and being in the system, in Scotland. It all added up. There was only one person that it could have been. Daenerys stopped talking, standing as she looked at Sansa who had flopped down into a chair.

“Are you alright?” Daenerys asked, kneeling in front of her and thrusting a bottle of water towards her. Sansa pushed it aside, feeling her eyes grow wide as she stared at Daenerys.

“Rhaegar Targaryen is your brother?” she stated in disbelief. Daenerys gave a small laugh of disbelief.

“Yeah. So, you can see why Cersei was mad at me. He owns half of this company after all. People never believe me when I said I got her by myself. I guess they always think brothers and sisters are close. But I never knew Rhaegar really. He was never there when I was growing up. Didn’t come back into my life until about five years ago.”

“Jon,” Sansa whispered. Daenerys frowned and Sansa swallowed thickly. “The boy was Jon, wasn’t he? Jon Snow.”

“How…?” Daenerys gasped, rearing back and staring at her. “You know Jon? Oh my god, how is he? Where is he?! I searched for him years ago but couldn’t find anything!”

“He…he is in Glasgow,” Sansa replied, feeling a laugh escape her at the absurdity of this situation. “He has been through a lot.”

“I’m sure he has,” Daenerys commented softly. “He was always kind to me. He protected me from Viserys all the time.”

“Yeah, Jon is like that,” Sansa replied with sad affection. “He is the sweetest man I know. He doesn’t deserve everything he went through but he is getting better.”

Daenerys nodded, glancing at Sansa again as she made her way back to her seat. She glanced at the puppy toy and then back at Sansa, who waited for her to speak.

“Would…do you think…?” Daenerys started, biting her lip, looking at the toy again. “Do you think he would want to meet me?”

“Yes,” Sansa replied instantly. Jon had always wanted to belong somewhere, he wanted a family. The Starks had adopted him and were a family to him in all the ways that mattered but Daenerys was blood. And she was a link to his past, someone who would understand some of what Jon had went through and be able to help him heal.

“Yes, he would love to meet you, I know he will. I’ll maybe ask him to come down here with me when I go and visit my brother and his new baby.”

“That would be great if you could get him to come,” Daenerys smiled, taking the puppy toy from her desk and holding it for a second. She looked at Sansa as she made to stand up and leave.

“Sansa,” she called, waiting for her to turn and look at her. She held the toy out towards her with another smile. “Give this to him for me.”

“Shouldn’t you give it to him yourself?” Sansa asked.

“I suppose,” Daenerys replied with a small shrug, swirling lazily in her chair as she regarded Sansa. “But, I haven’t seen him in twenty years and we were just children. I don’t know how he would react having this or what to do. I think it would be better coming from someone who can comfort him without thinking about it. Someone who is already an important part of his life. And besides, he might not be able to come and meet me and I think I have had him long enough.”

“Um, okay,” Sansa replied, crossing the floor and taking the toy from Daenerys. She smiled at the toy, it looked just like Jon’s dog Ghost. And she felt herself press the toy close to her chest, unaware of Daenerys’ knowing smile behind her back. She glanced back at Daenerys with a small smile and then gestured behind her. “I’m going to get back to work.”

“Okay Sansa,” Daenerys smiled. “I’m even more happy I saved you from Cersei now.”

“I’m sure Jon will thank you for looking after me as well,” Sansa replied. Daenerys raised an eyebrow but said nothing as she looked back at the forms on her desk.

Sansa smiled again at the toy as she made her way back to her own desk. She placed the dog by her screen as she logged into her computer.

She couldn’t wait to see Jon’s face when she gave him his long lost toy.


	14. The road is long, we carry on

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback with Sansa and Jon, Sansa moves in with Mya, Jon is reunited with puppy. and baby Jon arrives.

_She jumped at the sound of the door slamming shut and placed her cup down on the table, moving to the kitchen door to peak out. She blinked as she saw Jon leaning against back against the wood and then slowly sliding down to the floor, his arms curled around his knees. She stepped back from the door in confusion. Robb wasn’t home this weekend so it was strange for Jon to be here alone, even if her parents had more or less adopted him._

_She picked up her mug, trying to remember if Robb had said anything about this, about what Jon would be doing back up North with university term back in full flow. And then, like a bucket of cold water being dumped upon her, she realised the date, January twenty-ninth._

_Yesterday, the twenty-eighth, would have been the fifteenth anniversary of his mum’s death._

_Now that she thought about it, Robb had said that Jon would be stopping over. And since he had passed his driving test last year, he was going to go up to his childhood hometown and try and find his mother’s grave. It would be the first time he had managed to go._

_She bit her lip, the nurturing part of her wanting to go and comfort him but another part of her brain telling her that he obviously thought he was alone and might be embarrassed. But as his sobs continued, she knew she couldn’t just leave him out there. She took a deep breath and opened the kitchen door, deciding that his need for comfort was more important than embarrassment. And why should he be embarrassed to cry in front of anyone about such a thing? She and Jon may never have spent much time together, like they did with the other Starks, but even if he seemed rude to her, she wasn’t going to sit back and watch him fall apart._

_He jerked slightly at the sound of her footsteps, eyes widening as he realised he wasn’t alone. He wiped at his eyes harshly, attempting to stand but Sansa raised a hand, moving to slide down the wall and sit beside him._

_“I’m sorry Jon,” she whispered. She couldn’t imagine what he was going through. She thought about her own parents, how distraught she would be if anything happened to them. But, unlike Jon, she would have family and friends for support, she would be able to visit their graves and mourn. Jon never had the opportunity._

_“I couldn’t find her,” he mumbled suddenly and Sansa placed a hand on his shoulder as another wave of sobs overtook him causing him to bury his head in his arms again. “I went to the graveyard and I looked for ages and I couldn’t see her and…and …”_

_“Shh, shh, its okay Jon,” she whispered, moving her hand to curl around his shoulders to give him a quick squeeze._

_“What kind of son doesn’t know where their mother is buried?”_

_“You were so young, Jon,” she replied. “Graveyards can be confusing.”_

_She had only been to the one in the next town over, where her father’s father and mother were buried. And for a small town, even that graveyard was huge. If she hadn’t visited often with her father and siblings, she believed she would struggle to find them on her own as well._

_“And then I remembered that it was a Sunday so nobody was around to ask and I…I just panicked and ran. I had to leave the car because I was just so panicky and upset...”_

_She hummed softly, patting his shoulder in sympathy as he continued to weep next to her. “I’m sure Robb will give you a lift back up to collect it. Maybe he will help you look for her too.”_

_Jon sniffed, giving a small nod. Sansa gave his shoulder another couple of squeezes before she pushed herself up._

_“If you drank tea, this would be a lot easier,” she joked and Jon’s lips twitched slightly as he wiped his eyes once more, an almost choked sound escaping him and Sansa grinned, realising he had given the tiniest sound of amusement. “Perhaps a coffee will work too. Maybe an Irish one.”_

_Jon gave another choked chuckle, finally looking up at her. “Yeah, sounds good.”_

_She turned back to the kitchen, hearing him get up and go into the downstairs bathroom to sort himself up. She glanced back at the door before she picked up her phone and text Robb to ask him to contact Jon because she was worried about him._

_He came through a moment later, giving her a timid smile and ducking his head in embarrassment. She patted his shoulder again as she passed to get a cup for his coffee._

_“I text Robb, I hope you don’t mind,” she said, glancing over her shoulder when he hadn’t said anything. “I thought, maybe he would know what to do and how to help better than I could. Although, I would like to help too.”_

_“I was actually going to text him myself,” he replied. “How do you do it?”_

_“What?” she asked, pouring the water from the freshly boiled kettle into the cup._

_“How do you manage to calm everything down?  How do you just seem to know how to make things better?” he explained and Sansa laughed, giving a lazy shrug of her shoulder._

_“I don’t know,” she replied with another laugh. “Just who I am I guess.”_

_Jon hummed, murmuring a thank you as she handed him his coffee._

***

Daenerys had insisted on taking Sansa out for dinner and drinks, wanting to know as much as possible about her long-lost nephew. Sansa refused point blank to go anywhere fancy, not wanting Daenerys to go to any trouble. In the end, they agreed to go to the Frankie and Benny’s at Victoria.

“Shall we share a bottle of wine?” Daenerys asked, looking over the menu.

“Sure,” Sansa replied. “I prefer white personally.”

Daenerys turned her head, smiling at the waiter as he approached. She ordered the wine and some water for the table before she sat back, glancing lazily over the food menu.

“So, what is Jon like nowadays?” she asked, leaning over the table slightly in her desperation to know.

“He is so sweet,” Sansa insisted, smiling as the waiter brought their drinks over and a pitcher of water for the table. “Quite shy and he doesn’t believe in himself nearly enough as he should.”

Daenerys took a delicate sip of her wine, tilting her head as she regarded Sansa.

“I can only vaguely remember him, what he looked like, his mannerisms,” she commented, smiling sadly as she looked down at her hands and then back up to Sansa. “He was always pretty shy, perhaps that with Viserys influence though. And, losing his mother must have had an effect too. But I remember him being kind and sweet. No matter how many times Viserys beat him or locked him in his room, he was always making sure that I was never in the firing line.”

“He never spoke to me directly about his childhood,” Sansa murmured softly, fingers toying nervously with her napkin. “I just know bits and pieces about it from fragmented conversations and accidentally over-hearing. I don’t think my brother Robb even knows everything that happened to him.”

“Sometimes, abuse victims are too ashamed to talk about their experiences, even if they logically know there is no reason to be,” Daenerys mused. She leaned forward slightly, crossing her arms on the table. “What else can you tell me about him?”

“Um, he was studying architecture in Glasgow,” Sansa answered. “He always had a talent for art and building things, you should get him to show you because he is so good. He went through some stuff and had to drop out of his last year of Masters but he was looking into going back and finishing.”

“So, were you two close?” Daenerys asked.

“No, I mean yes, I mean, kind of…” Sansa said, huffing out a breath as she fumbled with her words.

Daenerys’ eyebrows rose slightly at her reaction and Sansa squirmed under the intense gaze. She didn’t want to tell Daenerys that her and Jon had been sleeping together and she especially didn’t want to tell her that Jon had been in love with her for years and she had more or less broken his heart on more than one occasion. It wasn’t her fault, she knew that and she knew Jon would never blame her for it either. Still, it was a private thing and not her place to tell his feelings to an aunt who, through no fault of her own, was no longer part of his life. She cleared her throat, giving a lazy shrug.

“We weren’t close when he first came to the family,” she explained. “We had a few moments over the years but it wasn’t really until the tail end of last year that we started to properly hang out together and realised we liked each other’s company, liked the same things.”

Daenerys’ head tilted slightly as she took another sip of wine. Sansa grinned to herself as she thought of how Jon did the exact same thing when he was pondering something. Sansa hated Rhaegar Targaryen for what his selfishness had caused but seeing these mannerisms, these little quirks she thought of how Daenerys was his family too. He would finally have someone in his life who was tied to his past and who cared about him, someone he could connect to. The thought of Jon gaining a sense of belonging and acceptance after everything made her smile.

“Do you smile like that for all your adopted siblings?” Daenerys asked and Sansa blinked, feeling her cheeks flush as she came back to her senses to find her friend smirking at her over her glass.

“We’re not together,” Sansa said quickly.

“I never asked,” Daenerys replied, even as her lips curled into a wider smile, her eyes sparkling with mirth.

***

She frowned at her phone, pressing the home button once more as if that would somehow bring a message through.

She had text Jon days ago, telling him that she had a surprise for him and that he should keep the week she went back to London free. She had wanted to tell him face to face about Daenerys, it was something special after all, too special to be sent via a text she believed.

She was anxious, wanting so badly to pour it all out in a text to him or on a facebook message. She knew he was going through ever more intense therapy sessions and Robb had told her that Jon had been keeping himself super busy recently after she had sent a text to him, asking if Jon was okay and to pass on her well wishes.

She sighed again as she continued pulling her clothes from her suitcase. She had finally moved in with Mya, after the booked days at the hostel had ran out. It hadn’t taken her long to pack everything up, Mya had come with another suitcase for the extra things she had since she first came to London. She had loved the family photo with the Lilo and Stitch quote, grinning when Sansa told her that Jon had made it.

It was a bit annoying, having to cart the suitcases around London since they were both working but Daenerys hadn’t minded and had insisted on storing both in her office for her. The thought of Daenerys made her pause and check her phone once more.

“You okay hun?” Mya asked from outside the door, knocking gently. Sansa hummed, looking away from the phone and taking some hangers from the cupboard as Mya opened the door. “I’m going to order pizza, what do you want?”

“Are you ordering from Dominoes or Pizza hut?” Sansa asked, starting to pull her clothes onto the hangers.

“I prefer Dominoes to be honest,” Mya replied.

“Same,” Sansa beamed. “I’ll have the Texan Barbecue please.”

“Awesome. I’ll get some chips and garlic bread for sides. I have white wine in the fridge. Hurry up before I start it without you.”

Sansa stuck her tongue out playfully as Mya left the room. She hung her dresses up and tossed her underwear and socks in the top drawer of the dresser. She heard the television going on in the living room and she took a pair of pyjamas from her suitcase before lifting it off the bed and sliding it under the bed. She would finish it tomorrow when she had the whole day off and wasn’t so tired. So long as she didn’t overdo it on the wine.

She was just changing into her pyjamas when her phone buzzed. She pulled her top on, reaching over for the device, biting her lip when she saw Jon’s name on the screen. Mya called from the living room to say that the pizza was ordered. Sansa closed her eyes and pressed the open button.

_Hey Sansa, sorry I haven’t been in touch, things are pretty busy at the moment. Hope things are good with you. I’m not sure what I have free right now, I was talking to Theon about going to stay with him. Intrigued about the surprise though. Looking forward to catching up :-)_

She smiled softly, sending him a quick message back to say she understood he was busy and to focus on his healing rather than worry about replying to her. She told him she knew that he was going to love the surprise. She was so tempted to let the cat out of the bag, so desperate to make him happy but she told herself that it wasn’t right to tell him all this by text or phone, especially if he was not checking his phone often.

“I’m going to start drinking on my own through here!” Mya shouted from the living room.

Sansa grinned, placing her phone on the bedside table and shoving her feet into her slippers before she padded through. Her friend beamed from where she lay on the sofa, shifting into a sitting position and pouring a glass of wine for them both.

“To an awesome living arrangement!” Mya declared, holding her glass towards Sansa. Sansa giggled, picking up her glass and chinking it with Mya’s.

***

By the time April came and went, she was finally feeling as though she could be happy down in London. She knew she would want to go back and live in Scotland eventually but over the weeks, she had become closer to Daenerys and living with Mya was a blast.

By the time May came, Sansa was nervously checking her phone and facebook, urgently waiting for the announcement that Jeyne was in labour. She wasn’t due until near the end of the month but Sansa knew these things never could be exact and she was never more grateful to work for Daenerys now rather than Cersei. Dany would allow her to take a few extra days holiday if Jeyne did go into early labour, or if she was late too. Cersei never would have.

The week before her flight she was darting around the flat trying to find all her toiletries and make up that she had scattered across various places in the flat when she had been getting ready for work or a night out. She was checking and double checking she had packed the card for Robb and Jeyne as well as her gift of a lamb comfort blanket and some clothes. But every time she repacked, she ended up forgetting about something else she had placed behind her. She would huff a breath but simply start all over again.

Mya found it all quite amusing, commenting on how Sansa was the cutest perfectionist she knew. She said once how envious she was that Sansa, despite rushing around grabbing things, still seemed so calm and collected. Even when her lip gloss wasn’t where she thought it would be, or she couldn’t find any spare hair ties, Sansa just paused and thought about where else they could be.

“I’ve just always been level-headed,” Sansa shrugged as she fell back onto the sofa in exhaustion.

“Calm, collected and stable,” Mya affirmed, grinning at her as she joined her on the couch. “What time is your flight?”

“Twenty past nine,” Sansa replied around a yawn. “So, I’m going to head for bed. The thought of that underground tomorrow has me exhausted already.”

Mya bade her goodnight as Sansa went into her room. She wheeled her suitcase to the door, placing her handbag on top of it. She doubled checked her purse and passport were inside and then darted across to the bathroom to brush her teeth.

Once she was curled under the covers, she set an alarm on her phone and sent a text to Robb, reminding him of her arrival time so he could pick her up from the airport.

***

She squealed when she saw Robb and her Dad at the airport, her suitcase tossed carelessly beside them as she all but threw herself in her father’s arms. He chuckled softly, clutching her close and pressing a quick peck to her hair.

“How was your flight?” he asked as she turned to embrace Robb.

“Fine,” she assured him, thanking him as he grabbed the suitcase handle and started wheeling it to the door. She hit Robb’s arm playfully. “You didn’t tell me Dad was coming to pick me up too!”

“It was a surprise,” Robb grinned. “Mum would have came too but she was behind with the tidying and the cooking.”

“Oh she hasn’t went to loads of trouble has she?”

“Its mum, of course she has!”

“You won’t be having second portions then?” Ned quipped as they reached Robb’s car. Robb huffed playfully as he pulled at the boot to open it and Ned placed the case inside.

She opened the back door, taking a seat behind the driver’s seat. Ned slid into the passenger side, clicking his seat belt on as Robb did the same on the driver’s side and turned the keys in the ignition. She settled back against her seat with a contented him.

“How is Jeyne doing?” she asked.

“Exhausted,” Robb replied. “It is pretty uncomfortable for her now but she is due soon. Hopefully, wee Jon isn’t going to keep us waiting.”

“And how is Jon?” Sansa said. Robb met her eyes in the mirror, clearing his throat slightly.

“Yeah, he’s good. He said you were asking him to come back with you to London next week.”

“Yeah, I’m working for his aunt, Daenerys Targaryen and she wants to meet with him,” she replied. She reached for her handbag, taking out the puppy toy. “And she gave me this to give back to him! It is his toy that he lost when they were separated, the last thing he has of his mother.”

“That…that’s quite intense,” Robb replied with a slightly overwhelmed chuckle. Ned hummed in agreement and Robb cleared his throat again. “He’ll be over for dinner tonight. He’s driving Arya up, otherwise they would have come along too.”

Robb glanced at their father, who was happily looking out of his window at the passing scenery. Sansa knew that her parents didn’t know about her and Jon and clearly Ned didn’t know about Jon’s feelings either so Robb was being careful with what he was saying. He was really stating that he hadn’t been sure if Jon coming to the airport was a good thing or not. She knew Robb was just trying to protect them both.

She placed Puppy securely back in her bag and listened as Ned told her that Bran had an exam today but that he would be home later to see her and Rickon might be up in his room studying for his own exams. Rickon was doing slightly better at school, he had been slacking in the homework and studying but recently he had started to do better, although he was still struggling with maths much like Sansa always had.

“Jon was tutoring him though,” Ned commented happily. “Oh, did I mention that Davos was Jon’s old school teacher?”

“Your fishing partner?” Sansa asked, unable to stop a laugh escaping her. Jon had gone years with practically nobody close to him, always afraid of people leaving or being taken from him and now there were two important people from his past reconnected to him.

“Yup, was Jon’s guidance teacher apparently. Davos played a huge role in him going to university. Poor Jon was a bit overwhelmed seeing him again.”

“I bet,” she hummed, wondering how he would cope with the news of Daenerys and the return of Puppy.

***

“Sansa sweetheart, are you alright?” Catelyn asked as she caught Sansa looking out of the window once again. She flushed, turning to her mother.

“Just…it is getting late,” she lied, crossing over to sit on the sofa next to Bran again. “Shouldn’t Arya and Jon be here by now?”

“It isn’t even six yet,” Rickon replied with a scrunched nose.

“But tea will be soon. They will be here in time, won’t they?” Sansa said quickly. Rickon shrugged, his attention already back on the television screen. Catelyn’s phone buzzed and her mother turned to pick it up.

“Arya,” she declared. “They are twenty minutes away.”

Sansa released a breath, her palms feeling sweaty with nerves that she ended up folding her arms in front of her as she pretended to watch the television. Bran cast her side-eyed look before he returned his attention to his book but she could have sworn he gave a little smirk.

When she heard the car on the driveway and the engine cutting out, she leapt to her feet stepping out into the corridor as she heard Arya and Jon’s voices outside. She jumped as Robb, pressed a hand to her shoulder as he darted past her towards the stairs, saying he was going to wake Jeyne from her nap. She swallowed thickly as the doorknob twisted and the door opened.

Arya was first in, her head turned towards Jon as she spoke to him. Jon’s eyes met hers and he paused in the doorway. Arya turned, looking between the two of them for a split second before she cleared her throat.

“Hey sis,” she greeted and Sansa smiled.

“Hi,” she replied, sparing her sister a glance before looking at Jon again, a timid smile pulling at her lips. “Hi.”

“Hi,” he said softly, his hands sliding into his pockets.

“I’ll leave you guys to get reacquainted,” Arya stated after another moment, moving past Sansa and into the living room.

Jon stepped into the house at last, closing the door softly behind him. He gave her another shy smile as he turned back to face her.

“You look well,” he murmured, gesturing awkwardly towards her and Sansa resisted the urge to snort at him. He was so adorable when he was nervous. Instead, she gave him a wider, genunine smile.

“You too. You’ve been going to the gym, obviously.”

He flushed as her eyes unconsciously traveled down his arms, taking in the muscles. She blinked, feeling her own cheeks flush at the attention she was giving him.

“Yeah,” Jon replied with a cough. “My therapist said it was a good way to clear your head and feel good. It has helped me feel better about myself.”

“How is therapy going?”

“Good. It is a bit intense but Brienne is really good and understanding.”

“I’m glad,” she smiled, brushing a hand behind her ear. She padded to where her handbag was hanging on the coat hooks by the door, her fingers toying with the strap nervously. “Um, so…I know you haven’t decided if you will come back with me but there is a reason I asked you to come to London.”

“Yeah, you said something about a surprise,” he replied, brows furrowed in confusion. She nodded, licking her lips as she reached into her bag.

“I have something that belongs to you,” she said, pulling Puppy from the bag and holding him, face first towards Jon. His eyes widened instantly, a hand reaching towards him and then stopping, as though he wasn’t sure it was real.

“Is that…how did you…?” he asked, his hand reaching out once more to stroke the top of the toy’s head. Sansa nodded.

“It is Puppy,” she assured him, smiling as his fingers tugged up the right ear, a choked noise escaping his throat. Sansa glanced down to see a black line on the inside of the ear.

“I did that by accident when I was painting once,” he mumbled, voice thick with emotion. Sansa nudged her hands at him again and he gently took the toy, holding it up to his face and Sansa could see his eyes glistening in the dim lighting of the hallway.

“I got him from Daenerys,” she explained and Jon blinked, his mouth falling open.

“Dany?” he choked out, his eyes wide as he looked at her and Sansa nodded.

“She is my boss,” she replied with a smile. “She wants to meet you. She has been asking me all about you.”

“Sansa,” he mumbled softly, clutching Puppy close to his chest. “This…this means so much to me!”

He moved towards her and Sansa opened her arms automatically, her nose burying into his neck as his own head buried against her shoulder. It was the sound of footsteps on the stairs that broke them apart and they glanced up to see Robb and Jeyne at the top of the stairs, staring at them with matching expressions of surprise. She saw Jon wiping his eyes out of the corner of her own but she was thankful that neither Robb nor Jeyne commented on it.

“I…I’m going to dump my stuff upstairs,” Jon said, his voice shaky with raw emotion. He gave Sansa another smile as he passed her. Sansa released a breath and smiled at her brother and sister in law.

“Hi Jeyne,” she beamed as they descended down the stairs. Jeyne smiled, opening her arms for Sansa to hug her.

“You’re looking well,” she commented. Sansa laughed.

“Well, living with Mya and having Daenerys as a boss has means that I have some proper food now,” she laughed. “Noodle and beans days are over at last.”

“Definitely won’t be any noodles and beans for the next few days that you’re here!” Robb teased. “I hope you brought clothes the next size up because mum is going to make you eat double portions.”

“Stop teasing her,” Sansa huffed, hitting his arm and causing Robb to laugh. “You’re just jealous that I’m her favourite.”

“Oh, ouch!” Robb gasped, clutching his heart mockingly. Sansa stuck her tongue out as she passed and went back into the living room.

Arya was setting the table in the portioned dining area, her eyes silently asking if everything was okay. Sansa nodded slowly, giving her a sister a small smile that Arya returned.

Jon came through just as Catelyn placed the two large lasagne dishes in the middle of the table and Ned came through with the garlic bread and salad bowl. His eyes were red as he took his seat and Catelyn patted his shoulder.

“Are you alright sweetie?” she asked, tilting her head to look at him. Jon nodded, glancing across the table at Sansa as he smiled.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he replied softly. Catelyn smiled, patting his shoulder again before she went to take her seat.

“So, how is your new boss?” Arya asked. “I take it she is more tolerable than Cersei?”

“Definitely,” Sansa laughed, looking across the table at Jon again. “She is actually Jon’s auntie.”

“Shit!” Arya commented, eyes wide as she looked at Jon.

“Arya!” Catelyn tutted, giving her youngest daughter a stern look before she looked at Jon with a softer look.

“Well, that is amazing.”

“She is a good person,” Sansa stated, still looking at Jon. “She is looking forward to meeting Jon, if he wants to come back to London with me.”

“So, does that mean his Dad is around?” Rickon asked innocently.

Immediately, the atmosphere changed. There had been a pleasant curiosity surrounding them as Sansa had revealed who Daenerys was. Rickon had been so young when Jon first came to stay and had never really learned the extent to which Rhaegar’s lack of presence in Jon’s life had caused. Jon cleared his throat, looking down at the table with a frown. Sansa bit her lip nervously.

“Rhaegar owns half the company,” she mumbled, eyes darting away from Jon again, suddenly feeling ashamed of how she was working for that man, after everything he had done. “I have never once seen him around though.”

Jon said nothing, his head down as he shovelled food into his mouth. Robb shifted in the seat beside him.

“You said you’ve got a decent place to live now? So, we can come and embarrass you in front of your new friends now?”

“You will do no such thing!” Arya snapped and Sansa blinked in surprise. Arya usually loved teasing about such things. And then her sister’s lips quirked and she realised she had been teasing as she looked at Robb. “ _You’ll_ be looking after that baby. I’ll take one for the team though!”

Sansa laughed, shoving her sister playfully and thankful that the awkwardness had disappeared once more.

***

She went back to Glasgow with Robb and Jeyne and they dropped her off opposite the bus station. She walked down to Sauchiehall street, towards the Café Nero and she grinned when she saw Margaery already standing outside.

Her friend squealed at her as they ran towards each other and embraced. Sansa giggled as they parted.

“I’ve missed you!” Margaery said, hugging her again.

“Me too! God I’ve missed Glasgow!”

“You can take the girl out of Scotland,” Margaery teased. Sansa caught Myranda coming around the corner and she smiled as she raced towards her for a hug too.

“You guys will have to come and visit now I have a decent place!” Sansa insisted as they entered the premises.

“Any reason not to stay with Cersei is a bonus,” Margaery joked.

“What are the men like?” Myranda asked in all serious and Sansa rolled her eyes.

They ordered their drinks and took a table with the sofas. Sansa loved how they could fall right back into simple conversations, laughing and joking as though she had never left. She missed them terribly even though Mya, Arianne and Dany were great friends too. Margaery was her oldest friend, and Myranda had been there since Freshers Week at University.

“So, you didn’t answer my question about the men,” Myranda teased and Sansa laughed, wiping a napkin over her lip as she felt the cream of her hot chocolate caught there.

“I’ve not really been looking,” she replied honestly. She paused, biting back a smile as she looked at them. “I sort of…realised… I have feelings for Jon.”

“Oh Sansa,” Margaery said slowly but paused when Sansa shook her head and held up a hand.

“No, I know it isn’t the right time. I’m not going to say anything because neither of us are ready. We’ll basically have to start all over and do it properly this time.”

“You know it could still take months for him to be emotionally ready for a relationship, no matter what he feels for you,” Myranda commented, slinging an arm over the back of her chair.

“I know,” Sansa assured her, taking another sip of her hot chocolate. “But, its okay. I have to focus on my work right now and build up some more experience.”

“Well, we’ll support you no matter what,” Margaery promised. “We just want you to be happy sweetie.”

Sansa smiled as her phone buzzed and she glanced to see Jon’s name on the screen. She picked it up quickly.

“Hey what….?”

“Jeyne’s waters just broke,” he replied, and she could sense the nervousness and excitement radiating off him. “Robb asked me to call everyone since he is going to be in the hospital with her, obviously.”

“Oh my god!” Sansa gasped. Margaery and Myranda exchanged looks, leaning towards her in curiosity. She lifted the phone, covering it as she whispered. “Jeyne is in labour.”

“Yay!” Margaery said, giving her thumbs up as Myranda smiled.

“She is doing okay though yeah?” she asked.

“Yeah,” he assured her. “Arya and I are coming back down to Glasgow now so if you want to crash at ours, that isn’t a problem.”

“Oh, yeah I hadn’t even thought about the fact I was staying at Robb’s. Shit, my stuff is all there.”

“There are spare tooth brushes at ours and stuff. Arya might have some pyjamas.”

“Yeah, remember I am much taller than Arya!” she teased, thinking of how ridiculous she would look with any of her sister’s clothes on. Jon chuckled on the other end.

“Fair point.”

“I’ll just buy some from Primark, don’t worry about it. So, get Arya to call me when you’re near and I’ll let you know whereabouts in town I am.”

“Will do.”

She hung up, placing her phone in her handbag.

“My nephew is coming!” she squealed as her friends stood up and she rose to meet their embrace. She quickly finished her coffee, apologising to them both for having to cut their reunion short. They both waved her off and gave her another hug outside the café.

“We’ll come down and visit soon!” Myranda promised as they embraced. Sansa smiled.

“Please do, I miss you guys so much. You’ll love Mya!”

***

Jon ordered pizza for dinner, aware that Robb could call at any moment. Sansa smiled at how he kept checking his phone, desperate for news.

“Everything will be fine Jon,” she said softly, putting a slice of pizza on a plate for him and handing it over. Arya grunted in agreement next to her.

“I know, I know,” he sighed, taking the plate with a tense smile, his other hand running through his hair. “I just feel so useless.”

“Well, if you want to make a petition to evolution and offer yourself for the job,” Arya commented dryly as she flicked lazily through the Netflix options.

Jon sat down, picking at the slice of pizza distractedly. He glanced over when he felt her eyes on him, his lips twitching up a little before he looked away again.

They settled on watching Mean Girls since Jon had put his foot down on Pitch Perfect, much to Sansa’s disappointment. She had even pouted to no avail since Jon just chucked a cushion at her instead.

It was ten thirty at night when Robb phoned to tell tham that baby Jon was here, healthy and weight seven pounds two ounces. The three of them had hugged each other in giddy happiness after Jon hung up the phone and then they had bid each other goodnight, agreeing to leave early to get in the hospital at the first visiting time slot.

***

“Hey!” Robb greeted them in the corridor, a massive smile on his face. He looked exhausted, his eyes bleary and his face haggard but her brother looked positively giddy with happiness.

“How is she doing?” Sansa asked as she hugged him with one arm, the other holding the balloon and card.

“Tired but well,” he replied, leading them through the door.

Jeyne smiled as they entered, pushing herself to sit up. Robb crossed over to the little crib beside her bed, beckoning the three of them over. He grinned at them before he reached down, his hands sliding underneath the baby’s head and back as he lifted him.

“Jon,” he cooed to his son before looking to Jon. “Meet your namesake.”

“I…what if I drop him?” Jon stated, taking a nervous step back and looking at the baby with wide eyes.

“You won’t,” Robb assured him, holding his arms out once again.

Jon swallowed, hesitantly holding his arms out to take the baby. Sansa smiled, sliding down into one of the chairs at Jeyne’s bedside as Jon curled a hand around the tiny bundle in his arms, staring in fascination.

“He is so tiny,” he whispered in awe, a grin breaking out over his face. “Thank god he has got Jeyne’s looks though!”

“Oi!” Robb pouted as his wife laughed, giving a simple shrug as if to agree.

Jon grinned, glancing at her. “Do you want to…?”

“Please,” she said, standing up eagerly and crossing over to him. He smiled gently when their eyes met as he slid baby Jon into her arms. She adjusted her arms slightly, shrugging the babe into a more comfortable position before she gazed down into the big blue eyes of her nephew.

“Hello little one,” she cooed, pacing the room. “I’m your aunt Sansa. You’ll like me better than Arya.”

“No way!” Arya grumbled but Sansa ignored her.

“I’m going to be the aunt that gets you the biggest thing on your Amazon wish list and sneaks you lemon cakes when you haven’t finished your tea,” she teased but she ended up sighing sadly as she realised she wouldn’t be around much.

She inhaled sharply, turning to her sister and quickly passing the baby to her, excusing herself to go to the bathroom. She sighed again, slumping into one of the chairs in the corridor and placing her head in her hands. Her eyes burned slightly but before the tears started to fall, she felt someone slide into the seat next to her and she looked up to see Jon holding out a Galaxy bar.

“You okay?” he asked as she took the chocolate from him.

“Yeah,” she replied thickly, sitting back in the seat. “I just… being back made me realise how much I am missing everyone. And I will hardly see my nephew at all.”

Jon hummed. “And you have to put up with me for a week now as well.”

She blinked. “You’re going to come to London?”

“Yeah, I spoke with Brienne and she seemed to think it was a good thing,” he replied before he reached up to scratch the back of his neck.

“Dany will be so excited,” Sansa beamed. Jon smiled, glancing down at his hands before he looked back to her again.

“Thank you,” he murmured. “It means so much to me. You have no idea.”

“I’m glad,” she smiled, tipping the bar of chocolate towards him. “Want to share?”

“How kind,” he grinned, holding his hand out. Sansa shrugged.

“That is just who I am,” she quipped, popping a piece in her mouth.


	15. Somewhere we belong

 

 

Jon was staring out of the window of the airport, eyes darting to all the planes and then watching as one took off. Sansa smiled to herself at the wonder on his face as he watched everything going on. He had confessed to her that he had never flown before and, despite trying to pretend like it didn’t matter, Sansa had sensed the nervousness underneath.

“London is barely a ninety-minute flight,” she had assured him. “It will be over before you even know it.”

She stepped up to him, holding out the coffee she had bought for him. He smiled, taking the drink with one hand, the other still clasped tightly over the strap of his backpack. She held out a cereal bar towards him, frowning when he shook his head.

“You haven’t eaten anything today,” she said. “I got the dark chocolate and ginger one.”

He blinked, looking down at the packet with a puzzled expression. Sansa awkwardly moved the cereal bar away, her hand hanging limply by her side. She had thought Jon would have liked it, since he loved ginger and preferred dark chocolate to milk or white.

“Thanks,” Jon replied after a moment. “I’m just not hungry just now. And I really don’t think I can eat anything anyway.”

“Jon,” she sighed, holding the bar out to him again. “Just take it then, please. It would make me feel better knowing you had it if you do start feeling hungry.”

He gave her a small smile, extending his hand to take the bar from her. She murmured a thank you as she pulled the strap of her bag up her shoulder and turned to look at the screen for the boarding gate.

“It should be announced in a few minutes,” she stated casually. Jon grunted in acknowledgement and when she glanced at him, he was standing so stiff, his coffee abandoned at his feet and his arms folded tight around him, eyes clenched shut. “Jon?”

“I…I don’t think… this was such a stupid idea…”

“Shall I get someone to reassure you about the flight?”

“No,” he said quickly, opening his eyes at last. He pushed his hands up into his hair, his chest heaving as he stared wide-eyed out of the window. Sansa followed his gaze slightly before she realised he wasn’t actually looking at anything. She shifted suddenly, placing her tea on the floor and resting a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“Jon,” she said gently, feeling him shake beneath her fingers. She moved closer, her hand moving across to his shoulder to pull him into a one-armed hug. “Shh, everything is going to be okay. What are you worried about?”

“What if…what if she decides that she doesn’t want to know me?” he mumbled, his voice thick with the threat of tears. Sansa patted his shoulder a few times before she let her hand run comfortingly across the material of his shirt.

“Of course she will,” she assured him. “She remembered you after all this time and she has spoken so fondly of you. She wanted to know everything about you.”

Jon had stopped shaking at least, and his deep breaths seemed to be more about preventing himself from crying rather than a continuation of the anxiety attack. She continued to rub his shoulder soothingly, silently letting him compose himself. After another deep breath he nodded slowly.

“I’m okay,” he muttered. “God, I’m so sorry.”

“Nothing to apologise for,” she said quickly, giving him a reassuring smile as he glanced at her.

She looked up at the board, seeing their gate number had appeared. She bent down to grab her tea and dug her boarding pass from her bag. She walked slightly ahead of Jon, realising he needed space to compose himself and gather his thoughts but letting him know that she was still there.

Once on the plane, he was a bit more relaxed as he stared out of the window with fascination as the plane took off and the world spread out beneath them. She smiled as he leaned towards the window, staring like a wonder-struck child.

“Is there anything in particular you want to do in London?” she asked him as she dug through her bag for her lip balm. Jon turned to face her, shifting slightly to get a more comfortable angle.

“Honestly, I haven’t thought about it,” he answered, giving her a sheepish grin. “I have just been so worried about meeting Dany again and how that would go that I kind of forgot about everything else.”

“Don’t worry about it,” she replied, reaching out to pat his hand before she could think about it. Jon’s eyes fell to her hand and then back up to her face, his lips parting under her touch.

She whipped her hand away, keeping her head low so her hair could hide her face as she resumed the search for her lip balm. She heard Jon shift beside her and when she glanced over to him, holding her the elusive balm in triumph, he had returned his attention to the view.

She opened the tin, coating her finger and rubbing it along her lips a couple of times, smacking them together. She replaced the lid, tossing the item back into her bag before she checked her watch. They should be in London in less than an hour now, she thought. They would be heading to the flat first to dump their things and allow them both to clean themselves up and change before they went to meet Dany for dinner.

Sansa had at first refused to join, insisting that it was Jon and Dany’s time to get to know each other. But Dany had told her she wanted to treat her, as a thank you for getting Jon to London. Sansa had still been ready to refuse when Jon had softly asked her if she would come, to make him feel less nervous about it.

And Sansa had agreed instantly after that, a little proud of the fact that Jon still thought that she could calm him and support him. And, she felt special at the fact that Jon would ask her to be there with him as he took this huge, life-changing path. The fact that their time apart had not damaged the trust they had built made her heart flutter.

_In time, once he is ready, we could be together for real._

She felt a smile pull at her lips, unable to stop it spreading across her face as she cast another look at Jon. Feeling her gaze, he turned his head, his lips curving up in a small smile of his own.

Yes, she thought as she looked away again. We could be.

***

“Is this fancy enough?” Jon asked, holding a pair of skinny jeans and dark blue button shirt against him.

“Uh…Jon, we’re just catching a bite to eat,” Sansa began but Jon had resumed talking as though he hadn’t really heard her.

“I mean, is there a dress code for long lost family reunions? Is it black tie? Smart casual? Or is it just about the restaurant and not the event?”

“Jon, what the fuck are you talking about?” she sighed, rubbing at her head.

Well,  _that_ got him to stop talking, she noted. He was blinking repeatedly at her as she stared back at him for a few seconds. And then they were both descending into giggles both at the fact Jon had been babbling on and Sansa had uttered a curse word.

“Right, so,” Sansa said, coughing back another wave of giggles and clearing her throat. “Honestly, it is just a normal restaurant. That outfit is perfect, just wear your brogues and you’re set.”

He nodded, giving her a grateful smile as he picked up the clothes and headed to the bathroom. The door had just closed when the main one opened and Mya stepped in with a grin.

“How was Scotland?” she asked, slipping her bag over her head and kicking off her shoes.

“You do know that Scotland is made up of several places?” Sansa teased, grinning as Mya rolled her eyes.

“God, you Scots and your national pride,” she scoffed as she ran her hands through her hair and stretched. “At least I didn’t do what half of the office did and ask if you knew such and such from Narnia.”

“Nairn,” Sansa corrected before she caught the glint in Mya’s eye telling her she had been teasing her. Sansa rolled her eyes, even as she felt her lips twitch with a smile. “You’re horrible.”

“Hey, I’m letting you share my bed love,” Mya reminded her before she cast an exaggerated look down the corridor and then looked back to Sansa. “Is he settling in alright?”

“Yeah, he is fine,” Sansa replied, her own gaze drifting along the hall as they heard the water shutting off. “He is just really nervous about this.”

Mya nodded, moving past Sansa and around the counter to the cupboards, opening them with a dramatic sigh as she searched for something to have for her own dinner. Sansa sat down on the edge of the sofa, digging her phone out of her pocket to send Dany a quick text, double checking the time and place was still good.

She replied almost instantly saying that yes, she would still meet them at London Bridge station at seven thirty and that she was ridiculously excited.

Sansa smiled, her head shooting up as she heard Jon’s footsteps approaching. He paused in the doorway, spotting Mya in the kitchen area. She turned, giving him a bright smile and extending her hand.

“Hi, you must be Jon. I’m Mya! Welcome to our humble abode!”

“Thanks,” Jon beamed, shaking her hand a few times before letting go. “And thanks for letting me stay here for a week.”

“Any friend of Sansa’s is a friend of mine,” Mya insisted, waving away his thanks as she returned to the kitchen area.

Sansa stood up and gave Jon a reassuring smile. His tongue swiped his lips nervously as he nodded, signalling that he was ready to go. She pulled on her boots at the door and turned to give Jon’s arm a comforting squeeze.

“Have fun!” Mya called as they stepped out into the corridor.

***

 She noticed Jon trembling slightly as he watched listened to the tube stop announcements, his eyes darting around the carriage. She reached over and squeezed his arm, her fingers brushing against his wrist where she could hear his heart hammering.

“It will be fine Jon,” she whispered softly, smiling as he gave a nervous nod, eyes fixated on the map above the doors. She gave his arm another squeeze as London Bridge was announced as the next stop.

Dany was waiting at the main entrance, pacing back and forth along the pavement. Sansa raised herself to her toes, waving above the crowd to get her attention. She stopped immediately, her body straight and taut with nerves as she watched Sansa guide Jon through the crowd.

“Dany,” she greeted with a smile before she turned to pat Jon’s arm. “Here is Jon. Jon, Dany.”

The two stared at each other for a few seconds with awkward smiles before Dany launched herself at Jon, pulling him into a tight hug.

“Gods, look at you!” Dany cried as she pulled back, hands on Jon’s shoulders as she appraised him. “You’re all grown up. I only remember the little boy I used to make braid my hair!”

“He never told me about that!” Sansa exclaimed, turning to grin at Jon as he laughed.

“Ten seconds in and you’re already going with the embarrassing stories?”

“Well, I have twenty years to make up for being an embarrassing aunt,” Dany replied, removing her hands from Jon’s shoulders. “Thought I might as well start with that one to be able to catch up. It is worth what, five years maybe?”

“Honestly, the thought of you sitting and braiding your aunt’s hair is adorable!” Sansa said, nudging Jon as he gave an embarrassed grin.

“He was better at it than me,” Dany chuckled before she cast a look around. “So, I have a table booked for eight. The restaurant is just a five minute walk away.”

Sansa hovered behind as Jon and Dany walked a little ahead, letting them talk on their own for a few moments. She smiled as she watched them, the way Dany was so enthralled in what Jon was saying and he was opening up so easily. She was proud of him, coming here and confronting his past, seeking closure. And the way that Dany was immediately falling into a familial role with him, the trust and love they had clearly had as children so easily restored, it gave her hope that Jon would begin to make peace with his past.

“Oh, and Aegon and Rhaenys can’t wait to meet you either. Although, maybe you know Aegon?”

Jon stopped dead, his face growing pale as he looked between Daenerys and Sansa. Sansa felt her cheeks heat up as his eyes met hers.

“As in…your ex?”

“He isn’t my ex,” she said quickly, aware of Dany’s eyes on the two of them. “I told you that nothing happened with him.”

“Is everything alright?” Dany asked, gesturing a hand between the two of them.

“Yeah, it is fine,” Jon sighed, running a hand through his hair and forcing a smile at his aunt. “Lets get some food, I’m starving!”

The restaurant was nice, Sansa noted as they were shown to their seats at the window. Dany had decided on a little tapas bar on the corner of Borough Market. As soon as they were seated Dany ordered a pitcher of Sangria for them all to share.

As the dishes were placed in front of them to share, Dany had talked about how her foster family had lived in Oxford and had sent her to the elusive all girls Headington school. Sansa laughed at the face Dany pulled as she talked of it, the way she winked as she declared that it hadn’t stopped her getting the men she wanted. And then she had gone on to study Economics and Management at Oxford university.

“Wow, you must be ridiculously smart to get into Oxford!” Sansa commented in awe. Dany laughed, shaking her head.

“It was so stressful. I only managed because I literally did nothing but study to get through it. I should have just gone to a university in London really.”

She looked at Jon then, her fingers stroking her glass nervously.

“Um…it was when I went to University that I first received contact from Rhaegar.”

Jon’s fork paused for a brief second, his eyes slowly rising to meet his aunt’s.

“And?” he commented dully. Dany scratched at her temple a little as she shifted in her seat.

“And, well, he…lives in London now…”

“No.”

“I haven’t told him that you’re here,” Dany insisted. “I haven’t even told him that we were reunited. And I won’t if that is what you really want.”

“It is,” Jon stated, his eyes back on the plate. Dany bit her lip.

“Jon,” Sansa started slowly. “I get you can maybe never forgive him. But maybe, meeting him would be a good thing. It could help you make peace with the past.”

Jon chewed on his piece of squid, deliberately not looking at either of them. Sansa cast Dany a sympathetic glance before taking a deep breath, ready to change the subject.

“I’ll think about it,” he said eventually, his gaze still focused on his plate.

Dany gave him a grateful smile before she excused herself to use the bathroom.

“Do you really think I should meet him?” he asked suddenly. Sansa glanced at him, pushing her diced tomato across her plate.

“I think it could give you closure,” she answered after a moment. “But it is up to you. Nobody will force you to meet him.”

He nodded slowly and they went back to eating.

“Thanks for coming with me tonight,” Jon said suddenly. Sansa swallowed her wine and placed the glass down gently, turning to give him a grin.

“No problem,” she replied. “I am really proud of you by the way.”

“Thanks,” he commented, looking in the general direction of the toilets. “Things worked out okay for her huh?”

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” he said, his voice sounding as though he were thinking about something else. He gave a little shake and gave her a tiny smile. “Yeah, I’m happy for her.”

“Good,” Sansa grinned, reaching to take another sip of her drink.

“I just wonder sometimes,” he sighed, a hand running nervously through his hair. “I wonder how different things would be if my dad had actually raised me.”

“He is the one who has lost out,” Sansa stated with a shrug. “If I ever see him at the office I can’t promise I won’t kick him in the balls.”

Jon grinned and then his body shook with the sudden laughter that overtook him. Sansa smiled over the rim of her glass as she watched Jon try to compose himself, a small smile still clinging to his mouth.

“Well, thanks in advance,” he teased.

“Although, at least you got Dany out of his sperm donation,” Sansa replied. As if hearing her name, the woman returned, sitting back down with a grin.

“So, Aegon and Rhaenys are free tomorrow if you want to have a little family day?” she said.

“Oh, um yeah, that would be nice,” Jon replied with a smile.

***

“I feel really bad leaving you behind,” Jon said as he watched her move around the kitchen area, making breakfast. She smiled at him over her shoulder as she placed the pan on the stove.

“Honestly Jon, it is fine,” she insisted. “You and Dany need some time by yourselves now that the awkward first meeting is out of the way.”

“I know but…”

“No buts,” she stated firmly, turning to hold a finger up. She stared at him for a second, watching him fight against smiling as he gave her a nod. “Besides, do you really think I should be there when Aegon realises who you are?”

“We do kind of know each other already,” Jon replied with a puzzled frown.

“Yeah and how do you know each other? Because I went on a couple of dates with him,” she said, moving to sieve the flour into the mixing bowl.

“Ah…he doesn’t know about us though, does he?”

“No, I never said anything,” she answered as she cracked a couple of eggs over the side of the bowl. She turned and crossed the floor to put the shells in the bin and caught Jon standing in the middle of the room, a picture frame in his hands.

“What is it?” she asked as she crossed to the sink to wash her hands. She twisted around when he didn’t reply, wiping her hands on the towel beside the rack as she continued to watch him.

“This photo was from …from my birthday. Well, the day before…” he murmured, fingers running over the frame.

Sansa awkwardly shifted from foot to foot, afraid she had made him uncomfortable. She remembered taking the picture on her phone after one of their countless tumbles. She had been pouting at the camera as Jon held up a piece of cake. She remembered him teasing her about how he might choose cake over her, even with her heels on. She remembered smacking his arm as he refused to drop the cake for the photo, the way he had laughed as she had pouted at the camera.

She had printed it off along with other random pictures on her phone and framed it before she had left Scotland. She had realised she didn’t have any photos of just her and Jon, only that one.

“I’m sorry,” she said, clutching the counter behind her in embarrassed nervousness. Jon frowned as he looked at her and she waved a hand carelessly in front of her. “I’m sorry if it makes you uncomfortable. It is the only photo I have of us and I wanted to have one here so….”

“It is a good photo,” he agreed, placing it back on the shelf, his lips twitching into a smile. “I thought you would want to forget about that whole time.”

“Why?” she responded with a puzzled laugh, spooning some butter onto the heated pan.

“Well, because, we’re moving on, aren’t we?” he asked, looking at her again. She blinked, feeling a sudden chill run through her at the words. Of course he was moving on, she had been so stupid. A stupid girl with stupid dreams. And he was still speaking, she dully noted. “I mean, I thought you wouldn’t want to be reminded of all that when you were down here and able to, you know, date people.”

“Oh!” Sansa replied, unable to stop the chuckle that escaped as relief washed through her. She shook her head as Jon looked at her in confusion again and cleared her throat. “No, I …I’m not interested in dating anyone down here.”

He looked at her for a long moment, until Sansa was forced to turn away from his gaze. She took a deep breath, glancing at the ingredients along the counter as she tried to remember where she had been in regards to making the pancakes for breakfast.

She heard him clear his throat and his footsteps shuffling back to the kitchen area as she poured the milk into the bowl, grabbing the whisk to start stirring the mixture.

“Me either,” he stated as she poured a ladle of mixture into the pan. She cast him a puzzled look over her shoulder. “Interested in dating that is. Brienne doesn’t think it is a good idea right now.”

She turned back to the cooker before she could blurt out a stupid question such as if there was somebody he had his eye on. She was grateful for the distraction as she slid the spatula under the pancake and placed it on the serving plate beside her. She felt his eyes on her as she ladled the second one into the pan.

“How was your interview for your Masters?”

“Yeah, it went well I think. I can start in September or January.”

“Where will you be studying again?” she asked as she flipped the pancake over

“Edinburgh,” he answered before clearing his throat. “I am thinking of doing the January start though because I want to go and stay with Theon for a bit and maybe do some touring of Europe.”

“That will be great fun,” she replied, smiling at him over her shoulder for a brief second before she lifted the second pancake from the pan and onto the plate. She turned to him with a grin, placing the plate in his hands.

“Breakfast!” she declared proudly as she passed him a fork.

“It smells amazing,” he commented as he slid into the armchair, reaching for the maple syrup bottle on the coffee table. She grinned as she heard him moan at the first bite.

“Good then?” she teased, sparing a glance over her shoulder.

“So, so good!” he replied, his voice muffled as he took another bite. “Mhmph! God Sansa, how am I supposed to eat pancakes back home now?”

 

_"Good?" Jon asked teasingly. Sansa swallowed her food down._

_"Better than sex," she responded in deadpan, causing Jon to laugh, his hand covering his mouth to stop the crumbs flying out._

 

She smiled as she sat down on the sofa with her own plate.

“I guess you will just have to come and visit then,” she said, casting him a glance. His eyes softened as he met hers. He pulled his fork from his mouth and gave a small smile.

“I would really like that,” he replied softly.

The buzzer went suddenly and Jon glanced towards the door. Sansa patted his shoulder comfortingly before getting up to press the button to allow their guests inside.

Jon stood slowly, his hands sliding into his pockets as he waited. Sansa gave him a reassuring smile as she passed and picked up their plates, taking them over to the kitchen counter.

There was a soft knock at the door and Sansa threw Jon an excited grin as she hurried to answer it. Daenerys instantly hugged her as she entered, and then turned to wave in Aegon and a dark-haired woman that Sansa assumed was Rhaenys.

“Hello,” the woman greeted, holding out her hand. “Sansa, I take it?”

“Yes, and you’ll be Rhaenys?”

“The one and only,” she grinned before she turned to look at Jon, who was running a hand through his hair nervously.

“Hi, I’m Jon,” he said after a moment, holding out his hand.

“Can I get you guys anything?” Sansa asked as Rhaenys and Jon shook hands. “Or are you heading off?”

“Actually Sansa, can I talk to you for a second?” Aegon piped up, scratching the side of his nose as he looked at her. She frowned, looking at the others in the room. They looked just as puzzled though, exchanging glances with each other.

“Um, sure…come through this way,” she replied, leading him down the corridor to her room.

She had been sleeping with Mya in her friend’s room so Jon’s bag was by her bed, his clothes sitting in a neat pile on her dressing table. Aegon stared at them for a moment before he chuckled, ducking his head a little.

“Um, so yeah,” he said, giving another short laugh. “That was…are you and Jon together now?”

“What?” she gasped, feeling her cheeks flush. Aegon merely raised his eyebrows, casting a look around her room. “He is just sleeping in here. I wasn’t going to put him on the couch, or in Mya’s room when they are strangers.”

“Uh huh,” he stated simply. “But I mean, you liked him when we were dating though.”

“I didn’t,” she replied, folding his arms across herself. She felt herself frown at the words though and cleared her throat. “I mean, I didn’t think I did.”

“That was what I was wishing you good luck for,” Aegon snorted and Sansa blinked at him as he continued to grin, giving a cheeky shrug of his shoulders. “I thought you were going to ask him out or something.”

“I can’t believe I dated Jon’s brother,” she groaned, rubbing her eyes and giving an awkward laugh. Aegon chuckled with her. “Imagine telling your kids that their uncle might have been their dad.”

Aegon raised his eyebrows at her, a smug smile across his face as Sansa realised what she had said.

“You really like him huh?” he stated softly. She nodded slowly, unable to stop the smile spreading across her face.

“I didn’t mean to string you along,” she insisted after a moment and he shrugged.

“You didn’t,” he said. “I knew you weren’t into me really. And you never did anything to make me think that could change, and you ended it as soon as you knew. You’re a good person. You and Jon are much better suited for each other.”

“Thanks,” she replied, giving him another small smile before gesturing to the door. “We shouldn’t keep them waiting though.”

Aegon nodded, holding the door open for her as they wandered back to the main room. Sansa smiled as she spotted Jon and Rhaenys on the sofa, chatting happily. Daenerys was perched on the arm, watching them with a soft smile.

Jon looked up as they came back through, his face alight with genuine pleasure and Sansa couldn’t help but smile back at him, his excitement and happiness was such a rare sight but so beautiful. She held his gaze for a moment, only breaking when Daenerys cleared her throat and stood up.

“Well, we have a long day of sightseeing and family catch up times,” she declared, clapping her hands at her niece and nephews. “Lets go kiddos!”

Sansa grinned as she waved them out and just before she went to close the door, Jon turned, pressing a palm gently. They stared at each other for a few seconds, the smile was still on his face as he moved his hand to gently touch her shoulder.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

Sansa wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him into a hug before the choked sob could escape her.

“Have fun,” she muttered into his hair before pulling back. He grinned at her before he stepped out of her embrace and jogged to catch up with his family.

***

All too soon, Jon was heading back up to Scotland.

Daenerys and Rhaenys had come with Sansa to see him off at the airport but Aegon had been able to get the day off work. He had exchanged numbers with Jon though and promised to visit him if he was up in Scotland again.

Daeneyrs had insisted on treating them all to breakfast before Jon went through security. And right now, Jon and Rhaenys were  sitting opposite her, grinning about something on Rhaenys’ phone. Sansa was willing to bet it was cat videos. In the short time she had known Rhaenys, she had concluded pretty quickly that the woman was obsessed with cats.

Sansa understood the appeal. Cats were basically free entertainment at all hours of the day.

She couldn’t help but smile as she observed them. The way Jon’s entire body was relaxed back in the chair, a large grin on his face and his eyes wide and alight with joy. She felt Daenerys nudge her slightly and her cheeks flushed at the knowing smirk on the blonde’s lips.

“I approve by the way,” she whispered, casting a glance to Jon and then back to Sansa. “When you’re both ready.”

“That means a lot,” Sansa answered honestly, glancing down to her twisting fingers. “It will mean a lot to Jon too.”

Daenerys smiled, leaning back into her chair and returning to reading her book. Sansa glanced at Jon again at the same time he looked up. His expression looked even more peaceful as their eyes met and Sansa felt her cheeks heat up once more at his gentler smile, his softer eyes. How had she never seen that look on his face before for what it was?

She ducked her head down, her teeth biting into her lip as she thought about how easy it could be for them to, someday, become something more.


	16. I still believe its you and me until the end of time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellooooooooooo *echoing heard*  
> Yeah I know its been way too long. I struggled with this one for ages o be honest. Going between a Jon POV and then not doing that, then wanting to skip ahead versus padding out the timeline. In the end, I put a couple of paragraphs in italics at the start to show a bit of why Jon was being a little distant etc. And then when back to Sansa, its the start of August.  
> And you should really be thanking dena-1984 on tumblr for this update as she requested it in exchange for a donation to the Jonsa charity fundraiser over on tumblr, Hope you like it sweetie!

_“Are you still in contact with Sansa?” Brienne asked casually as she wrote something down on the notepad in her lap. Jon nodded and then, realising she couldn’t see the gesture, cleared his throat and replied._

_“Yeah, we text each other regularly.”_

_“How regularly?” Brienne questioned, shifting in her seat as she regarded him. Jon shrugged, ringing his hands together nervously._

_“Most days,” he said. Brienne hummed softly._

_“And do you think that has made it harder to move on?”_

_“We’re friends,” Jon countered with another shrug that betrayed his assurance of his words. He glanced towards the window as he tried to search for what else he could say. “She’ll always be important to me.”_

_“She will always be an important part of your life,” Brienne corrected. Her eyes dropped to her notes for a second before she looked back up at him. “But do you think that perhaps, staying in contact with her so much is actually hindering your healing process? Why did you seek out help Jon?”_

_“I…I just want to be happy,” he mumbled, glaring down at his hands as though they could suddenly provide a magical solution._

_“And can you truly be happy if you’re clinging to a memory?” Brienne asked gently. Jon slowly shook his head, his hands balling into fists as he accepted that she was right._

_“I guess I never thought about the possibility of being with anyone else but Sansa,” he sighed. “I know obsession was part of the problem but I do love her, I really do.”_

_“Nobody is questioning that Jon,” Brienne responded. “But, as with all relationships that end, there is a point where you have to start again. Not only in cases where you never want to see the person again but also in the cases where you do. If you truly want to be with Sansa, or anyone else for that matter and be happy, you have to focus on yourself first.” She made a small note on the paper and then looked up at him with a smile. “So, I want you to start doing things that make you happy. Reach out to your friends and build platonic relationships, spend time with your friend’s baby when he is born, go to the gym. Whatever gets those endorphins going alright?”_

_“Okay,” Jon replied with a slow nod. Brienne smiled at him, her blue eyes twinkling with pride._

_“You’ll be alright Jon,” she assured him as she made some more notes. “I promise you that.”_

_***_

_Brienne smiled warmly at him as she gestured to the seat and closed the door._

_“So, how was the family reunion?” she asked, grabbing her notepad and clicking her pen against it and then laying the pad across her lap._

_“Overwhelming,” Jon replied with a chuckle. He rubbed his hands against his jeans nervously as he continued. “But Daenerys is doing really well for herself.”_

_“You said you were going to be with Sansa?” Brienne said, reaching for his file and flicking through his notes. “How was that?”_

_“It was…nice.”_

_“Nice?” she echoed, sending him a puzzled look. Jon shrugged._

_“I thought it would be really awkward but…she was great. She was so supportive and just…Sansa.” He extended his palms and gave a half smile as if a further explanation would come from the gesture._

_“Well, that is good that things are less awkward between you. So, you’re truly friends now?”_

_“Yeah,” Jon replied, nodding slowly. “And it is weird. A year ago, I never thought that I could be friends with Sansa, I didn’t think I was good enough to be around her. The thought of never having her killed me. And then, having her but losing her. I never thought we would speak again but she stayed in touch and supported me when she would have been right to abandon me after the way I behaved.”_

_“No,” Brienne interrupted gently, shifting slightly in her chair. “No, Jon that isn’t true. Almost everyone at some point in their lives will experience a mental health issue. Now, of course, we can’t say that people can get away with things because of a health issue. But, for those who do seek help, like yourself, then no, we shouldn’t judge them at all. You came here because you want to get better, you want to change. And Sansa knows that. Your friends know that. And that is why they are standing by you.”_

_Jon nodded slowly, his hand stroking up and down his arm nervously._

_“Sansa knows why you acted the way you did but the fact you have come here shows courage,” Brienne continued, leaning forward in her chair, smiling at him kindly. “You will get better Jon. You have already shown some great progress. You’ll be able to have a normal romantic relationship soon enough, whether that is with Sansa or someone else.”_

***

“So many people!” Arya grumbled as she pulled the strap of her bag further up her shoulder.

“You get used to it eventually,” Sansa replied, already wheeling her sister’s case effectively through the crowds of folk on their way to work. Arya grumbled behind her, struggling to weave between the crowds and only scowling harder when Sansa grinned over her shoulder at her.

“Should have flown down sis,” she teased. “We could have gotten a taxi and not have to deal with all the people.”

“We can’t all be successful editors making millions _sis_!”

“Pfft!” Sansa paused to pull her sunglasses down from her head as they stepped out onto the street. Tossing her hair over her shoulder, she grinned at her sister once more. “I’m not a successful editor yet. And we don’t earn millions, not even close!”

“Huh. So doing the boss’ nephew hasn’t gotten you up the career ladder yet?”

“Arya!” Sansa squeaked, her hand slipping on the handle of the case and causing it to thud against the ground. Tutting, she stooped to pick it up. Arya merely shrugged.

“What is even going on with you and Jon these days?”

Sansa pursed her lips but not before a tedious sigh escaped her. She felt like everyone was asking that question recently and she hated it. Mostly because she didn’t know herself what was happening.

She was still attracted to Jon, still believed that he could be good for her and she for him. But since his visit to London three months before, she had hardly seen him or really spoken to him. Aegon had went back up to Glasgow a month ago and she had seen updates on facebook of them hanging out. And then Jon had gone to Oslo to stay with Theon for a while and he hadn’t been online much in that time.

Daenerys had a lot of calls with him though, almost every two or three days. She always said that Jon asked how she was doing and it was sweet at first but Sansa had begun to feel her patience wear thin. Surely, he could ask how she was himself.

“Nothing,” she replied eventually, feeling her sister’s stare. Even behind her shades, she could picture Arya’s narrowed eyes as she regarded her over her bottle of water.

“Oh right,” Arya said, smacking her lips as she screwed the lid of her bottle back on. “Beth will be pleased.”

“Beth?” Sansa blurted, staring dumbly as Arya grabbed her case and started pulling it along the street.

“Is this the right way?” her sister asked, peering around her as though she hoped to find a sign to the flat. Sansa ignored the question and grabbed her arm.

“Beth who?”

“Beth who goes to the same gym as us,” Arya responded casually, shrugging her arm out of Sansa’s grip as she turned to face her again. As if what she had said was similar to commenting on the weather. “She totally fancies him. Asked me if he was single because she wanted to ask him out when he got back. And I said I wasn’t sure because well, I don’t know if Brienne has said it is a good idea or not. He doesn’t talk much about his sessions or what she asks him to do. But I also wanted to make sure you would be okay with it.”

“Jon can do what he likes. And who he likes as well!” she retorted, snatching Arya’s case once more and turning it with more force than necessary as she stormed along the street to the flat.

“As I said,” Arya chimed, skipping up to fall in step beside her. “I just wanted to check where things stood. So, you are totally okay with Jon dating someone else if Brienne agrees he is ready for that step?”

“If he is happy,” Sansa said. It was mostly true. Despite the jealousy churning in her gut and the bitter disappointment in her heart, she still wanted him to be happy more than anything else.

“Maybe I won’t need to say anything,” Arya continued as she pulled her bag up again. “Maybe he’s hooking up with a hot blonde Scandinavian chick as we speak.”

“Jon prefers redheads,” Sansa retorted before she could stop herself. Arya grinned at her, smug and knowing. Sansa rolled her eyes and pushed the button for the crossing harsher than she intended. “You’re winding me up.”

“Why don’t you just say something to him?”

“Because,” Sansa sighed, outstretching her hand as though the answer would magically appear in front of them. Arya’s right brow raised above her glasses in response and made Sansa huff again. “I just don’t know what he wants anymore. It feels as though we’re drifting more apart than anything else. What if he doesn’t want me anymore?”

“Sans,” Arya replied gently, sticking close as the green man beeped and they crossed the road. “He was in love with you for years. It doesn’t switch off just like that. But if you don’t do something, he’ll find somebody else eventually.”

“He hasn’t spoken to me either!” Sansa said defensively, angrily tossing her hair over her shoulder once more. “We used to speak all the time and now…he can’t even ask me directly how I am but has to ask Dany.”

“Maybe because it wasn’t healthy for him to be so desperately in love with you. So, Brienne probably made him step back a bit and forced him to look at whether it is something he really wants.” Arya paused her response to take another gulp of her water, screwing the lid back on before continuing. “Besides, he needed to see his happiness isn’t just about being with you but everything else that life can offer. Being in love and being loved is great but it isn’t the cure to problems that movies make it out to be. There are a million other things that can make people happy and fulfilled. A good career, traveling, a Sunday session at the pub, joining clubs or the gym. Jon needed to realise he could be happy as a single person, that he is worth something as an individual before he could realise that he could be in a truly healthy, functional relationship with you.”

 Sansa gave a nervous laugh at the detail of her sister’s reply and threw her an amused smile. “Have you been taking a Psychology course these last couple of months?”

“No. Bran suggested that theory.”

Sansa jerked to a halt. “You told Bran?!”

“Please!” Arya answered with a scoff. “Bran has known for years!”

“ _What_?”

“Yup, I was mad he hadn’t said anything too. He said he figured it out when he once caught Jon practically salivating over you in heels. Which, by the way, is an image that I will never be able to unsee!”

Sansa flushed as a flashback to her legs wrapped around Jon’s waist, heels scratching over his back entered her mind. Once, she had told him that she couldn’t use her vibrator anymore without thinking about him and that was still true. And this particular memory would have been a perfect little stimulator, if she wasn’t going to be sharing a bed with Arya for the weekend. She could sneak it into the shower though.

“Oi!” Arya tapped her on the head with her water bottle. “Stop mentally fucking Jon and get me out of this heat!”

***

She had known that Arya and Mya would get along. They were both rather direct people and they had a similar sense of humour. And when Mya greeted Arya warmly and asked if she wanted a beer, Sansa knew it was a sealed deal.

“It isn’t as nice as your Glasgow flat,” Arya whispered when they were in Sansa’s room.

“No,” Sansa agreed. “I do miss it up there.”

“Will you ever move back?”

“Someday, hopefully,” Sansa replied with a shrug, pulling a pillow onto her lap and clutching it close. “There are just more opportunities down here for starting a good career.”

“At least you seem happier working with Dany. And having Mya here too. Although Margaery and Myranda miss you a lot. Robb and Jeyne would love you to come up and see baby Jon as well. He is growing so fast!” Arya shifted slightly, her teeth digging into her lip and Sansa raised a brow, recognising her sister’s nervousness.

“What?”

“Jeyne thinks that you hate her, by the way.”

“ _What_?”

“For the whole Jon thing,” Arya replied. “She was really worried you would hate her.”

“She didn’t make Jon sleep with me,” Sansa replied, laughing at the absurdity that sweet Jeyne thought she could be hated. “Some people maybe would want to know but I personally don’t think it was her place to say. I’m happy and I was having a good time with Jon. We were fine and if she had said something, it could have ruined everything. Besides, respecting Jon’s wishes shows she understands his issues with trust and stuff so I couldn’t possibly hate her for that at all. It is hardly a normal situation no matter what way you look at it.”

“Oh, you don’t need to explain it to me,” Arya replied, holding her hands up. “I told her she was being dumb. I mean, the secrecy annoyed me and Robb because you and Jon are important to us, we love you both. But we get that you weren’t in a relationship to tell us about and telling your siblings you’re casually hooking up with their mate isn’t the best of conversations. We do just want you to be happy though. Both of you.”

“I’m happy,” Sansa assured her with a smile. “Honestly, it is Jon who needed the support after everything.”

“I just didn’t want you to think we chose him over you.”

“You did,” Sansa replied with a shrug. “But that is because he needed it more. I was fine after I moved down here and got on with my life but I don’t have the issues that Jon does. He needed people around him and I would be far angrier if you guys abandoned him for me when I didn’t need you half as much.”

“See, this is why you should talk to Jon,” Arya responded, crossing the floor quickly to sit beside her. “You get him Sans. He needs someone like you who understands what he is dealing with, who knows he isn’t going to be perfect but will help him when he needs it.”

“I will speak to him,” Sansa promised.

She stood, intending to go through and open a bottle of wine and order dinner. She paused when she noticed Arya reaching into her bag and pulling her iPad out. She barely had time to register her sister’s smirk before Arya flipped the cover off and declared happily.

“No time like the present!”

“What? Arya, no!” Sansa squeaked as the Skype dial started. Sansa’s hands flew to her hair, attempting to smooth the loose strays down. “I’m a mess!”

“Hey!” Jon’s voice greeted cheerfully. Arya grinned up at her sister.

“I already had a skype date with him.”

“Who are you talking to?”

“Sans.”

“Ah,” Jon responded before there was an awkward silence for a moment. “Hi Sansa!”

“Um, hi!” she replied. Arya rolled her eyes. Sansa made a gesture of cutting a hand across her throat, signalling for her sister to end the call.

“So, how’s Oslo treating you?”

“We actually just got back from Sweden. Theon said I might as well explore the rest of the Scandinavian countries while I’m here. So, we were there for a few days.”

“Cool. Stockholm, right?”

“Yeah that’s the capital,” Jon answered. “We were there for a day but we also went to Uppsala. The buildings are just so gorgeous here, I just can’t get over it. I could happily live here if I had the money to so!”

“Yeah, nine quid for a pint is a bit steep,” Arya joked. She glanced at Sansa again, lifting her head so that Jon couldn’t see her mouthing _ask when he is coming home._

“You still there?” Jon asked, forcing Arya to return her focus with an exaggerated smile.

“Yeah, Sans was just mouthing something I couldn’t quite make out,” she responded, smirking at Sansa’s wide eyes as she turned the screen over. “What did you want to ask him Sans?”

Jon’s eyebrows rose above the dark glasses he wore as he was faced with Sansa. She swallowed thickly, her eyes darting all across his face, from his curls slicked back into a man bun to the trimmed beard that she knew felt amazing against her soft thighs. She felt her cheeks heat, causing her eyes to lower shyly and she pretended to fiddle with her dress.

“I, uh…I was wondering when you would be back home,” she mumbled. She chanced a glance at him through her lashes. Despite the shades, she could imagine him blinking owlishly at her.

“Couple of weeks probably. I start my course on the tenth of September so want to be back by the end of the month so I can have a couple of weeks to sort myself out.”

Arya was mouthing again. _Ask him to visit you here_

“So, um…are you staying with Dany for a bit or…?”

“I hadn’t asked. I was just going to fly back to Scotland actually.”

“Oh, okay.” She bit her lip and ducked her head down further but could still feel his eyes upon her, so intense she was sure he could see right into her mind and heart and know exactly what she felt.

“Sans?”

“I just…it would be nice to see you,” she said softly, still too scared to look at him. The silence made it unbearable tense and, for one wild second, she thought Arya had got it all wrong. Jon wasn’t interested anymore, he wasn’t just trying to balance his self-happiness with love for her, he wanted out completely and was going to tell her she was a nice girl but it wouldn’t work out.

“Yeah,” Jon replied, clearing his throat as his voice came out a little broken. Sansa glanced up for the first time, her heart stopping at the way Jon’s lips curled in that shy, half smile she had found so adorable during their time together. “Yeah, it would be nice to see you too.”

“You can stay here again,” she continued, giddy from his response so she was brave enough to keep her eyes up now, drinking in his reaction. And god, did that smile not do something to her?

“Thanks,” he responded warmly. “I’ll let you know when I’m heading back over.”

Sansa had barely got out her ‘okay’ before Arya spun the device around again and launched into an intense enquiry about Theon and this supposed girl he had settled down with.

***

Since Sansa had started to work for her, Daenerys had been nothing but pleasant and friendly with Sansa. However, on the Tuesday morning, she seemed distracted, barely mumbling a response to Sansa’s good morning as she frowned at her computer screen and her fingers tapped aggressively across the keyboard.

Sansa left her to it. She had wanted to share the good news that Jon was likely going to stay with her a couple of days, and she was going to tell him straight up that she liked him and was willing to give things a go, if he still wanted to. Or she would assure him that she was going to wait if he needed more time to heal and be ready for a real relationship. But Dany was clearly too distracted in whatever was bothering her and Sansa selfishly wanted a giddy reaction from her, not a subdued ‘that’s great!’ comment.

When Mya heard the news, she had swiped the wine bottle away from the table and popped open champagne. Sansa had laughed and weakly protested that they shouldn’t get excited. It was just friends at this point. Arya had shrugged, wordlessly holding out a glass for Mya to pour a drink into and Mya merely commented that it was a step in the right direction at least.

“He loved you once,” she had commented lightly, sliding in the space between Sansa and the arm of the sofa. “I’m sure you can charm him again sweetie.”

And despite her better judgement, her mind had started wandering. She pictured them sitting in St James’ park with the squirrels and ducks, Jon would love it there. She thought about them actually making it to a concert and seeing a movie where she could snuggle against him and steal some of the popcorn he had bought. She had to remind herself several times throughout the day not to get ahead of herself whenever she had to shake herself out of her thoughts.

“Sorry I was rude this morning,” Dany stated suddenly, appearing at her desk as Sansa pulled out her sandwich.

“Don’t worry about it,” Sansa replied warmly. “I hope it wasn’t anything too awful distracting you.”

“I was having a disagreement with Jon about my brother,” Dany sighed, rubbing her forehead as she gave her a wary glance. Sansa paused from taking a bite of the turkey sandwich to shoot her a puzzled look.

“Rhaegar?”

“Yup.”

“Does he…?” Sansa huffed, lowering her lunch down onto the foil again. “Does he know about Jon then?”

“Yes.” Sansa’s shot her a hard look which made Dany’s own widen. “Look Rhaegar has problems, I know that.”

 _Problems is putting it mildly_ , Sansa thought but bit her tongue and instead forced herself to remain quiet by picking up her lunch again.

“But we all make mistakes Sansa,” Daenerys said softly, tilting her head to try and see if Sansa was willing to look at her. She wasn’t. “He says he wants to meet Jon. Jon won’t do it though.”

“He ruined Jon’s life,” Sansa snapped, tossing her sandwich down once more with a huff. “I get that he is your brother and you want to believe the best of him. But he abandoned Jon, he abandoned _you._ And he obviously abandoned his wife and other two children to seduce Jon’s mother. There is nothing you can say that will make me forgive Rhaegar Targaryen.”

“I barely remember my time with Viserys,” Dany responded, calmer than Sansa expected. “Rhaegar was in the U.S at the time, he couldn’t have known what was going on. And he apologised for it.”

“He should have been here with his children, all three of them, if not also his wife,” Sansa retorted. She gave her lunch a disgusted look, the topic of Rhaegar leaving a sour taste in her mouth. She sighed, pushing back from her desk and gathering the remnants of her lunch to toss in the bin. “I need some air. I’ll be back before my lunch hour is over.”

Daenerys didn’t bother calling her back as she left. Her fingers trembled as she hit the button in the lift to take her down to the street level. She was shaking as she stepped to the side, out of people’s way and searched for her phone. Without even thinking she swiped over Jon’s name.

“Hey Sansa.”

“Are you okay?” she blurted, her fingers fiddling with the buttons of her shirt as she waited anxiously for his reply. She could sense his confusion on the other end.

“Yeah, fine,” he replied. There was nothing in his voice to suggest otherwise. She suddenly felt stupid for worrying.

“It’s just… I was speaking to Dany and, well, she told me about Rhaegar.”

“Oh.”

“And I just wanted to check that you were okay. That it hadn’t upset you or anything.”

The silence on the other end made her squirm and she wanted to slap herself for acting so worried and silly when he was clearly fine.

“Thank you.”

It was such a quiet reply she would have missed it had her senses not been so highly alert for his responses.  She felt the warmth in her chest at the words, spreading through her and making her lips curl into a giddy smile she wished he could see.

“You’re welcome,” she said, leaning back against the wall, still grinning from ear to ear. She bit her lip, suddenly shy as she added. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too,” he answered immediately. She heard someone shout something in the background and Jon tutted to himself. “Shut up Theon!”

“What did he say?” she asked, giggling already at the thought of Theon winding Jon up about missing her. It made her delightfully dizzy.

“You don’t want to know,” Jon said but she could tell he was smiling at whatever it was. “You can probably guess with Theon though.”

She laughed again, smiling stupidly for a second afterwards. Her fingers returned to play with her buttons as she spoke again.

“I should get back in and apologise to Dany.”

“Oh no! You didn’t fall out over this, did you?” he asked, horrified at the thought.

“No,” she quickly assured him. “We had a disagreement because I was so worried about you. If you’re okay though, that’s all that matters.”

“Your concern means a lot to me,” he replied. “Dany means well. She wants everything to be good for us, you know? Don’t be too hard on her about this. Rhaegar means more to her than he ever did to me.”

“I just, urgh!” She stomped her foot in her frustration, pushing a hand through her hair in annoyance at the sheer thought of Rhaegar Targaryen. “He makes me so _mad_! I don’t even know him and I hate him. _Hate_ him!”

Jon laughed on the other end, her anger immediately evaporating at the sweet sound.

“You’re sweet Sansa,” he murmured. She could picture the blush on his cheeks, his eyes dipping down shyly as he spoke.

“You mean a lot to me,” she told him honestly. She glanced back through the doors and continued quickly. “I really have to go. Let me know when you’re coming back over, alright? Don’t wait too long!”

“I’ll look at flights right now,” he promised her, voice light and hopeful. It made her heart skip a beat to think of how happy he sounded. And she imagined how he would react when she told him she wanted to really try and have a proper relationship with him.

She hung up and headed back up to the office. Dany eyed her warily as she stopped in her doorway and Sansa gave her a small smile of reassurance.

“I’m sorry for my outburst,” she said, leaning against the doorframe. “I’m just really protective of Jon and don’t want him to be hurt by Rhaegar anymore. I understand your relationship with him was different though.”

Dany sighed, shaking her head slightly. “I just wanted us all to be a family.”

“I understand that,” Sansa replied gently. “If Jon doesn’t want to see Rhaegar though, that is his choice and you can’t make him.”

“I know,” Dany said with another long sigh. Then she smiled, clapping her hands together. “Enough of this then. We’ll forget about it. And instead, we’ll go out for drinks tonight and you can tell me what you’re wearing at the autumn fashion launch party!”

Sansa laughed, agreeing to the deal happily before returning to her desk. Her phone vibrated against her thigh through her bag and she fished her phone out as she sat down. Her lips curved upwards as she saw a message from Jon which said he had booked a flight back for the next Friday morning.

She couldn’t wait.


	17. It's Friday (I'm in love)

She hopped nervously from one foot to the other as she continued to stare at the announcement board.

Jon’s flight was due on time and there was still over twenty minutes before it was due to land. Then of course, he would have to come through baggage collection and passport control. But she had been unable to sit still at home, her stomach fluttering in excitement and making her flit around aimlessly for something to do.

Eventually, Mya had practically shoved her from the flat and told her to go and wear through the airport’s floors instead.

She opened her mirror again to check her appearance. Silly as it was, she wanted to look amazing when he walked through those doors and set eyes on her again.

Finally, as the board changed to announce the plane had arrived, she moved towards the gates. Filtering through the crowd with practiced grace, she managed to get to the front to see everyone when they started coming through.

She reached for her mirror again, her other hand fumbling for her lip gloss as she eyed her reflection critically.

“Lover?” a woman asked teasingly, nodding towards Sansa’s hand where she now clutched the gloss.

“Yeah,” she replied softly, unable to stop the smile spreading across her face. _Hopefully!_

Once, she had felt these same butterflies with Harry. The newness of a relationship was always exciting. But with Jon, she already knew she could be happy with him. This feeling of wanting to see him, be near him was unlikely to fade. If anything, their time apart had only made her realise how much she wanted to be with him.

The doors suddenly opened and Sansa quickly shoved her mirror and lip gloss back in her bag. Stepping up on her tiptoes to try and see over the swarm of people, she managed to see Jon emerging through the gates.

Without thinking she ran towards him, barely giving him time to say her name in greeting before she flung her arms around him. His laughter at being practically bowled over made her smile against his shoulder and she squeezed him affectionately.

“I have missed you,” she admitted, pulling away to meet his eyes. Jon swallowed against her gaze, his own eyes lowering shyly.

“Yeah?”

She nodded, smiling up at him as she moved back. “So, I’m thinking we dump your things at the flat and then get some lunch?”

“Sounds good,” he said, gesturing with his arm for her to lead the way. “I’m paying!”

“What?” She whirled around to face him with a frown. “No, you’re not.”

“I insist!”

“You’re my guest!”

“Exactly,” he replied with a grin as she hit the button on the lift to take them down to the tube station. “And I haven’t contributed anything towards you putting me up.”

“I don’t want you to,” she insisted.

“Well, I _do_ want to!”

Behind them a few people chuckled and she threw them a puzzled look over her shoulder as the elevator doors opened. Moving to the opposite side, she leaned against the wall and fixed him with a stern look, the effect of which was lost with the smile that threatened to take over.

“You’re not buying lunch Jon.” Jon grinned, his eyes crinkling at the corners

“Alright.” He held his hands up in surrender before letting them slip into his pockets once more.

She made a sound of happiness as they stepped out of the elevator to see the announcement board showing that a train was approaching.

“Good timing!” she chirped, grinning at him over her shoulder.

Luckily, being early afternoon, the train was pretty empty and they managed to get seats and have Jon’s bag tucked in at the side of them.

“So, how is Theon?”

“As adorably irritating as ever,” Jon responded with an exasperated sigh. Sansa giggled, nudging him with her foot.

“I think he doth protest too much,” she teased.

“You got me,” Jon laughed, placing a hand over his heart. “I fell for Theon bad on that trip. We’re going to run off and get married.”

Sansa laughed again before shoving his shoulder playfully and demanding that he tell her all about the trip. She listened as he talked about Theon, how he was doing really well for himself and that yes, he really had settled down with someone and was happy.

As he started to talk about the buildings, Sansa let her eyes roam over him. The way his eyes lit up with passion as he talked about all the architecture, his smile taking over his whole face as his hands gestured wildly with his enthusiasm.

She didn’t really understand anything about architecture. She just looked at a building and thought ‘that’s pretty’ and the occasional ‘its amazing what people could do back then.’ But overall, she didn’t really have much interest in how it was designed or built.

“Sorry,” he said suddenly with a sheepish smile. “I’m boring you.”

Sansa shook her head, tearing her eyes away from where she had been staring at his mouth as he talked.

“No, no you weren’t!” she insisted, cursing herself as she felt her cheeks heat up when Jon stared at her for a long moment. “I, uh, I admit I don’t really understand it but it is important to you. So, I want to hear about it anyway.”

He smiled shyly and the sight warmed her heart. She gave him a small poke, raising her eyebrows expectantly. Jon laughed, giving her a nod before he continued with his story.

She tried to focus on his words this time but her eyes just kept dropping to his mouth as he talked. All she could think about was how they felt on hers, the way his beard had tickled her as he trailed kisses down her neck.

Shaking her head, she forced herself to look away and listen to him. Jon deserved her full attention and he deserved to know that she cared.

“So, um,” he said as he finished and looked at her with that little shy smile which set her heart racing. “What are you thinking about for lunch?”

_You?_

“Oh, well there is a cute café near my place,” she suggested. She grinned slyly. “They have loads of cake!”

“Sold!” Jon stated with a laugh. “I’m sure you remember how much I love cake!”

“I remember a lot of things,” she replied without thinking.

_The cute little huff you do through your nose when you’re annoyed or frustrated at something. The way you always spend ages on your hair when you think nobody is watching you. The way my name sounds on your lips when you cum._

Jon was staring at her with his lips slightly parted and a look of trying to figure out something. Sansa blushed and quickly turned away, staring up at the tube map and feigning interest in the number of stops they had left.

“So, uh, I’ve spoken to Daenerys,” he said after a moment of awkward silence.  “And, I think I’m going to meet him tomorrow.”

“You don’t have to,” Sansa replied quickly turning to him once more and reaching for his hand automatically. But Jon shook his head, giving her a soft smile.

“No, I do,” he sighed. “I have to face him so I can move on. I need to know why he didn’t want me.”

“Because he’s a…a stupid…” she trailed off, waving her free hand as she tried to think of a suitable description for how she felt about Rhaegar Targaryen. “Fucknugget!” she muttered.

Jon laughed. “Fucknugget?”

“Well, he is,” Sansa huffed defiantly, pulling her bag strap up her shoulder as their stop was announced.

“I agree,” Jon laughed again. “I’m just shocked at how much the south has corrupted you!”

She gave a playful shrug before sobering again. “But seriously. I hate him so much.”

“I appreciate you defending me. It meant a lot hearing you on the phone,” he said softly, standing as the train came to a stop. “Thank you.”

She gave him a shy smile in return, giving his hand another squeeze before releasing him. “You’re welcome.”

***

“Hey!” Mya chirped as they opened the door, her voice muffled from the fact her head was halfway into the fridge.

She emerged holding a handful of cocktail sausages, grinning at them as though she had found a pot of gold in there.

Jon gave her a small wave before wheeling his suitcase through to Sansa’s room. Sansa headed to the fridge to get a quick drink of water.

“You going out?” she asked her flatmate, clocking the little backpack at the side of the kitchen counter.

To her surprise, Mya’s cheeks turned a little red and her smile was full of secretive joy. Sansa grinned as she poured the water into her glass.

“Spill it!”

“I, uh…I’m trying to seduce someone actually.”

Sansa spluttered on the sip of water she had just taken, blinking at her friend in surprise. Mya grinned, patting her shoulder soothingly.

“Yeah, this guy that is staying in the hostel with Arianne. He is a dish! And, well, Arianne said the other day that a bunch of them were going over to Cornwall for the weekend and would we like to come. I’m sorry, I assumed you and Jon would rather have time to yourselves or I would have told you to come with..”

“Yeah,” Sansa agreed. “We kinda need to have time alone to figure stuff out.”

“Well, I’ll love you and leave you then!” Mya said, grabbing her bag. “Bye Jon!” she called out behind her.

Jon emerged from Sansa’s room. “Bye!”

“So,” Sansa stated as Mya closed the door behind her. “Lunch?”

“Yeah,” he replied. “Is It cool if I have a shower first? I’m feeling all yuck from the travelling.”

“Oh sure, of course!” she gushed, gesturing along the hall. “I’ll busy myself through here. In fact, I might start something for dinner later.”

He smiled gratefully before turning back towards her room to gather his things for a shower. Sansa wandered over to the kitchen area and opened the refrigerator, casting a judgemental look at the contents before closing it again.

It wasn’t that she couldn’t rummage something up, there was chicken and mince as well as plenty of veg. But she had realised that she didn’t know what Jon’s favourite meal was. He loved cake of course, but she couldn’t very well feed him on cake all week, as much as he would probably love it.

She knew several meals he liked to eat and what he didn’t. But his actual favourite things, he had never revealed to her. She wondered if Robb or Arya would know.

The shower was running now and she tried not to picture him in there with the water plastering his hair to his face and dripping temptingly down his chest, his toned stomach….

She sighed as she collapsed amongst the cushions, placing a hand behind her head and reaching for her phone. Arya’s name was first on her list of contacts, and she figured with her having lived with Jon for almost three years now, she would have observed him and his favourites.

“Sup?” Arya greeted. “Jon there yet?”

“Yeah, he’s in the shower,” Sansa responded. “Listen, do you know what his favourite meal is?”

“He’s never actually said much about his favourites. I guess he never felt that they were important enough to tell anyone. But he used to eat fajitas a lot. He loves red and yellow peppers but not a fan of green ones. Wait…why do you want to know this?”

“Well, I think I should know his favourite things if we’re going to be friends!” Sansa replied quickly.

“But why not ask him?” Arya countered, the tease evident in her voice. “Unless, you’re planning on surprising him.”

“I don’t feel like I deserve him right now,” Sansa said honestly. Before her sister could answer, she hurried on. “But I have a plan to change that!”

***

She smiled to herself as Jon’s eyes lit up at the cake display in the café, and she gave him a playful nudge.

“No cake before a proper lunch!” she teased.

“They have lemon cakes,” he replied, grinning at her.

“That’s playing dirty!” she huffed, even as her traitorous eyes fell upon the cake in question, taunting her through the glass cabinet.

“Hi there,” the girl behind the counter greeted them. “Table for two today?”

“Yes please,” Sansa answered, stepping away from the tempting treats and following the girl to their table by the window.

“I’ll be back for your drinks order in a couple of minutes.”

She took the menu that Jon passed to her giving him a grateful smile. Looking at the menu meant she was prevented from staring at him too much, at the adorable smile and those engaging, expressive eyes she had come to miss in their time apart.

It seemed like no time at all when the woman came back with her notepad. Sansa ordered a lemonade while Jon ordered a coke. Jon folded up his menu as the woman walked away, clearly having made up his mind about food.

Sansa, however, wasn’t sure what she wanted, other than Jon. She huffed at her own base desires taking over, making all rational thought leave her mind. She knew she couldn’t jump back into a sexual relationship with Jon. He might not be ready for any relationship at all! But ever since he had emerged from the shower earlier with that towel low on his hips, her body and her mind were saying two completely different things and it was distracting her to no end.

“This place is cute,” Jon commented after the silence stretched on.

Sansa raised her eyes, noting the slight anxiousness in Jon’s tone. Jon had never been much of a talker really but he had always been able to read the mood of a room. And the fact he was picking up on her agitation made her feel bad because he was assuming it was him making her annoyed.

Well, it was in a way, she supposed. His hot body was annoying her. But she couldn’t let him believe that it was something he had done to upset her. So, she smiled as warmly as she could, placing the menu down so he could see she was open to him.

“Yeah, it’s my favourite,” she replied, casting a loving gaze around the sky-blue walls.

It was a classic little coffee shop really, with blue checked tables and old-fashioned china tea sets and antiques and pictures from the early twentieth century decorating the walls. And, for being in the middle of London, it wasn’t even expensive.

“It’s very you,” he added, giving her a small smile. Sansa took the opportunity to probe him.

Leaning her chin in her palm, she grinned at him. “And what would be your ideal eatery? Besides a bakery?”

Jon laughed, shrugging. “I dunno. I guess Mexican? Or Spanish. I like tapas.”

“Oh yeah, I remember you scoffed yourself when we went to that tapas bar for dinner with Dany!”

“You two weren’t eating it!” he replied in defence, but his grin told her he wasn’t really offended.

“So, I’ll make fajitas tonight,” Sansa decided.

She smiled as the waitress returned and placed their drinks in front of them. Jon thanked her and waited until they were alone again before he protested.

“You don’t have to cook for me Sansa.”

“I want to!” she protested. Seeing his lips parting to speak again, she quickly blurted out. “So, Arya mentioned Beth.”

_Christ Sansa!_

Jon’s eyebrows lifted slightly over the rim of his glass. She gave a nervous laugh, a hand covering her face to try and hide her embarrassment.

“I didn’t mean that to sound so…jealous,” she murmured, her hand sliding to the back of her neck as she gave him a nervous smile.

“Nothing to be jealous over,” he replied gently as he set the glass down. “I’m not interested in Beth.”

“Oh…well, I…that is…are you interested in anyone….at all?”

He stared at her for a long moment, his expression blank and Sansa felt panic rise through her at the thought that she had waited too long. And then he licked his lips quickly, like he always did when he was nervous but trying not to show it.

“Sansa, what are you asking me exactly?”

She took a deep breath. “If you…are you still in love with me?”

“Why?”

She laughed despite herself, thinking back to that night in the pub when she had asked him back to hers and he had responded with a million questions, clearly not getting the point that she was trying to make.

“I, well I’ve been thinking about you a lot these past few months,” she replied tentatively. “I really miss you Jon.”

“I miss you too,” he said softly. He smiled to himself as his fingers moved up and down his glass. And then his eyes locked with hers again. “And yes, I do still love you.”

“Maybe…maybe we could discuss it…us, I mean?” she suggested shyly.

“Are you ready to order food?”

Sansa jumped at the waitress’ voice before shaking herself from her thoughts. She grabbed the menu again, flustered as she tried to find the page she had been looking at. And then she remembered that she hadn’t actually picked anything since she had been too preoccupied with asking Jon about his love life.

Jon ordered a grilled chicken panini and in her agitated state, she automatically asked for the same to avoid the embarrassment and awkwardness of making them wait.

“I wouldn’t have minded you know,” Jon said suddenly as the waitress went away with their orders.

“Hmm?”

“Waiting for you to decide,” he clarified, nodding to her hand as she placed the menu back.

“You know me too well,” she teased.

A silence stretched between them but Sansa could feel the tension from their unfinished conversation lingering in the air. So, taking a deep breath to calm her nerves, she reached for his hand.

“I didn’t plan lunch to discuss this by the way,” she explained quickly, giving him a nervous laugh. “But since we’re on the topic. I just want to say that I’ve thought about you a lot and when you’re ready, I’d like to maybe start again. Properly this time.”

“I’m not putting out again until at least the third date,” he joked.

“I can wait,” she replied, hoping he could feel the sincerity of her words beneath the teasing. The squeeze of her hand told her that he did. She gave him a warm smile.

“I want us to try and work this out. I want it to be real this time. And if that means months or years before you’re ready, then that’s okay. I’d rather you were happy and secure before we brought romance into it.”

Jon smiled gratefully before he withdrew his hand from hers to allow the waitress to place the food down between them.

“I…I was wondering if you would come with me when I meet Rhaegar. I mean, Dany will be with me obviously but I, I would really like you to be there with me…if you don’t mind…”

“Of course, I’ll be there,” she assured him, giving him a playful grin. “I wouldn’t miss the chance to kick him in the balls!”

***

She thought it was the morning light creeping through Mya’s window that had woken her, until she heard the tap running in the kitchen.

Yawning, she rolled to her other side to glance at her alarm clock, frowning when she noticed it was barely past three.

Pushing her feet out of bed and into her slippers, she grabbed her dressing gown from the door and glanced out of her door down towards the still dark kitchen.

“Jon?”

“Shit, did I wake you?” he replied, appearing at the end of the corridor with a glass of water.

“It’s alright,” she mumbled around a yawn, raising her hand to cover her mouth quickly. “Couldn’t sleep?”

Jon shook his headed, turning back into the room. Sansa padded after him and made her way to the cupboard to bring out a pan.

“What are you doing?”

“Making you a hot chocolate.”

“Sansa, you don’t have to –“

“I want to,” she interrupted, raising an eyebrow over her shoulder as though daring him to challenge her again.

“Thanks,” he murmured, finally sitting down in one of the chairs at the breakfast counter.

“I guess its nerves,” she commented lightly as she switched the cooker on and went to open the fridge for the milk. “We can stay up and talk if you want.”

“I don’t want to keep you up.”

“And I don’t want you to be suffering,” she countered. “I can manage on a bad night’s sleep Jon. But you, you need to talk about these things. And I want you to know that I want you to talk to me about them. Even if I don’t understand what is going on in your head, I’ll listen anyway.”

“Well. I don’t even really know what is bothering me either. And I didn’t want to be stupid about it.”

“It isn’t stupid,” she insisted, reaching into the cupboard to get the hot chocolate mix down.

“I mean,” he started, trailing off with a sigh and shoving his hair back in his irritation. “I thought I didn’t care what Rhaegar thinks or what he says. And I mostly don’t….but, I…kind of… also …do? Christ, I’m not making any sense!”

“It must be confusing,” she murmured sympathetically, pouring the hot milk into the two cups she had prepared.

“He doesn’t deserve my thoughts,” Jon huffed, his frown softening into a gentle smile as she pushed the hot chocolate in front of him. She held a finger up as he moved to pick up the cup, turning to get the cream from the fridge.

“This conversation warrants all the good stuff,” she teased as she squirted the cream around the top of the cocoa.

“Thanks Sansa,” he whispered, taking a tentative sip. Sansa’s eyes dropped to his top lip where a line of cream had clung to his moustache.

“You…um…” She gestured to her mouth, her cheeks flushing when she found herself unable to look away as he wiped his mouth sheepishly.

“I just…part of me does care though,” he continued after the cream was all gone from his tempting mouth. “I know it is stupid. But I care about what he says.”

“Well, that makes sense,” she reasoned. “His behaviour had a ripple effect on you. Things could have been so different if he had raised you.”

“I’d probably still be a fuck up,” Jon murmured.

“You’re not a fuck up Jon,” she stated firmly. “We all have issues. And you sought help for yours. That’s being pretty together in my eyes.”

“I like to think…” he started, trailing off and ducking his head shyly.

“What?” she prompted, nudging his arm gently with her own.

“That we’d still have met regardless.”

She smiled, reaching for his hand and giving it a light squeeze. “I’d like to think that too.”

***

Never in her life had Sansa ever truly wished harm on anyone. But Rhaegar Targayen, and the consequences of his actions which had cost Jon so much, was testing her resolve as he continued to sit opposite her and Jon at the corner table of the pub, and not even have the decency to say sorry.

It was Daenerys Sansa felt sorry for. She only wanted to have a whole family. But she just didn't understand how badly Jon had been affected. She could barely remember her time with Viserys, from what Sansa could gather. And after she was gone from her abusive brother, her life had only gotten better for herself.

"Lyanna," Rhaegar said after a moment, leaning forward on the sticky pub table.

"Don't," Jon snarled, eyes closing in anger. "Don't mention her name!"

Sansa swallowed as Jon's eyes reopened, fixing his father with a glare as fierce as a wolf on the hunt. She grasped his spare hand under the table, giving it a gentle squeeze, watching as the tension lifted from his shoulders slightly.

"I did love her."

"Until it suited you not to," Jon stated. "And what about me?"

"I didn't know you existed Jon."

"A convenient excuse," Jon scoffed. He glanced at Dany, who was staring determinedly at the table. "And a lie anyway. I know you knew about me after you came back from America. You sought Daenerys out, why not me?"

"I thought I would lose Aegon and Rhaenys," he sighed. 

"Your wife told you to choose them or me?" Jon asked but Sansa could tell from his tone that he wasn't convinced. And as Rhaegar's mouth twisted, Sansa wasn't either.

"No. It was just what I, myself feared," he replied after a moment. "And, Daenerys was grown when I found her. I thought...I thought you both had a good life."

"But you didn't care enough to check."

Sansa crossed her arm over herself to rub his own soothingly, her hand still squeezing his in reassurance. He glanced at her for a second, and then to Dany, who had cleared her throat.

"Jon, listen. Rhaegar...he had a problem."

"You're telling me," Jon muttered. "His problem was not keeping it in his pants." Jon wrenched his arm from Sansa's soothing touch and folded them over his chest. "How many women did you love after my mother? How many other half-siblings do I have out there?"

"You don't have any other siblings Jon."

"Well, I guess it does take eighteen years to find them and ask them so, I'll get a birthday card ready just in case."

"Jon, please!" Dany hissed, eyes glistening with tears.

"I can't," Jon ground out. "I wanted to, for you Dany. But I...I can't. I don't want anything to do with him. I'm leaving. And I don't want to hear from, or see him again."

He shoved his chair back, storming out of the pub. Sansa sent Dany a sympathetic smile as she grabbed her bag and followed Jon outside. She didn't give Rhaegar a second glance.

"Hey," she whispered, grasping his arm firmly and turning him to face her.

His hands were shaking, his breathing ragged as he rubbed a hand over his face. Instantly, Sansa wrapped her arms around him, pulling him close and running her fingers in his hair. Jon's hands pressed against her back, seeking out her comfort.

"I'm sorry," he murmured against her neck, where his head was buried on her shoulder. Sansa shook her head.

" _He_ should be the one who is sorry."

She pulled back, letting her hand cup his cheek. Jon's lips twitched with a halfhearted smile and Sansa tutted, letting her hand fall, only to curl her fingers with his.

"Come on," she commented lightly, tugging him along the street with her. "You need a cake darling."

"And ruin this body?" he replied but the tease was missing.

"I'd still want you anyway," she said simply.

Jon ground to a halt, her arm jerking at the sudden movement and she turned to face him. His lips were parted, eyes wide as though he couldn't believe she was even there.

"Don't...Sansa, please don't..." He trailed off with a thick swallow, eyes darting to the side. "Don't say it if you...if you don't mean it, I...it's not..."

"I mean it," she said quickly, pressing her hands to his shoulders and staring into his eyes. She lifted a hand to cup his cheek and smiled. "I want to be with you."


	18. Christmas Wishes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas ya filthy animals ;)  
> Finally, we're getting back on track for smut. Proper smut shall resume next chapter but enjoy a little dry humping from these horny kiddos :p

Jon’s smile was adorably addictive as they entered the airport. And Sansa felt a giddiness she had long forgotten when it came to new relationships, the excitement of taking that step. It made her tug his hand, squeeze their fingers together tighter as she pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“Have a safe journey home,” she murmured, giving him another kiss for good measure.

“I will,” he promised, smiling down at their joined hands before looking back up at her. “And I’ll speak to Brienne as soon as possible, I’ve emailed her for an appointment.”

Sansa nodded. They had agreed not to jump into anything until Brienne confirmed that Jon was ready for such a step. Jon had seemed so apologetic about it, even as Sansa insisted she understood, that she would wait until he was ready.

It was all up to him now, to ensure his best mental health. And Sansa assured him that so long as he was happy and healthy, then she was happy too.

“Alright,” she responded, unable to resist running a hand through his hair. “Go before you miss your flight.”

“I’ll see you soon,” he replied, the hopeful tone making Sansa’s heart flutter as she smiled and nodded.

“I can’t wait. Call me when you’re home alright?” she urged before giving him a playful nudge on the shoulder to get him to go.

Jon glanced over his shoulder again, smiling shyly as he gave her another farewell before disappearing around the corner for the security section.

Sansa’s smile remained in place all the way back to her flat, the euphoria flooding through her making her bite her lip and her stomach flutter like a teenager again.

“Well, look at you, all loved up!” Mya commented, grinning at her as she looked up from her magazine. Sansa shrugged, plopping down onto the sofa.

“How was your weekend?”

Mya grinned slyly. “Very good. I got exactly what I wanted.”

Sansa laughed, shaking her head at the implications of her friend’s words. “Good for you. Hey, so, Jon is going to call me when he lands so if I…”

“Right, I’ll get out so you can jerk off to each other,” Mya teased.

“Mya!” Sansa hissed, feeling herself blush.

And that was ridiculous really, when she thought of all the things she and Jon had done before. There were things they had done that she had never thought she would ever have the confidence to try. And remembering how gentle and understanding Jon had been made her smile again as she made a mental note to try phone or skype sex when they reached that point of being intimate again. Well, she reasoned, they would have to figure out something with the distance between them!

“Stop thinking of Jon naked while I’m in the room,” Mya huffed, throwing a pen at her head. Sansa laughed.

“If you ever see his ass, you’d understand,” she responded, sticking her tongue out playfully.

***

It was amazing really, how different things seemed and yet, at the same time, how little seemed to have changed between them since she had confessed her feelings two weeks ago after that disastrous meeting with Rhaegar.

He had phoned when he had landed as promised and Sansa had felt like a lovestruck teenager as they giggled and argued about who was hanging up first when they were done. Sansa felt as though she had a permanent smile on her face, something Mya teased her for constantly but she knew that her friend was genuinely happy for her.

And when he had phoned the next day to tell her that Brienne had told him that having a relationship was okay, but it had to be taken pretty slowly and on Jon’s terms of when he deemed himself ready, Sansa had practically danced around her room. Sansa was okay with waiting for him. She knew that Jon had to take things slower this time, that she had to wait for him to be ready to be vulnerable again with her.

But when he had booked a flight down to visit her again for the weekend, she had felt warmth bloom in her chest when he hesitantly bumped his hand with hers as they headed towards the exit for the tube. She had smiled at him, lacing their fingers together and bringing his hand to her lips to kiss his knuckles. His smile had been so beautifully sweet, making her smile in return.

She was sure they had been one of those annoyingly sickly-sweet couples that just shared shy glances and stupid smiles all the time. But she didn’t care really. Jon seemed happy, and she was happy too.

And now, they were cuddled up on the couch, under her duvet while watching The Nightmare before Christmas, a film she knew Jon loved. And with the warm summer now bleeding into crisp autumn mornings, she had agreed it was the perfect movie for a lazy Saturday afternoon.

“What would be your top five movies?” she asked suddenly, her head still laying on his chest. “I’m assuming this is near the top.”

“Three probably,” Jon replied, his attention fixed on the screen, his hand lazily tracing her arm. “Um, I guess Lord of the Rings, The Two Towers if I’m being specific. Gladiator. Jeez, I dunno, it is hard to limit to five.”

“Yeah,” Sansa agreed. “I have a lot of favourites. You didn’t mention Harry Potter though, I’m appalled.”

Jon shrugged, his lips curving into a playful smile. “Meh, it’s alright. Ow!”

“Serves you right,” she sniggered, removing her fingers that had pinched his arm. He pulled her close again.

“I like Harry Potter too.”

She snuggled back down against his shoulder, trying not to show her pleased smile at his response. She had read on Facebook earlier that there was an outdoor screening of the Harry Potter every Saturday outside the castle near her family’s home starting next weekend. She had already booked the flight back home but made a mental note to book the tickets to surprise Jon for a romantic date.

Her phone buzzed, Mya’s name appearing on the screen as it lit up and vibrated again. Sansa was half tempted to let it ring through, too warm and comfy snuggled up with Jon to move. But Jon had already reached for the remote to pause the movie.

“Hey,” she greeted.

“I know I was your favourite before but you’re really going to love me even more now!”

“Bold statement. Continue,” Sansa responded, reaching forward to take a couple of crisps from the bowl on the table.

“I have two Biffy Clyro tickets for their acoustic tour.”

“What?” Sansa gasped, the crisps falling into her lap as she squealed, ignoring Jon’s jump of surprise as she continued breathlessly. “Oh my god, really? How did you manage that? You’re taking me, aren’t you?”

“Whoa whoa, hold on! I’m not going!” Mya laughed.

“I’m failing to see how I will love you if you’re not taking them, Mya,” Sansa muttered.

“Because,” her friend stated, dragging the word out. “I’m giving them to you. For you and Jon. Have a hotel for the night and have some fun. “

“Mya!” Sansa hissed, feeling her cheeks heat up as she cast a quick look to Jon, who merely raised his eyebrows curiously. “We’re not…Look, okay, never mind. I’ll take them.”

“Of course, ya will. Now, all I ask is that you have some nice wine in the fridge for me tomorrow.”

“Tough deal but alright,” Sansa teased before hanging up and turning to Jon.

She wanted to blurt it out to him there and then, but she decided that she would keep it as a surprise Christmas present for him.

“Just Mya bragging about a concert,” Sansa said instead, snuggling against his chest as he hit play once more.

They must have drifted off to sleep at some point she realised as she opened her eyes to the darkened room, the home page of the DVD showing on the television and providing the only source of light.

Jon’s chest was rising and falling slowly beneath hers and she took a moment to appreciate the feeling. This was the closest they had been since deciding to try and make things work and Sansa was loving it. She knew they had to go slow but she hoped cuddles and snuggling was more or less on the cards now. She could have happily stayed in his embrace for the rest of the night if her stomach hadn’t been rumbling and she wasn’t needing to go to the bathroom.

As she moved to sit up, Jon stirred slightly, a long inhale drawn through his nose as he opened his eyes to see her. His lips curved up into a slow smile, and Sansa leaned down to kiss him, unable to resist the beautiful image of a barely awake Jon.

“I have tickets for the fair,” she said, once she had managed to drag herself away from those irresistible pouty lips.

“Cool. I always wanted to go to a fair,” Jon replied excitedly.

“I know,” she responded, poking her tongue out at him. “Arya told me. It’s part of my plan.”

“Your plan?”

“To win your heart,” she quipped, crossing the room to quickly press her finger to his lips when they parted, ready to protest. “To _earn_ your heart. I want to prove to you that I’m worth it.”

“Sansa,” he murmured, reaching up to cup her cheek and smiling that sweet, soft smile again. “You were always worth it.”

“Oh, stop being so romantic!” she huffed, moving away from him again. “I’m going for a pee.”

“Thanks for that info!” he laughed.

“Ha! Serves you right for sabotaging my own wooing efforts!” she commented, playfully sticking out her tongue as she retreated from the room.

***

“I’m not going on that thing,” Jon declared, looking up at the big wheel as it started to spin faster.

“No?” Sansa questioned, snuggling close to him, her hand splayed protectively over his stomach. “Not even with a good luck kiss?”

He grinned, his eyes soft as they fell on her again. “Worth a try.”

Sansa laughed, leaning in to give him a quick peck on the lips.

“Hmm,” Jon commented. “Nah, didn’t work. Maybe try another one?”

She shoved his shoulder playfully, descending into giggles again as she took his hand and pulled him towards the other rides. She turned and raised her eyebrows as they approached the little roller coaster in the corner of the park.

“Can we?” she begged, already bouncing on her toes with excitement.

“Come on then,” Jon said, grinning as she tugged him into one of the cars.  “You’re going to have to hold my hand for this!”

“You jump, I jump,” she responded, gripping his hand tighter and laughing when he grimaced.

“Don’t quote from a movie about a disaster right now,” he commented, his spare hand grabbing the railing as it came down on their waist. “When I said I always wanted to go to the fair, I forgot that loads of the rides are high.”

“We can go to the stalls after this,” she promised as the car began to move up the incline. She quickly leaned over to kiss his cheek and that made Jon raise his eyebrows. “That was a reward for being brave.”

“What do I get if I go on the big wheel after all?” he joked, determinedly not looking around him to avoid looking down at the ground below.

“Well, that will just have to wait,” she grinned, giggling when Jon chuckled.

After, they shared some candy floss, which more or less became a food fight trying to outdo each other with shoving handfuls in each other’s faces until Jon conceded and kissed her instead, swallowing her laugh with his sugary tongue.

He won her a cuddly toy on the hook-a-duck, and she chose the white wolf cub, declaring it was called Lady and would be Puppy’s girlfriend.

“Isn’t that incest?” Jon joked, nudging her shoulder.

“Well, animals don’t care do they?” she pointed out, bumping his hip in response.

“No, I suppose not,” he laughed, sliding his hand into hers again.

“Let’s get home and warmed up,” she said, already pulling him along to the exit. “I want to cuddle my boyfriend for the rest of the night.”

“Well, as your boyfriend, I am happy to comply!”

***

“I think this is actually just a plan to steal my body heat,” Jon teased as she snuggled into his side, her hands wrapping his arm around her waist and linking their fingers together.

She grinned, giving a shrug of faked innocence while pulling the blanket up to their chins. “I didn’t think you’d complain!”

“Definitely not complaining,” he assured her with a smile that made her heart thunder in her chest and warmed her entire body.

She rested her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes for a second to appreciate the feel of him close to her, the musky scent of his cologne invading her senses and making her wish they were alone so she could clamber on his lap and kiss him stupid.

They still hadn’t crossed the line into sex, but their kisses had become more heated, turning into full make out sessions pretty quickly. And Sansa thought about how not so long ago, the idea of clambering into a man’s lap, desperately seeking his mouth, would have been mortifying to her. But with Jon, she just couldn’t help it.

Every part of her longed for him, she needed his hands and lips on her in those moments or she feared she’d go insane. And she could never get tired of the way Jon looked at her when he was caught up in their passion.

That afternoon, they had been on the sofa watching reruns of FRIENDS when he had nuzzled at her neck and gave her a very obvious sniff that made her giggle and angle her head to look at him curiously.

“You smell nice,” he had commented simply, rubbing his nose up her neck and along her jawline.

“Do I normally smell bad?” she had teased back, grinning when she had felt his faint smile against her cheek.

“No. But this perfume is especially nice.”

He groaned softly as her flowery scent engulfed him, the sound thundering through her and lighting her body on fire. She had turned and cupped his cheeks, pulling his mouth to hers with barely hidden desperation and Jon surrendered with a long moan, his hands settling firmly on her hips as he pulled her onto his lap.

“Sansa,” he sighed against her mouth, one hand reaching up to grasp her hair.

She didn’t want to pressure him into having sex again until he was ready. But her body was desperate to take whatever he was willing to give right now. So, she started to rock against his crotch, her arms circling his neck to ground herself as she felt his cock stir beneath the barrier of his jeans.

And all she had cared about was pressing herself closer to him, having her hands in his hair and her lips sealed to his, having him against her body like this. When he had pulled away and stared at her with dark eyes, she had thought they were going too fast, that he would gently set her to the side and go and take a moment to sort himself out.

Then he had cupped her head, pulling her forward with eager hands and his tongue was already pushing inside of her willing mouth. The hand still on her hip slid down until it settled against the curve of her ass, the heat of his touch making her mewl into the kiss as she arched against him.

“Jon,” she’d whined, pressing her forehead to his and opening her eyes, hoping he would know what she wanted. His throat had bobbed slightly before he dived forward again, the hand on her ass pushing her forward in encouragement.

“Gods Sansa,” he had moaned as his own hips started to buck up in time with hers. “I’ve missed seeing you like this baby.”

“I can’t wait to have you naked in my bed again,” she had whispered against the shell of his ear, pride flooding through her at the desperate shiver that ran through him.

“Fuck, Sansa!”

“I can’t wait to lick you _all_ over.”

A growl had erupted from Jon’s throat then as he’d gripped both of her hips and started rocking her harder against him, making all teasing words die in her throat and be replaced with high keens and moans.

“And I can’t wait to lick you either sweetheart,” he’d moaned into her ear.

She had shuddered, near shrieking his name as her climax ripped through her and her brain had frozen on the memory of him between her thighs.

While she had teasingly offered to fulfil her promises, he had shaken his head and gone to the bathroom to tidy up instead. Part of her was disappointed if she was being honest but she knew she had to go at the pace Jon set for them.

Now, she couldn’t help but smile as they lay back on the grass with their arms and legs entangled together. Sansa wasn’t even watching the movie really, she was just happy to be here and with Jon at last.

***

As Jon settled into his Masters course, there was little time for them to spend together. Sansa understood, it was a difficult balance and she had told him not to stress himself out with visiting her while he had so much coursework and things to do.

They talked a lot on the phone, every few days and every Sunday they would skype each other because Sansa insisted on blowing him a kiss for luck for the upcoming week. And because she loved how it made him blush and duck his head to hide his shy smile.

Sansa had always been a lover of Christmas, the one annoying friend who started counting down the minute that Halloween was over. She always had all of her Christmas movies hauled out in the first week of November, ready for the constant re-watches that everyone would be subjected to for the following six weeks and her spotify playlist was exclusively Christmas songs from November to January.

But this year, she was even more excited than usual, knowing that she would be seeing Jon again after his exams finished. She couldn’t wait to tell him how much she had missed him these last few weeks, how much she wanted to snuggle up with him and to be able to kiss him whenever she wanted.

She was so giddy on the flight, she was sure that the passenger in the same row as her was grateful it was only ninety minutes to Edinburgh because she was sure she must have been terribly annoying. But her excitement couldn’t be contained as she saw Jon waiting for her in the arrivals area and she launched herself into his arms, giggling uncontrollably as he spun her around in three complete circles before setting her back on the ground.

“I missed you,” she breathed, still hugging him close as the words spilled over.

“Me too,” he whispered, his lips already at her temple. “Come on, lets get home so I can give you your present.”

“Christmas is next week Jon,” she giggled, slipping her hand into his as they walked away.

“Yeah but, I really want to give you it now,” he replied, his cheeks colouring slightly. “I figured with us telling everyone now, it might be a bit hectic for gift giving at any other time.”

“Hey,” she said suddenly as they made it to Jon’s car.

Jon only just managed to turn around before Sansa pushed herself against him and pressed her lips to his, her arms wrapping around his neck to keep him close. Instantly, Jon was kissing her back with a hand buried in her hair and another resting on the small of her back.

Sansa grinned at him as she pulled back. “I’ve been dying to do that since you left.”

“Yeah?” Jon teased, his eyes fluttering open although there was still a blissful expression on his face as he gazed at her. It made warmth spread all through her, the clear desire and love in his eyes.

Lately, she had started to think that her fondness and desire for Jon was becoming stronger. She had loved Harry, she recognised the fluttering stomach, the way she just wanted to keep finding excuses to touch him.

And it was just so easy to start to fall in love with him when he was so sweet and caring, and had shown amazing strength to seek help for his anxiety issues and depression. She knew he wanted to have sex with her, she recognised the dark desire in his eyes sometimes, could feel it in the desperate whines he emitted as he pulled away before it went too far.

It didn’t make Sansa feel bad, though she thought back to a year ago, and how such a thing would have left her confused and upset. But they’ve grown in their time apart, learned to understand what they wanted and needed. Jon had been honest with her this time, the moment they had agreed to do this, he had told her that his depression might never truly go away, that there could be periods of time when he just succumbs to it.

He had been honest about why they couldn’t have sex yet, why they had to take it slow for his own sake. He had shared details of his sessions with Brienne with her so she knew how he had been working on things.

And she knew that it would be difficult, but she would stick it out with him. She could be happy with Jon and she was starting to fall in love with him. And that meant all of him, even his worst moments.

She couldn’t stop stealing glances at him as he drove. Of course, she had seen him on skype but seeing him in person, she could just happily drink him in. He raised his eyebrows at her a couple of times, a smile tugging at his lips when he caught her staring.

“I really want to kiss you again,” she said the third time he had given her such a look.

“Well, I can’t deny a lady what she wants,” he quipped, reaching over to squeeze her hand.

“You know, we’ve had twelve dates since we started this.”

“Yeah, I know,” he replied, giving her another grin. Of course he would know, Sansa thought. He was always paying attention.

“Twelve dates of Christmas,” she teased.

“I suppose, if everyone considers Christmas starts in October like you do,” he responded, shooting her a smirk as she rolled her eyes.

“There goes your kiss.”

“Oh, now that isn’t fair,” he laughed as he finally turned down onto his street.

She waited for him to park before she launched herself over to his side of the car, her hand cupping around the back of his neck and pulling him into a kiss. Jon groaned, his own hands cupping her face as he eagerly responded to her lips.

“Let’s get upstairs,” she murmured, even as she continued to press kisses to his mouth and thoroughly distracting him.

Finally, she managed to pull herself away from him, even though her body was begging her to climb into his lap and rock them into release.

Jon smiled over his shoulder at her as he opened the building door, their hands entwining again as they skipped up the stairs together. She reluctantly let go of his hand as he fumbled with his keys for his own door, pressing a kiss to his shoulder instead, just because she had an uncontrollable urge to touch him somehow, even with her lips.

Closing the door with her foot, she grinned at him as she wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled him close. He smiled softly at her as his hands tenderly pushed her hair from her face. She nudged her nose against his, urging him to make a move and he finally did, giving her a quick kiss.

“Jon,” she whined, pulling him back as he made a move to step back.

Jon laughed, kissing her forehead as he withdrew again. “I really want to give you your present!”

“Fine,” she huffed, letting him lead her through to the living room.

“And then, you know, you might want to get your things from the car,” he teased. “Before you get so distracted with me and forget you have stuff.”

“Fine,” she repeated, although she couldn’t help but smile all the same.

Jon picked up a square present and handed it to her, sitting nervously on the sofa beside her. Sansa reached out to squeeze his knee.

“You know I’ll love it anyway,” she assured him, leaning forward to kiss his cheek.

Excitement surged through her as she ripped into the paper, the familiar cover of Biffy Clyro’s ‘Only Resolutions’ album appearing beneath it. She had only just started collecting vinyl’s so she was already pleased with it.

But it was the black writing on the front that had caught her attention, her eyes widening as she realised it was a signed version, all three band members names scribbled beneath the lyrics “It’s you and me until the end of time.”

“Jon,” she breathed, her fingers tracing the writing. “How on…this must have cost a fortune.”

“Actually,” he laughed, rubbing the back of his neck. “My friend Edd…his cousin rents Simon’s flat. So, he knows him pretty well. And, uh, asked him to sign it for me.”

“Oh Jon, I love it!” she squealed, throwing herself into his arms.

Jon chuckled, meeting her insistent kisses with enthusiasm. “I’m glad.”

“And my gift is similar,” she said, grinning down at him. “Fancy coming to Biffy Clyro’s acoustic tour with me?”

“Seriously?” Jon asked, his eyes wide with excitement, making Sansa chuckle. “Yes, yes! What date?”

“February,” she replied and then laughed nervously.

“Absolutely,” he affirmed, pulling her close once more.

“When is Arya meant to get here?” she asked, glancing at the door as if expecting her sister to hear her sister come through the front door and down the corridor already.

“She finishes at six, so she should be in at any moment.”

“Are you nervous?”

“A little,” he admitted. “I guess, more like, I don’t want them to think we were hiding it again.”

“No, they’ll understand this time,” she agreed, nudging his shoulder. “I mean, I think Robb especially will prefer us being in a relationship to fuck buddies.”

“Hey!” Arya called out as she opened the door, her eyes instantly honing in on Sansa. “What are you doing here?”

Sansa reached for Jon’s hand as they stood from the sofa together. Sharing a glance, she opened her mouth to speak before Arya cut her off.

“How long has this been going on?”

Sansa blinked, surprised at her sister’s serious tone. Hadn’t she been practically pushing Sansa to admit her feelings before she had confessed to Jon that she wanted to try a real relationship with him?

“Because Robb said it would be Christmas and I said Halloween. So, god help me, if you guys tell me you held off…”

“When he met Rhaegar,” Sansa replied. Arya frowned, working it out in her head before she grinned and raised her fist in the air victoriously.

“Great show sis!” she quipped, flopping down in the armchair and grabbing the remote. “Anyway, try not to be too loud and we’re all good.”

Sansa flushed, not just at Arya’s words, but at the realisation that this would be the first time she and Jon would actually share a bed together since they had started again. Of course, part of that was because they had hardly physically seen each other in that time, and the few times they had, it had felt too fast to make that step, too tempting to lie beside him and not touch and kiss him.

“So, Sam is at Gilly’s yeah?” Arya asked. “I’m kinda in the mood for pizza to be honest. And then I’m going to bed because I’m shattered. So, sorry I’m not going to be much company tonight.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Sansa replied, sitting back down on the sofa with Jon as Arya grabbed her phone to order their dinner.

Arya gave her a sly grin. “Yes, I’m sure you have very few complaints.”

***

“You okay?” he whispered beside her and she could feel him roll over to face her.

“Mm-hmm,” she responded, rolling over as well. “It’s weird. Cuddling up with someone is what I missed most about being in a relationship, but it’s so strange sharing a bed again.”

“Yeah,” he said, voice already thick with impending sleep. His hand lay on her hip and Sansa felt herself sigh in contentment. “But we’ll work it out.”

She giggled, instinctively moving closer. “We’re good at that, huh?”

He was hard to make out in the dark, but she could swear she had seen his eyes twinkle and his lips curving into a smile. And then his lips were at her forehead with a tender kiss and Sansa knew he was thinking the same as her.

They were always going to be together.

And when she woke in the morning, her back to Jon’s chest and his arms around her, their hands intertwined across her stomach, she knew this was exactly what she wanted for the rest of her life.


End file.
